What a strange date.
"Lie down." Syrenne said. "Well come on then, do you want to?"
Lowell smiled. He lay back and folded his hands behind his head. The blanket beneath them was wonderfully soft, and Syrenne smelled of her bath soap-cinnamon and vanilla. Sweet and spicy.
"I didn't know you were into this kind of stuff." He laughed. "To be honest, I'm curious."
Syrenne gave him a playful punch and giggled. He pictured her nose crinkling up as she laughed, but couldn't see past the blindfold she'd tied over his eyes. Maybe a little too tightly. With the blindfold on, he let his imagination wander. What were they doing? She'd led him outside. A beautiful, hot summer night and a pleasant breeze. No mosquitoes! He remembered her chirping.
An image came to mind: a bodice, lacy and light blue, strapped tight around her waist, cupping her generous breasts and hooking to matching garters on her muscled thighs. Soft and let down, her hair would float down around her shoulders and pale collarbone, and her green eyes would stare up into his as she knelt-
"Hey! You can take it off now." She said. Her voice came from behind him. When he smirked, making no move to untie it, she pulled his head onto her lap and did it herself.
"Alright, lazy bones. Open your eyes."
At first, his eyes saw nothing but darkness. Judging my the distance they'd walked, they were far enough away from the lights of Lazulis city. They stood in a clearing, shrouded in darkness. But one by one, pinpricks of light filled in his vision. Lowering her voice, Syrenne sung an old nursery rhyme. Big, little, dim, and bright, stars illuminate the night.
They
Syrenne leaned into his sight, her face upside down to his.
"Beautiful, right?"
"You are, I agree."
"Shut up." She pushed his face to the side.
She let his head back down on the blanket, then crawled over and curled up beside him. She nuzzled her nose into his chin and kissed his neck, Lowell wrapped his arms round her shoulders and kissed her forehead. Lowell pulled away so he could look into her face, and smirked.
"I really thought you brought me out here to..." He wiggled his eyebrows.
"Oi, you're disgusting!"
Syrenne jerked away, glanced at the blindfold, and her eyes widened. She blushed, visible even in the darkness, but made it out like she was angry.
Syrenne shrugged off her leather jacket and drew her fingers through each braid to losses her hair. Lowell's imagined "sex goddess" wore instead, a loose grey jumper and practical beige dungarees. She sat back on her wrists, legs outstretched before her, and cast her gaze towards the stars. Lowell sighed. For a while, the two of them stayed there, in peaceful silence and grateful for each other's presence.
"Do you... Do you think we have something?" Syrenne asked. "It feels real, I want it to be real, I'm just..."
Lowell, rubbed his palms on his trousers, aware that they had suddenly gotten sweaty. Was it hot out here? A little, yeah. But he was boiling. Syrenne looked down. Lowell looked at his hands. His hands had held her, had helped her, had explored her too.
"I just need to know what we are." She breathed. "I know I love you. I don't know how you feel about me."
He balled them into fists and crossed his arms. Close to himself, away from her. Why was he getting so worked up? Isn't this what he had wanted? What was he going to say? I mean, it wasn't that they didn't have something, it was that Lowell didn't want them to have something. It was there, painfully obvious to the rest of the group, yet Lowell pretended not to see it. He had the feeling Syrenne was looking at him now, expecting an answer. The blanket they shared shifted. Maybe if he shut his eyes tight enough, he'd be back in his bedroom, or another woman's bedroom, sneaking out before the sun came up. Inhale. Count to ten, exhale.
"What?" He finally said.
He opened his eyes, turned to see Syrenne. She wasn't there. Her leather jacket lay discarded, crumpled carelessly. Lowell got to his feet and picked it up.
"Syrenne!" He shouted. "Syrenne, wait!"
Having no idea where he was, as he'd been blindfolded the walk out, Lowell tripped and stumbled over roots and brambles in the thick of lazulis forest. Where was the city? He twisted around, looking for any light to indicate human life. All he saw were stars and the twinkle of fresh dew under moonlight.
Everyone was entitled to privacy. Yurick kept his secrets unknown, Mirania her opinions. Dagran hid away his intentions and Calista had actually hidden her identity for a while. Lowell? Well, he hid away his heart. He hid it under satin covers and in a quiet corner of a busy building, in the hands of yet another woman before stealing it away after the night was over.
