Ch.1 The picture

I sat in front of my vanity mirror, my father had bought it for me before my parents had divorced and I'd brought it to sunnydale, I used to sit in front of it in L.A. and go on and on, gossiping about boys and other people, cruel things I'd say. I was worse than cordelia had ever thought about being then and I'd thought I was the most beautiful woman in the world, I guess being the slayer brought me down to earth, I could see everything around me clearer and a part of me was more happy because I was the slayer, but there was that part that wanted nornalcy back and couldn't get it, but I would've never befriended willow and Xander with the way I'd been before, they would be the joke I'd be adament about talking about to my friends, and I'd recalled doing the most terribly ambarrassing things to geeks, cordelia and Harmony were tame compared to me and my friends in L.A., sometimes I felt ashamed to look back and think about how I'd been, like the world revolved around me and just me, I could be petty and cruel now, but it wasn't nothing like before, I'd grown up quite a bit and I was proud to be friends with willow and Xander..and Even Giles was growing on me, he wasn't as stuffy as he'd been at the beginning of the year.

But things were changing, I could tell. I was changing. I wasn't the same careless and cruel girl I was before, I cared. I tried to help people I didn't even know and at the end of the day I had a peaceful feeling inside of me but a part of me would give it up in an instant if it meant I could have dates and normal relationships, a real teenagers' life, I'd take back everything I ever did at henry if that was so, but it wasn't. giles had told me some time ago that it made no since wishing and hoping for something that was long gone..to giles", I was the slayer", Case closed. But what he didn't understand, none of them understood it. I wasn't just some tool, some robot to do the councils bidding and a fighter born to save the world, I was a real living and breathing human being and this was my life. But there was one thing to be happy about, it was christmas break, which meant my father would make an appearance or atleast send a gift picked out by his secretary, I knew it wasn't he who chose the gifts he sent, it was too obvious and impersonal, sometimes it hurt my feelings but Iet it go knowing that he was a busy man, even though I knew that it was he who cheated on mom and not the other way around, a part of me despised me because of that. but I'd been seeing even less of him. mom told me just the other day that he is marrying is secretary, how conveniant..I muttered to myself with annoyance, but being home and not in school was a good thing and my mother usually knew how to pick out the best gifts, she'd even thought to invite giles and Xander, willow wasn't celebrating christmas, her parents were against it, she'd told me that afew days ago, I wandered if Xander really would do the snoopy Dance, I'd just thought it had been a figure of speech", I was wrong. I wanted to invite angel, even though weren't a couple, but I didn't know how to invite him, what did I say. he's a vampire and I"m inviting him to christmas dinner? that would sound terrible. and then if angel slipped up and said that night he'd slept here and I hadn't sent him away, it wouldn't matter that he'd been a perfect gentleman and slept on the floor", moms read into stuff like that, they saw a deeper meaning. she'd be out of her mind. "I could get myself grounded", I'm sure even if I invited my friend he wouldn't show up, we had a kind of love-hate thing going on, just the thought of real sparks made me sick. he was too irritating and speachy for that. I thought with disgust

As I stared around at my empty walls, I needed a change. maybe I'd listen to a different kind of music or put up dark rock posters instead of hiding everything dark and secretive in a large box with girl stuff, to fool my mother and anybody who saw it, it was like a safe and underneath it was holywater,stakes,crosses..Etc. everything needed to kill vampires or even demons, giles had said that I might have to fight demons as well, I'd never fought a demon before. "Wasn't I a vampire slayer"? He'd tried to explain to me it was my job to fight everything that went against good, Everything supernatural that was a bad omen or tried to end the world.."My", that was a turn on"..I thought with a sour taste in my mouth as I decided not to redecorate, my mother would lose it, just give her another reason to study her parenting books, she'd think I'd went over the edge or even turned to witchcraft. and making my mother happy was something I was prepared to do, afterall, I kinda owed that to her since the reason we had to move and start all over was my fault, I did feel bad about it. and my mother hadn't been giving me trouble about it so she must've known I felt bad.

I could hear the door downstairs open and shut and my mother had gotten back from the gallerie, I must've slept in, I thought. I then grabbed my robe and found myself walking down the stairs, but mom didn't turn my way or even give me a hard time for waking up so late in the afternoon, she seemed like there was something bothering her, she'd been like this acouple of weeks now, like she was thinking about something that hurt her or a sad memory that put her in a bad mood, I didn't know what to say or do? but I did for the first time ask her what was wrong and if it was me.

