It was near sunset as China strolled down the broad avenues of Paris. Earlier in the day, he had been guided around by Francis, but the Frenchman had long since left, having been called out to support another strike. Said strike would be accountable for Yao's walking, seeing as it had been all the taxi-cab and subway drivers to actually go on strike. The black-haired man sighed. Why today, of all days? All he had wanted was to spend one peaceful day on a relaxing vacation. Instead he was completely lost with absolutely no way to get to his hotel before dark. It had to have been at least twenty miles away from where he stood.
He vaguely remembered something Francis had told him, before leaving. Look out for the Eiffel Tower if you get lost. It's so magnificent it's shimmering beauty can be seen anywhere in Paris. Yao lifted his eyes from the street and began to search the skyline around him, trying to find this elusive structure called the Eiffel Tower.
He had no such luck.
Rather, instead of finding the 81-storey building, which was incidentally located in the only place he hadn't thought to check- right behind him-, Yao chanced upon the sight of a scarf. Vaguely, in the back of his mind, he recognized that scarf from somewhere... in the pit of his stomach, he sensed a fearful reaction to the pale cloth, lying limply on the brick sidewalk.
He shrugged. Who knew where that had come from? Yao shrugged, and continued walking, now fully resigned to the fact that he was completely and utterly lost. He didn't even speak French! A small groan issued from his lips. He should have just gone to visit A-
"OMIGOD IT'S YAO!" Yao flinched. There was only one person in the world that could produce such a loud volume of noise. Speak of the devil... literally... The panda in the backpack on the Chinese man's back began to fidget. "YaoYaoYaoYaoYao! Dude whazzup?"
"Nothing's up, Alfred," Yao replied, turning around to face his worst nightmare (even though he did allow Yao to build lots of vacation homes in his home). The indomitable idiotic smile was plastered all over the American's face.
"Whatcha doin' here?"
"I was sightseeing, befo-"
"Omigod me too! Ha ha we should totally sight-see together!" A shudder ran down Yao's back. He also received the distinct impression that Alfred had been hanging around Feliks a biiit too much, recently... America abruptly reached into his overloaded backpack, throwing a pair of binoculars and a hamburger to the ground while he rummaged. Suddenly, with an exclamation of 'EUREKA!', Alfred pulled out a map. "Well, this should help us. See if you can figure out where are, dude." Seeing a hamburger on the ground, his attention was abruptly diverted and he glomped it, cooing fondly at it before taking a huge bite and nearly choking.
After a moment's shocked staring and disbelief at the fact that the other man might have actually just proven to be useful, Yao quickly unfolded the map and began scanning it. Then he facepalmed. He should have known, he should have known...
"Um, Alfred?"
"Mmgrph?" Yao took that to mean yes.
"You do realize that this is a map of Boston, right?" Alfred gulped down the last of his hamburger, gazing dolefully at the empty wrapper.
"Yeah, and?"
"..." Yao shook himself out of his stupor. "We're in Paris, Alfred. Not Boston."
"Yeah, and?" Yao's jaw dropped. Was this really happening to him?
"And.. and..." He gave up. "Oh, whatever. Have your map ba-" He caught sight of the scarf behind Alfred's back. "That's Russia's!" Alfred frowned.
"No, I'm pretty sure that map is mine..." He snatched said map from the other's fingers. "Yeah see here it says my name," he said, pointing at the blaring red and white letters that spelled out 'United States of America' on the front of the map.
"Not the map you idiot the scarf! That's why I was so scared of it earlier!" At that, Alfred burst out laughing.
"Omigod that's hilarious! You're scared of a scarf? Bwa ha ha ha!" He then spun around, nearly toppling himself with the weight of his backpack (probably filled with hamburgers, if Yao didn't know better) as he rushed towards the pale fabric. He roughly picked it up and slung it around his neck. "Muahaha! You should be afraid of me, the scarf! Whoooooooo~!" He posed his hands into his best T-Rex imitation.
Even though he knew he was putting up a pretty scary sight, Alfred hadn't really expected the reaction he got from China. The poor man was shaking in his shoes! Almost instantly, Alfred felt a bit of remorse for his actions. Just a bit. He lifted his hands up higher, roaring at his "inside voice" volume. The people on the far end of the street looked up.
Across from him, China was now trembling so hard it was an effort to look at him. "Oh come oooon, Yao, it's really not that scary. Why would you be scared-" he noticed Yao was feebly motioning to something behind him. "-of something-" he heard an ominous tapping noise. But of course, he had to finish his sentence first; he was the hero, after all, and the hero always got his say. "-so stupid and ridiculous as this scarf?"
