Disclaimer: I do NOT own Attack on Titan nor the cover photo. All rights go to their respective owners.
Author's Note: Oh. My. God. Attack on Titan did an attack on me. I watched a few episodes on Netflix and just fell in love. It literally took me two days to read all of the manga and watch the episodes I missed. That's how ensnared I became. It's just phenomenal! It's been a while since I've stumbled upon any good anime/manga that I'm not familiar with.
Anyways, I really like quite a few of the characters. Especially like Levi, Mikasa, and Eren. I feel as if Eren is one of the more relatable main characters due to the fact that he does screw up, lose often, and gets beaten down but manages to stand back up. He has to rely on others and they rely on him. He's not your typical main character that is just overpowered compared to his comrades (and that's a miracle! Looks at Ichigo from Bleach and Naruto - yeah, like them).
WARNING: if you haven't watched all of the first season, nor have read the manga, this WILL contain spoilers. You have been warned. So don't go bitching!
RATING: T just in case.
FEEDBACK: would be very, very appreciated. Any constructive criticism or suggestions are welcome, too. I'm always up for improving. Plus, I've never written Eren and Mikasa's characters before - it would be nice to know if you all think they're close to being in character or not (it's always a peeve of mine).
Time: ranges from the beginning of the anime/manga to the most recent point and a little beyond (which the last part will be AU most likely).
- WHEN YOU'RE COLD -
.i.
The Past
Tiny specks of white drift lazy from the ashen-hued sky, sticking to everything and anything it touches during its mindless descent. People scurry along the cobblestone streets in an attempt to get their daily errands finished up so that they may return to the warmth of their homes and others step outside to admire the first snowfall of the fall season.
A little girl with dark hair and a gaze to match, watches them curiously, one pale hand securing the red scarf around her neck to her mouth to keep her nose warm. She keeps her eyes focused on the individuals rushing down the busy street, before allowing them to trail up to the large, stone wall that looms like a mountain in the distance - Wall Maria. She knows the horrors of the world wait outside there and she can only hope that they stay there - that the walls that protect humanity last.
Mikasa Ackerman has always been a peaceful girl. She enjoys and values ignorance and bliss, even if all that was destroyed a few years ago when her parents were slaughtered and she was forced to kill in order to survive. She learned that day that life is callous and merciless, but even in that darkness, there is a light that never goes out. Her light just so happens to come in the form of a boy with bright teal eyes; Eren Yeager, the boy that saved her from being killed or sold into slavery.
She will protect that life with every breath in body. Even if it means that she must die - she will keep him safe. He taught her how to survive, forge onward, and that there is always hope - no matter how bleak a situation. That's more than she deserved and she will never be able to repay him.
The young girl reaches forward, holding a pale hand palm up, allowing a few snowflakes to settle against her skin and melt. She blinks at the coldness and lowers her hand back to her side, pulling the scarf closer and inhaling its scent. Despite having worn it almost every day since she received it, it still smells like Eren. It brings her comfort and she visibly relaxes.
"What are you doing?" a voice inquires from behind her. She doesn't have to turn to know who it is.
"I wanted to watch the snowfall." she answers, keeping her stare forward. Eren steps up beside her, grinning.
"Come on," he says, grabbing one of her hands and pulls her out of their house. She doesn't complain as he drags her with him, her attention captured by the snow swirling around them as if the tiny flakes were dancing. So beautiful.
It doesn't take a long time for Eren to lead her to the outskirts of town to a particular tree that they always go to. He usually takes naps while she observes the citizens of their home district, taking in the beauty around her and the calmness of the life they now lead. Sometimes she thinks of her mother and father and she will lift her sleeve, exposing the intricate design the former carved into her arm to represent her Asian clan. Then, when they need to leave, she will wake him up (with much difficulty) and they will head home together.
