A/N: Just a small Cabenson one shot, I may carry it on at some point, however at the moment it's just a one shot. Based around the episode 'Loss'. Also, aside from this part, the bits in italics are flashbacks and if you want to, I suggest listening to the song "Say Something" by A Great Big World on repeat while you read this, because it'll make you (hopefully) emotional.
Alex, Olivia and Elliot made their way out onto the street. The case they had been working had taken a toll on them all, and all were relived to finally have time to relax. Throughout the case, both Alex and Olivia had suffered, but had taken to each other for reassurance, love and strength. Before her and Alex were together, Olivia knew she would have struggled much more with the case and the effect it would have had on her would have been much greater. Alex also felt the same, knowing that without Olivia by her side she would have broken entirely. She was extremely grateful for everything Olivia had helped her with and supported her though and decided she was the luckiest woman alive. She had everything she had ever dreamed of, and it was so much better than she imagined.
Before they had gotten together, she had fallen for Olivia, and unknown to her, Olivia had also fallen for her. The guys often made fun of them both, Olivia for not realising that Alex hung around the precinct when she wasn't needed just so she could spend more time with Olivia. For not noticing the way she looked over at her and for not realising she was obviously gay, even if not openly. They made fun of Alex because she hadn't realised Olivia was gay either. It was just funnier as Olivia was open about it, and although didn't talk about it often, they all knew she was. Except Alex it would appear. The guys had eventually got annoyed with seeing them act like teenagers and set about getting them together, and all knew it was the best decision they had ever made, they had known Olivia much longer than Alex, but saw the change in both woman.
When they had eventually 'officially' gotten together, Olivia was overwhelmed. To her, Alex was perfect and she wasn't. She in no way compared to Alex, and once gained the courage raised her fears to the blonde.
They had been lead on the couch, Olivia behind Alex, her arms wrapped around her. They had ordered take out, and were now watching TV, although neither were really paying attention to what was happening. Olivia had wanted to talk to Alex about what was on her mind for a couple days now, and had finally worked up the courage to speak of her concerns.
"Alex?" she asked, her worry coming through clearly.
Alex turned awkwardly to face her, sensing that she was going to say something important. She saw the worry in her eyes and gently kissed her cheek while running her hand gently through her short hair, "what's wrong?"
Olivia looked down, embarrassed now.
"All the time while I sat in the precinct thinking about you, I never thought I would be so lucky to actually have you, be with you. I never imagined in my whole life to have someone as amazing as you are, I never thought someone could be this lucky, this happy, least of all me," she started, tears welling in her eyes. She looked up at Alex, who looked confused.
"I don't know how many times I sat there and thought about asking you out to dinner or for a drink. But I was so embarrassed. You're so amazing and I'm just, well, not. Even now, I can't imagine being happier, but you're gorgeous and such a beautiful, kind person, but strong willed. You are amazing in every aspect and I cannot compare to you. I don't know what you see in me, and I know I don't deserve you," she was openly crying now, as was Alex.
"Liv, you're the most beautiful person I know and will ever know. No one could ever come close, and no one could ever make me feel the way you do. You're perfect just the way you are and I couldn't imagine ever being this happy because I wasn't even aware this was possible. Each day, when I lingered in the precinct just so I could be with you for a couple more minutes, I thought about how jealous I was of the person you will end up with. The first time I saw you working perps, I was blown away with the way you worked, how fierce you were, but then I saw you sat with the little girl, and I knew then that you were the person I wanted to be with. You were so gentle, and so kind and caring. I agree that you don't compare to me, you're so much better," Alex finished. She was still crying, as was Liv.
Liv reached her hand out wiped the tears from Alex's face and kissed her tenderly. That was the moment both woman knew.
Each time Olivia thought of that moment she couldn't help but smile. Alex had been able to diffuse her worries so easily, and although she still doubted herself, she knew Alex didn't and she was so grateful.
Neither women could wait to get home, both wanting a relaxing evening, snuggled in each other's embrace on the couch, so walked with Elliot quickly down the street towards the squad car. None of them noticed the car that came round the corner. Elliot was the first to notice it, and seconds after he did he noticed the gun pointing in their direction.
