Title: The Weasley Family Soap Opera
Rating: T
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Molly/Arthur, Fred/Angelina, George/Angelina, Bill/Fleur, one-sided Angelina/Bill, Harry/Ginny, Percy/Audrey, Ron/Luna, Charlie/Draco, Hermione
Warnings: slash, soap opera melodrama, total AU, crack, deus ex machina endings
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em - not making any money off 'em. Dern it.
Word Count: 2,007
Summary: It's Christmastime at the Burrow.
Notes: For the Quidditch Fanfiction Competition, Round 6. Pride of Portree. I had to write soap opera style drama. Optional Prompts: Milk / trap / Dialogue: "The curse has been in our family for six generations"
deus ex machina - seemingly unsolvable problem is suddenly and abruptly resolved, with the contrived and unexpected intervention of some new event, character, ability, or object.
Also, I've never watched a soap opera, so I had to wikipedia it to see what should be included.
"There's no more milk!" Molly screeches.
Arthur sighs wearily. "What do you expect? All of our children, and most of their significant others live here. That damn curse!"
Molly nods. "The curse has been in our family for six generations." Molly throws the empty milk carton against the wall. "If we don't find a way to break it, our grandchildren will be living here, too."
Arthur's head thumps onto the table. "No, no, no," Arthur chants.
"We're lucky Audrey miscarried."
Arthur's head shoots up. He face shows his shock at Molly's callous words. "Mol," he reprimands.
Molly shrugs. "It might not be a popular outlook in society, but the last thing we need is a baby wailing in the Burrow."
Arthur wants to scold, but he has to agree despite his feelings of guilt.
There's a scream from somewhere in the Burrow. Ginny comes running. "Harry proposed! I'm going to be Mrs. Harry Potter." She squeals happily before running out of the kitchen.
Molly opens her mouth, but then closes it again with an audible snap.
"The curse was just broken," Arthur says.
"Or at least it will be once they marry," Molly reminds him. She continues, "After all, 'once a Weasley marries a person of riches, then, and only then, will the curse be broken.' Thank god for the Potter and Black vaults," Molly breathes.
"Now we can get everyone to move out of the Burrow for good."
Arthur and Molly are silent, contemplating.
Suddenly, Arthur wraps his arms around his wife.
"What are you doing?" she screeches.
He leans forward and nuzzles her neck. "I'm feeling very frisky. Maybe you can give me a hand?"
She giggles and places her hands on top of his. "Maybe I can," she breathes.
She thinks about what would happen if any one of the children walked in on them, but as Arthur's lips devour hers, she realizes she just doesn't care.
Draco watches Charlie through hooded eyes while laying on the redhead's bed. He feels himself harden at the sight of bunching muscles as Charlie works out.
He and Charlie have been lovers for a year. All of the Weasleys know and even though they weren't happy due to the feud, they decided to accept it for Charlie's sake.
Draco has always felt like he was stuck in a gilded cage. The Malfoy family has money, and he always had all of the material possessions he wanted, but that's it. Although he was a spoiled brat in school, since Draco had gotten with Charlie, he realized he had never been truly happy. He had come to see that money didn't automatically equate to happiness.
Even with his revelation, Draco still hadn't come out to his father. Lucius Malfoy is expecting Draco to marry a pure-blood witch and have a son to be the Malfoy heir. If Lucius learned the truth, it would be bye-bye money.
Draco sighs dejectedly as Charlie continues to ignore him. He knows his lover isn't happy with the constant secrecy. Draco knows if he doesn't do something, he'll lose Charlie.
Draco tries to imagine his life without Charlie. He realizes with a start that he can't. Could he give up his money, though?
Draco smiles when Charlie comes over and kisses him on the lips. He moans as a hand strokes his stomach. He whimpers when Charlie pulls away. Yes, Draco thinks. I can give up my money and be happy. Now all he had to do was tell his father. Oh, Merlin.
But first, he wanted Charlie's lips back on him. He does his best come-hither eyes and Charlie pounces on him.
A hand moved for his covered bulge and the squeeze to it made Draco scream in ecstasy. No one knew how to work him like Charlie did. It was one of the redhead's many, many gifts.
"But Lavender is so hot," Ron whines as he flops down onto his orange blanket covered bed.
Hermione rolls her eyes in exasperation. How can one of her best friends be so absolutely annoying? Why was he one of her best friends? "Do you love Luna?"
Ron seems to think. "Yes, yes I do."
Hermione nods. "Good. So, just because she's out of town, it doesn't mean you can shag some random girl. It's not fair to Luna."
"But Lavender is –"
Hermione puts her hand up to cut him off. "I don't care how hot she is. I don't care if Luna will never know. That doesn't matter. You'll know. It's wrong, and you'll know the truth. Could you honestly look Luna in the eyes with the knowledge that you cheated on her, betrayed her trust in the worst way possible? Luna deserves so much better than that, and you know it. I know you're a good man, deep, way deep, down inside so show me that person and say no to Lavender. Otherwise, I'll know and cut off your balls."
Ron shakes his head even as he gulps nervously. "What makes it even worse is that Luna would probably forgive me if she found out the truth. It's her nature to be forgiving, even when someone doesn't deserve it."
"Exactly," Hermione says, proud that she seems to have gotten through, even with Ron's thick skull. "Don't do something you'll regret, not when you have a wonderful woman in Luna, a woman who loves you with her whole heart."
