Fingers in the Dark
Series: Monochrome Factor
Rating: PG
Sometimes I wonder why I bother going on with this life. If all I'm destined to do is fight, maybe I don't need to be here anymore. No one would care if I stopped, if I died.
*But I need you*
The voices are getting louder, it's harder to silence them, to fade into the background and melt into the shadows I'm a part of now. When will I be able to stop this never-ending battle? When can I put down my weapons and rest?
*You're not alone*
The others, would they care if I wasn't there one day; if I never went to school or the bar again? Why do I have to suffer this pain? When will this water be hot enough to cleanse me of the crawling sensation a battle leaves on my skin?
*I'd miss you*
I scrub and scrub and still can't get clean. Even when the blood flows and my skin splits, peeling away under nails; tears streaming down my face, hidden amidst the falling water of the shower; still I am not clean.
*It hurts, stop*
Hair in my eyes, dripping water making it darker than natural, wrapping around my throat, the slow choking sensation slightly erotic in my fuzzy mind. In my head I see slender fingers in the dark, carefully slipping the wet tendrils back into the water, out of my eyes and behind my ears.
*You can't leave me*
Ripples in the water; small lapping waves lightly cresting before falling back into the darkness. Cool fingers trailing over wet skin, smearing water into the flesh...hot warm, cool, cold. The changing water reminiscent of the fluttering at the edges of my mind, butterflies dancing on the sides of my vision.
*I'm here, let me in*
There's light in the darkness, faint but there. Maybe I'm imagining everything and I'm still in the dark. Shadows slinking around the edges, lightning strikes and they fade, leaving a throbbing light out there. The pulsing left behind throbs within my chest, the resonance of its dying in the dark, and I feel kinship with it.
*This is not death*
Not death, then what? Why does my breath constrict, blood beating its way through my extremities, that vital organ throbbing in my chest? Pressure builds and there is pleasure and pain and a tightness I can't explain and I am in the grey space between dark and light.
*This is me*
There are two sides to everything, light and dark, hot and cold, pain and pleasure...you and me. Perhaps this never ending darkness isn't so bad, since you too are wrapped in its embrace. Laying in the darkness, surrounded by light we form the grey space that is our only comfort.
*Feel me, fade with me*
The water stills and in those portions of my mind not fuzzy or dark or warped by this never-ending night I feel flesh upon flesh and shared breath; hungry now, returning that pleasure, that pain that has seeped inside me, oozing through the darkness, building into a blinding light.
*Fall with me, I will lift you back up*
The grey space in my mind shimmers silver as dripping tendrils slip across my chest. Cooling water parts and clutching the fine filaments it's like I grasp light itself, insubstantial and overpowering and I want to fade into that light.
*Wake with me*
And in the silken confines of the water I wake and blink and there is light around me, soft and forgiving and filled with warmth that touches me more than all the hot water I could ever find. Possession is not necessary, for this silvery light has vowed to walk by my side. We will burn like stars together, twin novas, until the darkness finally calls us home.
*Together*
Fin.