I have no excuse for writing this.
I'm not sorry.
I was in the SNK zone, as it were.
Please don't take this fic too seriously.
So yep.
By the way, the terrible joke at the beginning was from Tumblr.
What's not to love about Attack on Titan? The fandom is absolutely spectacular, there's plentiful servings of blood and gore for you closet psychopathic sadists, the story and cast of characters make you roll around and cry yourself to sleep because god damn it stop dying everybody and of course, there are armadas of battleships setting sail in the name of many gay pairings, all jam-packed with fangirls who believe that they are homosexual men trapped in women's bodies and pray each day that why can't SNK just be REAL.
Let me tell you right now.
You don't want that shit to be real.
You really, really don't.
My name is Kai, and this is the story of how my life went from that of a typical, battleship-sailing fangirl to... whatever the hell I am now.
...Damn, that almost made me sound like a badass.
~X~X~X~X~X~
"Hey! Want to hear a joke?" I grinned as much as I could without an electronic device within my grasp and gave my friend a friendly punch on the arm, to which she sent me a glare in return.
"Kai, you've been telling crappy jokes for the past hour instead of going to sleep."
My eyebrow twitched.
"I mean. Er. Uh... Sure."
Shifting my weight from side to side, I tried to make myself comfortable on the canopy of rocks littered across the surface of the dirt, but there was an annoying pebble that kept digging into my backside. Ugh, remind me why I agreed to go on a camping trip with Anna's family. I swore I was having withdrawals from the lack of wifi and compensating by irritating people to death with the worst jokes that ever graced the face of the planet.
"Why are Titans trying to eradicate humanity?"
Anna gave me a look, but her frown twitched into a momentary grin as she tilted her head to the side. "I don't know, why?"
I took a moment to pause, my lips tugging into a coy grin. I'm so clever.
"...Because Titans think humans are an enormous pain in the neck." My voice cracked audibly near the end as I attempted to contain my laughter and not burst out in a fit of childish giggles. Anna didn't look so impressed.
My laughter slowed down as I pointedly raised a finger and pressed it to her arm. "Y-you get it, right? Like, the soldiers have to cut the thing out of their-"
"Yeah, I get it. Kai, that was terrible."
"You're just jealous you don't have my wit or my charm." I scoffed back, giving an attempted condescending flip of my hair.
Anna waved her hand at me and sighed. "Riiiight. Go to sleep now."
I quickly shook my head and allowed myself to worm my way onto my sleeping bag. Why the hell didn't I sit on this before? The dirt is damn uncomfortable. "...But today's Saturday."
"And?"
"It's Titan day." I deadpanned.
"What does that have to do with anything?" Anna quirked her brow upward.
This earned a very exasperated sigh from my part. "The new episode of Attack on Titan came out!" To emphasize my words, I accompanied them with overly dramatic hand motions, which looked more like mindless arm flailing. Kind of like what you see at a rock concert.
"And...?"
"What do you mean, 'and'?! How am I supposed to sleep knowing I can't watch it!? There's no internet connection here a-and-"
"Then why'd you agree to come camping in the first place?" At her words, I snapped my mouth shut and folded my arms across my chest. Anna slid her hand down her face in irritation. "Did you think there would be Titans hiding in the woods or something?"
I might have considered it. 'Might' is the key word here. "Well..."
"You aren't serious." I blinked sheepishly at her, which reaped me a miffed grunt. "God, just go to sleep."
"You're such a buzzkill." I finally mumbled in return and tipped my body backwards, hitting the sleeping bag with a thump and shifting around to wrap myself in it. I was still in my cargo pants and sweater, considering it was rather cold out here.
"Uh-huh."
I firmly shut my eyes and attempted to lull myself into the embrace of sleep, but the recent Attack on Titan episode continued replaying in my mind, and I was not having much success in dozing off. This show has way too many gripping cliffhangers. And episode 13, despite me having finished it a while ago... Damn it all, why do the creators keep torturing me with death?
As my thoughts started drifting towards Jean and Marco cuddling around the fireplace, because they were already pretty much married and they should have been canon, a low growl snapped me of my train of thought. I stiffened abruptly and my eyes darted open to cross with Anna's. "...Did you hear that?"
"Y-yeah..."
It was quiet for a few more moments, the chirping of crickets momentarily rippling the still silence, until our tent was literally ripped from the ground and flung to the side.
"WHAT THE FU-"
I don't quite recall what happened after that, but I swore I saw a creature that crawled out of a circle in Dante's Inferno. It looked like a giant, naked, skinless human, and holy shit, it's grabbing me. It's going to eat me-
Wait a second...
~X~X~X~X~X~
When I felt my brain slip back into consciousness, the first thing I did was to instinctively reach for my phone to check my e-mails, but instead, my grappling fingers latched onto something that felt suspiciously like grass. Ew, why was I outside?
Realizing that my phone probably wasn't with me at the moment, the sharp throbbing in my head finally took its toll on my body, and fuck if it didn't hurt like a bitch.
"Ow, ow ow ow ow ow, my head... Oh god, I'm dying..." Eyes still closed, I spluttered choked words and massaged my temples. What the hell happened to me, anyway? Wasn't I camping? Shouldn't I be in my sleeping bag? Speaking of that, didn't I get grabbed by some enormous skinless naked human?
"She's awake."
That voice sounded familiar. Huh. Anna?
Oh, I don't give a crap who it is. It feels like there are midget smurfs on steroids pounding my skull from the inside with hammers. "...Call the ambulances, bring me paper, I need to... damn it ow, write my will... Tell my parents I love them..."
"Um, I think she injured something in her head after that fall." Well, that wasn't Anna. Sounded kind of like a feminine dude. ...Wait, what?
"Probably." Another new voice, this one blatantly male.
