SISTERS OF DISCORD
Disclaimer: Everything in the Harry Potter world belongs to JK Rowling and Warner Bros.
Summary: A one-shot into Petunia's mind fraught with jealousy and anger about her sister Lily's deep relationship with James Potter and Petunia's own feelings of inferiority and dissatisfaction in her own relationship with Vernon.
Petunia Evans was seething as she peeked out of the window that looked out onto the Evans Family's picturesque backyard where she spied upon her eighteen year-old sister Lily, commonly known as 'freak' by Petunia, and her dratted wizard of a boyfriend James Potter, known only scathingly as Potter by Petunia. Petunia felt pure jealousy consume her entire being at the contented scene playing out in front of her. Why did the fickle hand of Fortune bestow upon Lily all the gifts that Petunia was so consistently denied? Was it going to be forever Petunia's lot to be standing in the shadows while her sister gleamed like a morning star for all to admire?
Through the half-open window, Lily's gentle laughter that sounded like a sweet bell reached Petunia's ears, causing her to scowl. Petunia observed with burning resentment as the messy-haired and bespectacled Potter scooped up a mock-protesting Lily in his arms and sat on the rusty red swing with Lily safely enclosed in his lean arms. Potter murmured something in Lily's ear, causing a blush to stain her milky white skin. Lily playfully swatted his arm but did not protest as Potter bent his dark head and nuzzled her creamy neck. Petunia's stomach clenched in nauseous envy as Lily's brilliant green eyes fluttered closed and a small contented smile flittered across her face at Potter's ministrations.
Petunia couldn't help but compare the affectionate couple to her own relationship with Vernon Dursley. Vernon was a big, gruff man and did not have a romantic bone in his body. Petunia could not remember the last time she had done something romantic and as simple as her sister and that vagrant Potter; just sitting lazily on a swing and being so completely enraptured with each other that everyone and everything else paled in comparison—it was just the two of them. Petunia remembered the time that Vernon had taken her out to an expensive and exclusive French restaurant and had spent the entire time droning on about his drills store Grunnings, then at the end of the night, to top it all off, he had an argument with the waiter over the exorbitant price of the bill.
Petunia clenched her fists. Vernon is a great man, she told herself fiercely, he is a normal man with a stable income and job. He is not like that loose-canon Potter with those—those freakish abilities. But even her own reasoning rang dully in her ears. She watched Potter as he laced his fingers through Lily's. Lily said something and lazily rested her head under his chin. Potter smiled softly at the red-head burrowed into his chest and buried his nose in her hair, closing his eyes. When had Vernon ever done something like that? Vernon saw her as an excellent companion to entertain his bosses and prospective clients because she was precise, organised and knew when to keep her mouth shut. He had never told her that she was beautiful. He had said that he loved her—or something along those lines. Vernon was not one to express trite sentiments or affectionate gestures.
Petunia liked the normality of Vernon. He was predictable and never did anything…odd. He did not send an enchanted group of pale pink doves for her birthday, like that villain Potter did for Lily or suddenly appear out of nowhere in the Evans' fireplace, sputtering ashes. Vernon did not exude charm like Potter. Vernon did not immediately enchant her parents like Potter. In fact, Petunia was sure that her parents tuned out whenever Vernon spoke.
To her horror, Petunia felt hot tears prick at her eyes. It was not fair! Why was she torturing herself like this? Petunia took deep breathes to calm herself. Vernon was a good man. He could provide for her. He represented security. Her sense of injustice intensified when she observed Potter whip out his wand and without what seemed much effort, he transfigured the swing into a luxurious and inviting deep green couch. Petunia's eyes widened in shock and was immensely gratified to see her sister's face frown and say something quite sharp to Potter, causing him to give her a sheepish look and immediately transfigure the couch back into the rusty swing.
However, Petunia's victorious feelings soon dissolved when Potter smiled charmingly at Lily and pulled her in for a deep and passionate kiss. Lily melted into his embrace and twisted herself around so she could better receive his kiss, delving her fingers into his messy hair. Petunia, almost unconsciously, drifted closer to the window and pressed her face against it, her heart pounding with a mixture of envy and revulsion.
