This is quite possibly the biggest load of out of character shit I have ever written in my entire life…
…Okay, that's a lie.
By the way, I'm a TERRIBLE AUTHOR. Feel free to flame…(sighs)
"Hey, Ace, can we talk; we haven't just talked in ages!"
"Shun, we talked yesterday and… are you drunk?" Shun hiccupped.
"Drunk? NO! Of course not! I haven't touched a kumquat in weeks! Well, yeah, but don't tell Mira-"
"Hey, KASUMI!" Upon seeing the owner of the mildly threatening voice Shun rolled his drunk eyes to heaven. It was Spectra Phantom, or as Ace liked to call him, Dick Head. He was accompanied by his bondage slave, Gus Grav, who only ever spoke when spoken to or when he had to eat souls or some shit like that.
"Oh, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck-"
"Where the hell is my tiger Kasumi?"
"Your what-" Ace interjected.
"I ordered my tiger days ago, why the hell hasn't it arrived yet?"
"You didn't 'order' it, you freak, you donated money to sponsor a tiger because they're an endangered species!"
"…So why hasn't it arrived yet?"
Ace was confused.
"Wait, Shun, you're still collecting money to sponsor tigers? I thought you gave that up?"
"Yes, ACE, it's a real charity!"
Now, Ace was even more confused.
"Come on, gimme my freaking tiger; I want something that'll eat people and blow up stuff!"
"You sponsored it, fucktard!"
"In that case I want my money back!"
"Give him his money back!" Gus demanded.
"Yeah, Shun, give him his three dollars back." Ace sighed.
"Too late. I spent it on pocky. For the tigers of course." He reassured Ace.
"Then gimme my pocky."
"It's strawberry flavoured."
"Then gimme my strawberry flavoured pocky!"
"Spectra, you do realize tigers can't blow up stuff?" Ace pointed out. "Maybe you need a Pokemon or something…"
ONE BAD PLOT TWIST LATER
The female professor gestured unsexually to each Pokemon in turn.
"This is Oshawott,"
" 'Shawott!"
Though the rat seal was the eye-bleedingly fugly spawn of what happened when a clown got freaky with a blue terrier dog it was still fluffy enough to satisfy certain furverts.
"This is Tepig,"
"Tepig!"
This one was easier on the eyes, especially if you were hungry and felt like bacon even though the colouring scheme was that of a firelighter and EVERYONE KNOWS FIRELIGHTERS DON'T STIMULATE APPETITE yeah right…
"And this is Snivy!"
"I had your mother."
People who like snakes and dragons and shit like that will love Snivy because it's so freaking awesome, especially it's final evolution.
"Choose carefully; whichever one you choose will be your partner for life! The bond between Pokemon and humans really is incredible." Ash informed Spectra while fucking caressing his bloody Pikachu.
"This is nice!" said Iris, whose hair made her look like a purple palm tree.
"Me too." said the gay butler guy.
"My hair is lovely and I have to stop Team Plasma or shit like that." said N, who is beautiful.
Suddenly, Dawn and Paul burst through the door wearing incredibly sexed up leather cat suits and holding giant machine guns.
"I'll kill everyone of you!" Dawn screamed.
"No! Dawn – this is wrong! The love and pain you showered me with makes me stronger; it changes the hard times!" Ash yelled, getting down on his knees to plead.
"Fuck off!" Dawn said and started shooting everything. "I'm an emotionless stiff now – like Paul."
"Hey." Paul was slightly pissed off because he was in love with Dawn, obviously.
Then the two starting firing their lasers and everything exploded and Oshawott's head was blown off and its blood splattered everywhere and Tepid's guts and insides flew onto the wall and shit like that.
"Best wishes, from Diamond and Pearl!" Dawn cackled.
"I had your mother." Snivy was still alive though.
"I'll take this one." Said Spectra, scooping Snivy up under his arm.
