Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroko no Basuke, and I do not own Honey & Clover (I used a few scenes from the anime for this story)
Warnings: Unbeta-ed, contain minor character death (for anyone who is going through a hard time from the death of a family member or a friend, I strongly advise not to read this) and look out for OOC-ness.
Enjoy your reading!
The rain was falling heavily that night. Tetsuya tried to be as focused as he could, as he gripped on the car's steering tight. Daiki, who sat next to him in the passenger's seat squinted his eye at him in worry, although he was already halfway to sleep.
"Tetsu, you sure you can drive under this weather? Maybe we should just stop somewhere… letting you drive now is probably not a good idea." Daiki slowly asked, and Tetsuya turned to look at his husband with wide eyes.
"I can drive, Daiki. Just go to sleep." He tried to sound as firm as possible, and quickly return back his attention to the road. Daiki had to smile at his stubbornness, one hand reached out to ruffle Tetsuya's blue locks affectionately.
They were on their way back to Tokyo after a week holiday spent together away from the city. If it wasn't because the next day both of them had to go to work, Daiki would gladly extend their holiday. Daiki had driven for the past 5 hours when exhaustion finally taken a toll onto him, causing Tetsuya to offer himself to drive.
The rain had started to fall so very heavily since the past hour and now Daiki found it hard to try and get some eye rest while his smaller husband drive.
"You're sure?" Daiki asked again and Tetsuya frowned slightly before nodding his head again. He was probably annoyed that Daiki seemed doubtful of his driving skill.
"Yes. Now sleep before I do something drastic."
Daiki laughed at the unsurprising threat.
"Yeah yeah, I'll take a very short nap and then I'll take over, okay?"
Tetsuya nodded his head once, his grip on the steering tightened as his eyes brightened in firm determination. Daiki ruffled his hair one last time, laughing, before he lowered down his seat for a more comfortable position. Tetsuya tried to focus really hard on the road, although his husband beside him was slowly starting to fall into a deep sleep.
He knew that Daiki was tired and Daiki's intention to keep driving for them was somehow irritating for Tetsuya. They just got married a few months ago and Tetsuya wanted to take care of Daiki as much as how Daiki had been taking care of him in all those years they had been together.
Stealing a short glance at the now sleeping man, Tetsuya allowed a small smile to escape his lips and he smiled even wider at the thought of reaching their home in a few more hours, together. It was a warm thought; of how Daiki would spend the rest of the night lounging on the couch and Tetsuya cuddled close to him because unpacking tonight was so not an option.
Tetsuya blushed slightly at the thought, but his hands and feet remained careful as his way of driving. However, when a bright light suddenly blinded his eyesight, Tetsuya gasped outloud and tried to brake the car into a stop.
"Midorimacchii! Akashicchii!"
Both redhead and green haired doctor turned to look at the source of their name calling, eyes serious as they watched Ryouta ran towards their direction. The hallway was quiet and the atmosphere was so grim Ryouta could feel it suffocated his breathing.
"Kise."
"Ryouta."
The two greeted him when he finally reached them, and Ryouta gasped tiredly for breath. He had just returned home from a flight when he got the call from the redhead, and he had rushed as quickly as he could to the hospital, defeating a madman.
"So how was it? How is Tetsuyachii? Daikichii?" Ryouta turned to look at Shintarou, as he tried to control his breathing as well. Seijuurou looked as solemn next to him and the young businessman was also still in his working attire. Ryouta tried his best not to think that something bad had happened to the young couple but he was proven wrong when Shintarou looked at him with eyes akin to sympathy.
"The lorry driver who hit them was drunk. The car was almost destroyed… and Daiki didn't make it, Kise."
Ryouta felt his breath stuck in his throat. His gold eyes widened in shock and he would have fallen down on his knees if it wasn't because of Seijuurou's hand that suddenly gripped him firmly on his shoulder.
Shintarou took another deep breath before he continued and Ryouta prayed that they atleast still have the remaining of those two lovebirds with them.
"Tetsuya was in a critical condition when he arrived here, but we managed to stabilize him."
The three of them stood together in silence for a moment. Ryouta was too shocked to give any sort of response, Seijuurou looked like he would rather be somewhere else, in another world, where Tetsuya and Daiki were safe and sound back in their own home, and Shintarou looked so torn into half; as if he didn't know whether to become a doctor now, or to become a friend who just lost one of their own. The blond had to take a seat when he didn't think the redhead's quiet support was no longer strong enough to hold him up.
He rubbed his face with both of his palms, and took a deep breath. He had to take the news into his head, it was too much now but he had to take the news into his head.
Aomine Daiki was gone. And now there was only Aomine Tetsuya, and Ryouta had to do something.
"When do you think he can be discharged?"
Seijuurou's voice cut through the intention belonged to Ryouta, and Ryouta looked up to see their green haired friend's response. Shintarou frowned for a bit before he looked back at them.
"Perhaps in two weeks' time."
"Then, Tetsuya will be staying with me."
"Akashichii."
Seijuurou and Shintarou turned to look at him, and Ryouta fisted both of his hands.
He remembered the sound of Daiki's laughter, with his arms wrapping Tetsuya's smaller body in his embrace, and the way Tetsuya smiled at him with warmth in his eyes. He remembered the way Daiki told him that he wouldn't exchange any of what he had back then, to anything else in the world. He remembered the look Daiki and Tetsuya shared when they went out for lunches together. And Ryouta remembered the firmness of Daiki's hand on his shoulder, as the two of them watched Tetsuya walking down the aisle, and his words were still loud in Ryouta's ear.
"You are our best friend, Kise. Thank you for being here with us."
Ryouta bit his lower lip and looked at them with such strong eyes that even managed to make Seijuurou's widened slightly.
"I'll take care of Tetsuyacchi. I'll take care of him for us."
The funeral was over as quickly as it had begun.
A lot of family and friends came to attend the ceremony. Satsuki had cried herself into the point of exhaustion, causing them to almost worry more about the pink haired girl rather than those who related closer to Daiki.
