A/N: Not a new fic; I'm reposting the chapters of Irresistible as individual stories so that they can each be tagged for the correct characters. If you're new to Irresistible and care about the plot (such as it is), you should read the stories in order.
"Dude, you touch my sister and I'll fucking kill you."
"I don't wanna touch your sister!" Puck's sister is only around his own sister's age, like...shit, how old is Stacey now? Like ten or so, he thinks. "Hold me back or something, tie me up if you have to..."
Puck slams him against the wall and holds him against it with his own body, arms spread wide. "For the love of God, Jordan, go back downstairs!" he yells at his sister.
But she just keeps coming.
Sam closes his eyes and tries to make himself as small as possible behind Puck.
Jordan is there now, at the top of the stairs. "Close your eyes at least!" Puck yells at her.
"Puck, I already know you're part gay," she says, crossing her arms. "I didn't know you liked to dress your boyfriends up like girls, but..." She peers behind him and says, "Oh, hi, Sam. No offense or anything."
"None taken," Sam says. He forgets for a second that he can't look at her and he opens his eyes and...and nothing. He doesn't feel even remotely like doing Puck's sister.
"Wait, you can see him?" Puck asks.
"Is he supposed to be a ninja or something?"
"But I mean...you see him and you're not acting crazy."
"Um, no, that would be you two," she says. "I thought you were going to stop at the store, Noah, but there's nothing to eat."
"Uh." Puck guesses it's safe, but he doesn't want to free Sam until his sister is out of sight. "Yeah. Something came up. Sorry."
"Will you make me a grilled cheese?"
"Make your own grilled cheese," Puck tells her, even though she's not supposed to use the stove when their mom's not there.
"No-ah..." she whines. "If you would've stopped at the store I wouldn't need a grilled cheese."
"Fine! Go downstairs right now and I'll be down in a second to make you a grilled cheese."
"Thanks!" She looks at Sam, then back at her brother. She shakes her finger at Puck and says, "But I'm not waiting forever. No more making out or whatever it is you two are doing."
"Go!"
Jordan scampers downstairs and Puck lets Sam out from behind him. "So I guess it doesn't work on kids," he says.
"Thank god. I'm surprised you didn't know that, though. You seem to know everything else about it, and how is that, exactly?"
"Brittany, obviously," Puck says. "I fucked her tons of times wearing that thing. The whole football team did. Dude, you gotta get your own clothes back on, I don't know how long it's been."
"Right." Sam definitely doesn't want to have to fuck Puck again with Puck's little sister around. He walks toward the bathroom but keeps talking. "But that's bullshit. I never fucked her when I was on the team. I never even heard any of the other guys mention it. I mean, I don't have the best memory, but I'm pretty sure it's something I would've remembered if someone mentioned it."
Sam's in the bathroom now, but Puck's standing right outside the door. "That's cause you weren't here the whole time. She fucked everyone on the football team all through freshman and sophomore years, but then come junior year...supposedly Coach Sylvester had laid down the law that she could only use it with the other Cheerios. But personally I think it was Santana who laid down that particular law."
"Fucking...Santana!" For such a supposedly slutty girl she was a total cockblock.
"I know, right? Such a tragic waste."
"But then how come Brittany never wore it with me when we were going out? It's not like I wasn't fucking her anyway."
"No idea, bro. You almost done in there? Cause I know it's probably safe, but I wanna see you leave this house in your own clothes so I can lock all the doors and make my little sister a grilled cheese sandwich in peace. No offense."
"None taken." Sam stuffs the Cheerios uniform into his backpack and puts his regular clothes back on. He props a foot up on the edge of the tub to tie his shoe and tries for a normal, conversational tone as he says, "So. Your sister said something about already knowing you're part gay?"
"All right," Puck says. "Time to get the hell out of my house."
He gets the hell out of Puck's house, only to realize he's more or less stranded way on the other side of town from the Hudmels'. He'd call Kitty for a ride—she's the one who stranded him, after all—but he doesn't even have her number. So he starts walking and calling people whose numbers he does have.
Finn says he can pick him up in a little over an hour, after his last class at the university. He should just walk, he knows that, but he doesn't feel like it. He's tired from Kitty and Puck, and plus he kind of hates walking. Running he doesn't mind at all, but he's not dressed for it. So he tells Finn fine and tries to think of someplace he can wait around for an hour and some change.
Ryder's house isn't far, so he decides to try there even though he was the first person Sam tried calling and he didn't answer.