"Get down," he yelled, seconds before shots were fired.
Olivia dropped and pulled Alex with her, not wanting to hut her but not wanted her to get shot either. After a couple shots were fired, the car speed off without any of the three managing to get a look inside, the blackened windows not helping. Elliot was up in a flash, running after them, but gave up when the car pulled onto another street. They were travelling too fast for him to get anywhere close to seeing inside. But he had a pretty good idea.
Meanwhile, Olivia lifted her head and looked over towards Alex. Her heart plummeted and she thought she was going to be sick. They'd shot Alex. Her beautiful Alex. She pushed the rage aside and moved incredibly quickly to her side. She had lost a lot of blood already and Olivia couldn't help the tears that rolled down her face. Olivia placed her hands over the shot wound in Alex shoulder and applied pressure, trying to ignore the groan of pain that escaped her girlfriend lips.
She heard Elliot radio for a bus in the background, but all she was fully aware of was Alex.
"I love you so much baby, we're going to get this all sorted out. A bus is on its way right now and they'll be able to fix you up real good. You're going to be fine, everything's going to be alright, I promise," she said, fighting back the rest of the tears. She knew she had to be strong, at least until she had time to herself. She looked down at her hands and saw the blood seeping through them and onto the sidewalk. She knew it wasn't good for someone to lose that much blood.
She concentrated on Alex's face, and tried to ignore the pain in her eyes. They flickered slightly.
"Alex, you gotta stay awake for me baby, just a few more minutes, everything's going to be fine."
Alex could hear Olivia's voice but it sound so far away, she listened to the words she said, trying to block out the pain in her shoulder. Olivia's voice, although disguised well, held fear and Alex knew it must be bad. She needed to tell Olivia how much she loved her, make sure she knew that she was her whole world. She needed Liv to know that she was everything and more to her. She tried to speak, but it was like her brain wasn't sending signals.
Olivia noticed Alex trying to speak. Whatever it was, it could wait, and there was nothing Alex needed to tell her. She knew how much she was loved and she was so thankful, she knew what Alex felt for her because she felt it too.
"Don't try and speak, just stay awake. It's all going to be okay," she reassured her, though not knowing whether to believe herself.
The blood was still flowing out of her shoulder, and although not as fast, it was still a worrying amount. Alex closed her eyes and mustered strength. She had no idea if she was ever going to see Olivia again, and the thought pained her more than she knew possible. Tears rolled of her cheeks as she thought about never spending another night with Olivia by her side, never sharing another joke, or hearing Olivia's laugh when she done something silly. She didn't want to think about what it would be like for Olivia, because she couldn't imagine the pain of living each day without seeing her. She wanted to spend her life with Olivia, grow old with her. And she knew she had to fight this, she had to get through this. But if she didn't, she had to make sure Olivia knew.
She opened her eyes, wanting to get a look at her beautiful girlfriend. She found the strength to mutter a few words.
"Love you," Olivia heard Alex say and her heart swelled. Tears glistened in her eyes.
"I love you too baby, more than you'll ever know, more than I ever thought possible."
Olivia heard the paramedics and they pulled her away from Alex who had now closed her eyes. That was the point that Olivia lost all sense of things. She had no idea what was happening, she just kept her eyes on Alex. They worked quickly, but it felt like an age to Olivia, though she was soon sat in the back of the ambulance with her.
She saw the looks the paramedics shared as the worked on the blonde but she tried to ignore them. She knew how strong Alex was and they didn't, they didn't know her at all and there was no way Alex was going to give up that easily. She reached over and lightly stroked her face and noticed they were shaking.
She had no idea how long she was sat in the ambulance for but all of sudden they stopped and they were getting out. She wanted to be as close to Alex as possible, but was moved out of the way so the doctors were able to get to her, so followed behind as close as she could. She felt a hand on her arm and turned to look at who it belonged to. It was a nurse.
"I'm Louise," she said, with a small smile.
Olivia nodded, but wasn't paying attention to her. She just wanted to be with Alex. Louise, who must have sensed what she wanted spoke up.