She looked at me with the oddest look at first, as if she'd never seen me before and I was a complete stranger, I didn't know what to think. She'd never gotten that busy with her work that she forgot about her own daughter, that was silly talk. but why had she looked at me like that, like I was a stranger in my own house and she didn't know who I was or even why I was there, I didn't know how to talk to her after that, was I just supposed to forgot the way she looked at me. "Was that something you forget",really? I thought, pondering what my next move should be but she made it for me, as she turned away hiding her face towards the refrigerator sliding out some iced tea she'd made this morning and pouring her a large glass of it.

"Buffy", I"m going to go back to the gallerie and work today. "You'll be fine here by yourself",right? she asked me again as if I was a stranger, with cool and nervous sound to her voice. I didn't know whether to just go along with it or demand what her problem was but I didn't do anything and she left, just like that. without explaining anything to me, without telling me why she'd treated me like I wasn't her daughter and just some kid who'd wandered in off of the streets, maybe she was right. maybe it had been a long day. maybe I really should give her a break, but my instincts told me it was more than that, and I couldn't let it go.

After that I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts, i didn't know what was going on and my mind was working overtime, I needed to talk to someone so I'd called Xander and willow and they'd agreed to come over, Xander made a joke about the cheesy chips he ate when he was around but I knew it was his way of saying he'd always come and willow, she was devoted to me. the best friends I could ask for, it hadn't been long and I let them in, they asked me question after question of how my mother had acted and I trusted them not to tell anybody, they were my friends.

sunlight beamed in and shined over my dark blonde hair making my eyes glisten like two shiny marbles as I stared back at them.

"Like she didn't know me", and the way she looked at me,Will. Something is going on. I 'd never ask you this but have you ever snooped, not to cruel and get in your parents personal stuff but because you think somthing has to do with you? I asked her not knowing whether I could go prying into my mothers' personal stuff, she'd warned me time after time that it was hers, not mine, like she really had something to hide, but she'd been right. it was as bad as stealing . but she wasn't telling me anything and I needed to know, this empty and cold feeling I felt inside. It was terrible.

"Will doesn't do that", but I have. when you have two drunks for parents and your younger, you run into things and sometimes it's fun to snoop. it's not all bad if there's something going on and it has to do with you..Xander told me as I could see the dissaproval in willow's eyes as she turned his way".

"I"m sure her mother will tell her the truth when she's ready to tell her", you shouldn't snoop in other peoples' things..Willow chimed in and I was on Xanders' side, I didn't want to know this way but it had been weeks and she'd ignored me and treated me as if I wasn't her daughter, she wasn't telling me anything, all she did was cry when she was alone and now I knew it had to do with me. I needed to know. I knew willow wouldn't understand because she'd never been in a jam like this, it was important and I wanted to help my mother, I wanted to know what was going on.

"I'll be on the lookout in case your mother comes back", but for the record. I'm not a part of this. Willow told everyone as she sat down on the couch as xander followed me back to my mothers' room, what I was doing felt wrong, very wrong. I knew that my mother would freak out if she knew what I was doing but I told myself that it was better for the both of us and she could stop crying and feeling so bad for something I had no clue about, but it still felt wrong, going through her things like she had no rights. but I was afraid of her news, something in my mind told me that I should let this storm pass, that I didn't want to know what her secret was, the way she'd looked at me. the way she'd talked to me. but sometimes finding the truth was just as powerful and needed as protecting the innocent and Being the chosen one..not that I could compare it. but it had been weeks. I had to do this. I convinced myself. but in the end, I knew that it was wrong.

Xander put in a some sun glasses, said he was coming in, incognito like he was an undercover hitman or whatever, he'd referred it to secret agent man, even though me and willow scoffed.

I could hear her out there warning me but I tried to shut her pleads and warnings off as if it was just a telephone ringing in the distance, I felt that if I found what I was looking for everything could go back to normal and mom wouldn't have to feel so sad, but she'd eventually find out that I'd went through her things and she'd be mad..Was it worth it? I told myself and at this moment, I did believe that it was. but in the end, I wouldn't agree. this was the beginning of a very messy problem..and I hadn't known it yet but mom had been keeping it a secret becausae she didn't know how to tell me.."But my question was "What"? I could understand anything..I told myself even though I knew that there were some things a person just couldn't understand, no matter how they tried but her secret couldn't be that bad. I told myself following xander inside where we were alone and willows warnings were behind us, and silence took over.

Seeing a dark wooden oak box I stepped in , in front of Xander who seemed against looking through my mothers' centimental belongings but I had to know what was going on, I had to know the truth, right now I wasn't thinking that the truth wouldn't set me free, it was me. and it would destroy everything, little did I know, this was a truth that wasn't going to go away, even if I waited for mom to explain everything to me.

