Disclaimer I do not own the Office, though it would be really sweet if I did.
Chapter 1
Jim Halpert stared blankly out the windshield of his beat up old car. The sun had just crested the horizon and shone brightly at him. The air was clear and warm, a beautiful day in all respects. But Jim noticed none of this as he drove the two and a half hour drive to New York city. Tears streamed down his face unchecked and he wondered briefly if he should even be driving in this state. Surely it wasn't safe. But he needed to go. Had to.
He had gotten up four hours early that morning, unable to sleep for the sobs that wracked his body. The night before, at Casino night, he had done it. He had finally said those words that he thought every time he was near her, heard her laugh, saw her smile. He loved her. He wanted to, no, needed to be with her. Every cell in his body yearned for her. And standing there, her beautiful form before him, he had bared his heart to her.
And she had cut him down. She might as well have stabbed him in the heart, right then and there. He had felt a tear fall down his cheek, but couldn't stop it in time. Jim had struggled to maintain his composure, but the rest of the conversation was a blur. He hadn't heard a word she said. Just wanting to get out of there, Jim had left her and retreated to his car. There, where he was finally alone, he had let the tears fall.
Weaving in and out of the traffic now, Jim reflected back on that night, how he couldn't let it rest. He just couldn't let it end this way. Noticing that she had went upstairs to the offices, Jim had to give it one last shot. The kiss that followed was everything that he had dreamed. He could still feel the tenderness of her lips, the warmth of her breath, as she kissed him back, her body trembling at his touch. When he pulled away their eyes met: his pleading, hers sorry and tear-filled.
"I'm sorry, Jim." Was all she had said in a shaking voice as she took a step back. The foot or so between them could have been the grand canyon. Jim wanted to scream. 'What about the fun we have? The jokes, the laughter, the pranks? What about sandwiches on the roof? Do you know how much I've thought about that night? Does none of it matter? Do I mean anything to you?' But he knew these things would be unfair to say, so he swallowed them down with the lump in his throat. He could see the tears begin to fall down her cheeks and he yearned to wipe them away, longed to hold her again, but he couldn't. She was another man's betrothed. And she had made it plain that it would stay that way.
Crying silently in front of her, the woman he had loved unconditionally for so many years, he burned her image in his mind. He knew that, after this night, he would never see her again. All that they had once had would be over. Finally, he had taken a deep breath and turned. As he walked out of the office door, he thought he could hear her crying. It took all his will-power to get to the elevator. And as the door closed for the last time on their friendship, he sighed. "So long, Beesly." was all he said as the elevator doors shut.
Jim had lain awake most of the night reliving every moment he had spent with her. He could hear her laugh, see her smile, feel her warmth every time that he had 'accidentally' brushed up against her. He loved the way she sighed when she was full, the way she played with her pen when she was bored, the way her eyebrows furrowed and she chewed her lip when she was concentrating. He loved Pam, and everything that went with her.
Jim took a sip of his Dunkin' Donuts coffee and cranked the tunes, hoping to chase all thoughts from his mind. In doing so, he noticed the time. She would just be arriving to work…and realizing he was gone. He probably should have told her, but it was better this way. He was no good at good-byes anyway. No, he had to move on. He had to put her out of his mind, and out of his life. Moving to Stamford was the best thing for him, and the best thing for her too when it came down to it. But did it have to be so hard? Drowning the pain with another gulp of luke warm coffee, Jim Halpert turned his attention to the road, resigning himself to his fate and the path that had been chosen for him.
Author's Note: So this is the first chapter of a fic I would like to start writing, I know it may seem a little bit eh… but go easy on me, k? This is the first time I've written a fic in a very, very long time. So, please let me know how it is, and maybe I'll have the urge and the time (no small feat with a six month old son) to write more. The more you review, though, the faster I'll write!