Author's Note: That's right! I'm back with another one! I don't have much to say this time but review!
The True Story of How Faramir Found Boromir:
So you want to know my story? You want to know what really happened? Well dude, you've come to the right place! Because I, Faramir Captain of Gondor, am here to show my quality! I mean, um… tell you how it really happened. I'm here to tell you how I found my bro, Boromir, dead. So just sit back, relax and enjoy my story.
If you're not here to listen to my tear-jerking story, please proceed to the nearest exit. It should be on your right.
Allright dudes, now that those people are gone, I can start my story. Here I go.
It all started when I caught these two little short kids. They claimed to be hobbits. I was all, "Whatever man." And they were like, "No dude, seriously. We're hobbits." And I was all, "No way man! Shut up." And then my friend smacked me upside the head.
That really hurt me, man. He smacked me hard. A tear fell down my face, dude. I'm not kidding. I remember wiping it away! No, no! Wait! Don't leave! I'm going back to my story now. Allright, so those "hobbits" were all standing in front of me, and the cute one said he knew my bro, Boromir.
Did I just say cute? Uh… I meant the skinny one… yeah, the scared, scrawny skinny one. And the fat one just looked at me funny. I don't think he liked me very much. Allright, so the skinny one, whose name I found to be Frodo (Haha, what a funny name), said he was a friend of my brother.
Cool man.
He was all telling me that he was his friend, for his part at least. I didn't really know what he meant, so I just nodded and smiled. Dude, that always works. When you have no idea what somebody is talking about, just nod and smile. I nod and smile to my Daddy all the time.
Daddy says big words that confuse me. Like I'm supposed to know what omnipotence means, man. Dude, I'm serious. Oh, right, back to the hobbit thingie! Frodo said he knew my bro. Wait, I said that already. After he said that, I told the hobbit dude that my bro was dead.
The little hobbit dude's eyes got all big and teary-eyed. I tilted my head to one side, and I was all like, "Aww dude, look at the cute little hobbit." I wanted to pat his head, but then the fat one pushed me away.
Ahem, so anyway dudes.
After I talked to those little cuddly hobbit thingies named Frodo and Sam, I sat down on this rock thing. Only, I missed the rock and hit the ground. It really hurt, man. So I as I was sitting there, I had this flashback. But the flashback was all funny looking.
Everything went squiggly, and I found myself near this river. And I was all "Woah, am I dreaming?" And I was waving my hands in front of my face and watching them move all slow and swooshy and stuff. And I was like, "Heh, man this is awesome." After swooshing my hand in front of my face for hours, I noticed something.
And I was all, "Woaaaah."
But the thing I saw was in the middle of the river. And I was not about to walk into the middle of this river to check it out. In the end, though, I decided I really wanted to know what was in there. So I'm all walking into the middle of the river, thinking I'd sink and drown or something, but to my amazement, it was only waste deep.
And I'm all like, "Hey dude! It's only waste deep!" Then I realized I was all alone man. Nobody was with me. Who was I talking to? Uh… heh, I don't know. Anyway man, I'm all walking up to this boat I saw in the middle of the river.
Then I started to think…
"What's really in that boat, man? Do I really want to know?" I stood in the middle of the river thinking about it, until the boat magically floated over to me. I was like, "DUDE! It like, magically floated to me!" And I was really happy. But after I looked inside the boat, I like, wasn't happy anymore.
Because what was inside the boat made me cry.
But real men don't cry, so it was more of a whimper. Or maybe real men do cry. I forgot the way that worked. Because one time I cried in front of my Daddy, and he told me real men don't cry. But then another time I cried in front of my big bro, and he patted me on the back and said, "It's okay dude, real men do cry."
So as you can tell, I was obviously confused. But woah! Back to my story…
I found my big bro Boromir chillin in this boat that magically floated up to me. So naturally I start talking to him. I'm all like, "Hey bro, wake up man!" I really thought he was sleeping dude. So I'm all poking him, telling him to wake up. I was like trying everything dude.
But nothing worked! So then I remembered that Boromir was a really hard sleeper, and it took some effort to wake him up. I was all digging around in the little boat he was in when I spotted his horn that Daddy gave to him. It was all perfectly preserved and everything man.
I grabbed his horn, and smacked my bro over the head with it.
And then I was all, "Wooaaah. Heh, whoops."
I was like freaking out because I broke his horn. I like totally smashed it man! It's all broken in half and stuff. So I'm all like flipping out hoping that didn't wake up Boromir, because he'd be really mad at me.
But he like… never woke up. So I just started poking him and then I noticed something.
He was all like, holy man.
Not holy as in angels singing holy, but like, full of holes holy.
Allright, so there were only three holes in him, but it looked kind of fatal, you know?
And heh, silly me, it was fatal.
But then it really hit me. I knew then that my big bro, Boromir, was actually dead. He wasn't sleeping. He was actually dead. Then I started crying again. Because Boromir said it was okay to cry. So I was all crying and stuff. And then I screamed…
"MY BRO'S LIKE DEAD, MAN! DUDE THIS IS SO UNCOOL!"
And that's how it really happened. That's how I learned of my bro's death. I'm really serious dudes. If you don't believe me, then you are lost and couldn't find the exit to your nearest right. Puh, whatever man. I'm like, so out of here.
Oh yeah, don't forget to drop a review or something like that. Later dudes.