"KOLKOLKOLKOLKOL." Alfred gulped. Slowly, remembering everything he had seen in any horror movie he had ever watched, he began to turn around. He figured it was just about time for the mad running and screaming to start when a hard metal water faucet hit him square between the eyes. Alfred was out cold, though clearly not out cold enough to keep him from drooling and muttering 'hamburgers'. The kols petered out after a moment or two.
"Why hello, Chiiina. I trust you are well, daaaa~?" Yao gulped and nodded vigorously. Russia titled his head. For some strange reason, China was now reminding the tall man of a certain Baltic state. Unless... "Ooooh. So it is a shivering disease? Latvia must have spread it to you, da~? This is baaad. Perhaps you should come with me, maybe I can find a cure. I'll have to do some tests first, though~!" The grinning Russian grabbed the trembling China and began dragging him away.
"NOOOOO! I can't die! I'm too young to die! Okay maybe I'm not too young but I really really really don't want to diiiiiieeeeeeeeeee!" By now, the bystanders had learned to ignore the odd group of tourists. Yao flailed his arms around wildly for a while, even going as far as gripping a tree, but the tree ended up breaking, so he decided to drop it. Ivan kept skipping along at a rather merry pace. Just as Yao has resigned himself to a few days of torture, Ivan stopped dead, sending both China and his panda crashing into his broad back.
"...I mean really! You can't expect to be able to just walk in and abduct other people, you git!" China groaned. Luck really wasn't on his side today, was it? The British accent was all too familiar to Yao. Far, far too familiar...
"Besides you wanker China was mine not too long ago so you really should keep your bloody hands off him!" Bushy eyebrows knit themselves together, expressing more disapproval then the entire rest of the face combined. Well, that makes sense, Yao thought. Thicker eyebrows probably would convey more emotion. I mean, thicker muscles convey more power, don't they?
"Arthur, I'm not yours anymore..." The blond man waved a hand.
"Yes yes whatever the point is that you were. Hey, do you happen to have any tea on you? I haven't had any all day! That bloody Francis only sells wine here, the git." Arthur's green eyes were lit up with a hopeful expression. Yao shook his head.
Ivan spared him from having to actually say anything by placing a gloved hand on England's shoulder. "England... you give me China or you end up like America, da?" he said, purple flames rising up around him.
"I- I..." A sudden look of comprehension burst onto his face. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO AMERICA YOU GIT!" Arthur, though significantly shorter than Ivan, still grabbed the front of his coat (the scarf was back on now, having been safely wrested from America's grasp and dipped in a bit of handy vodka to disinfect it) and succeeded in completely failing to lift the Russian off the ground.
Ivan just grinned and point with his water faucet towards the general direction where Alfred was lying prone on the sidewalk. He was still visible. Yao was actually shocked that they're gone so little distance- it had felt like an eternity of travel for him, at least. Upon catching sight of the still figure, England set out in a sprint that would have shamed even Usain Bolt.
He quickly reached Alfred, and knelt down, almost in tears, near him. Russia decided that this was a spectacle worth watching, so he grabbed Yao's arm and dragged him back.
"Alfred... Alfred! Wake up! Alfreeeeeeeeeed!" The Brit actually began crying at this point, and threw himself over the American's body. Yao was distinctly reminded of a cheap soap opera. Ivan kept grinning.
Suddenly, Alfred twitched. "Al-Alfred?" Arthur stopped the flow of tears, allowing a single ray of hope to shine through his voice. Alfred opened one eye, fluttering it weakly.
"Arthur? Is that you?" Arthur began to cry again, wrapping his arms around America, who still had made no effort to move.
"It's me it's me I'm here for you! Just don't die Alfred how could you leave meeeee!" Alfred chuckled weakly.
"Arthur... listen..."
"Yes?"
"I have one last thing to say to you before I die..." Arthur caught his breath. Was this the moment he had been waiting for his whole life? Well, no, not really his whole life, but for the last hundred or so years... he sniffed. He couldn't let this occasion go to waste. It was too perfect.
"Actually... Alfred... I have something I need to tell you too..." The other man nodded, ever so slightly. Arthur took this as a cue to proceed. Yao thought he heard a faint clicking noise in the background. "I- I- I love you!" He said, turning a furious red. He immediately followed up his statement with a passionate kiss to the lips. Now Yao knew he wasn't imagining it, there was a definite click-click-click coming from somewhere behind him. Alfred sat frozen in shock for a moment, then he relaxed, bringing in his arms to rest on Arthur's chest.
Then he shoved England off and into the middle of the road, where he caused quite a traffic jam, seeing as there were no police to sort out the flow of cars (they, too, had chosen that day to go on strike).
"What the heeeell? I didn't want your love confession!" Arthur, by now having (slightly) recovered and walked back to the sidewalk, stopped dead.
"But... but then what were you going to say to me?" His eyes were filling up with tears again.
