So this is a little story that features me, RemyTheReaper, Arrin and JustHuddy (El). We're all members of the Kudley Army, which it the C2 for Kutner/Thirteen fics. This is a crackfic, and involves some Foreman bashing - not too much. But anyways, I hope you enjoy. :)
It was a happy Tuesday morning as people began to slowly fill the church, gathering for the Chase wedding. It was a rather elaborate and large wedding, despite what Cameron had said about it being a small service, because they began of thinking of other people to invite, like their second cousins, and before Robert and Allison knew it, they had two hundred guests.
Four females dressed in matching black shirts that said "Security" written across the back was standing in front of the chapel doors, stopping every person in the long line of wedding guests to make sure they were safe to go inside. They were from the Kudley Army. Their mission: making sure that no Hamerons crashed the Chameron wedding and insuring that the day would go beautifully, as planned.
"Can someone tell me again why we are doing this?" asked one the guards that wore black rimmed glasses, as she cleared a couple as safe to go into the church. "It's not like it's our group." The shortest of the group, Arrin, sighed.
"Rev, you know why. The Chameron Infantry is going to be watching the wedding, and they heard about the Kudley Army's successful missions and they decided to hire us. The Huddies would have helped, but you know…they're kind of in a daze about that one episode…"
"Oh my God, Huddy sex!" squealed another one of the girls with an English accent, dropping her clipboard to the ground in a clatter in the process.
"El, focus," Revengent said. "I brought you in on this special mission because if the Hamerons come in and crash the Chameron wedding, you know what their next move will be."
El gasped. "No, not Hameron!"
"We won't let that happen," said the other one in the group, pounding her fist into her other hand as she spoke. "Because there can only be Chameron."
Revengent nodded. "That's right Remy. We are here to make sure that Chameron can go as planned."
"Um, I'm here for the Chase wedding?"
The four turned to see Kutner standing sheepishly in front of them, looking rather nice in his suit.
"Kutner!" Remy happily shouted. Arrin shook her head as Revengent, Remy and El chatted with the doctor and she checked Kutner's name off the list, because she knew that he was in fact, a Chameron supporter.
Kutner grinned and muttered a thanks before going into the church. El turned to the others.
"I thought he-," she began, but the others stopped her.
"No," Revengent simply said.
"It was a cover up that was his way to get away from certain…things," Arrin explained.
"Things like Foreman," Remy added.
El furrowed her eyebrows. "How'd you guys know this stuff?"
"We're high ranking members of the Kudley Army. Of course we know top secret information like that," Remy nonchalantly explained. She was going to say more, but Revengent cut her off by pointing and shouting.
"Taub!"
Sure enough, the plastic surgeon had appeared and was smiling at the group of girls.
"Nice to see all of you again, Rev, Remy, Arrin," he said, nodding at each as he said their name. He stopped at the last one, and gave a puzzled look. "And you are…?"
"Oh! I'm El. I'm new to the Kudley Army, and I'm from the UK division," El said, shaking hands with Taub.
"So you guys are here this time to protect Chameron?" Taub asked.
"Yep," Revengent said. "That's our mission this time."
"Well, if you guys need any help, you know where to find me." Taub gave the group one last smile before turning around and going into the church.
"I really, really, really, really hope that For-," Revengent began, but Arrin nudged her and motioned towards a timid looking girl came up the steps and tried to pass by the group without stopping. Revengent stepped out in front of her.
"Name please?" she asked sternly.
"Uh…" The timid girl because looking around and drew her jacket tighter around her body.
"Wait!" Remy reached forward and tugged at the girl's jacket, making it open and revealing a shirt that said "Hameron forever!" with a picture of that horrid House-Cameron kiss on it.
"YOU CAN'T STOP CHAMERON!" Remy yelled, towering over the girl, who looked quite frightened. However, the girl mustered up some insistence, which is what the Hams are good at.
"House and Cameron are made for each other!" the Ham shouted.
"You're psycho," Revengent muttered, while El was too enraged to say anything. Arrin, the one that had the best ability to keep calm, stepped forward and turned the Hameron around and pushed her gently away. "El, it's your turn."
"Bollocks," El muttered. She trudged forward and grabbed the girls arm and began walking her away from the church. "Hams aren't allowed," El explained as she walked away.
