A Conflict of the Heart
By SecretJedi
Set: During J.A. #1
Disclaimer: Every recognisable world, building and character belongs to George Lucas….darn!
(Note: this is my first fanfic so please be gentle!)
The Jedi Temple always looked beautiful when bathed in the early morning sun; soft rays of light poured through the countless windows and lent the peaceful building an almost supernatural air. It was as though the Force had coma alive; it flowed through the Temple's sweeping corridors and seeped into every corner, every room like an ever lasting river of power. It was impossible not to feel its soothing effects. Qui-Gon Jinn had always appreciated the calm that engulfed the Temple had such early hours and had a long time ago taken up the habit of morning meditation. However, he was unable to concentrate this particular morning, which irked him greatly. He heaved a heavy sigh and slowly opened his piercing blue eyes. Sleep had offered him little respite from the numerous questions that now played upon his heart but he had hoped that meditation would help. It had not. Rising from the rather hard floor of his small but comfortable apartment he reached out for the reassuring presence of his lightsaber; he tapped the hilt of it gently, reaching for his centre of calm.
Staring out of the window he could not shake the peculiar feeling that there was something amiss in the Force, and whenever he tried to meditate on it his thoughts kept returning to the young Obi-Wan Kenobi. The look of complete disappointment on the boy's face had touched the Jedi Master's hardened heart. The boy's skills with a lightsabre was impressive, he had to admit; he had not seen many twelve year olds with such an affinity with their weapon.
"The boy is strong in the Force," mused Qui-Gon, "but his heart is too full of emotion. He could turn." But a small voice at the back of his mind whispered to him, willed him to reconsider. "But I have seen it happen before…Xanatos…I failed in my duty as a Master. It would be wrong of me even to consider Kenobi." Although he would never admit it, Qui-Gon knew that he could not cope with another betrayal. After Xanatos he had sworn to himself he would never take another apprentice; the risk was too great.
Qui-Gon looked at the small time keeping device placed next to the small, weathered couch to his left: it was nearly the eighth hour and time for him to leave for Bandomeer. He sighed; meditation had brought him little peace from the torrent of questions and emotions that lay on his heart. He needed time, time that was quickly running out. Quickly packing his few belongings for his mission to Bandomeer, he could not help feeling a sense of dread. For all his beliefs about living in the moment, focusing on the here and now, he had the feeling that something was waiting for him; a test of some sort. Did it involve the boy? Qui-Gon could not tell.
He checked the time again: time to leave. He walked briskly out of his apartment and made his way to the Monument. Qui-Gon was barely aware of the Jedi he passed: Initiates laughing and bursting with energy on their way to the Temple's cantina and Knights recalling adventures on recent missions and reminiscing with old friends. The Temple was awakening but Qui-Gon's thoughts remained on Obi-Wan: "the boy does not deserve the life of a mere farmer." He could sense the Initiate's potential. "Well, Yoda seems to predict great things from him and the old troll has formed a strange attachment to the boy." Qui-Gon's thoughts turned to the ancient, wise Jedi. "At least he didn't hit me with that gnarled stick of his," he thought wryly. The previous night's conversation with the green master had left Qui-Gon feeling unsettled. The wizened Master had seemed amused at how the Force had apparently thrown him and Obi-Wan together, and so sure that they were destined to be Master and Apprentice. Qui-Gon just don not know if he was ready to be a Master again after all these years. He had become used to operating alone; he liked being by himself. "I work best by myself. Having a Padawan tag along would be completely disastrous!"
The Corasaunti sun hung low in the sky, untroubled by clouds. Qui-Gon could not help but feel envious of it as continued his ruminating in the speeding air-taxi that was headed for the Monument, his transportation to Bandomeer. The ship was repulsive to look at, Qui-Gon thought. It had numerous dents in the rusting metal, as though it had been taken through a particularly dangerous asteroid field, whilst being shot at. It did not fill the veteran Jedi with much confidence. "I hope the pilot is better than this ship makes out". Carefully unfolding himself out of the air-taxi Qui-Gon weaved through the growing number of beings that were beginning to amass on the platform. Whiphids transporting cargo bearing what Qui-Gon recognised as the Offworld Mining Corporation logo. A small group of Hutts had positioned themselves upon high, wide podiums, watching the activity with sharp eyes to make sure that all of Offworld's freight was placed inside the ship's cavernous second hangar.
A small movement to his left caught Qui-Gon's attention: a short figure dressed in a familiar set of tan and brown robes. "Ah, the young Kenobi has arrived." He watched as Obi-Wan, almost swamped by the flurry of activity around him, approached an unfriendly looking Whiphid. Qui-Gon's heart twisted as he felt the boy's anguish. He cursed Yoda and the Council for resigning Obi-Wan to such a fate. "He's far too young to be put on a ship like this." He was almost tempted to go over and help the poor boy but restrained himself. "What good would it do him? If I go over, he would no doubt get the wrong idea. No, it would be best to make him learn to trust his own instincts. After-all, he's going to rely on himself from now on". It pained Qui-Gon to think of someone so young being forced into a world of cruelty and distrust, especially with no experience of life outside the Temple.
Striding across the bustling platform towards his contact, a woman with faming red hair, who introduced herself as Clat'Ha, Qui-Gon had come to a conclusion. "Well, if one could call it that," he thought. He would wait. Wait and watch, while listening to the whispering voice of the Force. If he and Obi-Wan were destined to one day stand side by side then he would allow events to unfold. Young Kenobi had yet to prove himself.
Please R&R! Let me know what you think!