"Come on, Snivy, fetch boy! Fetch!" Spectra was playing with his new toy/ Spectra wanted Snivy to get his stick/ however I phrase this sentence it sounds wrong…
"I had your mother."
"Fetch, you SPASTIC!"
"I had your-"
"Master Spectra! Please let me! Let me!" Gus begged.
"Fine." Spectra threw the stick and Gus skipped off deliriously happy to fetch it for his master, like the deranged eighteen year old he is.
"Pneumonics (Pneumonics is what he nicknamed Snivy), you are USELESS!"
"I had your-"
"Alright, THE NEXT PERSON WHO SAYS YOUR MOTHER GETS THEIR HEAD BLOWN OFF!"
"I had your mother."
Spectra blew its head off with a machine gun.
"That's Pokemon abuse." Said Hydron, who was braiding his Ponyta's hair.
"I'll abuse YOUR MOTHER-…no wait, that doesn't count; I make up the rules to this game…"
Runo charged into the room, her breast heaving as she relayed this terrible news to Dan.
"Dan, Naga's trying to take over the world again – what're you gonna do?"
"I'm going to EAT THIS YOGHURT! Without using a spoon…" Dan held up a Cadbury's chocolate mousse.
"…By the way, I'm sleeping with Joe on the side." Dan decided he would kill Joe.
Meanwhile, Naga was parading around like a dipshit.
"-And I'm big and smelly and ugly and I had all of your mothers and NAGALAND IS A REAL FUCKING PLACE! And everyone is biologically naked!"
Since Mira is the only one with half a brain in the show it was her who decided to do something.
"Okay, the Resistance and Vexos have to join forces to save the world from Naga because he's evil and shit like that so we're going to make a Glee club but Volt can't join 'cause he's fugly. Also, Spectra looks like Maya from LM.C."
And then everyone went 'Yeah, he does too!', which pissed Spectra off because Spectra has superiority complex issues.
And then everyone danced to Natsu Koi Natsu Game.
"It's the season to get it on… hit on a woman who's forgotten how to love… the sheets will be drenched by morning…"
"I had your mother… in hell!" Snivy, who had returned as a zombie, said.
"Has anyone else noticed Gus' hair smells like kiwis?" pondered Ace.
"If I had a tiger none of this would've happened." Spectra sighed.
Spectra and Gus were spying on Naga.
"Lalalala, I've finally done it; I've been working for years for this moment – now the magic crystal of Oz or perfection core, rather, is MINE!"
"Bitch…" Spectra hissed.
"I am so much cooler than the Vexos, especially SPECTRA who's HAIR is really GAY ahahaha-"
"Grrr!" Gus growled angrily.
"Gus, shut up!" Spectra shoved a sugar cube into his mouth. "There, pretend it's my life – if you bite it I die!"
"Mmpff-"
"Spectra?" Naga spluttered. "Why you're about as frightening as an asthmatic butterfly with a limp-"
"Says you, pencil dick!" Spectra said, punching him in the jaw so he exploded and he rained Mario coins.
"Y'know… Ace looks a little like Aster Phoenix." Alice pondered.
"I don't." said Ace.
"And Joe looks like Fai. And Gus looks like Takuto from the Sinnoh League, and Shun looks like Sasuke, and Runo looks like Nagi from Hayate the Combat butler…"
"I'm baaack!" announced Dan when he returned.
"Good, have you finished sucking Drago's cock?" Runo hissed.
"I killed Naga; now you're all in my debt." declared Spectra.
"You made a tiger happy, Spectra, and for that I owe you my life." Shun gazed in amazement at Spectra.
"I had your mother." said Snivy but everyone ignored him.
"Oh yeah – I hate you guys!" Spectra remembered and he stormed angrily from the room.
"This is so hard for me." Mira sighed.
Then Spectra came back and proclaimed he was going to take Percival.
"Oh yeah…?" But before Ace could react, Spectra hit him over the head with his gauntlet and grabbed Percival.