Her heart froze when Potter looked up and spotted her prying at the window. She stood rooted to her place by the window and saw him say something in Lily's ear. Lily immediately snapped around and her green eyes narrowed, her face flushing with anger. Potter tried to stop her, but Lily shook him off and stormed into the house. Petunia felt self-righteous indignation pierce her, conveniently forgetting that she herself had been spying on Lily and that rabble-rouser Potter.
Petunia winced slightly as the backdoor was flung open by Lily.
"What right do you have to spy on my boyfriend and me?" Lily said sharply, her eyes blazing with an anxious-looking Potter behind her.
"You are so arrogant Lily to think that I would waste my time spying on you, as you so crudely put it," Petunia sneered, crossing her arms.
"Do not twist this Petunia! James saw you! For Merlin's sakes, you had your face pressed up against the window!"
"Lily—" Potter started, his hand touching her shoulder.
"No James—I have had enough! All summer—no, since my first year at Hogwarts, I have endured her constant sneering, taunting and disapproval. I didn't even bring home any of my friends because I was afraid of what you would say to me—to them! I stopped even talking about school at home because I didn't want to start another fight!" Tears filled Lily's eyes and Petunia wanted to retch as Potter's eyes filled with concern for Lily, who reached back and grabbed his hand, like it would give her strength. "I—I tried to include you Petunia—you—you were my sister! But you cut me out—excommunicated me like I was a piece of rubbish that was not fit to be in your presence. Do you know how much it hurts? How much it still hurts?" Lily broke off, breathing erratically.
Petunia only saw red. How dare Lily talk to her like that? Rage erupted out of her, so much anger that Petunia was practically trembling with it. "It always has to be about you doesn't it! You always have to be the victim and make me out to be the villain of the piece! How bloody dare you! I am sick of you! I am sick of all that freakishness that follows you around like a bad smell! I hate what you have become! I cannot understand why mum and dad tolerate those foul practices you indulge in—you—you—you bitch!"
"You shut-up!" yelled James, his hazel eyes filled with intense loathing and a desire to protect Lily. "You have no idea what you are saying about this amazing, talented woman! You are so stuffed with your narrow-minded bigotry and jealousy that you cannot see straight!" his voice became dangerously quiet as he continued on, his hand tightly entwined with an awed and wet-eyed Lily. "This is your sister, Petunia. We should accept our family for what they are. You are lucky to have a sister. Do not pollute your life with senseless hatred—there is enough dark forces in our life at the moment that prey on our division and spite. We need to be—"
"I do not bloody care, you arrogant prick!" screamed Petunia, all her hatred and bitter resentment flowing uncontrollably out of her like sewerage. "Who the bloody hell do you think you are to lecture me on morality when you do not even know me!" her voice dropped to an icy tone and her anger slipped off her like water on stone. She fixed the two with a stony contemptuous look. "And frankly, you do not exist to me—you may as well as be dead for all I care and you can crawl back into that scum of-a-world that you call magic and rot there." And with that final, venomous speech that sliced through the air like a sword, she turned her back on Lily and strode off.
Petunia ignored Lily's sob and that bastard Potter's hushed and tender murmurs as she stormed up the stairs and the ache in her own heart which she quickly quashed in self-disgust. Despite her body being racked with turbulent and violent antipathy towards Lily, she couldn't help but look once more at her sister. Lily was leaning against her boyfriend's chest, her arms wrapped tightly around his waist and her face hidden from Petunia, her shoulders silently shaking as he stroked and kissed her red hair in the light of the sun that enveloped them both in a golden glow by the entrance to the back-garden.
What hurt Petunia most, what made her feel so empty, like her own life was devoid of any meaning, was when she heard Lily say brokenly, "What am I going to do without her? I know we haven't got on for ages, but I never expected to be cut out completely from her life…I mean, as long as I could even just fight with her, it meant a lot to me because I could still communicate with her, not matter how painful it was…"
"Lils, I know this hurts like hell, like the Crucio curse has been used on you, but there is nothing you can do to change her mind. Perhaps in time she might come around but for now…" James kissed the top of her head. "I will be here for you Lily and you will overcome this. Do not let Petunia destroy you Lily—you have too much to offer…"
Petunia ran up the stairs to the dark confines of her room, not wanting to hear the remainder of that Potter's speech and feeling more alone, more isolated than she had ever felt but she simultaneously experienced more hatred and envy towards Lily than ever for having a man who loved her so unconditionally and so passionately, while she, Petunia, was languishing in the shadows as Lily shone brightly.
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