"What the bloody hell are they?"
The shiny dark blue material glinted under the fluorescent lights of the hub. Owen sat up from his slouched position on the couch and grasped either end of the fabric with his fingertips. Swinging round on her chair, Tosh turned to face Owen.
"I believe they are what we call knickers, Owen" said Tosh, face turning slightly pink as she tried to suppress a laugh.
"Right, thanks for that startling piece of information Tosh. Well, which of you ladies do these belong to?"
Owen stared at Tosh, eyebrows raised and grinning.
"They're certainly not mine I wear lace," stated Tosh defensively, before grinning broadly "or leather…" she finished in an undertone.
Owens mouth dropped open as he stared at her. She twisted her chair towards Gwen.
"Are they yours Gwen?"
"Huh? What? Oh, no sorry."
Leaning idly against the wall, Gwen had been staring absentmindedly at the ceiling. She brushed her fringe out of her eyes and sipped on her coffee.
"Well they belong to one of you two, so own up" said Owen as he peered more closely at the shiny underwear. It sparkled different shades of blue in the light and it reminded him vaguely of the ocean.
At this point, Ianto walked down the stairs from Jacks office holding a steaming jug of fresh coffee. Gwen smiled at him, yet again amazed at his meticulously ironed shirt – which today happened to be a pale lilac colour.
"Oh Ianto, just in time I'm dying for a refill" said Tosh, pulling the chair away from her desk with her legs. Owen watched her grey skirt slide slightly higher up her thighs as she did so.
"Oi, you shouldn't make jokes about dying… the deceased have feeling too you know Tosh." said Owen smiling.
Gwen and Tosh laughed. "What?" said Owen dramatically, "I'm a sensitive guy!"
Ianto walked steadily towards Tosh. As he did so, Gwen noticed his fly was unzipped, and she proceeded to stifle a snort unsuccessfully.
"What did Jack want, Ianto?" giggled Gwen.
"Oh err, nothing. Just coffee" muttered Ianto looking flustered. Tosh held out her mug to him and he filled it.
"Is one of you going to own up already?" said Owen, delicately rubbing the corners of the fabric between his fingers. Neither of the women said anything as they sipped on their coffees. Owen let out an exasperated sigh. Ianto turned to walk back to the kitchen and as he passed by the couch, he stood for a second next to the outstretched pair of underpants. Then, rapidly snatching them from Owens fingers, he sped across the room, cheeks burning, utterly mortified.
Owen stared at his now empty hands in disbelief. There was complete silence throughout the hub. Then, Gwen and Tosh fell into hysterical fits of laughter.
"They're his? They're Ianto's? Oh my God!" yelled Owen as he wiped his hands hurriedly on the couch. Then he froze, and stared down at the couch where he had found the pants tucked under the seat. He jumped up in panic.
"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! THEY DID IT ON THE COUCH! I WAS SITTING WHERE THEY DID IT! RIGHT THERE! OH MY GOD!" Owen yelled, eyes bulging, face distorted in horror. Gwen doubled over, clutching her stomach wheezing with laughter as Tosh gripped the desk for support.
"HAAAAARKNEEEESSSSS!!"