"I'm afraid you can't go any further, they're going to have to take her into theatre to operate. I'll take you through to the relative's room. I can get you a nice warm drink and we can wait in there."
Louise spoke calmly, knowing how shaken up relatives could get.
"But I'm her girlfriend," Olivia said in a tiny voice.
"I'm sorry, but we can't let you through. You'll be the first to know when she's out though, and we can keep you updated. First, we should get you cleaned up," she said, motioning to Olivia's hands that were still coated in Alex's blood.
Olivia looked down, having forgotten about the blood and her face turned white. She hadn't really been paying attention to the blood, but it covered her hands and her white shirt she was wearing. The contrast between the two made her feel sick. There was so much blood on her, she had no idea how Alex was still alive. Louise noticed the change in her and pushed her towards a chair in the waiting room. Olivia reacted obediently and once sat, Louise pushed her head between her legs.
They sat there for a few minutes before Olivia felt better and lifted her head.
"Better?" Louise asked her.
Olivia nodded and stood, as did Louise.
Louise led her to the nearest bathroom where she washed her hands thoroughly, watching Alex's blood swirling down the drain. Louise watched her silently and wished everything would work out, she couldn't imagine the effect her girlfriend's death would have on her.
Once she had washed and dried her hands, Louise got her some scrubs to change into, knowing it would make her more comfortable and would do her some good to be out of the bloody clothes she was wearing.
Finally clean of the blonde's blood, Olivia sat in the relative's room. All of a sudden, emotions overcame her and she started crying. Since the shooting she hadn't properly cried and now she had released some emotion she was unable to stop. The tears fell thick and fast and created wet patches on the scrubs. The light amount of makeup she wore ran down her cheeks and she struggled to catch her breath.
Again Louise was there by her side helping her gain her breath, and after a couple of minutes Olivia had recovered.
"There you go," Louise said encouragingly as Olivia's breathing slowed. "Well done, you're alright."
Olivia nodded, still crying but not as much. She just wanted Alex to hold her in her strong embrace. The woman could take all the fear and pain away from her and she felt so safe whenever she was with her, she didn't know what it was, but something about Alex calmed her deeply. So many times she had come home late at night, emotional about a case and as soon as she had climbed into bed, there was Alex. She understood that she wouldn't want to talk, so instead just held her, calmed her and made everything okay. She needed Alex to make things okay now, she needed her Alex back.
She thought back to the last time she had walked through the door at some ridiculous time in the morning after three straight days at the precinct and how amazing Alex had been then.
Olivia tried to be as quite as possible, she knew Alex would be in bed, and hopefully, though unlikely, would be asleep. She unlocked the door and walked in, taking her shoes of straight away as to insure they wouldn't make too much noise as she walked around. She locked the door, and after checking all the windows were locked made her way to their room. She slipped her clothes off and climbed into bed with just vest and panties on and quietly as she could, assuming from the lack of movements and sound from Alex that she was already asleep.
Once lead down, she felt Alex's arms snake around her and she rolled over to face her. Just being back with her girlfriend was amazing, and, because they hadn't had any time together in the last few days, was also emotional. But on top of the case they had been working on and the result, Olivia was in full blown hysterics. Alex held her close and ran her hand though her hair, knowing it helped to soothe Olivia when she was at her worst, and hoped she would be able to hear her heart beating, knowing it soothed her.
After a while, Olivia's tears stopped and she looked up at Alex.
"We were too late, Lex. It was so bad," Olivia told her.
Alex knew how hard Olivia took things, and she couldn't stop herself tearing up at the thought of what another young child had gone through. She had seen parts of the case and knew how horrific it had been for the children, only one out of 7 surviving the torture they were put through.
"I was supposed to stop him, I could have stopped him doing it again. This is all my fault," Olivia muttered quietly, her breathing speeding up slightly.
Alex kissed her lightly on her forehead.
"Olivia, none of this is your fault, you did everything you could and did everything within you power to stop him. You spent three days at the precinct looking over everything. You can't blame yourself for what that man done to those children. I know it's not easy to accept it, but if you took the blame for every single person who commits an act of violence or sexual assault, well you wouldn't be able to. You're so amazing, and you've got to remember all the people you've saved, helped and whose lives have been completely turned around thanks to you," Alex said, kissing her again once finished.
