Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
A/N: I love Angsty!Booth, especially in relation to his past as a gambling addict, because I feel that this side of him hasn't been explored enough (at all!) on the show. So here goes...
I wandered restlessly through my dimly lit hotel room. Straightening out the bed sheets. Folding my clothes and putting them on the small couch. Standing at the window and watching the still bustling and very much alive street below. Anything to occupy my mind.
I turned on the tv and flopped down on the comfortable bed, only to turn it off again after a few minutes, because nothing could hold my interest. I stood up again, unsure what to do, a sigh escaping my lips.
The alarm clock displayed the time in angry red numbers. 1.03 am. I could still hear Bones tapping on her laptop in the adjoining room, but didn't want to interrupt her working progress. I briefly thought about raiding the mini-bar, but didn't really feel like getting wasted, though it held a certain appeal after a case like this.
Since I did some workout prior to my aimless wandering, I decided to take a quick shower, before trying to catch some sleep. At least then I didn't have to put up with my restless mind.
As I stood under the spray and felt the hot water cascading down my back, soothing my tense muscles, I wondered not for the first time, if life had a dark and twisted sense of humor or if a case like this was just another brick in my road to penance.
After construction worker found a badly decomposed body in a closed sewage tunnel, Bones and I were called to Atlantic City. Visiting that place wasn't high on my to-do list, but I tried to not let it show, much like our last case in Vegas. Being surrounded by temptation wasn't so bad at first, even though the evidence led us to gambling arenas and casinos. Things went from bad to worse, when our prime suspect turned out to be a former Navy Seal, who didn't know how to deal with his life after being dishonorably discharged and lost himself in a swamp of drinking, gambling and anger. After a rough investigation we found out that ex Lieutenant Ashton Rosales strangled his girlfriend in a fit of drunken rage and hid the body in the sewerage.
As the case went on, I often wondered, if his story was mirroring mine with the difference of a bad ending for him and a happy end for me, or if our tales were the same but I was just one chapter behind. Not that I feared that I suddenly turn into a cold-hearted killer, but if my life had taken one wrong turn in the past, the possibilities were endless.
The fact that I could relate to a murderer made me feel uneasy to say the least.
Even if I didn't approve of the things Rosales did, I could understand them to some extent. There was a time in my life, when I didn't know which way to go or what the next day might bring. A time in which I found solace in slot machines and craps tables.
The first thing I noticed after stepping out of the shower was my reflection staring back at me in the mirror. I looked like hell with the dark circles under my eyes. The slightly sunken cheeks and the stubble on my chin completed the image, but I couldn't be bothered to shave tonight.
I put on some boxers and a shirt, half-heartedly dried my air with the too soft towels provided by the hotel and switched off the light in the bathroom, making my way over to the bed and laying down, but sleep eluded me.
After countless times of switching positions, trying to get comfortable, there was a short but sharp knock and the adjoining door to Brennan's room opened immediately after. "Booth?" I heard her softly whispering my name.
"Yeah?" Came my hoarse answer. I squinted in the dark room and made out her silhouette in the door frame. She had two objects in her hands and made her way over to the bed before sitting on the edge of it. "I'd figured you would still be awake." She put two glasses on the nightstand before crossing one leg over the other, apparently getting comfortable.
"While you were down in the gym, I finished my report, so that we can hand it in first thing in the morning." After we handed Rosales over to the local authorities for lock-up, I visited the hotel's gym to distract myself from the death, the pain and the gambling. It worked for a total of two hours, until I had to cross the foyer to reach the elevators and the noise of the indoor-casino caught up with me again.
The scraping of glass on wood shook me out of my reverie and I watched Bones reaching for one of the glasses on the nightstand.
"Look, I know that this case affected you in a strong way, and I'm not only talking about Rosales's gambling addiction, so..." She handed me the first glass with a brown liquid in it, and from the smell of it I determined that it was Jack Daniel's. "...this is to calm your nerves." I wordlessly drowned the glass in one shot, grimacing as it made its burning way down my throat. As I handed her back the first glass, she gave me the second. "This is for the stale aftertaste." A glass of water. She put the second glass beside the first one on the nightstand and turned back to me.
"And this" She said, while slipping under the covers and taking my hands in her left one, while bringing her right hand to the side of my face to softly stroke my hair "This is for the twitching hands and wandering thoughts."
I was too stunned to say anything, but soon found my body relax under her soothing touch. We were silent for a while, our calm breaths the only sound source.
"You're a good man, Booth, and I don't want you to doubt that for a second. I know that seeing what Rosales made out of his life scared you, because of the similiarities in your background, but you are in no way like him."
There was a large lump forming in my throat and I had to swallow a few times to get rid of it. The city lights provided just enough light for me to see the sinceritiy in her eyes. I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded my head.
"Next time something like this comes up, I want you to talk to me. You always say that I should come to you when I'm scared or insecure, Booth. I demand the same thing." Bones turned my head so that she could directly look into my eyes, trying to make her point. Even though I was deeply moved by her words I managed a faint smile for her benefit. "You got it."
"Good." She murmured and pressed a chaste kiss to my lips. "Now, let's get some sleep, we have to be up again in six hours." Without further comment she sank deeper into the cushion we shared and closed her eyes.
I watched her soft features for a few more minutes, my lips tingling and my breathing slightly erratic, wondering what I did to deserve such a good and faithful partner and friend, before I brought my free arm around her waist, pulling her closer to me. As I closed my eyes I felt a sense of calm and serenity spreading through me and I had no doubt that a peaceful sleep lay ahead of me.