I'm thinking of doing a collection of one shots inspired by songs, it won't be a regular update since I'll be focusing on my multi chapter story 'changes' but sort of like when inspiration strikes, like it did this morning when I happened to be listening to Snow Patrol "Chasing Cars".
So yeah… enjoy.
Natsu stared up the sky, swirling clouds of grey trailing across the once blue sky and he just watched as they rolled away and faded revealing that clear blue that taunted the chaos in his mind. Right now he'd do anything for a moment of that clarity instead of these thoughts that seemed to rip a hole so deep inside that he wasn't sure he would be able to fix it again.
His body had been pushed to the limit and now that the fighting was over he truly realized how exhausted he was, every muscle ached and throbbed, his head was pounding, every cut and abrasion he's received stung like hell, and his heart… well he wandered about that too.
It continued to pump the blood around his body, the way it should do, yet he felt as it had been ripped out of his chest and crushed, he was worried that when he looked down he'd see a gaping cavity in his chest and the rushed beating he could hear was just an echo of what used to be there.
That damn book and all its evil were gone but he'd paid a price so heavy that it weighed on him so here he was lying on the floor, staring up at that blue sky not really sure how he should be feeling.
It's not like he could move anyway.
A choice… he'd been forced to make a choice. These bastards demon enjoyed playing their dirty games, just like Jackal had forced Lucy to do when they'd first fought him, the ex-council member they had been charged to protect or the innocent pregnant woman who'd been in the wrong place at the wrong time, but luck was on her side and she hadn't had to make that choice.
His choice was personal, save his father or save Lucy.
The parent he'd only just found again, the father who had promised him answers once this was all over, the father he had spent seven long years looking for. And Lucy…
He didn't even think about, he just charged and saved one but sacrificed the other. It's just that, when Lucy appeared out of nowhere, Mard Geer's hand wrapped tightly around her throat while her toes just skimmed the floor beneath her, he didn't need to think.
Watching that bastard choke the life out of his partner and friend while she pleaded for him to leave her and save Igneel… he blinked once and his fist was connecting with Mard's face and Lucy tumbled to the floor, gasping in air through her abused windpipe.
Perhaps part of him had hoped that the great behemoth could take care of himself, he believed in Igneel, he always had.
In fury, he had attacked relentlessly, pushing his exhausted body past its limits to annihilate the enemy, for hurting Lucy… for making him choose between his two most precious people.
The underworld king, overwhelmed by Natsu's vehemence couldn't defend and ultimately fell, hoping his plan and dark dreams would come to fruition without him but Fairy Tail never failed.
Though it was too late for Igneel, too much of his life force had been pilfered for the activation of face and the attempted revival of E.N.D. he fell from the sky, one last roar of defeat echoed in the dragon slayer's ears just before Natsu dropped to the ground, his body giving up.
Natsu didn't need to look to know Igneel was gone and this time he would be gone for good where Natsu could never find him. Every question he had would go unanswered, he would never have that happy reunion he had dreamed off, he wouldn't be able to introduce him to Lucy and Happy or share with him their adventures… it wasn't fair.
But, he couldn't bring himself to regret his choice either. Lucy would have died in Igneel's place and that was just too unthinkable. The idea of never going on another adventure with the perky blonde filled him with despair coupled with a heavy ache in his chest that he knew would have lasted a lot longer and ultimately would have hurt more than this current pain he was feeling now.
Deep down he knew this would pass, he would grieve and he would recover but losing Lucy gave him a much different pain, she was the… the light after all, she was the future, his future if he were to be more specific. Closing his eyes and envisioning it, she was always there, smiling by his side.
When had his feelings for the blonde become more then his feeling for his father? He couldn't think of when it started, it just was. He didn't wake up one day and start looking at her differently, she didn't change and he hadn't changed, nothing between them had altered. This feeling he had had grown without him noticing and it had seemed natural just to be with her.
He knew this feeling but to name it seemed wrong since the words didn't seem like enough, said too often amongst strangers, those three words could be thrown around so easily but what he felt wasn't light at all, it was heavy and all consuming and so much stronger than those three petty words.
He had just proven how powerful his feelings really were, the choice he'd made confirming something he hadn't really acknowledged until he saw Lucy's life in the hands of that demon freak, he had shown her that he would do anything to keep her safe.
So why was she crying like the world was ending? From his spot on the ground he heard her sobs and sniffles, even though she tried to muffle them behind her hands, he could scent the salty tears that currently trickled down her face and stained the dusty floor and through it all she just kept telling him she was sorry, over and over, her voice still hoarse from Mard Geer's death grip, growing worse with every apology she uttered. He didn't need to look to know her body was shaking.
They'd won the war and she was acting as if they'd lost everything.
Through his numbness he was starting to grow irritated.