By now, Olivia was once again crying. Alex ran her hand through her hair again, whispering soothing words and occasionally kissing her. She held her close and Olivia felt safe and reassured in her lovers arms. Over the few days she was away from Alex it had been hard, it always was, but she knew that Alex loved her no matter what happened. Her tears slowed and she was soon just sniffling and hiccupping as she calmed down.
"I got your top all wet," Olivia stated, noticing her tears over Alex's top.
"You got your vest wet as well," Alex told her.
They looked at each other and the same thought ran through their heads. They removed there wet clothes and snuggled close together, each finding comfort in the others naked form.
Louise was watching Olivia, knowing that her girlfriend was the most important person to her and felt saddened that people who were so in love could be torn apart so easily. The couple didn't deserve this.
"Can I get you anything?" she suggested noticing that Olivia was shaking slightly.
Olivia shook her head. "I just want Alex," she said in barely more than a whisper.
"I'll be right back," Louise told her, and Olivia nodded, thankful for some time to herself. Louise was nice but she really needed some time just to think. She couldn't quite wrap her mind about what was happening, she couldn't believe it was her Alex that had been shot. Half of her felt like she should ring Alex's mobile just to check, just to make sure. But she knew.
Louise reappeared a couple of minutes later with a steaming cup of coffee. She held it out to Olivia once she was sat and Olivia took it in her shaking hands.
"I noticed you were shaking, I thought you might want a warm drink," she told her.
Olivia nodded, grateful that the woman had more sense than to listen to her. Although she had told Louise she didn't want anything, now she had a coffee she was glad that Louise had given it to her. The thought out loud sounded ridiculous but it reminded her of Alex. She loved coffee and when she kissed Olivia goodbye in the morning she could always taste it. Olivia had once tried to persuade Alex to try and go without coffee but she didn't even last a day.
"Thank you," Olivia said, tears once again coming to the surface for reasons she couldn't even explain.
Louise often dealt with relatives and patients who were overcome with emotions and had learnt early on not to question them on their changing emotions. Hospitals could be very stressful places and bad news lingered for everyone. Sometimes it was just hard.
"Do you want to talk about your girlfriend?" Louise asked, knowing sometimes it helped relatives to think of the good things that had happened in their lives due to the person they were sat waiting on information for, rather than what might happen.
"Alex," Olivia said, and when she received a confused look from Louise she said, "her name's Alex."
Louise felt the need to apologise.
"Sorry. Do you want to talk about Alex?"
Olivia thought about it. She often kept her private life private, but he figured talking about Alex would be good. She was the best thing in her life, and while her life was hanging in the balance she should share how amazing she was with others.
"She's the best thing that ever happened to me. She's the most amazing person in the world and loved me for me. She's the first person I've been with who has truly accepted me for me," Olivia started, and had tears rolling down her cheeks already.
She thought back to the time she had told Alex about how she had been conceived and how she had assured Olivia that it didn't change the way she felt about her.
Alex and Olivia were lead in comfortable silence just enjoying being together. They had just made love for the first time and emotions over took both of them. Although she was happy, something was on Olivia's mind. It had been her idea, or rather, it had been her who had started it. She had to make sure she hadn't forced Alex into doing anything, knowing what was in her genes.
"I'm sorry if I sound mad," Olivia started, having to stop to think about how to carry on.
Alex looked at her.
"What's wrong? You can talk to me about anything, you know that right?"
Olivia nodded, not trusting herself enough to talk without letting her emotions run wild. She took a deep breath before continuing.
"I didn't force you did I?"
"Of course not, why would you ever think that?"
Olivia looked away, embarrassed, ashamed.
"My dad."
"Your dad?" Alex asked confused. Although a few people at SVU knew about her dad, not enough for rumours to be spread thankfully. However the statement confused Alex.
"I should have told you this before, I'm sorry," Olivia said, annoyed at herself for not bringing it up before. There was no way Alex would want to be with her now, and might even assume Olivia hadn't told her just so you could sleep with her.
