Just something that I needed to put out here. Its really a really short one shot.
I do not own SoN or its characters.
Promises
This is not a unique story; in fact, it is not even original. You have heard this a thousand times in a thousand languages. All I can say is that this is just mine and it is my therapy.
It started all so easily, and has become so hard and painful for me. She became my best friend so quickly. She got me for me and accepted me. Somewhere along the way, we fell in love or at least I did. I want to believe that she did also, and that I wasn't just blinded by what I wanted to see.
The beginning was great we talked everyday for hours. She was the first person I talk to in the morning and the last person I talk to at night. Which was impressive considering we lived on different continents but we made it work. I knew from the beginning that Ashley had a stressful and a demanding job. I tried so hard to not to add to that stress.
I remember it like it was yesterday. It took me awhile but for the first time in my life, I was admitting to another person how I felt about him or her. This was a big leap for me. I Spencer Carlin had never in the past admitted to another human being that I had a crush on them; I had boyfriends in the past and recently was questioning my sexuality. Ashley just made everything seem right and everything was okay. Ashley Davies made me realize that everything was going to be okay and that I was strong enough to be whom I am. Therefore, I took that huge leap of faith and I put myself out there and told her how I felt for her. Looking back, I wonder was it really the right thing to do.
We made a promise that no matter what happened that the friendship would remain. So we took that giant leap. It was such a big leap because of the distance, but we some how made it work for almost six months. I know some of you are thinking is this Spencer chick crazy? That answer to that is yes. I was so much into Ashley that I would make sure that I was around an internet connection when I thought she would be able to have one so that we could chat via MSN. So I rearranged things just to make sure we could talk if she had the free time. I was on cloud nine until one day Ashley told me that she was being transferred. The Transfer was taking her farther away from me. So now, instead of dealing with an 8-hour time difference we were going to be dealing with a 12 and a half hour difference. I wanted to stay together and see what would happen but she did not think that would be fair to me. So in the end we broke up but once again promised to remain friends.
We talked, as mush as possible but once again, with her job it was hard. I was struggling I wont lie. I felt that my whole world was falling apart around me. I think I cried myself to sleep every night for those first two months. Slowly we started talking everyday again and it was amazing. I felt that I had my best friend back. I had that person I could tell anything to and who would not judge me no matter what. I was on top of the world again because I had my best friend back.
I do not know how it happened but we got back together. We were Spashley again. And once again life was great. And then it just stopped. We talked one day and then the next nothing. I though we still had the promise out there that no matter what happened, our friendship would survive. We had other promises in the times in between but it was always that promises that she would be there for me that I clung to. Somewhere deep down I knew that no matter how much I loved her between her job and my debt us meeting would be a long shot.
I sit here today surrounded by broken promises. Promises of calls. Promises of emails. Promises of being there when I needed somebody. I am now surrounded by broken promises. So I have one more broken promise to add to the pile. My promise that life is worth living for.
A/N: Suicide is never the answer to any problem. It is a very permanent solution to a very temporary problem. So please if you every feel like this. Seek help from anybody. There is always somebody out there who cares and wants you in this world. You just might not have met them yet.