Disclaimer: I don't own MASH. I don't claim to. I'm not making any money from this. Thank you.
Author's note: This is by T'Karish. This is a fourteen minute fic, since I didn't need all fifteen minutes.
"Say, Trapper?"
"Yeah, Hawkeye?"
"You got any cheese?"
Trapper turned around to look at this friend. "Cheese?"
"Yeah, cheese." Hawkeye returned the look with one of complete innocence. "All of the sudden, I have a real hankering for cheese."
"Cheese."
"Yeah."
"What would you do with the cheese?"
"Well, eat it." Hawkeye said, as if offended by Trapper's question. "What'd you expect me to do, stuff it in Ferret Face's socks?"
"I don't know, but that sounds good to me," Trapper answered, considering the idea.
"Ooooh no, you don't!" Hawkeye protested, grabbing Trapper's hand and successfully keeping him from the tent door. "That's MY cheese you're about to waste on Frank!"
"It isn't your cheese until you have it in your hands," Trapper reasoned.
"Fine. Race ya to it," Hawkeye answered, standing up and readying himself. "On your mark, get set- GO!"
The two surgeons took off for the mess tent at full speed, ignoring the strange looks they were getting from other people.
Hawkeye managed to take the lead and stopped in front of the cook. "Got any cheese?"
"Uh- yes," the cook said, surrendering a small block of cheese. "Why?"
"Never mind that," Hawkeye answered, cradling the cheese protectively in his arms.
Trapper ran in and breathlessly asked in between gulps of air, "Got any cheese?"
"Sorry- I gave the last piece to Captain Pierce," the cook stuttered.
"Hawk-"
"OH, NO, YOU DON'T!" Hawkeye dodged behind a table. "MY CHEESE!"
"Uh- sir, your elbows are in my potatoes," a meek sounding Radar peeped out.
"Oh- sorry," Hawkeye obligingly lifted his elbows.
"Hawkeye- I want that cheese!" Trapper said, slowly advancing toward Hawkeye.
"No! My cheese! I'll stuff it down Radar's throat first!" Hawkeye held the cheese threateningly.
"I gotta go," Radar said, before running out of the mess tent, full speed ahead.
"It's for a good cause!" Trapper appealed.
"He's not worth my cheese!" Hawkeye answered, getting ready to take a big bite out of the cheese.
Trapper advanced. "Gimme the cheese."
"NO! NONONONONONO!" Hawkeye held the cheese away from Trapper.
"YES! YESYESYESYES!" Trapper lunged for the cheese.
OOMPH!
Trapper, Hawkeye, the cheese, and a couple chairs crashed into the floor.
"My cheese!" Hawkeye's anguished cry was heard all over the camp.
Trapper and Hawkeye stared mournfully at the mangled cheese.
"Trapper?"
"Yeah, Hawkeye?"
"Got any milk?"