"Olivia, what is it?" Alex asked, worried now.
"My mom was raped. I'm a product of rape," she muttered quickly, and so quietly that Alex didn't hear her.
"Pardon," she said, not wanting to ask her to repeat it, seeing how much pain it caused her, but felt like she needed to know what Olivia told her.
Olivia took another deep breath and repeated herself.
"My mom was raped. I'm a product of rape."
Alex connected the dots quickly.
"You think you have some part of him in you?"
Olivia nodded.
"You're nothing like him Olivia, I know you're not capable of something like that, and I know deep down that you know it too. Is that why you joined SVU?" she asked her.
"Yeah, I wanted to find him, put him away for what he put my mum through."
"Did you?"
Olivia shook her head. "Her case has gone cold, but he's got to be out there somewhere. He has no idea what she went through, I can't imagine what it was like for her, even after all this time working with victims, seeing what they've been through, I can't imagine what it was like."
"How did she cope?" Alex asked, then realising she may be coming off insensitive. "Sorry, you don't have to talk about."
"I want you to know, you need to know what I come from."
Alex nodded, staying silent, waiting for Olivia to continue.
"In all honestly, she didn't cope. Before she told me what happened to her, I thought I might be able to help her. She used to drink. A lot. Sometimes I would wake up and she would be passed out on the floor, I would just have to check she was alright, make she was still breathing and leave her too it," Olivia paused after hearing Alex gasp.
Alex couldn't imagine what it was like to see a parent passed out not knowing whether they were alive or dead, she couldn't imagine the pain that she went through.
"That part was the easy part, it was much worse at night, she was conscious then."
Olivia fiddled with the bed sheet between her hands, nervous at what Alex might think of her. Alex stroked Olivia's cheek gently. What she had said hadn't left it hard to imagine what she was trying to say and Alex had no idea how someone could treat their child like that.
Olivia's eyes met Alex and she noticed the tears welling up.
"It's alright Liv, your safe now," Alex reassured.
"It hurt so much Lex. I had no idea what I'd done wrong and I just wanted to make it better. I had no idea why she hated me, why she drank herself into unconsciousness or why she let her boyfriend's anywhere near me. Every week Lex. Every single week since I was a little girl."
By now the tears were falling fast and Alex's heart broke at the thought of the pain and suffering her girlfriend had gone through.
"You're so amazing Liv. You're so amazing and so beautiful and I've never admired anyone more than you," she said after kissing her tenderly.
"I didn't even realise that I reminded her of the worst thing she went through, I reminded her of the worst thing that happened to her. When she told me, in some aspect I was relieved. I began to understand why. I never could understand why she bothered to keep me, she could have aborted me, given me away. It would have saved us both a lot of pain and suffering," she said quietly.
"And now you think you're like him?"
Olivia shrugged.
"Look at the genes I have Alex, I would never want to hurt you, and I would never be able to forgive myself if I pushed you into doing something."
"Olivia, you're nothing like him, I promise you. Look at the work you do, look at all the amazing things you've achieved and all the people who you've helped."
"I have his eyes," she said so quietly that Alex had to ask her to repeat herself.
"I have his eyes, that's what she told me. Every time she looked at me she saw him," she said.
Alex wrapped her arms around Olivia and held her close.
"You never forced me into having sex Olivia, and I know you'd never hurt me. I trust you with me life and there is no one I'd rather be with. I don't care who your parents are or what background you came from, that sort of thing doesn't matter to me. I love you for you and nothing could change that. I've seen the work you do and the way you connect with victims and I know you'd never want to cause harm to anyone, least of all me. It breaks my heart knowing what you've been through and I wish I could take it all away, I wish I could make you forget it, but I know that's not possible. But I also know how strong you are and how incredible you are," she said, now also crying.
Olivia looked over towards her, her expression showing her confusion.
"You want to stay with me?"
Alex nodded, "of course I do, and nothing could change how much I love you. And I do, I really do. I don't think I could love you more if I tried."