"I used to come to this same place before you moved in with us, but I would come alone," Eren says, plopping down in the sheet of snow that covers the ground. Mikasa doesn't hesitate to join him, pulling her knees up to her chest as she listens. "I would still be lazy and take naps, but it's peaceful here. No one to bug the crap out of me, you know? And it's not so damn noisy."
She nods. Yes, she does understand. That's why she likes it here, too.
"I used to like the cold - and snow. Now, the cold just makes me remember." she says quietly. He doesn't have to ask to know what she's referring to, so he doesn't, instead he grabs her hand and puts something in it. She blinks and looks down, surprised to see a stunning flower with floppy, aqua hued petals. "What's this? I've never seen one like it."
Eren places his bare palms against the ground and leans back, his visage facing the sky.
"It's called a frozen lily. They only bloom in the winter, when it gets cold enough to snow. I found it near Wall Maria," he mutters, smirking. "Aren't girls supposed to like boring crap like that?"
"I guess so," she agrees, tucking the lily into a pocket in her coat. "Thank you."
"Whatever . . ." Eren begins, trailing off and sneezing loudly. He shivers. "Gee, I didn't realize how cold it is."
Mikasa shoots him a worried glance. "You're getting sick. We should head back."
"Nah, it's just a little cold, Mikasa, I'll be fine." he assures her, rubbing at the tip of his already reddening nose. He sniffles.
"Fevers tend to accompany colds, Eren," she says sternly, face void of emotion. It usually intimidates him into doing what she wants, unless he's dead set on doing something. Then she is forced to follow him to make sure he is okay. "I've known of people dying because of a fever."
"Anddd you're just making this a bigger deal than it has to be," he retorts, "I'm perfectly - uh - ahhh - ACHOO!" He pauses to wipe at the snot about to pour from his nose with his sleeve. "I'm perfectly fine."
Mikasa scowls and reaches over with one hand. He attempts to swat the appendage away but she grabs his hand with one of hers and presses the other against his forehead. She pulls away when he doesn't feel warm. He gives her a smug look.
"Told you so."
She focuses back on the scarf wound around her neck and fingers the soft, maroon material. She then lifts one of its long ends and holds it out for Eren. "Share this with me. It will keep you warm."
"I'll be -"
"Eren."
"Okay, okay," Eren grumbles, taking the offered cloth and moving close enough to where their shoulders bump. He wraps it around his neck and settles back, one leg extended in front of him, the other half bent inward. His cheeks have turned red at this point, but Mikasa assumes it's a result of the cold. His facial features pinch up, his eyes refusing to meet hers. "Are you going to shut up now?"
Mikasa lets a small smile slip on her face.
.ii.
The Present
Will I constantly break the promises I made to you, Eren . . . ?
Mikasa takes a sip of the warm tea nestled between her palms, her eyes trained in front of her in a daze.
Eren's in trouble - our plan . . . failed. We lost track of him. Why?
Her chest heaves painfully, tears burning at the brims of her eyes. He's the only one that can make her feel this way - so lost and confused, hurt and despaired, yet hopeful all at the same time. She doesn't know how that's possible, but he's her beam of light at the end of a pitch black tunnel.
I miss you.
All she has ever wanted was to live and die by Eren's side. He is her family, the person she cares about more than anything in this world, including herself. She would gladly give her life for his, which may be the case, but she's prepared for that. She only hopes that if she does, that she will get to see his face one last time, that her last memory will be of him. At least then, she could die peacefully.
You're my reason for living.
When she had given up all hope, Eren had shown up and made her realize the harsh truth: the world is a cruel place - and that to survive, one must fight and kill or be killed. But midst that darkness, the world is also beautiful. He taught her that, too. She removes a hand from the tea cup in front of her, raising her fingers to the scarf around her neck, its warmth soothing her.
She recalls the bashful, yet stubborn look on Eren's face as he had wrapped it around her for the first time - and any time thereafter that he put it on her. She can recall the emotions that Eren stirs in her: fondness, frustration, concern, love, adoration, confidence, pride, both selflessness and selfishness, and hope. She remembers how they'd sit under their favorite tree together; he'd nap and she would quietly observe both him and the world around her. She can still feel the warmth they shared countless times, both externally and internally.
