I've run out of reasons
to explain it away
Like a see-saw
I just need more weight
to carry me up
Maybe one day
she will just say that
she's happy enough
-Youth Group, "See Saw"
-
They had been two minutes away from controlling the world's energy supply. They wanted to prove they weren't goodie-goodies, and that it was business as usual. Then Kim's boy-toy landed that vicious right hook. And two minutes didn't mean squat anymore.
She huffs.
Her legs were sore. She flexes tendons and loathes the tight pull she feels. Another failure, big surprise there. It's never been an easy dish to swallow.
Drakken's boots clack on the floor ahead of her, and she watches ruffles in his lab coat appear then disappear as he wildly gestures with his arms.
"We were this close, Shego!" He throws his arms down. "We had them right where we wanted them, out of the way of my plan! BUT NO. Those brats had to stick their noses where they didn't belong! What a mistake to leave you to guard them. I should have known that wouldn't work!"
Song and dance, she mentally labels.
He was just lashing out at her. He felt so angry, he couldn't help it. His mind spins like a top at the frustration of it all, and he makes mistakes like blaming her, when she was what kept the plan running as long as it did.
His accusation struck an already exposed nerve in her, regardless. "You are not even saying that was my fault!" Shego blares. She charges up to stand in his path. "Your plan was crap to begin with! It's not my fault that I had to suffer the consequences. Maybe if you didn't broadcast your demands on cable TV for the whole world to see, she might not have found out! Ever think of THAT, genius?"
"NgnhhhhAHH SHEGO! I didn't hear you chipping in any bright ideas!" He forcefully points his finger at her, scowling.
She's at her wits' end when she yells, "What were you expecting? Can't you see the predictability here?" She throws her arms out to her sides to stress her point. "WE ALWAYS LOSE." She turns on her heel, exasperated. His hands are clinched at his sides, glaring daggers at her back. She puts her hands on her hips and shakes her head. "What are you still getting out of this?"
He groans. "Shego, I want to take over the world!"
She spins around and shouts, "I can't stand that anymore!" She is strained, with her hands desperately gesturing in front of her: palms turned upward, fingers gripping at some unseen substance.
Her mind was swimming a bit, murky like a pond. Something shook loose today, and she got the strange sensation she was capsized. She was a little scared that she was falling apart. Maybe scared that they were falling apart.
Stunned by her seemingly random outburst, his shoulders slump as he casts his eyes elsewhere. His fingertips gently meet in a pensive action.
She tightly runs her hands through her hair, head turned up to the ceiling as she sighs, "Why can't this be enough?" Her hands come to rest on the back of her neck, with her gaze trained to the wall. "God forbid you imagine the alternatives."
She turns her head to stare into him. When she shifts her weight, hip jutting out, he yet again looks away.
"You have the nerve to stand there and blame me for failures, rant and rave about all the things you could have done, how it should have worked, all you want your evil genius to bring to your feet," she says in a breath, her hand rotating with the rhythm of her listing.
She jabs a hand against her chest. "I stayed," she says, matter-of-fact. "With few exceptions, I've been right along with you."
"It's your job. I pay you to do that," he reminds her. There's a flatness to his voice that scatters any biting remark she could return.
Her mind quickly filters through her thoughts.
Drakken, she wants to say. It hasn't been about money for a while.
She just breathes instead.
He exhales, too, and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Owning the world is the means for all I could ever want, Shego. Validation, admiration, resp—," he cuts himself off, shaking his head and crossing his arms. "You have never cared about what I want."
His body angled slightly away, his head tilts to see her. "And I'm tired of being the butt of your jokes. This might be entertainment for you, but taking over the world is serious business to me."
She relaxes a bit at that, loosing a degree of tension in her shoulders.
She wants to tell him that he's not cut out for it.
"I clipped my wings along time ago, Dr. D." She walks up to him, confident. "I'm not asking us to be heroes here, but do you really need world domination?"
Because my heart's not in it anymore.
His neck tenses and his eyes bulge a little, as if the notion was poison. She hesitates, but decides to continue.
"Let's stir things up. Let's be criminal." His face becomes blank as he listens, wheels turning. She puts her hands on his shoulders.
"Let's have fun, really enjoy ourselves," Shego urges, "and everyone else can just foot the bill." He hangs his head, angled so she's not in his view. Her hands slide off to rest at her sides, and his attention flicks to watch their movements.
"We don't need the world, Drakken."
A look of recognition passes over his features, and he builds himself up to meet her gaze. A deep breath. He pulls back his shoulders.
"I'll let it go, Shego."
Her eyes open wider in surprise. "Really?"
"Yes," he says, slightly irritated at having to repeat himself. "Truth be told, the funnest parts of my plans were the general villainy," he admits lightly.
There's an almost awkward lull then, which Shego suddenly decides to fill.
"You know, this whole 'employee' thing is sorta...moot."
He seems almost meek. "Why do you say that?"
She considers trying to tell him her motives for remaining in his company. There is no rational reason why she wants to be with him. Over time things just snowballed, she guesses, feeding on an inertia of him needing her, wanting to be needed herself, how nothing ever felt 100% without him. And sometimes...
Sometimes, it feels like he loves me.
"Beats me," she lies. "It just seemed like something I needed to say, okay?"
She doesn't know what the hell has happened to her. She had always considered herself a capitalist: she invested in herself. Not too long ago she was drooling at the prospect of ruling the world. Swore everyday that she had the means to be greater than anyone, and laughed at Drakken for even trying, at his persistence. Yet, she never really got her hands around it. As if the prospect was teetering on arms that were already full.
She lets it fall to hold on to what she's got. Something worth keeping.
He's just standing there, so she walks up to him and wraps her arm around his. She pulls him into motion.
"So, D, what's for dinner? I'm starving."
After a brief flinch of surprise, he decidedly bends his arm at the elbow, makes the walk a bit more jaunty.
"How do you feel about a dine-and-dash," he smugly suggests.
"Now that sounds like a plan," she quips.
When Drakken turns to her and blooms an unsure, but happy, smile, she feels right side up.
Wow, she tells herself. She almost lets it show.
I love him.
-
A/N: What? Shego loving something other than money and power? That, my friends, is the riot of the bourgeoisie. Shego's in it for the long haul and, let's face it, the dental plan isn't THAT good.
This has been sitting idle for months now. I started this before I had even thought of Vietnam. I just had to get this finished (meaning no beta), so feel free to point out errors, and I'll correct them.