Almost.
Seijuurou came wearing his best suit, all black in attire but the smile he put on his face looked like he could have done better. Although he looked like this was just one of the meetings he had to attend, each and every one of them knew he was mentally distraught. Atsushi came in quite late but with the same sombreness Seijuurou had. Shintarou had come along with Ryouta from his house because he helped to get Tetsuya ready for the funeral.
Ryouta had tried his best to stay composed during the ceremony. He did. With Seijuurou, Shintarou, Atsushi and Satsuki close to him, there weren't any other options but to stay composed. And then in the midst of the crowd at the front, Ryouta saw him next to Daiki's parents.
Ryouta saw him sitting quietly in his wheelchair; his blue eyes dulled and emotionless like how they had always been. But this time, instead of staring into space like how Ryouta expected him to, Tetsuya closed his eyes and took a long, deep breath.
Ryouta thought that maybe he was praying for Daiki. Or maybe he was remembering the first moment he laid his eyes on his belated husband. Or maybe, just maybe, he was wondering what it would be like to be dead and together with Daiki. Not just being a collateral damage of an accident that had taken away his soul mate.
Tetsuya and Daiki had been together for years, ever since they were in primary school, even before Ryouta first met them. Ryouta had never seen a man loves his partner more; he couldn't imagine how it would feel like to lose that.
After the priest cited the prayer, there were slow claps as to reminisce what Aomine Daiki had been to them. Slow claps of people who were still in shock, couldn't accept that the dark skinned man was now no longer there; real and alive.
Many of slow claps that rang in Ryouta's ears like thousands of voices. They sounded a lot like his memories, and Ryouta shed tears at the thought of never be able to listen to them anymore in the future.
Once Daiki's parents had taken Daiki's belongings that they wanted, Ryouta decided to keep the rest in his apartment. They had wanted to bring Tetsuya along with them – they lived in Kyoto and Ryouta lived in Tokyo but Tetsuya had politely refused, only giving them a small shadow of smile with a shake of his head as he gripped Daiki's sweater tight in his lap – but in the end, Ryouta managed to convince them that Tetsuya would be in a good hands with him.
It was a harsh start of a day, and Ryouta spent the first day together with Tetsuya being in their home.
Tetsuya refused to leave the room that Ryouta had provided for him. His legs were still too weak for him to walk by his own, so he came to the decision to just lay down and sleep the whole day. Ryouta didn't have the heart to force him to do otherwise.
At first when Ryouta sent his letter to ask for one month leave, his superior had looked at him with a raised eyebrow and Ryouta only bowed down his head apologetically and said,
"I recently lost a person I called my best friend, and I need some time to pick up all the pieces he left behind him."
Since he never really had any day off once he started working as a pilot for an airline, his application was accepted although a bit reluctantly.
The first day they lived together, Ryouta tried his best to make Tetsuya eat. The blue haired man only stared at him from his position on the bed, sky blue eyes opened half-lidded and his hands were still wrapped in bandages. Ryouta ended up sitting next to his bed, running his fingers through Tetsuya's soft blue locks and watched as he fell asleep again for the hour.
Shintarou had warned him that Tetsuya would need a lot of rest. His whole body was burned, apart from his face and his palms, and Shintarou told him that Tetsuya needed to be taken care of as if he was a baby. Seijuurou offered to hire him a nurse but Ryouta waved the idea away.
"I can take care of Tetsuyacchii. I've lived with him before," with Daikicchii remained unspoken, remained as a thorn in their lives, "and I know how he is like."
Seijuurou gave him the look. The look where Seijuurou was not convinced that Ryouta would be able to pull this off. The look where Seijuurou questioned his intention, because Tetsuya always came first for Seijuurou who was saved by him years ago when Tetsuya asked the lonely redhead to be his friend.
Their relationship was complicated, each and one of them, but it was what made them into this and Ryouta wouldn't have them any other way.
Later that night, Ryouta was torn between sleeping in his own room or accompany Tetsuya in his. But the quiet man made his decision for him, when he whispered 'Daiki-kun' softly and quietly in his sleep. Their wedding ring remained on his bandaged finger, and Ryouta whispered back 'I'm here for you, Tetsuyacchii' into his ear, hoping that atleast he could still hear him in his un-deafening and darkening world of no more Aomine Daiki.
He changed Tetsuya's bandages with careful hands and when tears fell down from his eyes, down his cheeks, Ryouta only bit his lower lip and tried to keep his silence. He could feel Tetsuya's breathing hitched in a second when his teardrop touched Tetsuya's cheek, and Ryouta thought that this was hard.
This was hard because Tetsuya was half awake in his world and Ryouta didn't think he actually realized it that now he was alone. Maybe he thought Ryouta was Daiki. Maybe he thought Daiki was just away and Ryouta was here to replace him for a while.
Ryouta cried himself to sleep the first night they spent together; his knees on the ground, his head on where his crossed arms rested upon Tetsuya's bed.
"Tetsuyacchi, look at this, finally I made it!"
Ryouta show Tetsuya the – finally! – perfect form of rolled eggs he just made. The blue haired man looked down at his creation, a small smile appeared on his face for a fleet second before it disappeared and Ryouta grinned at the sight.
Tetsuya was known best for his eggs and Ryouta felt victorious to see that atleast his rolled eggs got some recognition from the blue haired man. Tetsuya gently picked on his fork – not chopsticks, not yet, Ryouta reminded himself as he watched – and took a small bite of the blond's cooking.
He was quiet at first, lips closed in a proper and well behaved manner of eating, and then he gave a small nod to the blond. Ryouta fisted his hand and grinned happily.
"Yes! Tetsuyacchii approves! Now I can show this off to everyone! I bet Kagamicchii will be jealous of me!" the blond grinned and took his chopsticks to start digging on their breakfast.
