Title: Diary of a 221B Pet
Author: AnnieVH
Summary: John's dog and Sherlock's cat give a detailed account on their lives on 221B.
Rating: PG
Genre: humor and crack! PURE CRACK!
Characters or Pairing: John, Sherlock and the pets. Lestrade makes a brief appearance.
Warning: unbeta'ed.
Spoilers: none.
Disclaimer: don't own, just burrow.
Note: based on "Diary of a pet", which I found on nebula99's LJ: .
SHERLOCK: For crying out loud, John, what is wrong with your dog?
JOHN: He's a perfectly healthy dog.
SHERLOCK: I hate dogs. They're way too happy.
JOHN: I tell you, it's normal.
Tobby's Diary...
8:00 am - BRAND NEW DAY! YAAAY!
8:30 am - Master John fed me! BEST FOOD EVER!
9:00 am - Walk on the park CHASING CRIMINALS! FUN TIME! !
10:30 am - Visiting the police station! BEST PLACE IN THE WHOLE WORLD!
12:00 pm - Lunch with cops! I LOVE DUNNOTS!
1:00 pm - Played in the Yard with sniffer dogs! I WANNA BE A SNIFFER DOG! CAN I BE ONE? !
3:00 pm - Back home and Master Sherlock is grumpy! HE'S SO FUNNY! I LOVE HIM!
5:00 pm - Funny tasting Milk Bones that got me sleepy! I WANT MORE!
7:00 pm - Master John and Master Sherlock have a fight over poisoned Milk Bones! IT'S SO VERY EXCITING!
8:00 pm - CRAP TELLIE! MASTER SHERLOCK IS MAD AND IT IS AMAZING!
11:00 pm - SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
JOHN: Sherlock...
SHERLOCK: What?
JOHN: Your cat is looking at me funny.
Sonata's Daily Diary...
Day 53 of my training... My master is kind and intelligent, I admire his dedication to his studies and ambitions and I do believe he's starting to respect me as well, having stated I was surprisingly useful to him in more than one occasion and that my independence was to be highly praised. I live for the hope that one day he'll finally see the potential in me and come to realize I'm more than enough to help him succeed - and when that day comes, I hope he gets rid of his useless minion for good.
His minion continues to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects, as if to rub in my face the place I hold in the chain of command inside the house. I'm not quite sure he understands I serve as Master Sherlock's assistant in several experiments, while he merely exists for doing the shoping and leg work of the sort. In more than one occasion he tried to feed me what seems to be a tasteless paste for dinner, served out of a can. A can! I eat anyway not to displease my Master, for he seems fond of his little minion.
Today, the minion tried to ruin some of Master's most important experiments under the excuse that the kitchen was mess. Idiot. I fight ensued, of course, and he can't blame anyone but his own stupidity. I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at his feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into his heart, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of if he steps out of line and messes with Master Sherlock's experiments once more. Master Sherlock said I proved to be good for something, and that filled my heart with pride. However, the minion merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastard. Once, I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate him by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.
Right after that, the man who comes every other week to request Master Sherlock's service dropped by with the most interesting facts about a man hurting children in a park. I listened to every detail and had a plan of action to be followed that resembled very much Master's own plan. Oh, how my heart broke when he decided to summon the DOG for this dangerous task! At the evening, they returned, and Master looked so very gloom, while his minion kept patting his back and saying those condescending words he loved.
The dog wagged his tail in delight. He is obviously retarded. The minion enjoys his company, of course. They look at me with suspicion quite often, I believe they're plotting against me.
I must act first. And it's gotta be fast.