Might as well take a looksie.
Groaning in discomfort, I pushed myself to a sitting position and wearily pried my eyes open. "...Damn... Ugh."
Wait, what. He's blonde. He's got the Armin haircut thing going on. He's got the eyes, too-
Now's not the time, Kai. You've just been potentially kidnapped and you don't know these people. Stop thinking about Attack on Titan, you idiot.
"Are you alright?"
After a few more blinks, my eyes adjusted to the surrounding light and I could get a better look at the Armin imposter in front of me. He was crouched down with both hands on his knees, looking rather worried and a little scared. Aw, you big sack of fluffy cute, you.
Hold on.
...What is he wearing?
...Is that the Trainee jacket?
Was I kidnapped by a bunch of cosplayers?
No, no, I wasn't. Casting a quick glance to the side, I could see an enormous wall erected further away in the distance that encircled what seemed to be a city-sized area. What. What. Even the buildings looked familiar. I returned my stare to allow it to linger over the contours of 'Armin's face. Round, fair skin, big puppy eyes... Definitely the same Armin from the anime.
"...Holy shit."
'Armin' coughed awkwardly, seeing that I was scrutinizing his face very intensively. "Is there, um, something on my face?"
"Holy shit, your face... is real." My voice sounded slightly hoarse, and I was in too much awe to bother caring how ridiculous I was coming off as. I took a moment to glance to my sides, and indeed, 'Eren' and 'Mikasa' were looking sufficiently creeped out. Holy fucking shit, I was in the world of Attack on Titan.
It certainly bore a heavy resemblance to the anime, but... it was real. The characters looked like normal human beings, and... to be honest, that just made it more creepy, because if there were soldiers, there were Titans. Realistic Titans sounded a lot less appealing than regular ones, and neither of them were particularly attractive in the first place.
"...What-"
"Holy shit, all of your faces are real." This time, my voice was high-pitched and I couldn't help but let a stupid grin break out on my face. I reached out a hand in an attempt to grab part of Armin's hair, but he gave a scared yelp and slightly tilted his head backwards.
Even Mikasa looked mildly disturbed and stood up, brushing her pants off. "I think we should leave. She might have contracted something that's damaging her brain. After all, she's from beyond the walls."
Aw hell no.
I gave a pleading whine and clung onto her arm. "W-wait! Wait, no, I'm sorry, I hit my head pretty bad, and I'm really out of the loop, a-ahah! Ha! I'm not from beyond the walls! I... I'm... just not from around here! That's all!" My blabbing came to a stop and I flashed a hesitant smile. Mikasa sighed and shook me off, but allowed herself to sit back down.
I could almost see the anime sweatdrop hanging over Eren's head when he asked me his question. "...So where are you from, exactly?"
Aw crap, I didn't think about this. "...Er, I'm not sure..."
Eren blinked. "Excuse me?"
I motioned to my head, slightly panicked. "I-I don't know, I think I might have hit my head too hard... I-"
"Riiiiiight."
"Oh come on guys, stop it. She just bashed her head pretty hard. Take it easy." Thank you, Armin. "She's harmless." I take that back.
"Thanks." I force a small smile despite the headache that was not ebbing away but was getting progressively more painful, "I'll tell you if I remember anything."
The protagonist of the show I so loved nodded. "Anyways... Er, my name is Eren, he's Armin," He motioned towards the bookworm, "...and her name is Mikasa." He jabbed a thumb in her direction, and she flashed me a small smile.
"I know."
All three of them give me a look that screamed holy-pancakes-she's-apeshit-let-us-gtfo. Armin was the first to voice said thought. "...What?"
"Nothing. I'm Kai. My name, that is." I quickly interjected, hoping to avoid further discussion on that subject matter for the time being, "I'm a human. Just like you. Yep. Wait. No, you're not..." Oh, Eren. I shouldn't have left that slip. Now he's giving me an even weirder look. "...Never mind. Continue. What happened to me...?"
He seemed to agree about the whole brushing off my supposed knowledge of their identities (as well as their pasts, where they grew up, how I ship them with other people, who they will be meeting in the future and basically everything about their personal lives). "We aren't sure... We just saw you fly over Wall Rose and come crashing down here. I'm surprised you didn't break anything or aren't dead. You've been out cold for only a few minutes..."
"...I... see." I replied, dragging out the two syllables. That... didn't make much sense. Didn't some skinless naked giant human grab me while I was camping- Oh wait. A skinless naked giant human is pretty much a Titan. And it grabbed me and... but I was camping when that happened, and now I've apparently been thrown over a 50-meter high wall and did not die. Why didn't it eat me? Why the hell was it there at my camping site, anyway? ...Well, fuck logic, am I right?
There was a very long moment of silence before I decided to speak up again, in the least most socially awkward way possible. "Well, this is awkward."
"Yeah. It is." Eren replied, and we ended up having a bit of a stare-off.
"...So."
"So?"
Anna... "Did you see another girl nearby that, er, fell? She's got blonde hair, freckles, around my height..."
Armin shook his head. I chewed my lip. Damn. I'd have to worry about finding Anna later. Right now, I needed to sort myself out and actually confirm that I was... well, I was in a fucking fictional world.
I hesitated slightly before asking another question. "...Am I actually here right now? Like, with Wall Rose and Sina and Maria and stuff...? And there are Titans roaming around outside who eat people? And... yeah? "
"Uuuuuh, yes...?"
"Well, fuck."
A/N: Chapters will be updated sporadically, and will probably be short unless other stuff happens xD And before you ask, I doubt there will be much romance between my character/me and any canon characters, since... I can't xD
Hope that wasn't too terrible and you maybe chuckled.
Reviews are wholly appreciated! ; w ; Thank you!
- Kaithau