Humanity needs you . . . I need you.
Eren's like a flame and they're like swarms of moths, all flocking towards him, whether or not they realize it. He's the one that can change this world, make a future where peace is possible. A future where she can live her days out with him in bliss.
The thought of that being taken away - the possibility of him dying - that scares her beyond belief. She isn't there to help him. No one is. If the true king manages to devour Eren - or has a titan that will devour him - then it's all over.
The door to the room opens. She blinks from her internal reverie and peers upward, relaxing when she recognizes the petite blonde male standing in the door frame. "Armin," she greets softly, keeping her gaze on him as he shuts the door behind him and takes the chair across from her.
He doesn't pay her any mind. Instead he props his elbows up on the table and buries his face between his palms. His shoulders tremble and she realizes the problem immediately. Despite their talk earlier, he's still disturbed by taking a human life.
"I know that what . . . that what everyone said is true. That Jean would be . . . dead if I hadn't done something first," Armin begins, voice quivering with uncertainty. He removes his face from his hands and balls them up tightly. "But I can't get the image of her hesitating to shoot Jean out of my mind. She was conflicted - but I didn't even give it a second thought. In fact, I wasn't thinking - or feeling - at all. I pulled the trigger - and she died."
Mikasa reaches across the table and places a hand over one of his fists. She lowers it down to the table, ignoring the shocked look on his face. "Did Eren ever tell you what happened that day he saved me so long ago?"
"He was brief about it - said you both had to kill people."
"Yes, that's true, but did he tell that I hesitated? That I almost let him die? Did he tell you that he didn't waver? That he wasn't afraid to kill in order to rescue me?" Armin opens his mouth to reply, but she carries on. "He knew that if either of us were to make it out alive, that he would have to fight. So he did. But there was a third person whose location was unknown."
She pauses to meet his sapphire gaze, her grip tightening on his hand.
"He was upon us before we knew what was happening. He picked Eren up by the throat and was choking him. He was dying, the light in his eyes fading. But then Eren told me if I wanted to live, that I'd have to fight - he taught me that this world is cold and that we have to make our own places within it. It's a struggle and the strong prey upon the weak. Your subconscious was aware of this and moved your body into taking the only option available."
"But -"
"What you did isn't excusable. Killing never is, even if it is for self-defense. But sometimes we are cornered and forced to stain both our hands and our hearts. However, we can't regret those choices and allow them to consume us. Because there are times when killing is inevitable and we regret when we didn't." She looks away. "Just as I had the chance to kill Bertholt and Reiner, but I didn't. A part of myself hesitated and Eren was taken because of it. As a result of my indecisiveness, many died to retrieve Eren, just as many will die when they attack again. None of that would have happened had I severed their heads when I had the chance."
Armin's shaking halts and he nods in understanding. "I guess you're really right, huh? There's no avoiding it." There's a distant look in his eyes, pain and sadness surfacing in their depths. "People are going to have to die for humanity as a whole to survive."
"Yes," she agrees with a slight bob of her head. "That's why we need to save Eren and Historia. They are our hope."
Eren, please, be okay.
A few days later they head out with a new plan to rescue Eren and Historia. Mikasa takes the reigns of the horse one of the other scouts offer to her and pauses to gaze out at the sun peeking up above the mountains in the distance. She takes a deep breath.
I'm not going to let you leave me behind anymore.
.iii.
The Future
One second she's in the air, making use of her maneuver gear, the next she's collapsed on the ground, a sharp pain in her leg and her blood staining the snow beneath her. She glances down at her leg - a gunshot wound, it isn't hard to see. She applies pressure to it, hissing as the pain intensifies. I have to get up or it's all over.