Today marked the seventh day of no Aomine Daiki, and today Tetsuya had an appointment with Shintarou for his legs. Seijuurou said he couldn't come because of an important meeting and Atsushi told them to come to his restaurant afterward for lunch. When Ryouta told Tetsuya about all these, what he did was only nodding his head.
He didn't talk much, most of the time it was 'please' when he was having difficulty to go through his daily routine, and 'thank you' when Ryouta gave him the help he needed. He didn't use the wheelchair as much as he use the crutches. Ryouta tried to stop him once, saying that he was not strong enough for the crutches but Tetsuya gave him the look of a child who got his world taken away from him and all he wanted now was just a little bit of independence.
And Ryouta was defeated easily like a weak man that he was.
"Nee, Tetsuyacchii, have some of mine. You're looking so thin it's almost unhealthy." Ryouta put some of his egg rolls onto Tetsuya's plate, and somehow, the blue haired man halted in his motion. His blue eyes fixed on the newly placed egg rolls on his plate and Ryouta stared back at him with wide, confused eyes. The two of them stay still for a moment, and when Tetsuya suddenly put down his fork, Ryouta knew he had done something wrong.
"Tetsuyacchi-"
"Kise-kun."
Ryouta's breath stuck in his throat at the sound of his name being called, after days of cracking silence. Tetsuya's eyes stayed fixed on the egg rolls.
"Can you…" Tetsuya's eyes were unforgiving as they looked up and Ryouta wanted this moment to stop, just stop, no stop Tetsuyacchi don't say it stop-
"… please don't do that anymore?"
"Tetsu, here, take some of my egg rolls. Geez, you look like I didn't feed you well. That crazy freak Akashi would hunt down my ass if he come by and see you looking so thin-"
"… Tetsuyachii-"
"Eat some more, Tetsu-"
"Please, Kise-kun, don't."
"I love you, so eat, all right?"
Tetsuya looked away abruptly, breaking their eye contact and Ryouta took a deep breath when he finally realized he wasn't breathing at all for that one minute. He looked torn, as if he wanted to run away from there, from the memories, from the stupid egg rolls and Ryouta blinked his eyes when they started to feel warm with tears.
They kept quiet for a moment. Nobody said anything, but the sight of Tetsuya's hands fisted in his lap was unhidden. Ryouta wanted to say that nobody was pointing out the elephant in the room.
No one should point out the elephant in the room.
And it was egg rolls, not a stupid elephant and this was stupid altogether, because this was not something they should talk about in the morning when the only thing they wanted was to not talk about it.
In the end, Tetsuya said his thank you and carefully grabbed onto his crutches to get back to his room and get ready for his appointment. Ryouta was left behind with their unfinished breakfast and shaking hands were gripping the chopsticks so tight the blond thought he could actually break them into half.
'You asked for this,' he could hear Seijuurou's voice at the back of his head, and Ryouta blinked his eyes when the warmness was just too much and watched as teardrops wetted his plate and ruined his perfect breakfast.
'You wanted this because you love Tetsuya, because you love Daiki, and this was what you asked for.'
The voice was small but sharp and Ryouta wiped his tears with his sleeve.
The wound was still fresh, he told himself, the wound was still fresh and Ryouta will mend it back into what it was before it was broken.
As the sound of approaching footsteps came near, Ryouta took a deep shaky breath and pasted a smile on his face.
Yes, this was what Ryouta asked for, and Ryouta was not regretful.
A fortnight later, Tetsuya finally agreed to go out from the house for himself. No appointment or anything, and Ryouta had to smile when the blue haired man tried his best to look presentable. The blond didn't mind walking with Tetsuya who finally got the permission from Shintarou to use a walking stick instead of crutches. Maybe that was the reason why he agreed to go out in the first place.
Shintarou had praised him for taking care of himself very well since his recovery apparently was faster than Shintarou expected. Ryouta decided to celebrate this by booking them a table in a very cosy restaurant he knew Tetsuya would appreciated. They spent their evening at the restaurant; Ryouta talking nonstop and Tetsuya listening with wary eyes.
They didn't talk about that morning days ago, both silently agreed to let it slide as if it never happened in the first place. However that didn't mean it did leave Ryouta's mind. The blond found himself thought about it at times he was alone or away from Tetsuya.
Right now as he watched Tetsuya took a sip of his water, Ryouta let a small smile appeared on his face. Maybe the trick was not to talk about it, since people have their own way of overcoming loss. The blond couldn't find his yet, but being with the blue haired man and taking care of him somehow helped him seeing life in a better light.
Tetsuya blinked his eyes when he realized Ryouta was looking a bit dazed, and the blond startled when Tetsuya touched his hand on the table.
"Kise-kun, you're all right?"
Ryouta blinked his eyes in surprise, before he let out a laugh and rubbed his neck sheepishly.
"Yeah, I'm fine, Tetsuyacchii. Nee, where should we go after this?" Ryouta laughed slowly and Tetsuya tilted his head slightly to a side. He looked adorable, Ryouta smiled, and when the blue haired man looked outside of the window of the restaurant, the night breeze flew over his hair and it just made him look even more beautiful.
"I… I'm thinking that… maybe we can have a night walk?" Tetsuya quietly asked a moment later. Ryouta couldn't help but smile again, and nodded his head. He wanted Tetsuya to have anything and everything that he could offer. A late night walk was not something Ryouta couldn't offer. Furthermore, it had been a long time since he last had a night walk as well.
But then Tetsuya looked back to him, his blue eyes large and expressive for once after weeks of dullness, and Ryouta's breath stuck in his throat. He remembered the moment when Daiki was the one who became the receiving end of that pretty sight – of Tetsuya's eyes, of Tetsuya's attention – and his hands unwillingly fisted themselves in his lap.
He missed Daiki and Tetsuya.
He missed looking at them together.
He missed being together with them.
"I've seen the way you look at him."
Ryouta halted in his doing, his golden eyes wide as they looked at Daiki. The three of them were having lunch together, and it was a nice Tuesday to spend with outside. The café however, surprisingly almost empty of people.