Ryder is in his bedroom with his phone off and his door shut, even though no one else is home or will be for hours. He's just found his favorite video again—he wishes he could just download it or at least bookmark it or something, but he's pretty sure his dad checks his computer regularly.
The video starts with a long fellatio sequence that's kind of monotonous, so he skips ahead. It's not that he doesn't like receiving blowjobs. That is, he never actually has, but he assumes it would be awesome. It's just that watching some other dude get one doesn't really do it for him. He's not a big fan of other guys' dicks, which is mostly what there is to look at in the blowjob scenes.
He restarts the video at the part where it starts to get good, the part where the girl finally takes off her clothes. This girl in the video, she seriously has the best tits he's ever seen. He's studied them pretty closely, and he's pretty sure they're the exact right size that he could perfectly fit one in each of his hands. (And he has pretty big hands, if he does say so himself. He's heard girls like that.)
The video is just getting to the part where the dude is about to penetrate the girl when the fucking doorbell rings. He jumps, and the hand that was on his zipper jerks and gets the fucking thing stuck. "Seriously!?" he says out loud, and he pauses the video and pulls the curtain aside to see who it is, and it's fucking Sam. He'd totally just ignore him, but Sam has seen him and is waving.
He closes his browser and runs downstairs to see what Sam wants. It turns out he wants a ride home. Ryder tells him he doesn't have the car, and then Sam wants somewhere to hang out while he waits around for a lift from Finn. Ryder should totally tell him to go wait out on the curb, but he's too nice a guy to do that. Besides, Sam has some serious puppy dog eyes that you'd think would only work on girls, but they actually work on anyone. Or maybe it's just the nice-guy thing again. He holds the door open and lets him in.
Sam walks inside and slips his shoes off but doesn't put down his backpack. Ryder holds out his hand and asks, "You want me to hang that up for you?"
Sam clutches it to his chest and says, "No thanks."
The way he's holding it is really weird. "You don't have another cat in there, do you?" Ryder asks.
"No," Sam says, but he sort of strokes the bag as he says it.
"Can I see?"
"Uh...no."
Ryder shrugs and nods. He makes a move a toward the couch, but as soon as Sam relaxes he lunges for the backpack. Sam doesn't let go, but Ryder had a good enough grasp for a second there that he's sure it's not a cat. Since he doesn't have to worry about hurting a living animal and since he's really curious now and not just a little annoyed to have had his video interrupted, he makes it his mission to get the damn backpack from Sam and see what he's protecting so carefully. He jumps on Sam's back and they both fall to the floor. They wrestle for it a bit and while Sam's acting all bewildered and asking, "Dude, what are you doing?" Ryder gets it from him after not too much of a struggle.
He unzips it and pulls out...a Cheerios uniform? "What the hell, Sam?"
"I told you not to look," Sam says testily as he snatches it back.
"But what...why...? Are you a transvestite or something?"
"You're the one who said we should all wear dresses to make Unique feel more comfortable," Sam reminds him.
"But Unique's not here...and yet you're carrying it around. Oh my god, you really liked it? Do you feel all sexy when you wear it? I mean, it's cool, you know, whatever. I'm just surprised."
"As a matter of fact I am all sexy when I wear it. I guarantee if I put it on you wouldn't be able to keep your hands off me."
Ryder scoffs. "Okay, look. I know you're a good-looking guy. Fine. But not everybody wants to do you. Straight guys would be one group that doesn't."
"You'd be surprised," Sam says.
"Yeah? What straight guys have you seduced lately?"
Sam's about to tell him what just happened with Puck, but he stops himself. It's not to protect Puck's privacy—though that might be a good reason if he'd actually thought of it in time—but because he's not actually sure anymore that Puck really is straight. If Jordan was right...
"More of a mostly straight guy," he says carefully. Yeah, he still thinks Puck is probably mostly straight.
"Oh, uh...Wow." Ryder takes a step back, then wonders if that was unintentionally offensive. But he doesn't want to take a step forward now to make up for it, because that might send the wrong signal in a different way. "I mean, not that I'm judging or anything. It's just really not my thing. No offense."
It seems like everyone is telling Sam no offense lately. He wonders briefly if he should be offended by that but decides to let it go. "So you're saying you have no interest in other guys. None?"
"That's what I'm saying."
"I wonder if it really would work on you then," he says, more to himself than to Ryder. The only guys he's seen it work on are Blaine and Puck. And himself, of course, but then he had wondered about messing around with Blaine even before. Kitty said it worked on her with Brittany, but everyone knows that all hot girls are at least a little bit bi.
"Again...that's what I'm saying."