"Lucy." He snapped, she flinched, her eyes looking up but never quite meeting his. "Why are you crying… we won right, you should be smiling." He loved her smile a hell of lot more than those heart breaking tears, perhaps if she were to smile now he'd feel better.
"B-But…" another shuddered breath. "…Igneel…" She broke down again, her eyes dropping to the ground, filling up with tears once more, he hated seeing her cry, red and blotchy, bloodshot eyes, a scrunched up face that didn't suit her at all.
Igneel. Right. She had wanted him to choose his dad but he'd chosen her instead, no doubt she was feeling guilty, Lucy was like that though, burdening herself with things she had no control over. Honestly he kinda wanted to cry to but he knew that Igneel didn't fault him for it, in fact he was pretty certain he'd be disappointed in Natsu if he had chosen Igneel over Lucy.
She was back to muttering apologies and he gritted his teeth.
"Stop it!" He snapped. "You've got nothing to be sorry for, I had a choice and I chose you because…" He didn't know how to say it, how to express his feeling with words cause there were no words that he knew that could describe it.
"I'm weak… you shouldn't have needed to save me," She shouted, she took a deep breath before continuing with a softer tone "Igneel… you spent so long looking for him and now he's gone again and it's all my fault."
"That's rubbish and you know it, the only one to blame is that demon." Natsu forced himself to move but in the end all he managed was to recline on his elbows, but like this he could see her. Her clothes were torn to shreds, again, her face was red and grimy with dirt and sweat and tears, an assortment of abrasions littered her exposed skin, drying blood coating her leg. "You think I don't know about the sacrifice you had to make for us, what you lost…" She was shaking her head, her eyes squeezed shut.
"But he was your father and because of me he…"
"And Aquarius was your friend and she once belonged to your mum right? My sacrifice wasn't any bigger than yours, we both lost someone today but we didn't lose each other." He was so tired, he just wanted to take a long nap but he couldn't have Lucy thinking like this so he needed to stay awake. "Igneel wouldn't have wanted me to choose him over you, deep down I knew no matter what I was going to lose him whether I chose him or not." He let himself fall back on to the ground and went back to looking at the cloudless sky. "In war you put everything at risk, we lost something dear to us and I'm sure the others have suffered as well, but Lucy… I couldn't risk you.
"Igneel wants me to live, to have a future and I can't have the future I dreamed of if you're gone… you get it Luce, that Mard guy gave me a choice but there was never a choice because you are the one I'll always save, I didn't even have to think about."
She fell silent after that and Natsu took a moment to enjoy that blissful moment of calm now that his heart wasn't being twisted by the sound of her crying. He wasn't sure if she understood the meaning of his words since it still wasn't enough to describe his feelings but it was out there for her to accept or reject.
Igneel's death left a gaping hole in his chest but he knew that Lucy could fill it up again, her smile, her scent, her warmth, her… everything, she'd make him whole again and his broken heart would heal. Igneel was a part of his past but Luce was his future, she opened up all kinds of possibilities and paths that may have remained closed to him if he had given her up, the chance at love, a bond, a family, an adventure of a life time.
He blinked when her face came into view, blocking his sight of the sky, not that he minded since she was a million times more beautiful to look at. Her eyes were still glittering with tears and for a moment he could see himself reflected in her eyes, tired and worn, his eyes dull from his loss but brightened the longer he looked into her eyes because he could see that his pain was her pain too.
She wasn't crying for herself and the friend she'd lost, she was shedding tears for him and the choice he had had to make, He didn't need to cry, she'd already done it for him so instead he smiled.
Before she could say anything though he gathered enough energy to pull her down against his chest, she spluttered and flailed in surprise but for all her half-hearted protests she remained where she was, flush against his body, after all he was too weak to hold her there, she could have moved at any point.
Taking it as a sign of acceptance he wrapped his arms around her and buried his nose into her hair so the only thing he could smell was her, he wanted to stay completely wrapped up with her so that all he could see, hear, feel and smell was Lucy so he could forget everything and just lay there with her until they felt better.
"I'm so tired." He whined, his eyes sliding closed.
"You fought hard, for us all." Lucy muttered, her mouth moving against the bare skin of his chest, her warm breath fanned out over his exposed skin and made him feel light-headed.
"Let's just lay here for a while," He suggested, she nodded her head, her arms coming up to wrap around him, her warm hand coming to rest on his aching heart, soothing the dull ache. See, she was his balm, she made him better, stronger. "We'll forget about everything, this stupid war, the demons, Zeref, Acnologia… our loses."
His relaxed and reveled in the feel of Lucy, with feelings he didn't know how to describe and a strange peacefulness that allowed him to fall into much desired sleep.
He could dream of their future and forget about everything because as long as Lucy was here with him then he'd… they'd heal.