Ryouta had no class for the day, and when Tetsuya called him to ask him out for lunch together with Daiki, he thought it was a great idea to agree. Now, he didn't know anymore.
The dark skinned man took a sip of his warm coffee, his sharp blue eyes securitized Ryouta and his response. Although he tried to look nonchalant, Ryouta had spent four years being friends with them and the stiffness of his shoulders and the grim line of his lips gave Daiki away. Ryouta blinked his eyes slowly, before opting a fake laugh instead of stuttering about how much wrong Daiki was.
Because Daiki wasn't wrong.
Tetsuya had just excused himself to go and buy more vanilla shake right before Daiki confronted him about his feelings. Ryouta was grateful that atleast Daiki had it in him to talk about this when Tetsuya was away. He didn't think he could survive the way Tetsuya would have responded to his feelings.
"Ano, Aominecchi... It's not really that important, it's just a crush-"
"Kise, let me get this straight."
Ryouta was dumbfounded by the sudden glint in Daiki's blue eyes. He looked like he wanted to come closer and grab Ryouta for having a crush on his childhood sweetheart, but at the same time, he looked like he was feeling guilty. Ryouta himself couldn't utter any sort of response to his words, because this was not how he planned to have his good Tuesday.
"I know about this for quite some time now…" Daiki started with a low voice, and Ryouta stay fixed in his position, eyes wide, "And you are our friend. You know Tetsu and I have been together for a long time, but I'm not that stupid to be angry at you. Telling you to go off won't do us any good. Tetsu likes you a lot."
A deep breath was taken by Ryouta when he saw Tetsuya looked behind him at them. His blue eyes blinked in confusion while he lined up to place his order at the counter. There were still three persons in front of him and Ryouta had to fake a smile to make things look less intense. Daiki, on the other hand, gave him a handsome grin at his confused expression, and Tetsuya blushed slightly before he looked away.
The blond thought that after all these years, how did the two actually managed to stay in love?
"Kise." Ryouta turned at the sound of his name, his attention was now back at the navy haired man. Daiki nodded his head and pointed a finger at Ryouta's chest, causing him to gasp and blinked his eyes in surprise.
"Aominecchii?" he frowned slightly and Daiki laughed at his expression. Then the dark skinned man did something that Ryouta didn't expect, making the whole situation felt a bit more strange than it should.
"That heart is the one that Tetsu always admires, well, aside from mine, of course," Daiki explained and Ryouta couldn't help but blushed slightly. Daiki smiled at his response and offered a handshake to him, making him blinked his eyes again.
"So let's make a deal."
Somehow things went well. Before Ryouta knew it, his one month holiday had come to its end, and then he found himself standing in front of his door. He was on his way out to work, but he couldn't help the uncomfortable feeling at the back of his head.
It was uncomfortable to think that he would be leaving Tetsuya behind after a month of spending seconds and minutes with him. Tetsuya was sitting on his couch, looking small and fragile, as he stared up at the reluctant pilot.
Ryouta gripped the handle of the door, his golden eyes lowered down but he couldn't make himself to say things that he should be saying.
'Take care of yourself while I'm gone.'
'Call me if you need anything.'
His grip tightened on the handle and Tetsuya must had seen it because his blue eyes blinked slowly at Ryouta and his hands trembled slightly in his lap.
'Don't do anything stupid.'
"I… I'm leaving now, Tetsuyacchi." Ryouta opted for a fake grin instead, and Tetsuya didn't reply him. The smaller man stayed in his seat, and after seconds of waiting for a response he knew wouldn't come, Ryouta looked away and left the apartment.
His steps were unhurried, and Ryouta wished that he could hear Tetsuya's voice telling him not to go. Well, maybe that was a bit exaggerating since Tetsuya had always been someone with rationality. Asking Ryouta not to go to work was something that Tetsuya would never do.
But when he got into his car and was about the start the engine, a text message came in and Ryouta gasped at the sight of Tetsuya's name as the sender. He held onto his cellphone for a long moment, before he finally had the courage to open it.
A short text, so much like what Tetsuya would do, and a small smile came onto Ryouta's lips.
'Have a good day at work, Kise-kun.'
"Do you know why they called it Moon River?"
Ryouta halted in his steps, and raised an eyebrow at the sight of Daiki standing next to the railing of the bridge. They were having their usual night walk, with Tetsuya's hand warmly entangled in Daiki's, and Ryouta walking next to them.
It was almost winter, and the night was cold, but the three of them loved it that way. Their final exam just ended hours ago, and Daiki believed it was a good idea to spend the day together before they parted to go home for the holiday. Tetsuya was also looking at his lover now, Daiki's scarf wrapped around his neck to provide him warmth, and Ryouta perhaps was a bit jealous at their compatibility with each other.
Daiki gave Tetsuya a peck on his forehead, before he pointed out at the reflection of the moon in the river they were on top of. Ryouta crossed his arms and blinked his eyes. He saw it, the beautiful reflection of the moon and he thought it was quite beautiful. Moon River was the name of the song the three of them favoured, and while Tetsuya rarely sang it with them, his blue eyes were bright and lively everytime Daiki sang it to him.
But then Daiki did something that made Ryouta's and Tetsuya's eyes widened. The dark skinned man pulled off his scarf, his jacket, until all he had left on was his boxer.
"Oii!" Ryouta shouted at him in panic, and Tetsuya watched with wide eyes as his lover jumped from the bridge into the cold river. "Aominecchii!"
"Oh fuck, it's cold!" they heard the man hissed from underneath the bridge, and Ryouta gritted his teeth at him.
"Are you crazy? It must be less than 0 Celsius down there!" Ryouta shouted at him, all giddiness and excitement gone at the thought of Daiki died out of hypothermia. Then he heard Daiki laughed and had to stop himself from pulling his hair off out of frustration, because Daiki was now grinning up at them from the river, happy, and his arms were opened wide.