"Ow! Hey, give it back!"
"Now I have this dark ball thing, which is good…"
"Give it to me!" Ace screamed.
"That's what she said." Spectra high-fived Gus.
"Give it to me! I need it!"
"What she said."
Then Ace reached up and stole Spectra's gay mask but Gus kicked him in the nuts.
"If you sponsored a tiger this wouldn't have happened." Shun said as Ace rolled around on the floor in agony.
Spectra suddenly decided to be nice for devious reasons.
"Hey guys, let's go abseiling." So they all went abseiling and Shun got to level 10 because he's a ninja but Dan got to level 5 'cause he's a dick and Joe wouldn't go it because he's afraid of heights but girls would tap him because he looks like a member of One Direction or shit like that.
Then they wrote about their adventures in their Personal Development books, which allowed them to develop morally as people…
"Kasumi, I feel purchasing this tiger was a good thing (even though it never arrived…). Gus! Hug Kasumi!" Gus obeyed his master and embraced the emo ninja (thank you, Shadow…).
However, little did the Brawlers know that the reason Spectra was being so niceynice was all part of his EVIL CUNNING plan to steal their energy cores or shit like that. So, he decided he would host a giant party in the O2.
"Now - to write up the guest list! The Brawlers will be so surprised – I shall have fun imagining the look of glee on their faces as I write down their names in this seemingly harmless notebook I found…" plotted Spectra, holding up a Death Note, but luckily just then his Pot Noodles were ready so he forgot all about the guest list.
Meanwhile, Mira has stolen Dan's goggles and was making a salad in them for her brother's party.
The party was awesome and Bad Luck and KeSha and GazettE and Michael Buble were all there and Spectra and Gus were sexy dancing so as not to alert the Brawlers.
"I hate this song." Ace complained as Waking the Demon came on because Ace is a pretty boy who can't appreciate good music.
"I'll make you love this song…" Shun slurred, pulling Ace into a hug.
"Are you STILL drunk?"
Suddenly, two beings of equal awesomeness appeared and the one with hair that was NOT GINGER with the power to defy gravity just floated around the room for no reason, much like they did in biblical times.
"I think you should sponsor seals instead." she advised Shun.
"Okay." said Shun.
The other girl, who had purple hair and ENORMOUS BOOBS walked over to Spectra.
"Wow your hair is ugly." she said.
"How dare you say that sort of thing to Master Spectra, wow your boobs are big!" Gus said.
"That's exactly my point." the purple haired girl announced.
And then the NON-GINGER floated off to make out with Taylor Lautner or whatever his name is and the purple haired one let a riot and murdered Lady Gaga with fire – and not just any fire – that magical everlasting crap off Harry Potter, that shit is awesome!
"I love juice!" screamed Gus as he drank juice. "And Spectra!" he then planted a slobbery kiss on Ace.
"He tastes like paperclips…" mumbled a disbelieving Ace.
"Hey guys!" Shun announced. "I found out what the mysterious ticking noise is! It's a pipe bomb!" And then everyone went YAY and then everything exploded.
"Oh of course! Everything explodes…" muttered a disgruntled Ace.
"I had your mother." Said Snivy but everyone ignored him.
Please do donate money to both tigers and seals, because they're beautiful majestic creatures and the difference between gray seals and a harbour seal is gray seals are fluffy when they're born but harbours are more docile.
And many references because, to quote someone, I'm a sad little person who grew up friendless with only the TV for company so I now make absurd pop culture references that no one but me gets...
Anyway, Spectra should try to take over the world right? It's not funny when no one is the straight man, though. I think it'll probably be Ace…
I don't own anything blah blah blah…( sorry everyone is so retarded. Think of it like Bakugan: the abridged series only with even less plot)…
I might update then again I might not. Also I have no life, but that's obvious. If you review Snivy won't have your mother. Also, if you review post your Pokemon Platinum party…