Remy sat next to Revengent on the stone bench that was outside the church doors. "I think the wedding's starting," Remy said sadly. The group listened, and very faintly they could hear procession music and the sound of El shrieking at the Hameron, telling her about her faults of not being a Huddy.
"You wanted to see it?" Revengent asked.
Remy nodded. "But this is important. I'd rather make sure it happens instead of not happening at all."
"Very true."
At about that time, El was coming back from escorting the Hameron to the main gates, taking two stairs at a time.
"I still don't get it," El said, clutching her side and panting after climbing all those stairs. "Even though there's a marriage that is finalizing the death of their ship, the Hams still have to be a pain in the arse to us Huddies and Chamerons."
"That's just how it is," Revengent said simply. "Even though it's not going to happen, they still insist that it will. That is a good trait, but honestly, how can – what Remy?" Revengent looked sideways at Remy, who had been tugging at Revengent's sleeve for the past few seconds.
"It's…it's…" Remy couldn't make out a coherent phrase, so Revengent continued.
"It's like the Clana shippers from Smallville. Everybody knows that Clark and Lois are going to end up together, so why would one even assume that Lana would – WHAT?"
"It's…him." Remy pointed into the distance, and the three others moved their gaze to the direction Remy indicated. When they saw what had been freaking her out, they all jumped to their feet in full panic mode. What they saw was Hamerons approaching, lead by Foreman himself.
"What'd we do?" El asked with her voice full of desperation.
"We follow the plan," Revengent said, tossing stun guns to Remy and El, as Arrin brought hers out of her own pocket. "Don't use these unless we have to. We've had some problems in the past with them…"
Remy smiled sheepishly. "But it was Foreteen!" All the others shuddered at the mention of that ship.
The four bravely stood as a barricade in front of the church doors as Foreman and the other intruders marched up the stairs. When they reached the tip-top, they stopped, and glared at the four Chameron fans.
"Didn't Taub push you down some black hole?" Revengent asked.
"I escaped," Foreman said. The girls sighed.
"You know you're not welcome here," Arrin spat. The other three girls nodded.
"I'm here to stop this wedding." Foreman motioned to the small group of people behind him. "They're here with me."
"You joined forces with the Hameron Brigade? That's just wrong," Revengent said.
"I think that House and Cameron should be together," Foreman simply said. "House is into her liking him."
"Cameron loves Chase!" Remy shouted. One of the Hamerons at Foreman's side stepped forward out of the group.
"No she doesn't! She's hiding the fact that she's in love with House because she knows he's afraid to show his true feelings," the Hameron shouted. Remy frowned and went to aim her stun gun, but Arrin restrained her.
"You are wrong. Huddy is what's right," El snarled. "You guys just suck."
There was an outcry from the group, but were silenced by Foreman.
"Now if you can please let us through, I won't have to make this worse." Foreman rubbed his hands together. "And after we break up Chameron, I can go see Thirteen and I can take her out on a date."
"No not Foreteen!" Remy shouted, breaking out of Arrin's grasp and running towards the group and welding her stun gun. Revengent could have stopped her, but instead she decided to do nothing to stop her because she wanted to see what happened. She didn't mind Foreman getting what was coming to him.
"Rem, no!" Arrin reached forward, trying to stop Remy, but it was too late. The bright light of the stun gun had gone off; however, Arrin did manage to grab Remy's arms, changing the direction of the gun's blast. After a few seconds after everyone's retinas became functional again, they saw that Foreman was still standing and a random Hameron had got the blast of the stun gun instead and was lying on the ground in an unconscious heap.
Several of the Hamerons turned around and ran away, but Foreman and the remaining ones only crossed their arms in front of their chests.
"I'm not afraid anymore," Foreman said.
Remy waved her gun. "Next time, I won't miss," she threatened.
"It doesn't matter. Huddy will fail, and Hameron will prevail!" said one Hameron is a sing song voice.
"Never. Say. That. Again." El took a threatening step forwards.
"Huddy will fail, Hameron will-"
"ARGH!" El began running full speed after the Hamerons, who screamed and ran away. El continued to chase the Hamerons down the stairs and around the courtyard.
Foreman glared at the remaining three girls. "You can't stop me."
