Shadows and Regrets
Disclaimer: I don't own anything exept for the DVDs, those I bouht from Ecetera.
He was gone. Peyton couldn't believe it. Lucas was gone and all she wanted to do was cry and scream and throw things at no one in particular.
He had proposed. PROPOSED. Once the words had left his lips she was scared and didn't know what to do, so being Peyton she had gone with the safest route, denying what she truly wanted for what she thought would be easier: she had said no. But, little did she know that saying that would just make things so much harder in the long run.
She had hoped with all her heart that he wouldn't be mad, and they could just go back to the way they used to be, but she knew that it would never truly be the same. He had said oh, such a classic Lucas Scott move, kissed her once and as he did so she could feel the sadness and dissapointment radiating from him, and then he had left.
She never heard anything about him after that, but her heart always ached to know where he was, what he was doing and who he was with. Any one answer would have been enough to let her move on, but she never got any. Thus her heart ached for months on end. She tried to go on with her life but just wound up burring herself in her work at a label company.
After a while her new found 'friends' convinced her that she needed to do something more with her life than work and that she should settle down with someone.
That was when Jake moved to LA.
--
They had dated a while, and she found that although she loved him and Jenny, it wasn't the same as it once was.
One day he came home to their shared apartment and out of the blue, he too had proposed. Not wanting to loose this opportunity as well, she had said yes, not hesitating for a moment knowing that if she did, then she would lose another person she loved, not the same way as before, but loved non the less.
They had gotten married in a small church, with just their few LA friends, her father, Jake's parents, and Jenny present.
It was not like she unhappy with him, but she was not fully satisfied either. It was the that he touched her, the way that he said that he loved her that made her feel guilty, not because she didn't love him back, but because she didn't love him the same way, and he knew it.
Over the years he had learnt to read her like a book, but every now and then, a strange look would cross over her delicate features and he was at a total loss to console her.
She would stare off into space and become distant, thinking no doubt about the past she had tried so hard to run from, hell the past she was still trying to run from. He knew he would never fully know what had happened between her and Lucas, but he knew it had been bad.
Every few months he would ask her about it and instantly regret it as she would turn away and not talk to him, not even look at him as she was lost in thought about the shadows and regrets of her past.
She became more and more distant and he d it. He knew it was her inside to be with him, not out of love, but because he was simply there. She had lost what he knew was the love of her life, for he knew he was not it, because of some reason in her dark past. He knew he could never measure up to Lucas. He knew what being with him was doing to her heart, and he knew he loved her to much to see that pain flicker across her face every time he mentioned Tree Hill.
Then that fateful day came. She came home with the divorce papers in hand. He couldn't blame her, for it had been a long time coming. They had talked, hugged and he had singed without protest, knowing it was for the best.
They still kept contact. Jake informing Peyton of what was going on in Jenny's life and they remained good friends, but nothing more. And the love for Lucas forever remained in her heart.
--
After being divorced for a while Peyton started to hear about Lucas' ever-growing success with his new books and she wound up buying every copy she ran into until she had enough books and tapes to fill up an entire bookshelf.
One night she was in her living room, listening to her iPod, trying to figure out which disgusting new boy band or who couldn't sing worth crap, but looked hot enough to make it she should make the people fall in love with, although she despised them, when a knock came at her door. Grumbling under her breath, she made her way to the front door.
The moment she opened it and saw the figure before her, her breath hitched in her throat. All she could get out was a small, questioning, almost pleading whisper:
"Lucas?"