"No, but see...you're not into me, normally, I get that. But you don't understand this uniform. It's not just that I look hot in it, it's like...Sue Sylvester did something to it, and anyone who sees me in it goes crazy with lust for me."
"Uh-huh."
Okay, Sam knows that what he's saying sounds crazy, but the totally out-of-hand dismissal of what he's trying to say is kind of annoying. "Whatever, dude, don't believe me if you don't want. I'd just show you but now I'm not a hundred percent sure it would work on you anyway. Like I said, I've only tried it with one mostly straight guy."
"Look. I don't know what your definition of mostly straight is. It could be fifty-one percent, which also leaves a pretty high percentage of gay. Even if this guy—and I'm not even going to ask who it is—is ninety percent straight and you're the one guy in ten who he finds hot..." Wait, does that math even make sense?
"But it's not me. I know you don't believe me, but you could at least listen. It's the uniform."
"Fine, whatever. I'm just saying it won't work on me."
Ryder looks so sure. Maybe there really are some guys who are so not-gay that the uniform doesn't affect them when a guy's wearing it. Maybe there needs to be some attraction to the person under normal circumstances.
Shit! Does this mean maybe he's actually attracted to Principal Sylvester? Now he really needs to know, because if he is...Well, he really hopes he's not.
"Can I try it on you then?" he asks.
"No. I am not trying on a cheerleading skirt."
"No, not you try on the skirt. Can I put it on and you look at me and see what happens?"
"Yes, actually, I think you'd better do that so we can clear this whole thing up."
"And you understand that if it does work we'll have to have sex?"
"We don't have to do anything."
"Uh..." Sam actually has no idea what would happen if they didn't—assuming the uniform works with Ryder the way it did with Kitty and Puck and not the way it didn't with Jordan. He might not have literally died, but he's pretty sure he would have felt like he was going to. He doesn't want to take that chance if Ryder is totally unwilling. "But you would have to agree to. I mean, if you don't want to, fine, I won't test it. But if I'm gonna test it, you have to agree that if it does work—"
"What do you mean by work?"
"Oh, you'll know. You'll have an irresistible urge to do me. And, uh, I'll have the same urge, but for you."
"I've never had an urge I couldn't resist," Ryder says. Then, softly, he adds, "Shit, did I just admit I'm a virgin?"
"Hey, it's nothing to be embarrassed about," Sam says, punching him on the arm. "I was, too, at your age." Man, that seems so long ago. "And anyway, if it works we don't have to, like, go all the way." He thinks of Kitty. And Unique. And then of his still-sore ass and adds, "I wouldn't be willing to do that either."
"So, like, I just have to give you a handjob if you're right?" Wait, on what planet could Sam possibly be right? Ryder is so glad no one else is around to hear him engage in this conversation.
"Yeah, if that's all you wanna do. I'll probably wanna at least blow you, if that's cool."
"Uh...we're still talking about only if seeing you in drag drives me crazy with lust, right?"
"Yeah, totally. Not in just any drag, in the phlebotinum-treated Cheerios uniform."
"Okay, man, whatever."
"Okay."
"Okay."
"I'm gonna put it on then."
"Okay."
"So, uh, I'll be in the bathroom..."
"Dude, you just said you're probably gonna blow me, but you need a bathroom to change in?"
"Well, I wanna take a quick shower first." Sam's thinking of where his dick has been, and Ryder's gonna have to at least touch it. Probably.
Ryder laughs. "Wow, you actually think...Whatever. Upstairs on your left," he says, even though Sam has been here before and knows where the bathroom is.
Sam takes his time in the shower. He doesn't feel any desire to jerk off—which he usually does in the shower—even as he's lathering and thoroughly cleaning his junk. Maybe all this phlebotinum-fueled sex makes you lose interest in the regular kind. Maybe that's why Brittany never wore the uniform with him.
But even if that's true, given that he hasn't had any of the regular kind since Britt dumped him, it's a side effect he's totally willing to live with.
He dries off and puts the uniform back on. He opens the bathroom door a crack and calls out, "Ryder? I'm ready!"
"So? Come on down!" Ryder yells back up the stairs.
"Shouldn't we do this in your room? Just in case?"
Sam could swear he hears Ryder sigh in exasperation. Then he hears footsteps coming up the stairs, and then the bathroom door is swung wide open.
Ryder takes a good look at Sam. He looks ridiculous in that Cheerios uniform. Ryder knows this.