"Come on, Kise, usually you're the one who pulled this kind of shit! It's not like I'll die or something." He grinned that handsome smile everyone had come to love, and Ryouta was close to shout back at him, if not because of the sight of Tetsuya's staring at Daiki.
Daiki, with his open arms, grinned up at his lover and his legs started to swim back so that he was floating in the water.
"Tetsu! Come on in! Jump! It's not that cold, I'll keep you warm!"
Ryouta's eyes widened in shock, as Tetsuya's eyes brightening with a strange sort of happiness, and the smaller man started to step closer towards the railing.
Daiki seemed to have caught his interest, because the dark skinned man laughed out loud and opened his arms even wider.
"Come on, Tetsu! Jump!"
Ryouta gasped and his hands reached out as Tetsuya came even closer to the edge of the bridge-
"Hurry up, Tetsu! I'll catch you!"
"Kurokocchi, no-"
Another step-
"Come on, Tetsu-"
Ryouta's golden eyes were wide as they tried to grasp on the back Tetsuya's shirt-
"No, don't, no-"
"Tetsu-"
Laughter and bright blue eyes-
"I want to go where Daiki-kun goes-"
"Jump, Tetsu, I promise I'll catch you-"
Ryouta shut his eyes closed and screamed.
"KUROKOCCHII NOOOO!"
A loud gasp escaped Ryouta's lips as he abruptly woken up from his dream. His golden eyes were wide as they stared at the wall in front of them, and Ryouta gasped for breath hurriedly. He was sweating too much for a cold night, and his hands were trembling as they grabbed on his blanket and pulled them off his body.
He was wearing a plain black shirt with a comfortable pair of cotton pants, but his heart as nowhere as comfortable as it should be. With naked feet, Ryouta walked out of his room and approached Tetsuya's. He took a deep breath, unable to stop his hands from shaking, but he needed to make sure that the blue haired man was still safe and sound in his room.
Ryouta opened the door, not surprised at the knowledge that Tetsuya left the door unlocked – because he seemed to know that Ryouta did check on him secretly at nights – but the sight that greeted him left him almost breathless.
Tetsuya was nowhere in his sight, but the bed was unmade and Ryouta stood still in front of the door. Thousands of thoughts ran in his head, all of them negative, and he was so close to start shouting and running to find the blue haired man, when he saw it. He was turning his head to look at the hallway, in case if Tetsuya left his room just to get some drink, when he saw it.
He saw it with his eyes, and his heart stopped beating for one moment of painstaking silence.
The storeroom belonged to his apartment was opened, the door wasn't shut and something inside of Ryouta broke and died.
It felt a lot like his heart.
"Akashicchi," Seijuurou's irritation of being interrupted at two in the morning disappeared at the sound of Ryouta's voice. His heterochromatic eyes widened slightly in surprise as he listened to the blond who sounded like he was crying and laughing at the same time.
He sounded like he was drunk.
"Ryouta." Seijuurou replied quietly instead, his hand putting down the file he was reading a while ago, and he heard Ryouta sobbed into the phone.
"Akashicchi… Akashicchi, Tetsuyacchi is dead," the blond cried pathetically and the redhead tightened his grip on his cellphone. "He's dead and I can't save him anymore…"
Seijuurou bit his lower lip and kept his silence. It seemed to get into the blond because he continued talking, although his crying didn't cease.
"I thought that…" he hiccupped and Seijuurou wanted Ryouta so much to stop because he was drunk and he was drunk calling him and this shouldn't be happening at two in the morning when their lives were supposed to be atleast normal for a while. "… that Tetsuyacchi is okay now… because he looked like he was okay. But then I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw him sleeping in the storeroom because… because I kept Daikicchi's stuffs in there…"
The blond hiccupped some more and continued to cry. It was ugly, Seijuurou mused, it was ugly and pathetic but it was all his as much as it was Ryouta's.
"Akashicchi…" Ryouta started again and Seijuurou shut his eyes closed, miserably, "Akashicchi… why can't Tetsuyacchi just be dead? Atleast… Atleast if he died, I can go through hell and bring him back… But now he's here, he's alive but he's not really here, Akashicchi why can't he just die?"
A few days after the incident, Seijuurou came to visit them in his apartment. Ryouta was a bit surprised since the redhead usually announced his visit at least a few hours before he came, but this time, with his heterochromatic eyes looking so dreadful and serious, Ryouta didn't think that he was there just to see how Tetsuya was doing. Tetsuya himself was sitting on the couch, one hand holding onto a short novel he intended to finish by the end of the day, and his eyes blinked at the visitor.
Ryouta had his hand on the handle of the door, awkwardly inviting the redhead in, and Seijuurou gave him a polite nod as he did so. He approached Tetsuya in the living room, and without any other words, sitting down next to him. Their shoulders almost touched, and Ryouta reeled at the thought of how comfortable they were with each other.
How comfortable Tetsuya was with Seijuurou.
The redhead was still wearing his white buttoned-up dress shirt and black pants, seemingly just returned from work. But he didn't look even a bit tired when he reached out a hand and ran his fingers through Tetsuya's messy blue locks.
"Akashi-kun?" Tetsuya murmured quietly, his eyes closed on their own accord, and Ryouta quietly left the living room to prepare some drinks for them. He didn't hear it clearly but Seijuurou's voice was strong when he spoke to the blue haired man.
"Tetsuya, how are you feeling?"
Ryouta took out a box of teabags and a jar of sugar; his golden eyes dazed as they waited for the hot water to boil.
"I'm fine, Akashi-kun… What are you doing here?"
The sound of the electric kettle slowly becoming louder, signalling that in a few seconds more, the hot water would be done.
"Listen, Tetsuya… what do you think about moving in with me to Kyoto?"
Cluck.
The kettle's light turned off and Ryouta stared at the electronic with wide eyes. Somehow, he couldn't bring himself to look away, couldn't bring himself to even think about what he should be thinking about.
Seijuurou's words rang in his head, followed by the silence that he had accustomed as Tetsuya's quiet thoughts. He wanted to switch off the plug, wanted to make the tea for Seijuurou, and wanted to tell him that he should just go after he finished with his drink.