She attempts to stand but manages only to fall back down with a yelp, her hands flying to her wound in an attempt to alleviate the explosions of pain resonating deep within her kneecap. "Damn . . ." she mutters, sweat puckering up on her skin despite the biting cold. "It's fractured," she adds, eyeing her bloody pants. If her kneecap is fractured, she can't walk. And if she can't walk . . .
I'm done for.
"Mikasa!" Eren cries out, dropping down beside her. She shakes her head frantically, she can already hear the military police gaining on them, their guns clanking loudly in the distance.
"Get out of here, Eren!" she commands sternly.
"I won't leave you!" he snaps back, going to scoop her up into his arms. She tries to push him back.
"You have to! Humanity is so close to achieving a new kind of freedom! If you're captured again -"
"I won't be."
Mikasa's head snaps up, her gaze meeting Eren's. He's giving her that look. The one that tells her, that no matter what she says or does, he will refuse to listen. He's made up his mind and there's no point in arguing. His stare doesn't waiver.
She wraps her arms around his neck and allows him to lift her. "I believe in you."
The corner of his lip flicks up. "Good. Now hold on tight."
They launch up into the air at a breakneck speed, bouncing from one tree trunk to another, narrowly avoiding branches. Some members of their squad, including Armin and Levi pop up on their flanks.
"Mikasa, are you okay?!" Armin inquires, eyes as big as saucers. She nods.
"Yes, I'll be fine. Worry about yourself."
It doesn't take long for them to lose the military police and find a place to stay for the night (an abandon house destroyed by titans a few years back). One of the other squad members removes the bullet from Mikasa's leg, cleans it with fresh water, and stitches it up, while Eren sacrifices one of the sleeves of his shirt to bandage it and helps her get settled in. Later, the small squad works together to build a fire and look for supplies in the other nearby buildings. Once they return they decide that two people will be on watch at all times during the night.
The first pair is Jean and Armin.
Mikasa is stuck in a room to herself for now. She's frustrated that she can't be useful, but she knows that her knee has to rest. She doesn't want - nor need - to damage it any further. She'll be lucky if she's of any use after this at all. Of all the places to be shot. Just my luck. If I had been faster, more aware -
Suddenly her head begins to spin and takes her breath. She gasps and places a hand against her forehead in an attempt to regain both her composure and train of thought. She feels nauseous and weak. Utterly drained.
"- responding."
She knows that voice. Eren! She tries to open her mouth to answer, but the muscles in her throat refuse to work.
"- blood loss -"
Captain Levi? Her brain can't seem to process the words that are pouring from the man's mouth and she simply lays there.
"- be okay?"
Everything seems to slowly come back into focus, as if the haze she is under momentarily lifts, her vision swaying back in.
"With rest."
"I'm going to stay with her for a second."
"Alright."
She feels Eren sit down beside her and sees his face as he hunches over to look at her. For some reason, her vocal chords decide then to be the perfect time to start functioning again. "Blood loss from a knee wound? Pathetic, huh?"
Eren's mouth slightly curves upward. "Yeah. Real pathetic. And you graduated at the top of our class? What a joke."
Mikasa smiles up at him, pleased to hear the teasing tone underneath his words. Not that he was trying to hide it to begin with. "I'm sorry I got in the way."
There's a moment of silence that passes between the two, then:
"No," Eren begins, a look of seriousness twisting onto his visage, "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you." He balls up the material of his pants tightly, his hands trembling against his knees with frustration. "After all you've done for me - and the time you needed me . . ."
She grabs one of his hands, a familiar sensation flaring in her palm. He looks up, their eyes meeting. "That's not true, you've done more for me than you can ever know."
She pulls away when an icy wave washes over her, causing her skin to raise with pale colored bumps and shivers. "Mikasa? Are you okay?"
No, no, she's not. But she doesn't want to admit it, because Eren has been through worse - for God's sake, he's had his limbs removed multiple times and been better off than her! - and she doesn't want to look so vulnerable. How many times has she broke down in front of him? Yet, what comes out of her mouth? This:
"I-I'm so cold . . "
Eren's hands move to the scarf around her neck and tightens it, wrapping it one more time, before moving down to grasp both of hers. Instantly she starts to warm up, the emotions the young man before her incurs inside her pulsating throughout her body. "I told you I would wrap it as many times as I have to, remember?"