"Well, when you threw yourself all over me your pocket got near to my face and I smelled some food so I ate it but it turned out to be a scone and I was going to tell you that your food really sucked." Alfred brushed himself off as he stood back up. Arthur plopped down to his knees at exactly the same time.
"But- but- but-" he stammered. Of course, Yao wasn't really paying attention to the interplay between those two, because as he'd turned around to see where the clicking noise was coming from a small yellow bird had flown directly into his face.
"Gilbird! Get off of China now, he's not nearly as awesome as me!" The loud voice called. Prussia was still holding up a large digital camera.
"What is that for?" Yao asked as soon as feathers stopped blocking his mouth. Prussia squirmed.
"Ah, well, see I'm just so awesome that Elizaveta gave me this camera and she told me I had to take this half of Paris and find as much yaoi as i could... kesesese check this out though!" Prussia shoved the lit-up side of the camera in Yao's face. By crossing his eyes, Yao could make out England and America right in the middle of their kiss. Yao nodded slightly. It was a well-taken picture, he had to admit. The trees on either side of the couple perfectly framed the picture, and the autumn light streamed through the branches.
Suddenly the camera was snatched away. "You got yaoi? I told you to call me!" Hungary quickly flipped through the pictures Prussia had taken, nodding in approval every once in a while. "Maybe I should start tagging Francis around..." she mused.
"Hey what's this?" Alfred found Elizaveta staring at the zoomed picture of him and Arthur. "Whoa! Hey! Hey Arthur! You have to come check this out!" Arthur was curled up at the base of a tree, hidden under a blanket, which was rocking slightly. Only his hands showed, and they were pulling apart a daisy, petal by petal.
"He loves me... he loves me not... he hates me... he loves me... he loves me not... he hates me..." China sighed and swung off his backpack while Russia kept on grinning and Hungary shoved a contract-looking paper under Alfred's nose and told him to sign it, which he gladly did.
Only later, after the most recent issue of YaoiFangirls Monthly (with a special article by Elizaveta Hedervary) was released, would Alfred wonder just what, exactly, he had signed.
Prussia, meanwhile, was laughing crazily and eventually pulled out two cans of beer, offering one to Russia, who promptly turned it down by smashing it into the ground and pulling out his own bottle of Lithuanian-made vodka. Prussia spent the next few minutes hiding on the opposite side of the tree as England, sobbing over the spilled beer. It was spilled milk one wasn't supposed to cry about. No one had ever said anything about beer.
Meanwhile, China had been busy using his "Insta-tea" kit. For some reason he couldn't figure how to warm it up, but he settled for the fact that cold tea was better than no tea at all and handed it to England, who was still sobbing. On the other side of the tree, Prussia was somehow managing to chug down his second can of beer (where exactly did he keep all that beer, Yao wondered) and talk on the phone.
Moments later, Ludwig showed up, evidently having ignored the speed limits to get to his brother as fast as possible. As soon as he stepped out of his car, Prussia was at his neck, recounting the story of the spilled beer to his brother, who wrapped his arms comfortingly around him.
Elizaveta, yaoi senses tingling, quickly began snapping pictures. Eventually Prussia "fell" to the ground from "exhaustion", dragging Germany down with him. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-FLASH-CLICK. Germany finally disentangled himself from the overly-affectionate mass that was Prussia, and, completely red in the face, walked back to his car. Yao saw his chance for escape.
"Germany!" He jumped onto the other man's leg, clinging on tightly. "Please take me away with you! I'm begging you!" After a few more moments of struggle, Ludwig finally relented.
"Oh all right. Get in the car. But I'm warning you, Aster's in the back and if your panda hurts her, I'll..." China gulped.
"Yessir," he said meekly. He made a mental note to keep his panda up in the front, with him. As the car began to speed away, Yao saw Prussia walk smugly up to Elizaveta (who was holding a tissue up to her nose). He thought he heard the words "So how many cans of beer was that worth, Liza?" but he wasn't sure. He ignored the thought and settled back into the chair, feeling a wet tongue lick his ear.
"Hi, Aster. You're so lucky you get to live with this peace and quiet," he said as he scratched the Golden Retriever's ear. He received a shock as he saw a brown curl pop up from behind the dog.
"China's here too, ve~?" said an unmistakable voice.
"Oh, Italy's here?" Well, that was news to him. Germany hadn't mentioned that.
Then again, based on Germany's reaction (swerving into the opposite side of the road, swerving back, then onto the sidewalk, and ultimately skidding to a stop, leaving black tire marks on the road) Germany hadn't realized that either.
"It-Italia? What are you doing here?" The blond German blustered. Italy turned a worried expression to Ludwig.