But his hands couldn't move; and Ryouta burned to know what Tetsuya was going to say in return. The silence that commuting from the living room to his kitchen was heavy, so heavy that suddenly Ryouta felt like he couldn't breathe.
He couldn't breathe, and he was torn between dying and living.
"Akashi-kun…" Tetsuya's voice finally could be heard; quiet and polite, "... I don't think I want to. I am happy here, with Kise-kun."
By then there was another array of silence, and Ryouta continued to stand in the middle of his kitchen like a frozen statue. He didn't know how to respond to that, but by the way the redhead wasn't saying anything else, Ryouta didn't know whether that was a good thing or not.
Seijuurou was a man of his words.
Ryouta knew that he had wanted to bring Tetsuya home with him ever since Daiki left them. It was clear in his eyes; how he wanted to make sure that Tetsuya wouldn't die, not from the outside and the inside. Ryouta had learned that he had always put Tetsuya as his priority ever since the day Ryouta got to know him as Tetsuya's childhood friend. Nobody got what Seijuurou wanted; especially if what he wanted was something hard for him to get.
And Ryouta was slowly stepping over the boundary of what belonged to one Akashi Seijuurou.
"I see… All right, then, I must go now. Please tell Ryouta that it is my pleasure to see you looking so happy, Tetsuya," the sarcasm was so loud in his soft spoken, polite voice. Ryouta glared at the empty cup where he was supposed to be making tea with, and he let the sound of the main door being opened and closed echoed in his head.
He wanted so much to throw the cup away, to break it against the wall and crush and be destroyed. Like how he was doing to his own life, like how Tetsuya was doing to his. He refused to look back even when he knew Tetsuya had approached the kitchen, and was now standing at the entrance. The sick man probably was looking at him with pity in his eyes; because Ryouta was trying so hard to save him from Daiki's ghost, and Tetsuya did not even want to be saved.
Ryouta knew how much like a foolish knight he was feeling.
And the worst thing was that he couldn't even put himself to regret it.
The night was dark and cold.
Ryouta mused to himself as he walked alone along the bridge. The cars passed by him, but his eyes were dazed as he looked at the reflection of the bright moon on the dark river. It was cold, nearing winter and Ryouta quietly clenching his hands into fist in his jacket's pockets. His breathing came out as warm puffs, and Ryouta had to smile a bit at the thought of years ago.
Daiki would be accompanying him; the two of them walking home side by side, because their classes finished late, fortunately at the same time. Daiki was taking engineering, and Ryouta in his piloting school. Their campuses were close to each other, and the reason how they became friends in the first place was because of their fascination with airplanes. Although it sounded lame, they met in the library where Ryouta helped a cute guy taking out a book from a high shelf where he couldn't reach, and then the boyfriend of the said cute guy came and introduced himself to Ryouta like a possessive wolf.
Then Ryouta got to know that the name of the cute guy was Kuroko Tetsuya, and the name of his possessive boyfriend was Aomine Daiki. Small conversation about engineering and airplanes turned into outings to watch movies together and having meals together. Not for long, they became housemates. Tetsuya was an art major, but that didn't stop him from getting involved with their conversations.
Years ago, nights like this, Ryouta would be walking home side by side with Daiki. The taller man would be telling him stories about his and Tetsuya's escapades when they were in primary school, middle school, and high school. He would tell him about their female friend, who had a crush on Tetsuya when they were 15 and she was the reason why Daiki confessed to Tetsuya. Daiki would also repeat the same stories about Tetsuya's response to his feelings, and how Tetsuya slept when he was too tired, and how Tetsuya prefer vanilla over everything, and how Tetsuya this and Tetsuya that.
When Ryouta thought about it again, he realized that his friendship with Daiki had been based on Tetsuya all along. Tetsuya who didn't talk much; but his eyes burned brighter than the sun when Ryouta brought him things that he liked, and how his voice turned so soft and quiet when a whiny, sleepless Ryouta asked him to read poems for him so that he could sleep well for the night. Tetsuya was someone that he had wanted ever since the first time he laid his eyes on him, and to know that Tetsuya already belonged to Daiki was somehow becoming a misery he couldn't throw away.
But it was okay, Ryouta had always told himself that, it was okay because Daiki loved Tetsuya more than Ryouta could.
Ryouta halted in his steps; both hands in his pockets and his golden eyes stared at the reflection of the moon.
It had been four months since Daiki passed away, and Tetsuya still spent some of his nights sleeping in the storeroom. Ryouta couldn't find it in himself to stop Tetsuya from reliving moments he had left in his memories with Daiki; because if Ryouta was the one who died, he wouldn't want Tetsuya to stop remembering him.
But as he stared at the reflection of the moon, he suddenly realized about how unsupportive he had been to Tetsuya; how unfair and how unhelpful he was. He thought that if he became Tetsuya's crutch, he would help him walk again.
But what he did was actually letting Tetsuya drowned in the dark water. He had grabbed into Tetsuya's ankles, and stopped him from resurfacing. He pulled and dragged Tetsuya down with him, because he couldn't accept that Daiki was now gone and his feelings were now bare to Tetsuya. Now that Tetsuya finally saw how naked and how blood red his feelings for Tetsuya was, Ryouta became a coward. He had loved Daiki like the best of friends he could ever had. He was his bestfriend, his best man, and the best that Ryouta could ask for. And Tetsuya, Tetsuya was everything that Ryouta had ever wanted and couldn't have.
The moonlight was bright against the dark water and Ryouta remembered the time when Daiki jumped into a river close to their campuses. Tetsuya had wanted to join, but the last minute he had sneezed and Daiki was quick to leave the water for his lover. Ryouta still remembered how panicked the two of them were when Tetsuya started to have a nosebleed. Apparently the weather was too cold for his fragile body and all the warmth had gotten up to his head, and Daiki had carried him on his back throughout their way home.