She does. It wasn't that long ago - when she thought they were going to die - when she told him how she felt - when he proved to her that he can protect her - and when he told her that he would always be there for her. All of which became more precious memories for her to stow away and cherish.
"Yes . . . I do." she murmurs, cheeks heating up a few degrees.
"Captain Levi said you lost a lot of blood. That's why you feel so cold." he says, one of his thumbs running across her knuckles, leaving a trail of heat. "You should feel better tomorrow."
Mikasa nods and looks away, simply enjoying his being there by her side. When he's there at her hip, her life feels complete. But it's never perfect without a small amount of bantering between the two. "It's not like you to act so soft. Should I be worried?"
She tilts her eyes towards him, a smile pulling onto her face when she catches sight of his visage turning red. He quickly averts his stare, leaving her to look upon the left side of his face. "Yeah? Well, you must be feeling good to say something like that. How annoying."
There's no bite in his words. In fact, they're subdued, calm and gentle. She likes it. It's the type of tone he uses when embarrassed.
A knock on the door draws their attention.
"I hope I'm not interrupting a moment between lovers?" Captain Levi inquires, popping his head inside, his usual blank mask in-tact. Eren and Mikasa both blush, especially the latter.
Eren is the first to gather his wits. "What the hell are you talking about?!"
"In denial I see," he murmurs, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter. I need you to check out a suspicious sound in the forest with me. With your ability to control the titans, it's in our best interest to take you."
"Understood," Eren says, removing his hold on Mikasa's hands. She feels disappointed immediately, but doesn't voice the thought. Instead, she watches him start to rise, but pause.
"Eren?"
He unbuttons his green survey corps coat and removes it, lowering it over her body. "You'll get cold," she objects, frowning.
"I'll be fine," he retorts, bumping the side of his fist against his chest. "Besides, in your condition you need it more than me. It will keep you warm."
Levi sighs and leans against the door frame, arms crossed. "How sweet. Now are you ready or what?"
"Sir!"
Once the two are out of the room, Mikasa tugs Eren's coat closer to her face. The warmth radiates from it like a waning flame and provides her with enough heat to make her feel comfortable. She presses her nose to the cloth and inhales, the scent of dirt, cold, and something close to cinnamon fills her nose, a sigh of contentment slipping from her mouth.
Thank you.
.iv.
And Beyond
A few years later and humanity is able to live beyond the walls. They still are afraid to stray too far, and Historia still remains behind Wall Sina for obvious reasons, but conditions have improved. With the outside world theirs to take, resources have become easier to access, meaning less starvation and death. Eren's ability to control the titans has allowed this, and less and less have begun to show their ugly faces.
Once again, Mikasa has found herself living at peace beside her family. For a long time it had just been her and Eren, then Armin came in, but it has now expanded again. It includes Levi, Jean, Connie, and a few other survey squad members.
She's happy. This is what she wanted: peace and to enjoy it with her family beside her.
However, there has been trouble brewing in paradise. Not that she uses such corny sentiments, but that's the only phrase her (pissed off) mind can conjure up at the current moment.
A few days ago, she heard a rather nasty rumor among the men and women of a few of the other squads. Naturally, she ignored it, not really caring much about the gossip that goes down at the pubs around the Trost District. But the more she heard it, the more she became enthralled.
"Eren asked Sasha out on a date."
"Did you hear? Sasha and Eren were spotted out together."
"I hear Sasha and Eren are pretty cozy together. That sucks though, she's such a cutie."
"I'd go after Eren, but I was told that Sasha snagged him."
And on and on it went. Eventually, something inside of her snapped, and she has concluded that she will get to the bottom of it. And who better to find out the truth from than the source itself? At least, that's how she sees it. She has learned the hard way not to trust information spread verbally. Hence, the reason she's seeking out the man the gossip is centered around.