"Ve~? Is Germany not happy with me?" Tears began to form in the amber eyes. Germany hurried to calm him down.
"No no I'm not mad! I'm just shocked, that's all!" He said, waving his arms around.
"Oh. Well, I saw Germany leaving and I decided to come along!" Germany's eyes flitted across to Yao, who didn't miss the signal. Absently, he wondered how much a tip-off to Elizaveta was worth...
"Er well I'll have to be taking Italy home now, sorry China..." Yao stared at Germany, eyes wide, as he crossed and opened Yao's door.
"W-whaaaat? You can't just leave me here!" he spluttered.
"Who's leaving who where?" Said another cheerful voice, coming from still further down the street. Both Yao and Ludwig turned their heads to see who the newcomer was, and Feliciano stuck his head out the window, grinning and waving.
"Ciao Antonio! Ciao fratello!" Romano, being dragged along behind the broadly grinning Spain, grumbled. Both of their arms were full of brown bags. Printed on the side in green letters read, The Plant Nursery. Or, more correctly, El Vivero De Las Plantas.
"No one's leaving anyone anywhere! Riiiight, Ludwig?" Yao looked pointedly at the tall man.
"No. I'm taking Feliciano home, and I can't take you with me..." Yao was about to make some protest, when Spain interrupted.
"Well, in that case, he can come with us! We were just going to deliver these tomatoes to a nursery here in France, right Romanito?" Romano scowled.
"Stop calling me that or I'll leave you right here and now..." But Antonio wasn't really listening. He had turned back to Yao and handed him one of the brown bags.
"Here, you can carry this. Just be sure not to drop it! My tomatoes are sensitive!" Yao sighed again. Had he mentioned that it really wasn't his day?
Behind him, he heard Germany's car speed off, and Italy's last cry of, "Ciaaaaooooooo!". And there went his last chance of escape. He resigned himself to walking behind Spain, trying to be careful in order not to trip and destroy the sensitive tomatoes. Behind him, Romano was emitting a palpable atmosphere of hatred, and Spain chattered on, oblivious to anything and everything.
Finally, they reached the French nursery, and Spain directed Yao to put down his cargo. He did so, and as soon as the umpteenth argument broke out between the Italian and the Spaniard, Yao made his getaway.
However, seeing as he wasn't looking, he quite literally ran into a certain Honda Kiku. Well... this is awkward... Yao thought. He had fallen sprawled across the island nation, and hurried to pick himself back up. He bowed slightly.
"I'm sorry for that, Japan. It was my fault." Japan was open-mouthed with shock, seemingly frozen in place. He made a quick series of completely incoherent sounds, before a voice called out from around the corner.
"Japan?" A tabby turned the corner, followed soon after by a broad-shouldered, brown-haired man. Greece took a moment to take in the fact that Yao was standing a few feet removed from Kiku, who was still gaping at the nothing in particular in shock. You'd think he'd get use to this kind of scenario, what with his mangas and all...
"China... what... happened... to... Japan?" He asked in his characteristically slow manner of speech. China fidgeted.
"Ah well I kind of ran into him and fell on top of hi- is that Shinatty-chan?" he gasped, spotting a white cat with a bow among the twelve others currently perched on Greece. Greece looked at the cat in particular and pulled it off of him, holding it in the air in front of him.
"This... is... Corporal... Cat," he said. Yao was confused. Wasn't that the name of the orange cat? Oh, whatever. His dismissed the thought, turning back to Japan.
"What should we do?" he asked. Relations between him and Kiku had been a little strained since WWII, to say the least. Greece regarded Japan slowly.
"I'll... take... care... of... him." He said. He bent down to pick up Japan, who finally seemed to be recovering a bit. But the moment he felt Greece's arms slide under him, Kiku froze, then passed out in a dead faint, muttering something about indecency and mysterious western cultures. Greece then calmly turned around and left the way he'd come, once again leaving Yao alone.
Perfect. Yao looked around, noticing for the first time that, at some point, darkness had fallen and a few stars were out. He sighed and wandered around, pausing for a few moments to eat some tasty treats and pat his panda on the head. After several minutes, he stopped.
Yao found himself, incidentally, back in the exact same place he had started. He knew because America's binoculars were still on the ground, though neither America nor anyone else was anywhere to be seen. He let out a long, gusty sigh... all he wanted to do was go home! But he was still lost. He looked up at the sky again. He'd heard that the Eiffel Tower was lit up at night. He scanned the skyline.
Nope. No Eiffel Tower here. He heard footsteps behind him, and before he could turn he felt a warm arm around his shoulder. Yao jumped, and the blond to whom the arm belonged came into view, long hair waving slightly in the breeze.
"Well, mon ami? Did you have a nice day in Paris, City of Love~?"
Yao just glared.