Olivia was almost crying at the memory, and although sad, she was relieved to have told Alex the truth, and she was over the moon that Alex still wanted to be with her. She had no idea what she would have done or how she would have coped if she hadn't wanted to stay with her. It would have broken her heart.
"She was the first person who I believed when they said I mattered, the first person I believed when they told me they loved me," she told Louise.
Louise smiled, not knowing what the back story was but knowing that it meant the world to Olivia that Alex had accepted her. She could tell that Olivia really loved her.
"What does she do?" Louise asked, wanting to know more about the blonde.
"She's an ADA. The best ADA at that," Olivia said, not being able to keep the smile off her face at the thought of her girlfriend kicking ass in court.
"Is that where you met, work?"
Louise had seen Olivia around the hospital when she came in to speak to rape and abuse victims. She had always admired her for the work she done and couldn't imagine how hard it was for them to cope with at SVU. She didn't want to imagine the horrific things they saw, and as a nurse she had seen some pretty horrific things.
"Yeah. I knew from the moment I saw her that she was the one I wanted to be with."
The two women spoke on and off while waiting for news on Alex, and Olivia was grateful Louise didn't leave her. After a couple of hours had passed Olivia's anxiousness grew, she had no idea how long it was supposed to take but it had been a while now.
"How long?"
"I can't really answer that, I have no idea the extent of her wound," Louise answered truthfully.
"She will be alright though, won't see. They'll be able to save her," Olivia asked, not knowing how she would be able to deal without Alex, even a couple days away from her being painful.
Louise hated the question, and never got used to the pain behind it. Almost all relatives asked and she knew she couldn't make any promises that everything would be alright and would go okay.
"I can't tell, and I can't make promises. I know they have the best team in there working on her, and I know that they'll try their hardest to make sure she comes out of this," she said, again truthfully.
Olivia nodded, knowing she couldn't expect anything more than that. She felt the tears well up in her eyes at the thought of not waking up to Alex next to her, of not being able to see her each day, of never being able to feel her skin or her touch, or never being able to tell or show how in love with her she was. She didn't want to be without Alex
They sat in silence, Louise understanding that Olivia wanted some time to herself, to think everything through. A couple of times she placed a hand reassuringly on her back of handed her a tissue.
At the sound of the door handle being moved Olivia jumped up from her seat, hoping it was some news on Alex. She had to know she was okay, she had to see her.
Once the doctor opened the door he looked towards Olivia.
"Miss Benson?" he asked.
Olivia nodded, hoping his reflection didn't in anyway reflect the news he was bearing for her.
"'I'm sorry," he started, and before he had a chance to continue Olivia had tears rolling down her cheeks and was shaking her head.
"We tried everything but she had lost a lot of blood and we couldn't get it into her as it was coming out," he said sincerely.
Olivia didn't stop shaking her head.
"No, you're lying. She can't be. You don't know her, she's so strong," she said loudly almost yelling at the doctor.
Louise stood up and wrapped her arms around the distraught women pulling her into her embrace hoping to bring some comfort she hated this part of the job but knew it had to be done. Olivia's head rested on her shoulder and she could feel her shaking as the tears continued to fall rapidly. She heard the door close and knew the doctor had left them too it.
"She can't, please," she heard Olivia mutter. "He's lying, she wouldn't leave me. She can't be," she stopped, just thinking about the word made her feel sick.
Louise just held her, letting her cry on her shoulder and rubbing a hand on her back. She had no idea how to comfort the woman, knowing the thing she wanted most wasn't possible. Louise had seen Alex when she came and had seen how bad it had been but had hoped that it wouldn't come to this. She had seen the raw fear in Olivia's eyes as she watched her girlfriend being wheeled away, she had heard the pure love in her voice whenever she spoken about her and now she could feel the complete heartbreak and sorrow flowing through her body.
Eventually, after some time Olivia calmed herself and was no longer crying so fiercely, instead just hard a few tears rolling down her cheeks.
"I want to see her. I have to see her, please," she said to Louise, knowing it may sound ridiculous but she had to insure it was Alex. She needed to make sure.
"Of course, let me just check and I can take you," Louise said.