I grabbed afew photos, I recalled mom saying that she didn't look bad in labor for a reason and that, that reason had to do with how much medication she'd been on at the time, so I didn't think nothing of how healthy she looked, but I saw another picture with a woman I'd never seen before, didn't even know. she was holding me and I wasn't even afew months old yet, she had light blonde curly hair and bright blue eyes, she was kind of pretty..but who was she? I wondered. she had to be just one of mom's friends.

I slid the pictures in my pocket and led Xander back into the kitchen where he decided that it was time he and willow left, he must've sensed that something was wrong and was going to give me the space I needed to deal with whatever these photos meant, so he quickly said goodbye as I turned to willow, I know she had been right but I wasn't going to admit it, not that she was a know it all or anything.

"Maybe tomorrow we can go to the bronze", their having a real cool dance competition and it would be fun..and we'll talk about whatever is going on tomorrow..Willow told me as she found her way out and I'd agreed to the bronze thinking it would be fun and it would make me stop wandering what was going on, but as soon as they were out of distance, I had the instant idea of going to the gallerie and speaking to my mother, showing her these pictures..Even asking her who the woman was in the picture..Maybe she would tell me the truth if I demanded it. she would", I told myself".

with the pictures in my pocket I rushed out in the darkness able to stake or fend off anything bad that got in my way in the dark as I made my way to my mother's work, to talk to her..To talk to her about something that would change my life forever and I hadn't known then just why my mother had kept this from me in the first place, I knew now.

I came closer to the familiar building in brick with a small sign in front that read "The Gallerie". as I stepped inside as most of the rooms were dark as I came to my mothers' opened door, she wasn't working, she was talking to somebody, a guy. I'd never seen him before and the way they talked and her body language, I knew that it wasn't business, they were having an arguement, so I stayed hidden outside, in the doorway, but she didn't turn. Didn't notice me. the guy had light brown hair and hazel eyes, for a grown man he wasn't quite bad looking and by the clothes he wore I could tell that ether he'd come from money or knew somebody that was rich..

"She's my daughter", Granted I just found out but that doesn't change the fact that she belongs with her family. I appreciate all that you've done for her. I'm sure you've been a good parent. but she's not your daughter. She belongs with her real parents, we can give her all that you can't. I've been lied to and decieved for almost sixteen years by my friends and the people closest to me, She belongs with me..I know you've done your best..I hope there's no hard feelings..I heard him say as I began to cling onto the door, without the wood of the door to hold me up, I would've callapsed then and there.

I ran, not being able to stop and take a breath as my body felt more heavy than it had ever been before, even when I'd been fending off evil. I ran hearing my mother yelling, screaming in the back ground at that man and now she was chasing me, she knew I'd been there watching, she knew I heard. and now she knew that I knew the truth..I wasn't the daughter of Joyce and Hank Summers..I was somebody elses child..I fell, slumped over in the grass as tears poured down my cheaks, I wanted to run so far away she would never get close to me, nobody would. but I ran and ran, picking myself off of the ground as the tears continued to flow as the cool breeze swayed my long dark blonde hair from side to side, rushing into the house I slid up the stairs, falling as I trembled to the top of the staircase rushing into my room, slamming the wooden door behind me as I pulled myself up onto my bed hearing the door slam downstiars, she was home. I pulled the pillow up over my head, trying to be in my own world and forget that what I saw meant nothing would ever be the same again, I didn't belong here and if this man of I presumed was my father got what he wanted.."I'd be leaving soon".

"Buffy"..Sweetheart"..Come talk to me. We can talk about this..I heard my mother call from downstiars", but I didn't reply. I didn't want to talk to her. I didn't want to believe that my whole life had been a lie, everything except being the slayer and I didn't want to talk to her, or anybody right now. I wasn't even sure if I was going to go to school tomorrow, and I definitely wasn't going to the bronze, I could hear her footsteps comiing closer, I didn't want her to come in and try to sweet talk me like it wasn't that big of a deal, she wasn't my mother, the man I'd thought was my father wasn't. and this house wasn't mine. this life wasn't mine. I just wanted to be alone, to think clearly. but clarity was a thing of the past, especially now.

the door opened and I tried to block her out even though she was now sitting on the bed right next to me, I could feel her tough stroking by soft blonde hair, her words telling me that I wasn't supposed to find out like that..and her lies..again her lies..Telling me that things would work out.."Everything will be alright", Buffy..she whispered over and over again, I didn't answer, didn't say anything. As if she truly wasn't in the room and I was alone. the real truth was nothing would be alright..I wasn't her daughter, I belonged to this man I didn't know. Maybe it was for the best I left..I thought in tears. but this was what I knew. "How could I live", I thought with bitter tears and fear, something I'd never known being powerful and the slayer..this weakness was new and right then at that moment, I knew that there were more awful things to happen than to be the slayer", the slayer was what made me different and for once I clinged onto it and feared my life and what was to become of it.