Solace
His gaze fell on nighttime Coruscant. The sight has always been very soothing for him. Whenever he felt anxiety, he sat there, sometimes even for long hours. He thought that Padmé didn't know but she herself sat in the same place and gazed to the sky, thinking about him, longing for him when he wasn't around.
This time however, he didn't feel the solace from observing the peaceful capital. The feelings of absolute helplessness, worthlessness and no usefulness coursed through him. All his abilities, all the praise and deeds and notoriety were no use to him now, not when he couldn't do anything to protect the woman he loved more than his own life.
He felt like crying, yelling, just doing something, anything. He didn't want to just sit here a waste those last few days together.
No! It can't happen! He swore to never let anyone close to him die, but those dreams were so similar to those about his mother… That tiny treacherous voice somewhere deep inside his head kept whispering that he will lose her, he won't be able to save her. Everybody dies, even the stars burn out. It kept crushing his heart with fear and still he couldn't do anything about it!
He couldn't just let it be – he will do everything in order to save her, even if he were to sell his soul to the Devil.
Her footsteps distracted him from his brooding, not those that could be heard by anyone, but those footsteps only he heard through the Force. He felt her comforting presence as always and he could close his eyes anytime and tell where she was, feel her feelings. Not aware of her knowing this, but he felt every single emotion she felt. When she was forlorn, his own heart was heavy. He had wept for every single tear she had shed.
As he could expect, it didn't take her too long to join him in his ruminations. Even in her sleep, she felt the loss of his warmth and his presence.
She came to him in the dark and gently placed her hand on his shoulder and stroked. „What's bothering you?"
He turned to face her, tried to smile albeit unsuccessfully and played with her Japor snippet. Even after all those years she wore it, though it was just a small trinket given to her by a very special little boy. For her it held a much deeper meaning. The thing was almost like a wedding band she could never wear in public.
„I remember when I gave this to you…"
Yet again he tried to distract her by changing the subject. When something serious came up, his habit was to smother those feelings and hide them from the prying eyes of the world. It was his way of escaping the fear that has always been present in his life. Though no one could ever tell that the Hero With No Fear has ever been afraid, the person behind the title has always been a little frightened boy, hiding in a grown man's body.
„How long is it going to take us to be honest with each other?"
He would never lie to her face, not Anakin. He is the most sincere and honest person she's ever met. That's why he hated all those lies and secrecies concerning their relationship. She only wanted him to confide in her, to share his worries. It would be easier if they could sort them out together.
He hung his head and sighed, letting the stone wall around him fall down.
„It was a dream."
„Bad one?"
„Just like the ones I used to have about my mother, just before she died…"
His mother has always been a very sensitive issue for him. She knew that much and didn't want to stir the old wounds.
„And?" she gently insisted.
He looked at her, tormented. "And it was about you…"
"Tell me." Her hand again rubbed his back gently.
As if she pierced an already open wound, he got up and moved to the edge of the balcony.
She watched him pacing in one spot, his head as if couldn't decide where to turn first. He turned to her. His features were marred by desperation and grief. „You'll die in a childbirth…"
Instinctively, Padmé's hands went immediately to hold her belly, as if she wanted to make sure the tiny being is still safe. „And the baby?"
Shaking his head, Anakin answered. „I don't know…"
Padmé approached him, feeling uncertainty and need to be closer to him. Shaking her head, her own rational thinking telling her it couldn't be truth. "It was only a dream…" She had her doubts but tried to remain stoic before him.
Anakin gave her a determined look. "I won't let this one become real!"
His desire to save everyone has yet again proved itself. Sometimes his single-minded determination scared her.
„This baby will chase our lives. And I doubt the Queen will allow me to serve in the Senate, and if the Council discovers you're the father you'll be expelled-."
„-I know, I know…" Sometimes he wished he were kicked out of the Order in order to be with her forever.
„You think Obi-Wan could help us?"
When she mentioned his name, his features have hardened. „We don't need his help…" His face was suddenly light and joyous. „Our baby is a blessing, not a problem."
With his decisive answer, Anakin hugged Padmé close. Closing her eyes, Padmé rested her face on his bared chest, listening to his comforting heartbeat when her hands slid under his tunic and made contact with the smooth skin of his broad back. Hands slowly stroked, rubbed, over his shoulder blades, just like she knew he liked.
With his chin resting on the top of her head, he breathed in the flowery smell of her dark curls. Her hand hadn't ceased their stroking and Padmé started placing small kisses over his chest.
Kissing her forehead, Anakin leaned his head down only to meet with her longing look. „Come back to bed, it's still early…"
Taking his large hands into her own, she led him back to their darkened bedroom.
They were standing in each other's arm when Padmé slowly started taking his clothes off. Firstly, she took his tunic from his shoulders and Anakin wasted no time and leaned down to whisper in her ear. „I need you, now. I need to know that you're still with me and you're not going to leave me…"
Stroking his sharp cheekbones, Padmé shook her head. „You already know I'll walways stay by your side. I won't leave you on your own, Ani. My dearest, Anakin."
„But the dream-„
„Was only a dream and nothing more. Everything is going to be alright, baby."