And he refuses to believe that his sudden hard-on has anything to do with a guy in a skirt. Even if the skirt does show off what he now realizes is a totally gorgeous ass. Because really, all the Cheerios' asses look good in those uniforms. That's what they're designed to do.
So what if Ryder really, really wants to touch it? It's just, like, Pavlovian or something. He always feels like touching Brittany's and Kitty's when they wear those things. But he doesn't, and he'll be damned if he's going to grab Sam's ass. Much less his dick, which he has no interest in whatso-...
Good lord, look at it, though.
Not that he wants to look or anything, but it's...now that he's seen it he can't look away because it's just so...so on display there bulging out from under the red spandex, and it's so...so big and hard and it looks like how Ryder feels for some reason, and it's so tempting to just reach over and...
"Well?" Sam asks. He thinks he knows the answer, but he's not going to make a move without knowing for sure. Not if he can help it anyway.
Ryder forces his eyes to look away from Sam's crotch when he hears the question. "Uh..." he says, but he can't think about anything else, or look at anything else, and a second later he's right back to staring.
"Dude, please tell me it's working on you, because it's sure as hell working on me."
Ryder's brain barely registers that Sam is speaking again; he has no idea what words he actually uttered. He's just trying to restrain his hand from reaching over and...
Fuck it. Maybe if he asks nicely Sam won't mind.
"Sam?" he says as calmly as he can manage.
"Fuck, Ryder, what?"
"This is going to sound very weird, and I don't want to freak you out, but would you mind if I touch your dick?" He looks at Sam desperately. "Just once? Just for a second? I know it sounds weird, but—"
"Oh, thank god, man, I was starting to think it was just me."
Ryder doesn't understand what Sam is talking about. He was expecting something along the lines of What's wrong with you, perv? and at least it's not that...he's pretty sure. He's not sure Sam understood his question though. "I'm sorry, I just really want to—" He can't finish repeating his request because Sam's mouth is on his. He's never kissed a dude before, but it feels totally right. Or...not totally, because it's not what he really wants, which is to touch Sam's dick.
But he still can't repeat the request, because not only is Sam's tongue in his mouth but Sam's hands are on his shoulders and he's being pushed backwards and all he can do is kiss and back up until he finds himself in his bedroom and hears Sam slam the door shut behind them. He tries one more time: "Sam. Please. I just want to—"
Sam kisses him again. He totally doesn't get why Ryder keeps asking—as if he thought there were any chance Sam would say no! He takes Ryder's hand and shoves it unceremoniously under his spanks.
They both moan loudly with relief.
Ryder doesn't understand why this is happening, why he's touching a guy's cock and most of all why he likes it so much. He should probably stop and consider it, but he doesn't even care, he just knows he wants more. He wants it in his mouth. No. No, wait.
He wants it in his ass.
"Sam. Will you..." He unbuttons and unzips his jeans. "Please. You gotta..."
"Yeah, of course."
Sam helps tug his jeans down while kissing his neck. But he's too slow, and Ryder peels them off himself. He positions himself on his hands and knees on the bed and looks over his shoulder. "Come on, man. Stick it in me."
"Oh Jesus." Ryder's ass. Just up there in the air for him. It's all Sam can do not to take Ryder up on his offer. But there's no way he can understand what he's asking—especially if he's still a virgin. "Ryder, put that thing down before I—"
"Come on, Sam!" Ryder whines. "You said you would!"
"I thought you wanted me to blow you."
Oh! Yeah, it's his second choice—and a distant second at that—but rather than argue Ryder decides to take Sam's cock in his mouth. He rolls off the bed onto the floor and kneels in front of the guy. He pulls the spanks down just to Sam's knees, sticks his head up under the skirt, and starts licking greedily. Sam's cock seriously tastes better than anything ever, and why has he never asked to taste it before?
And, oh god, Ryder's tongue feels good. Fuck, it's not even really a blowjob exactly because nothing's in his mouth, but his tongue is all over the place and it's really, really good. "Oh god, Ryder. Oh god, oh god."
It shocks Ryder to realize that Sam isn't just letting him lick his cock, that he's enjoying it too. A lot, it sounds like. And maybe if he keeps it up he can make Sam come. If his dick tastes this good, his come probably tastes amazing.
He considers his technique for the first time, and he wishes he had actually watched the damn fellatio scene in that video so he'd know how it's supposed to be done! Well, he does know enough to realize he's supposed to suck, not just lick. And so he grabs the base in his hand, points the head toward his mouth, and wraps his lips around it. Jesus, it tastes good, he thinks once again. And he starts to suck on it like it was a giant straw—one that had something stuck in it and if he could only suck out the blockage he'd get a delicious milkshake gushing into his mouth.