Revengent laughed. "Oh yes, we can."
Foreman raised an eyebrow. "Really?" He leaned forward and pushed Remy to the ground, making her topple down a few stairs before she caught herself. Revengent and Arrin looked at Foreman in shock and horror.
"You're evil!" Remy cried, as Arrin and Revengent went over to her to help her up. And in that split second, Foreman found his opportunity and ran towards the chapel doors and flung them open.
The three girls hurried to get up, pissed off that they had allowed Foreman of all people to trick them.
When Foreman opened the doors, the priest stopped in mid sentence and everybody turned around to see who had intruded the ceremony. Cameron sighed, knowing the day had been going too well and something just had to go wrong.
"I'm here to stop the wedding," Foreman shouted as he walked down the aisle, stepping on rose petals as he went. "Cameron belongs with House."
"God no!" House said loudly, and now it was his turn for everyone to turn and look at him. House was sitting between Wilson and Cuddy, and House had his hand in Cuddy's lap, because he was obviously dating her.
"Whatever," Foreman continued. "And Chase…belongs with me."
"What the hell?" Chase said. He turned to Cameron. "I have never, ever, never done anything to make him think that I liked him in the slightest bit."
Cameron shook her head and placed a hand over his mouth. "It's okay. I know."
Foreman looked over to Thirteen who was standing next to Cameron as a bride's maid. "But I love you Thirteen. Maybe we can get married today if Chase and Cameron don't." Thirteen vigorously shook her head in rejection of that idea.
"So," Foreman said, stopping at the front row of pews. "What I-"
"AH!"
Everyone turned around to see Arrin running down the aisle, jump up and tackle Foreman to the ground. Some people clapped.
House leaned over to Wilson. "Did that small girl just tackle that big black guy to the ground?"
Wilson nodded.
"Okay good. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't hallucinating," House said.
Revengent and Remy had finally appeared at the doors to find everything at a standstill and Arrin holding a struggling Foreman to the ground. Arrin looked over her shoulder and gave the other two girls a thumbs up.
"Um, sorry for the interruption," Remy apologized.
"Yes, carry on," Revengent said.
Arrin began dragging Foreman by his ankles back down the aisle, but stopped when she heard yelling fill the chapel. She looked over, along with everyone else in the room, to find one of the Hamerons climb through a window into the church and began sprinting towards the bride and groom. Then El hurdled through the window too, and fired her stun gun at the Hameron, stopping her in her tracks. El sighed and pushed a piece of hair behind her ear.
"That was the last Ham. Everything's under control," she said as she began walking out of the chapel.
"Yes, we wish you the best of luck," Remy said, closing the chapel doors behind her and the others in the group.
Foreman ran away, sad that he failed at his attempt to bring Chameron to an end, and the four cheered, because their mission was complete.
--
The four were later invited to the reception, as a thanks from Chase and Cameron for somewhat saving their marriage. They enjoyed seeing the newlywed couple flitter around happily, and they felt accomplished knowing that they had contributed to that cause.
"Look at House and Cuddy!" El whispered. The other three looked across the dance floor to see the couple in a lip lock, then Cuddy leaving with House limping and smiling behind her.
"Good job today guys."
They looked up to see Taub standing in front of them.
"Thanks," Arrin said.
"No problem." He turned to Revengent and Remy. "And I did that one thing you two asked me to do."
As he walked away, El and Arrin looked over to the other two.
"What did you have Taub do?" El asked.
"Oh…something. You'll see soon enough," Remy said.
A few minutes later when a slow song began playing, they noticed that Thirteen and Kutner were dancing to the slow rhythm, her with her head on Kutner's shoulder.
"You had Taub slip them the inhibition lowering potion?" Arrin incredulously asked.
Revengent grinned. "Only a little bit. Just enough to make Kudley happen."
"Well," Arrin said. "I'm not going to argue with that."
"Um, guys," El said.
"What?"
"How much did you give them?" El asked.
"Only a small dose. Not enough for anything more that what's happening now," Remy answered.
"Well, it seems like Thirteen and Kutner didn't really need the potion…"
The other three looked over to see Kutner and Thirteen sharing a kiss in the middle of the dance floor and they, grinned and silently cheered that Kudley had occurred.
A/N: Review?