Syrenne had tried her best to hide her heart, but had failed miserably. Every emotion was broadcasted through her expression, speech, every action. Love included. Love especially.
Lowell stopped, heart racing, speeding alongside his thoughts. He realized he'd been sprinting through the forest, completely unaware of where we was going. He braced himself against a tree, to catch his breath.
What do I want?
Do I want love?
Do I want to commit?
Do I want my life as it is?
Lowell slipped his hands into his hair, dragged them down to cover his eyes. Tears? C Yeah, but what from? Confusion, love or loss?
He slumped down the tree, and sat with his arms wrapped around his knees and his head bowed. It was not okay to cry, not even alone. He had an image to purvey. Mr unbreakable, mr ironheart, playboy extraordinaire. Lowell, gallant Lowell, happy go lucky, that boy's a charmer, he is. It occurred to him that He had proven Syrenne right.
It was the first night they'd spent together, in Syrenne's room in the castle. He could tell she was nervous. Not her first time though.
"Am I going to be just another girl on your hit list?" She had asked, dead serious, arms folded as if to protect her self. Lowell had wrapped her is a hug from behind, resting his chin on top of her head.
"No, love, you're different." He cooed.
"Fine, but how do I know that?" She twisted, so as to face him. "You could just be playing me, and I'd fall for it. I've already fallen for it."
She pressed into her tiptoes and kissed him.
"Prove me wrong."
He had kissed her back, and held her and given himself to her. Not all of it. But His night, body, his warmth... hers any time she asked. But Lowell had never promised his love. Not once, not when she whispered she loved him and did he love her too or when she cried out his name, and he hers. He never told her he loved her when they woke up together. He had simply folded himself into a shape to fit her, but he still hadn't been honest.
Honesty was all she'd ever asked for.
He stood up, determined. He set his sights on the brightest source of light and set off toward it. It took him a couple minutes of clawing through branches and sidestepping rocks before he came across a beaten bath. Eventually, it tied itself to another route-worn even further by passing carts and horses. He recognized it as the path the team of mercenaries had first taken when they came to Lazulis island.
The streets were busy, and people bustled along, most just getting in Lowell's way. He ran through, pushing people and earning a couple rude remarks on his way.
"Syrenne!" He screamed. "Syrenne!"
He paused in the street, noticing the attention he'd attracted from the crowd. Children, the few who were still out this late, peeked out from behind their parents, and civilians whispered and gestured. Syrenne was pretty well known around Lazulis. She was friendly and kind, so long as her conversation showed her respect too. If not, well, every rose has its thorns, and Syrenne bared hers like a threat. She had acquaintances all over the city, friends from bars and fights and people she'd bumped into and liked.
"Has anyone seen her?" He shouted. "Anyone? I need to apologize!"
Lowell felt a hand on his shoulder. It squeezed, pulling him backwards, and causing him to lose his balance. Before he could steady himself, the hand scooped him back to his feet, and swiftly shoved him down again. A slender, yet calloused hand.
"Syrenne!"
"Right here, fuckboy."
She hit him quickly, with hard and sharp knuckles, across the jaw with the precision of an athlete. She snatched his collar and reared back her arm as if to hit him again. Lowell didn't doubt she would. And the minute Lowell opened his mouth and spoke, she smacked him.
"I love you. I never said it because-"
"Wait, what?" Syrenne gasped. She dropped his collar and he fell.
"Could you stop with that?" Lowell moaned. "Please, calm down." Syrenne complied, first by helping him back up. She pulled her hands to her chest, seeming even a little shocked herself as to how far she'd gone with her revenge.
"I love you." Lowell repeated. "I love you so, so much more than I wanted to."
He looked her dead in the eye, eyes wide open, heart wide open, and completely vulnerable.
"I never wanted to believe it. I still don't want it to be true because I don't want to lose you as well. I love you."
Syrenne's face tried to decide between a smile and a glare. It chose neither, and instead she leapt forward and kissed him, hard. Applause came roaring up from the crowd that had gathered around them, interested in the fight. When he reached up to hold her face, she pressed her hand against his. He stopped to breathe, and she collapsed into him, breathing sweetly. He hugged her tight, like protection.
"Promise you won't leave me lost again?" She whispered.
Lowell smiled, caressing her head and gently untangling her hair. He planted a kiss on her forehead and she started to cry.
"I promise."