"Holy fuck, Ryder!" Holy fuck that guy can suck. He's either completely clueless or he really wants Sam's load. Sam's gotta hope it's the latter, because there's no way he can stop it or even get the words out to warn him—as he feels his balls tighten all he can say is, "Holy fuck, holy fuck..."
And there it is, filling his mouth, exactly what Ryder was hoping for. It's creamy, but otherwise nothing like a milkshake: it's warm and tangy and salty and in every other way just so much better. He holds in his mouth for a few seconds, savoring it before letting it slide down the back of his throat. There was enough to make his cheeks puff out, but he's not nearly satisfied, and he starts sucking again, hoping to draw out more.
Sam has to push his head away. "Stop, Ryder. That's too much. Let me take care of you now."
Ryder looks up at him, totally bewildered. "Huh?"
"Don't you want to come too?"
Oh god! Of course! That's what he needs—how could he not realize? "Blow me, Sam! God, please!"
"I'll take care of you, dude. Just relax." Just relax. Sam's knows that's easier said than done, given the state Ryder's in. But the advice is really more for himself because the thing is, he's not in that state anymore. And now he has to blow a guy.
He can totally do it. Hell, he's done it before. It just feels a little weird at the moment.
Ryder's stroking his own dick, and from the desperate look on his face Sam can tell he's just realizing how unhelpful that is. Sam knows he's the one who got his friend into this mess, and now he has to get him out.
He eases Ryder onto the edge of the bed and kneels between his legs. Ryder's cock is so red and so hard—it's throbbing visibly and it looks like it could burst at any second. So at least this probably won't take long.
Sam starts out with a long, strong lick, starting at Ryder's balls. It's not bad! And if the full-body shudder at that one initial action is any indication, Ryder thinks so too. It's kind of awesome being able to do that to someone, even if he knows it's mostly the phlebotinum. He totally wants to do it again.
He swirls his tongue around the head and Ryder grabs the back of his head and holds it to his crotch, whining piteously. This is actually pretty hot, and Sam considers teasing him a little, drawing it out and really enjoying it. But he can tell Ryder is desperate for relief, and so he decides to just suck it out of him like Ryder did for him.
Ryder has never had anyone so much as touch his junk before, not even over the clothes, and what Sam is doing to him is beyond awesome. His tongue is seriously the most amazing thing ever. Now if only he'll...
Oh Jesus! Oh sweet Jesus, he's got it in his mouth now and he's sucking on it and Ryder is going to die, he's literally going to die from pleasure overload, it's too much, it's too...He wails as his body spasms and his balls empty into Sam's mouth. Everything goes white, and the next thing he knows he's splayed out on his back feeling more relaxed than he's ever felt.
When the power of speech returns to him, all he can think to say is, "Dude."
"Yeah," Sam agrees. He swallows hard and considers the lingering spunk flavor in his mouth. Does he like it? Not as much as he liked Blaine's when he was still under the power of the uniform. But he doesn't hate it.
And then suddenly Ryder realizes what just happened, and he sits bolt upright. "Dude!"
"Um..." Sam stands up, not sure where Ryder's going with that thought, and also realizing that he should probably go change back into his regular clothes.
"Dude, what the fuck just happened?"
"I told you. It's the uniform. Apparently it does work on totally straight guys."
"Bullshit!" Ryder says. "One, there was nothing straight about that, and, two, how can you say it was the uniform when I don't even find you attractive in it? No offense."
"So...are you gonna have a gay freakout, or..."
"I'm not homophobic! You know I'm not homophobic, right? I just don't understand..."
"Okay," Sam says soothingly. "Let me just change my clothes and I'll walk you through it again."
Ryder doesn't stop him from retreating to the bathroom, and he's in the same position on the bed when he returns in his own clothes. Sam tells him about the uniform again, telling him everything he knows, almost everything that's happened. He leaves out the names of the other people involved, though he's pretty sure Ryder can guess, because how many people fit the description of "my best friend, who happens to be gay" or "the former cheerleading coach, who's now the principal"? And he leaves out the part about how he liked giving a blowjob even after the effects had worn off because...well, it doesn't seem like the kind of detail likely to stave off a gay freakout. Just in case Ryder might have one despite not being homophobic.
When Sam finishes his explanation, Ryder is silent. Sam's afraid he somehow still doesn't believe him, in which case he has no idea how to convince the guy. But when Ryder does speak, it's to say, "Dude, you gotta tell the rest of New Directions!"