Abby,
It's pointless-me writing this-I know I'll never give it to you and it will just remain in my bag as a warning of the truth; and when, in countless future times with you I reach in my bag for my phone, pager, wallet, I'll see this and feel the threat of how true this honesty is. I can't believe how open I am with you about everything, from the first moment, when we talked-I mean really talked (in Dr Magoos after the meeting remember?) and how since then you've become the biggest part of my life, my survival strategy. I really need you to understand how much of my recovery is down to you, and how much our talks mean to me. I want to repay you somehow-that's why I went to Oklahoma with you, trying to help, but I wasn't, I couldn't. When I saw you with her, I couldn't believe how much you've had to deal with-I became so awkward. I always thought that somehow I deserved more pity, thought somehow my lot was the worst-I never truly felt sorry for the mother who's lost her husband, it's sounds cruel and immature but I felt detached, I was convinced I felt more pain. Now, when I've seen the world through your eyes I've grown, and I need to thank you for that as well. You think you understand the status of our relationship-I don't; don't get me wrong you're opinion of us is just how it should be; but I just don't get it. I've never been this close to a girl I haven't been dating before-no I've never been this close to anyone before. You understand me better than I understand myself. If anything happened to end this thing between us-what ever this thing is, I'd die inside. If I lost you-it's too much to even think about. Because, you see, I love you-there I wrote it, I love you. I can't make any decisions about your feelings for Luka and I can't say that I'll be any different, so I wont. I'm not going to try and win you, seduce you with impossible promises-you deserve more. But perhaps I should poetically depict my feelings to you in order to charm you, but I can't. I could say, maybe, that it's your compassion, your understanding, or your strong will that makes you everything that you are, and the way that you make me smile, or the way you've opened my eyes or maybe, even the simple act of being with you that gives me that unspeakable buzz-but it's not that exactly, it's all of that and yet none of it at all. It's just you, simply, you. The effortless truth is-I love you.
I don't know how to sign off, "Love"? but that's normally from partner to partner, from people that are allowed to speak their feelings, announce their relationship, and how can anything else do after this admission? How can anything else make up for this simple truth?
John
It's pointless-me writing this-I know I'll never give it to you and it will just remain in my bag as a warning of the truth; and when, in countless future times with you I reach in my bag for my phone, pager, wallet, I'll see this and feel the threat of how true this honesty is. I can't believe how open I am with you about everything, from the first moment, when we talked-I mean really talked (in Dr Magoos after the meeting remember?) and how since then you've become the biggest part of my life, my survival strategy. I really need you to understand how much of my recovery is down to you, and how much our talks mean to me. I want to repay you somehow-that's why I went to Oklahoma with you, trying to help, but I wasn't, I couldn't. When I saw you with her, I couldn't believe how much you've had to deal with-I became so awkward. I always thought that somehow I deserved more pity, thought somehow my lot was the worst-I never truly felt sorry for the mother who's lost her husband, it's sounds cruel and immature but I felt detached, I was convinced I felt more pain. Now, when I've seen the world through your eyes I've grown, and I need to thank you for that as well. You think you understand the status of our relationship-I don't; don't get me wrong you're opinion of us is just how it should be; but I just don't get it. I've never been this close to a girl I haven't been dating before-no I've never been this close to anyone before. You understand me better than I understand myself. If anything happened to end this thing between us-what ever this thing is, I'd die inside. If I lost you-it's too much to even think about. Because, you see, I love you-there I wrote it, I love you. I can't make any decisions about your feelings for Luka and I can't say that I'll be any different, so I wont. I'm not going to try and win you, seduce you with impossible promises-you deserve more. But perhaps I should poetically depict my feelings to you in order to charm you, but I can't. I could say, maybe, that it's your compassion, your understanding, or your strong will that makes you everything that you are, and the way that you make me smile, or the way you've opened my eyes or maybe, even the simple act of being with you that gives me that unspeakable buzz-but it's not that exactly, it's all of that and yet none of it at all. It's just you, simply, you. The effortless truth is-I love you.
I don't know how to sign off, "Love"? but that's normally from partner to partner, from people that are allowed to speak their feelings, announce their relationship, and how can anything else do after this admission? How can anything else make up for this simple truth?
John