Standing on the tips of her toes to reach her very tall husband, she kissed him, very tenderly, to sooth his fears and gently initiate their lovemaking. Her hands cupped his face and slowly ran through his tousled locks. Their kiss got more demanding. After five long months their desire for each other burned bright red and Padmé couldn't almost recall when has been the last time they have made love.
After his return home, they finally found themselves alone and Padmé wasted no time and threw herself around her beloved husband, who for the first time in their married life had refused to touch her, fearing he would hurt their baby. His innocence made her smile. Though she knew there was no way he could hurt their baby, she hadn't tried to convince him. It would have been a futile effort. When Anakin made up his mind about something, there was no way anyone could talk him out of it.
This time, however, there was no time to waste. Time was a luxury now.
Anakin carefully took the hair clip from her head and let her chocolate curls spill over her shoulders. His hands, now at her face, were caressing while his lips were doing the same to hers. When Padmé's wandering hands reached his abdomen, she slowly started sliding off the thin sleep pants from his hips until they pooled around his ankles.
Her light blue nightgown has been pulled over her head and Anakin did this very slowly on purpose, taking time to take a good look at her belly, where their baby rested. Finally naked as he, Anakin couldn't take his eyes off her.
Padmé was slightly nervous when he gazed at her with his usual intensity. His looks have always thrown her off balance but this time, it had been because of her uncertainty she felt for her changed body.
„I'm a bit different then the when you've left, Ani." She said with a gentle smile.
His stare hadn't ceased and with his usual fervor he answered. „You're beautiful…"
Pulling his wife closer to him as was possible with her enlarged belly, she could feel his raging need against her.
Anakin started kissing her cheeks, making his way to her neck, Padmé tilted her head back and gasped. Her neck has always been one of her weak spots and he knew it well. She felt his large, warm hands getting acquainted with her new body. They were slowly moving around her back, tracing the elegant line of her spine, down to her hips and utterly perfect and round backside he lightly squeezed. She felt his hot, full lips torturously travelling across her collarbones, down between her breasts while her own finger dug into his long waves, brilliantly golden in the Coruscant moonlight.
When his lips reached her waistline, he got on his knees before her and very carefully cupped her belly with his hands. Laying his head on the soft skin, he listened and felt their baby move as if it knew he was with home now. Then, with an absolute tenderness, he kissed her and whispered. „Have no fear, baby girl, daddy's home now…"
That made Padmé grin happily. The blue gems that were her husband's eyes shone brightly and returned her smile. „Lay down on the bed." Anakin softly commanded.
Instead of going to their huge moonlit bed, she reached for his hands which he immediately grasped and began moving backwards until she reached the edge of the mattress. Without further ado, Padmé laid herself in the welcoming softness of their pillows and watched Anakin crawling on all fours closer, only to lie down on his side next to her.
In that moment, he had to admit he didn't exactly know how to proceed, the memory of his wedding night now fresh in his mind. All he used to do was to roll on top of her and enter her easily but now, with her belly, he wasn't sure. Trying to gain some time, he kissed her again and their hands were searching for places where they could touch. Padmé wrapped her arms around his shoulders and beckoned him to lie down on top of her. Anakin, however broke the kiss and murmured. „Wait – I can't. Don't want to hurt you."
„Don't worry, you won't, just brace yourself on your knees and elbows."
Carefully, he did as he was told and started gently coming down on her, trying not to press on her belly too much which wouldn't probably take it very kindly if it were to be crushed by a weight of a large Jedi Knight.
With his long body stretched above hers, Padmé wrapped her legs wide around his thighs, her hands pressed on the wide plane of his hard chest. She nodded slowly. „If anything is wrong, you tell me immediately, alright?"
„Don't worry, my love, everything is just perfect."
With one last devoted „I love you", Anakin slowly slipped inside her, letting out a gentle grunt. It has been so long since he had last been inside her, felt her walls parting for him, her warmth and wetness, squeezing him rhytmically. His hearing registered her slight gasping, too overwhelmed by the long unfelt feelings.
Quickly searching for any evidence of pain in her features, he found none and Padme stroked his brow encouragingly and smiled. Gathering all his strength, he started gently thrusting. „Ani, don't be afraid – go faster."
Anakin gently stroked at her face with his thumbs, kissed her deeply and meanwhile, the pace of his movements quickened. Their eyes met and those feelings were gradually taking on intensity, both of them were letting out tiny moans with every thrust. Her nails had to dig in the firm skin of his back and held onto him, held onto her dear life during the storm only he could cause. A storm she hadn't experienced for so long. She longed for the rain to come, to wash away her loneliness and fears and bring her scorched body to life. The storm had its name.
„Ani, Anakin, please…" Padmé gasped desperately for breath.
„Say my name, again, please, Angel." Anakin's purr resonated in her ear.
Whimpering more insistently, Padmé's hands wrapped tightly around his hips and clutched him fighter. „I want you, inside me, deeper, please…"
He relaxed and let her hands push him deeper into her if it was possible, buried to the hilt and it was enough. Enough for them to start shaking, moaning, clenching, pulsing and gripping and then let go and be together, to be in love….
And the rain came at last.