She left the room momentarily and, although still not fully accepting what had happened, Olivia's tears ran faster. When Louise returned, the anguish and pain in Olivia's face was indescribably and it broke her heart knowing Olivia had lost the one person who meant the most to her.
"We can go over now if you want," Louise told her, wanting to make sure she was alright with this.
Olivia nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
Louise lead the way down the many corridors to where Alex was, Olivia following but not paying much attention to where they were going.
Louise stopped and Olivia almost bumped into her.
"She's just in there, I'll wait out here for you, give you some time," Louise said, having told people that to many times.
Olivia placed her hand on the door handle, but couldn't find the courage to open the door. She wanted to see Alex, she had to, but she couldn't. Seeing her would make it so much more real.
"You don't have to," she heard Louise say, but she was determined.
She opened the door and closed it quietly behind her, not wanting to disturb the silence she was in. she stood by the door for a while before walking over to the bed where her girlfriend lay.
Her breath caught in the back of her throat as she saw Alex's beautiful face. She let the tears flow freely, not bothering to try and stop them while running a hand over her face lightly. She wanted her to move, smile, anything. She wanted this to be a horrible dream, a nightmare. More than anything she wanted Alex's eyes to open, one at a time as they did in the morning when she woke up.
Olivia leant down and kissed her gently on her forehead.
Although no longer alive, something that pained Olivia more than words could express, Alex was still Alex. She was still beautiful, she was still the person she had fallen in love with and she was still the person she wanted to be with and nothing could ever change that.
Olivia knew Alex couldn't hear her, she knew that her words wouldn't benefit anyone but she couldn't stop herself.
"I love you Alex, I love you so, so much and I hope that every minute we were together for you knew that. I hope that every minute we were together for you knew how special you were to me and how much you meant to me. I never imagined I would ever have to be without you, and I have no idea how I'm going to get through this, I honestly don't think I ever while," she paused, her speech now coming out quietly and if in pain, and, although not physical, she was.
"You made me feel like I was worth something, you made me feel more loved than anyone ever has and I could never thank you enough even if we had an infinite amount of time together. You're the most wonderful person I've ever known, and I am the luckiest person to have ever lived just to have known you, let alone be the one you choose."
She placed a kiss on Alex's lips, wanting nothing more than to feel Alex respond and kiss her back. Her tears never once stopped falling and knew that she would soon have to go, never being able to see Alex again. The pain of that fact was unlike anything she had ever felt.
"I love you so much Alexandra," she whispered.
The knock on the door signalled that Olivia would have to go. She kissed Alex once more and left quietly.
When Louise saw Olivia come out of the room she saw the pain and knew there were no words to describe what she felt. She knew the world unfair, but she didn't deserve this, she had witnessed how in love they were and she hadn't even seen the together. She had no idea how Olivia was going to get over this, or even if she would.
Olivia hardly spoke for the rest of the time while at the hospital, but the tears never once stopped completely.
When Olivia arrived home she felt lost. This was their home and it felt weird to be stood in the living room without Alex. She didn't want to be here without Alex. She had been through relationships, but none of them were like what she had with Alex. She had been through breakup after breakup but she had never felt the pain she felt now she had lost Alex, it was unbearable. The hospital had given Olivia all the things Alex had on her, including the jacket she had been wearing. It was Olivia's favourite one and she loved the way Alex wore it. She held it close to her. It smelt like Alex. Olivia cried some more. She didn't know how, she hadn't stopped crying for longer than 10 minutes, it seemed impossible that she still had more tears.
As she held the jacket, she felt something in the pocket. She reached in and pulled out a velvet red box. Her breath caught in the back of her throat as thoughts ran through her mind of what could be in the box, but one stuck. She opened it slowly and her heart broke. Instead was a ring and at closer inspection she saw 'forever' engraved on the inside. She had wanted to spend forever with Alex, and Alex had felt the same.
THE END.
I apologise for this. I'm really sorry if this is no good, I'm not great at writing, and I'm sorry for mistakes and lack of American. If I do notice some things now I've uploaded I'll take it down, make corrections then repost.
Thank you for reading x