Ron nods. He won't stray. Luna deserves the best and he'll do everything he can to be the best.
George tries not to cringe as he kisses Angelina, his twin's girlfriend. He knows Fred will be angry, but George needs to show his too trusting twin the truth. She seems to be getting into it if her pelvis thrusting against him is any indication.
"What in Merlin's name is going on here?" Fred's angry voice demands.
Angelina jumps away. "Hi, George."
Fred's eyes widen as he looks at his twin who wears a guilty expression. "Do you have an explanation for your actions, George?" Fred puts an emphasis on the name.
Angelina's head swivels to who she had been kissing. "You're George." She turns back to Fred. "I swear; I didn't know." She does her best puppy dog eyes.
"That's why I kissed her, Fred. You know I would have never made a move on Angelina, not without a good reason."
Fred nods, and then realization dawns in his eyes. "It was a trap."
George nods eagerly. "Angelina isn't right for you. If she was, she would be able to tell the difference between us. After all, Lee and Harry have always known who's who. There is no excuse for her not knowing."
Fred nods. "Leave, Angelina. George might have gone about it the wrong way, but he's right. You should have known he wasn't me."
Angelina runs out of the room, crying. Fred and George listen as she comes upon Bill. There's soft talking and then a door closes.
Fred looks deflated and George goes to stand next to his twin, putting him arm around Fred's shoulder. "We don't need girls, not as long as we have each other."
Fred nods, but he still seems unconvinced. George pulls his other half closer, providing much needed comfort.
Angelina is trying to seduce Bill, but the eldest Weasley son is disinterested as he mulls over his problem with the Goblins. He's not making enough money there, and he knows Fleur is beginning to get fed up with never having enough of anything, especially when they want to have a baby.
Angelina begins to massage Bill who tries to shrug off the persistent hands.
"Please, Bill. I need someone to make me feel better," she needles, pouting while trying her best to look alluring.
"Go away, Angelina. I'm perfectly happy with my wife. Frankly, you could never compare to a woman who is a quarter Veela. I'm not even sure why you're trying."
Fleur comes in. Bill sits still as she takes in the fact that Angelina's hands are all over him. She quickly becomes an enraged Veela, a creature to fear. She sprouts wings. "Get away from my husband, you slut!" She screams, her voice coming out close to a squawk in her transformed state.
Angelina runs out of her room as fireballs follow her. She is so done with the Weasleys.
Fleur straddles Bill, her features transforming back into one of a beautiful woman. She uses her lips to mark her territory. "Mine," she murmurs against Bill's neck.
"Yours," Bill returns breathily as he hardens.
Ginny cuddles close to Harry as she hears Fleur's screams. She breathes in Harry's musky scent, loving the aroma as it wafts around her.
She hopes Bill was too smart to actually cheat, or else there will be hell to pay. She might have not liked Fleur at the beginning, but she realizes it was mostly her mother's opinion coloring Ginny's personal opinion. She never truly believed Fleur to be a "French harlot." Privately, Ginny can admit to being jealous of the attention Fleur received from men. When Harry seemed immune to her charms, though, Ginny let her jealousy go. After all, Harry is the only one that really matters.
All of my family is crazy, Ginny thinks. She can hardly believe Harry wants to marry into the Weasleys, especially when he can hear what's going on around here.
She smiles as she feels herself being pulled close to Harry's body. Things will be okay, she thinks as she leans up to peck Harry on the lips. Things will be okay.
Percy and Audrey are quietly eating some cereal and milk in their room. The room is cramped, but they make do. Audrey keeps giggling, causing Percy to look at her suspiciously. Neither of them has been happy, not since the unfortunate miscarriage. What can she possibly have to be giggling about now?
When Audrey giggles one time too many, Percy blows up. "What's so funny, Audrey? We lost our baby, but you're happy. So the least you can do is share with me the reason for your inexplicable happiness."
Audrey serenely smiles. "I'm pregnant."
All of Percy's anger deflates. "You're pregnant? But the healer said another pregnancy might not be possible, not after what your body suffered through."
Audrey shrugs. "Either the healer was wrong, or this baby is a miracle." Audrey protectively places her hands on her still flat stomach.
Percy's smile is wide. "I think it's a miracle." He picks her us, swinging her gleefully around before gently placing her on the floor, making sure she's steady before letting go. "We need to be very careful," he says.
Audrey nods.
They can't lose this baby. They just can't.
The next day is Christmas day. They sit around a big table laden with food. All the previous arguments are forgotten.
Percy's hand is constantly on Audrey's stomach.
Harry and Ginny are holding hands on top of the table.
Fleur and Bill keep looking at each other; the mark on Bill's neck is visible to all.
Fred and George keep whispering, and although Fred's eyes are a little dull, he's laughing at whatever George is saying.
Ron is filling his plate with too much food while Hermione tsks. When Ron thinks no one is looking, he takes out a picture of Luna and gazes at it, a loving look in his eyes.
Draco and Charlie keep giving each other looks. Charlie is grinning, knowing Draco is planning to tell his Lucius Malfoy everything. Draco, on the other hand, is sweating, already nervous about his father's probable reaction.
Molly and Arthur ignore their problems with the current living arrangement. They know it will be better once Ginny and Harry marry.
Now it's time to just celebrate the holiday. Their problems will wait for another day.