Ryouta smiled a bit as he closed his eyes; letting the memory burned gently at the back of his mind.
Slowly he took out his cellphone, and dialled a number that he had memorized by heart.
The call automatically went into voicemail, like how Ryouta knew it would. Ryouta took a deep breath, as the operator told him to leave a message after a few beeps, and his golden eyes were bright as he looked up at the bright moon.
"Hey, Aomine Daiki's here. I'm sorry I can't answer your call, but just leave a message after the beeping sound. If it's urgent, I'll call you back as soon as possible. Beep."
"Yo, Daikicchi," Ryouta took another deep breath, and exhaled a small laugh into his speaker, "It has been a long time, yeah? How are you up there? … I'm just calling to let you know that I'm done trying to change things that I can't… I also want you to know that you were, are, the best friend I could ever have. And you are the best person Tetsuyacchi could ever have as well. I would never be able to replace you in his life. But you know what Daikicchi, I still remember our deal back then, when you said that if something happen to either one of us, we would help Tetsuyacchi to move on with his life. I know that I accepted the deal, and I've been trying my best to do so… But I think it is time to let Tetsuyacchi walk by his own, isn't it?"
Ryouta let out another small laugh, and he closed his eyes when he felt cold drops of tears fell down his cheeks, "So right after this, I'm going to see Tetsuyacchi, and I will tell him about my feelings, and hope that he wouldn't be as lost as he is now, when you are no longer here… because I'm lost without you as well. This is actually worse than how you thought it would be, you know? Maybe because we were too close with each other… The best of best friends, remember?"
The snow was starting to fall and Ryouta could imagine Tetsuya looking out for his presence from the windows. He told the man that he was just going to take a short walk, but this new realization made him think that maybe he had a way longer road to live on.
A long road, maybe, without a Kuroko Tetsuya.
"I just hope that, wherever you are now up there, and whatever it is that you are doing, be happy, okay? Be happy for us because it is so hard for us to do so without you down here with us… Be happy, and I'll see you when I see you later. So, Daikicchi…" Ryouta gripped the cellphone tight against his ear, and smiled softly with his heart on his sleeve and salty tears on skin, "… I guess this is goodbye, yeah?"
Tetsuya was reading a book when Ryouta finally returned home. It was about 11 pm; the night was so dark and the snow falling nonstop outside of their home. Ryouta stood upon the front door for a moment; relishing in the sight of Tetsuya looking so comfortable in his pair of blue stripes pyjamas and on Ryouta's couch. His hair was messy – like how it always was – and a small frown fixed on his face, probably because he was trying to understand what the author of the book trying to decipher.
Ryouta wanted this moment to last forever.
The moment when Tetsuya looked like he was Ryouta's and no one else's.
"Tetsuya."
The blue haired man blinked his eyes at the sound of his name coming formally from the young pilot. Slowly his head turned to look at Ryouta, and Ryouta offered him a small smile. He quietly closed the door behind him, hang his coat on the hook next to the door, and slowly made his way to the living room.
Tetsuya watched his every move with his blue eyes; sharp and confused at the same time.
His bandages were all gone now, only the walking stick rested next to him on the couch was the sign that Tetsuya wasn't as capable as he had been before the accident. Tetsuya would always prefer long sleeves and long pants nowadays; to hide the burns and the scars he got from the accident, and Ryouta had never denied him his wish.
But now, with Ryouta standing right in front of him in the living room, and Tetsuya stared at him as if he was going to drop the bomb they were both waiting for; Ryouta wished he could go back in time and never help the young man he saw in the library trying to reach for a book.
So Ryouta took a deep breath, his eyes softened as the words escaped his lips and his body felt like it was released from a heavy burden he had carried for months.
"How are you, Aomine Tetsuya?"
Tetsuya's blue eyes widened slightly. It would have been oblivious if Ryouta hadn't known him for a long time, but he did, and he saw Tetsuya's breathing stuttered a bit. The blue haired man's hold on his book slackened and Ryouta watched as Tetsuya tried to react wisely to his question. But then his heart must have had enough, because Tetsuya only put away the book on the coffee table next to them, and his body posture took another form of relaxing.
As if the cat was already out of the bag, and the elephant in the room was finally pointed out.
As if Tetsuya was finally treated as Aomine Daiki's widow, no longer as Aomine Daiki's mourning spouse.
"Kise-kun," Tetsuya started softly, his eyes were unreadable as he looked up at Ryouta from his sitting position on the couch. Ryouta couldn't move from his position as well; though his eyes remained locked with Tetsuya's gaze.
"I'm not doing fine."
Ryouta wasn't even surprise as Tetsuya told him so. Tetsuya looked like he was somewhere far from him now, his eyes slowly became dazed and his voice was gentle as he continued.
"Sometimes I wish I had not insisted to drive the car that night. I wish I didn't try to steer away the car. I wish I didn't wake up at the hospital… I wish I didn't make it. Most of the time, I wish I was dead."
Tetsuya took a small, deep breath, and Ryouta wanted to die even though he had heard all of these many times in his head.
"Sometimes I saw Daiki-kun sleeping next to me when I woke up in the morning," Tetsuya had a small smile on his face as he said so, "Sometimes I heard him joining our conversation when we had dinner together… Sometimes I felt him standing next to me when I was waiting for you to come back home from work."
Ryouta's eyes felt warm all in sudden, and his eyesight was blurred as he tried to control himself.
But Tetsuya was the first to laugh softly, a cry escaped his chuckling lips when he looked up at Ryouta again and Ryouta felt that this was the first time they actually admitted between them that Daiki was now gone.
Gone, and never coming back.
Never coming back, ever again.
"But Kise-kun," Tetsuya laughed – and cried – and Ryouta felt so much like a failure because Daiki had made him cried and Ryouta had made him cry, too, "Most of the time, I knew Daiki-kun is not here anymore."