It doesn't take long to find Eren's home just beyond Wall Maria (she and Armin live there, too, after all). She enters the house and looks around for Eren. "Eren?" she calls out, about to head down the hallway - when she's halted by the sight of Eren emerging from the bathroom with nothing but a towel draped around his slender hips, the cloth low enough to expose the deep V-shape of his pelvis.
Her face has never turned so red.
"M-Mikasa?!"
Five minutes later, Eren, fully clothed, and Mikasa, still embarrassed, are outside, seated beneath a tall tree. It's dumb, considering how cold is it outside this time of year and the fact that Eren's hair is still damp, but neither seem to mind.
Eren's the first to speak: "Uh, how's your day been?"
"Fine," she answers, eyes lazily drifting to the ashen sky, ready for snow to fall at any given second. Should she say it? Now that she's here in person, all the things she had planned to say have seemed to slip from her mind. After seeing the man she loves half-naked, it's as if her brain has become proverbial mush.
"You don't act like it . . ." Eren trails off. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Her eyes snap upward, meeting his before she says: "I hear you and Sasha are involved romantically."
Eren gives her a look of disbelief, his stunning teal irises widening. "Huh? Where'd you hear that shit?"
"Around." she answers without missing a beat. He leans closer to her, a scowl upon his face.
He pulls away, rubbing the side of his neck. "You know, for someone so smart, you're really dumb."
Mikasa knots her eyebrows together, confused. "What are you talking about?"
"Well," he begins, turning toward her and propping his body up on his knees. He raises his left hand up and slowly guides it towards her, almost hesitatingly so. She doesn't pull away - she trusts him too much to do so - and he seems to notice. His gaze becomes more firm and his hand more confident as he moves it closer and closer until it disappears behind her.
His fingers become tangled in the hair at the nape of her neck as he gently pulls her close enough to press their foreheads together. Mikasa feels her heart swell with hope. Surely he isn't teasing her? She's long since accepted her feelings, but she figured them to be unrequited.
"You're really annoying," he says before smashing their lips together in a sloppy, yet passionate embrace. A warm, tingling sensation spreads from her chest to the top of her head and to the tips of both her fingers and toes, leaving her in a state of euphoria. She immediately decides that she likes this abnormal feeling and wants it to never end. Their lips move together in sync, both testing the water before going further.
She's the first to take the plunge, sliding her tongue across the soft flesh of his lower lip. He follows suit and does the same, except he pulls her lip forward with his teeth, suckling the plump flesh gently, causing her to involuntarily moan.
They part when their lungs begin to burn, both panting and staring into each other's eyes.
Eren is the first to speak, his voice deep and husky: "Now do you get it?"
"I don't know. You might have to show me that again." she says calmly, the corners of her mouth twitching upward. Eren smirks and hooks one finger under the scarf around her neck, pulling her within range again.
"I guess that might not be so bad, huh?"
...
"Eren, listen, there's something I want to tell you . . ."
"Thank you . . . for being together with me."
"Thank you . . . for teaching me how to live."
"Thank you . . . for wrapping this muffler on me . . ."
"Something like that - tch - I'll wrap it as a many times as I need to."
(Attack on Titan - Chapter 50)
...
END
Yay, my first AoT fic! I really enjoyed writing every bit of this. Mikasa and Eren's relationship is just so freaking adorable. It gives me those feels right in the heart, guys.
I usually don't write fluffy stuff, but I think this is certainly fluffy. Initially, this was just going to be first scene, but then it kind of became a dump for my EreMika feels that have been building up in the past couple of days.
What I really did was try to center each scene with a particular word, usually like 'warmth', 'cold', and 'scarf'. The only scene that changed was the ending. It was a lot better than the first ending I had planned (Eren being dead, Mikasa visiting with a frozen lily that I made up in the first part, and asking him if he was cold).
Anyways, please share your thoughts!