Title: Mama Tried
Disclaimers: Purely for fun only. Genre: hurt/comfort you glorious! Traditional sickfic, in the way I usually write it! ;)
Rating: T but with adult themes.
Summary/Set: Frigga will get her Loki back, no matter what. Post TA, one of those prison fics, written dozen times over, yet different.
Pairing: Surprise!
Note: The title is a reference to Merle Haggard's song,"Mama Tried" that expresses the feelings of its guilt-ridden relator, a rebel child, who ignores his mother's pleas and ends up in prison serving "life without parole." The respect the jailed man gives his mother comes across in the lines and offers hope for redemption in the dreariest of circumstances.
Frigga didn't know how much torture it was exactly for Loki to sit not just physically confined into a small area he could cross with four-five wide steps, but with his powers largely restricted and crippled by the forcefield as well. What she did know for sure, was that the anguish she herself felt when seeing him detained, depressed, miserable and discarded could not be too far from how he was feeling. The grief she felt for the lost young man could be crippling and it was only by using illusions when performing her queenly duties alongside Odin that she could conceal her heartache and the resentment she felt against her husband for forbidding her to be with and comfort her adopted son. It was one of the reasons she didn't project there every day, not even every week, but there was also the fact that she couldn't bear to see him so defeated, so lost and angry, arguing with her at every turn and blaming her for things she already felt guilty about even though she had no choice in the matter when they were happening. But on this day Odin was on Alfheim and so far, unusually, nobody has asked for audience with her in the morning. She could use the free time to visit Loki.
Putting up some magic wards to warn her of someone approaching her rooms, she turned to the small platform she used for the staging of her projections and sighed, mentally preparing and strengthening herself for what she was about to experience next. When the spell was done, she was as if standing quietly with clasped hands by the prison cell's forcefield, but inside, yet still felt almost like looking in. She was not surpised to see Loki lying on his cot on his back, with his hands placed casually over his stomach. He was motionless, staring without blinking at the white, unchanging ceiling. Shaking her uneasiness over the worrying sight, the queen took comfort in the fact the books were not stacked up untouched in the corner, but some were strewn about the room, opened at various pages. Like one was by the bed, another one on Loki's chest turned down, one at his feet. They were clearly in use.
The breakfast that Frigga personally made sure was comprised of the finest gathered honey, blend of butter, freshly baked bread and revitalizing tonic, lay untouched however. It was only occasionally that the crowned head could see to changing the convict's rationed, coarse and unsanitary staple to something more fitting for a prince, so the allmother was somewhat upset and weary that Loki had not given the food any consideration. By the looks of it, he was even thinner than last she'd seen him a couple of weeks ago and the unsettling, throbbing light of the forcefield didn't do his sallow, anaemic complexion any favours. Yet it was almost like a pity to address him. He seemed relatively at peace for the moment, while whenever they talked they ended up disagreeing, with Loki riled up and shaking with emotion. But if there was anything at all she could do to help him, she needed to know. "Loki.." She breathed, her voice a mix of affection and sympathy.
"My queen." He answered back on an even tone, without turning, as if he had been aware that the whole time she had been standing there.
Frigga shook her head, but decided to disregard the form of address for now. No more repeat spats needed. "I am sorry I could not come earlier my darling. Your…Odin has caught on I'm afraid. I will need to be more careful in the future."
"You know he's wrong, but you're not daring to defy him?" Loki piped up mockingly.
"I have defied and fought you…Odin in many matters over the centuries, some of state importance, some trivial. I have especially disputed his various plans and decision to do with his sons and I have successfully swayed his mind about a good number of such issues. These actions however, almost always required a lot of time. He will not permanently stop me from seeing my child, but for just now, I need not anger him so he can mellow on his own. In the meantime, if you would like some different writing instruments to finally start that journal, any genre of books that would interest you, a potion to ease your mind.."
"Offering a magazine or something, hm?" The once king mused, "not unlike Fury."
"What?" Frigga looked at him confused.
"None of these little offerings make any difference to the injustice Odin deals."
"What would you have him do with you? There were innocent people, Jotun and Midgardian perishing at your hands. Not even I could, would or advise anyone to ignore such a thing," Frigga had to defend the truth.
"When will Odin also put himself in a cell down here for the same crimes?" Loki arose to lean on an elbow, looking his visitor in the eyes for the first time since her arrival, "disguise such behaviour under the pretext of diplomacy and war and all of a sudden it's all noble and respectable!"
"There is a fine line between advisability and cruelty, that is true," Frigga appeased him, "and my husband is experienced enough to walk it precisely on the right side of the edge. Knowledge that we were sure you held much conceivably than your brother."
"Not my brother," Loki retaliated immediately when the queen forgot for a moment he did not like those forms of addresses that reminded him he wasn't born into the family.
"Thor had to learn fast and I am sure you will too," Frigga sighed.
"What for? I'm to rot in here till the day I die."
"No," Frigga disputed, "not if I can help it. Perhaps it will take a long time, but I will change Odin's mind, I promise you that. Now if you could just let me help you in the meantime? Eat a little, keep your strength up. Or the very least, occupy your mind. I am afraid you will go mad in here idle if you don't," she took the tray from the table and took a few steps with it towards the bed. "Sit up my child, let me show you what a great year it was for honey collecting from the multitude and variety in flowers around the whole of Asgard."
"I'm supposed to occupy my mind with flowers?" Loki gave her a disapproving stare.
"It will have to be the little pleasures of life for just now," Frigga pleaded with him, hesitating. For the look Loki gave her, the breakfast was soon to end up all over the floor.
"Pleasure yourself elsewhere," the prince lay back onto the cot, resuming his staring up at the ceiling and ignoring her.
"I am here if you need me, remember that." The allmother set the tray back where it came from, resigned. Arguing with him wasn't doing any good, he was pushing her away and forcing the issue was upsetting both of them. "If there's anything you need or you would like to talk to me, you can trust some of the guards to relay the message. Edrionrofn, Ainnirveid and Mjiolsvall will be kind enough, I have made sure of that. The prison chief also."
"Pity is not an emotion I am intending to exploit." Loki answered gruffly.
"I love you," Frigga sighed, frowning regretfully before withdrawing her projection.
At her exit, Loki allowed himself a wince and turned to his side, curling up. Not showing weakness was getting increasingly difficult with his rising nausea. His stomach was cramping exceedingly painfully and he knew he was moments away from throwing up, even though it will not bring any relief.
Tbc