Ryouta didn't know what happened, but one second he was still standing in front of Tetsuya, and another second, he was on his knees and his face was buried against Tetsuya's chest, whose arms were wrapped around his shoulders and head to pull Ryouta's crying face closer to his beating heart. Ryouta's own arms were wrapped around Tetsuya's petite frame, and he felt him crying quietly against his temple.
Ryouta wanted to say something; that he didn't wish their night to go like that, that he didn't wish to make Tetsuya sad, but his body was trembling and his eyes felt so warm with tears. His arms tightened their hold on Tetsuya, and he felt Tetsuya's fingers ran through his hair.
Even after all this time, when Tetsuya had the right to cry and mourn for Daiki, Ryouta was the one who had to break down and whimpered. He lost his best friend, but Tetsuya had lost his best friend, his husband, half of his life. Tetsuya had lost all of those and Ryouta was crying because he couldn't prevent that from happening.
Ryouta's love was not enough – would never be enough – and there was nothing they could fix when things were actually lost from their grip.
The atmosphere between them was heavy, but comfortable at the same time. It had been some time after Tetsuya had stopped trembling, and Ryouta still found himself on his knees and his head on Tetsuya's lap. Long fingers ran through his hair and Ryouta closed his eyes slowly, taking a deep breath. His hands loose as they held onto Tetsuya's waist, and Ryouta smiled an exhausted smile.
"I was so selfish, Tetsuyacchi." The movement on his hair halted, and Ryouta took it as the signal for him to continue talking, "I thought I was strong. I thought I can bear the burden for the two of us… but all I did was only delaying the inevitable."
Tetsuya was quiet, but Ryouta knew that he was listening. There wasn't anything else to not listen to anymore, Ryouta knew that too. Miscommunication, had always been the worst kind of distance between them. Ryouta ran his palm against Tetsuya's hip, feeling his warmth through his pyjamas pants and he took a slow, deep breath to inhale the younger man's scent.
"But deep down… you know the two of us are going nowhere with this, isn't it?"
The silence that responded to his question lingered, but Ryouta heard them as loud as his beating heart.
4 months, 2 weeks and 6 days after Aomine Daiki passed away, Kise Ryouta finally found the way to move on, found the way to save Aomine Tetsuya and to save himself as well.
Finally.
3 years later.
"Captain Kise, it was nice flying with you. See you again soon!"
Ryouta smiled as he waved goodbye to his co-pilot and Head Stewardess, all in the while standing alone at the West entrance of Tokyo Airport. It was 7 pm, Saturday, and Ryouta sighed as he remembered that he would need to fly out to London the next Wednesday, which left him with only 4 days off for the first time in six months.
His life had been quite hectic these few years, and Ryouta considered to call his friends out for a drink. But the thought only reminded him of his late best friend, and a certain blue eyed man. Ryouta blinked his eyes slowly at his cellphone, seemingly just realized that he had already taken it out from his pocket. He was still in his uniform, and he thought that maybe he should go home, shower and get some rest first.
His thumb, however, disagreed with his mind, because it had opened Aomine Tetsuya's contact number, causing him to stand here for a minute longer. Ryouta stared at the number, wondering whether it would be wise for Ryouta to call him.
It had been eight months since he last called the man, and Ryouta missed him, so very much.
He accidentally met with Akashi Seijuurou in Australia last week, and the redhead told him that Tetsuya was doing very well. He had started to take orders for paintings and arts again, and he was doing brilliantly like he did before the accident. The environments in Kyoto had helped him to get out from his shell, Seijuurou assured him with a small smile on his usually stoic face. Ryouta had wanted to ask if Seijuurou actually had made a move on the smaller man, because no matter how subtle Seijuurou thought he was, Ryouta knew he was in too deep for Tetsuya. Ryouta knew it because he was a man experiencing it as well, even now.
But at the end of their brief meeting, he didn't raise any topic about the two of them. What Seijuurou wanted with Tetsuya, whether Tetsuya wanted it back or not, was none of Ryouta's business. He had learned that it was not wrong to love someone that was not his, and it was definitely not wrong to love them from far.
"What's with the long face?"
Blinking his eyes again, Ryouta's breath got stuck in his throat, and his eyes widened slightly. The voice sounded familiar, and he slowly turned to look at the person who stood behind him.
There was also something else that Ryouta had learned about life after Daiki's death, which was that, sometimes, you do not get to make your choices, sometimes, your choices make it for you.
Aomine Tetsuya stood in front of him, all clad in grey jeans, a white long shirt and jacket, a long scarf wrapped around his neck, and his cheeks and fair skin were red from the cold of the night. His hair was still messy, and his eyes were still as blue as ever.
Ryouta stared at him with open mouth, couldn't believe that Tetsuya was now in front of him, and he was smiling coyly as if he was shy of seeing Ryouta again after such a long time. His left hand was holding onto a walking cane, and Ryouta drank in the sight of him like a hungry man denied food.
Tetsuya was beautiful. He didn't look sick anymore, depressed or any sort anymore. He looked like Ryouta's Tetsuya, like Daiki's Tetsuya.
"Hi." Ryouta breathed out, still stupefied, and watched as Tetsuya chuckled at his reaction.
"Seijuurou-kun told me that you'd be back here today. So I decided to come and see you. It seems like I have come at the right time." He explained with a small smile, causing Ryouta to slowly start smiling as well. He saw that the shorter man was a bit fidgety as he continued to look at Ryouta, and it made him wonder if Seijuurou was there as well.
He decided again not to ask, and offered his usual happy grin at Tetsuya. To his delight, it made Tetsuya's skin flushed deeper, and he looked up at Ryouta from under his long eyelashes, his blue eyes bright and content like they were used to years ago – Ryouta missed him with his whole heart and soul – as he opened his mouth to speak.
"Would you like to have some drinks with me?"
A/N: I decided not to go with clear happy ending. Why? Because I don't think it is wise to do so. But I hope you guys love the story. :D Thank you for reading this and please leave a review :)
P/S: I kind of wish to make all my readers fall in love with Aomine Daiki in this story, I hope I manage to fulfill that target. :D