A/N: A short little un-beta'd drabble to keep me from studying tonight. I just can't shake that last image of Nathan in the hospital from my mind. Reviewers, be plenty and be kind.

Disclaimer: Nothing's mine.

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Was it you who told me once
Now looking back it seems so real
That all our mistakes are merely grist for the mill
So why is it now after I had my fill
That you steal from me the sorrow that I've earned
Shall we call this a lesson learned?
Shall we call this a lesson learned?

Ray LaMontagne

As I sit on this floor and cry, my mind races with the thousand things that I did wrong tonight. How can I begin to face the consequences?

The game, well, that seemed irrelevant now. An hour ago it was one of the most important choices I had ever made – probably a defining moment in the life I had led thus far. I had nearly betrayed my team and my brother to appease a debt that was selfish and rooted in pride. An hour ago I felt prepared to be a man and to give whatever Daunte felt I owed him. Then again, an hour ago I didn't realize that he planned to take what means more to me than life itself.

When they wheeled Haley away, my only thought as I watched her go was that it could be the last time I would ever see her alive. After everything we'd gone through, our life together could end up being only as long as my high school basketball career. Not even, if you discount the time we spent apart. It wasn't enough. If Haley doesn't live, what the hell am I going to do with myself? I don't want a life without her. And that life we planned together isn't even guaranteed if she does survive.

As soon as I saw her arc to the pavement, I knew in my heart that our son was dead. That he had left our lives as quickly and as unexpectedly as he had entered them. Tonight, she had told me that she would be proud of me as long as I was a good husband to her and a good father to our son. That was all she asked of me, and I've already failed her. She is fighting for her life and our baby is dead because of the bad choices I made for them. If she lives (as I am praying she does), I will have to tell her that our baby is dead because of me. I can't expect her to forgive me for killing the life we created together. Never in a million years would I have guessed that Dan would end up being a better father to me than I was to my son.

Hell, Dan was a better father to Lucas than I was to my son.

Now, Dan is in prison for the life I shamelessly took and Lucas could die for the sacrifice he made to fix my mistake.

They're going to start arriving soon: Karen, Peyton, Brooke, Whitey – everyone who still means anything to me. And when they look at me, their faces full of grief and terror, and ask, "Nathan, how did this happen?" do you know what I'm going to say? Beats me. Fuck if I know. I'm still asking myself the same question.

How have I come to this? Is it possible that as I sit here, the linoleum blurring before my eyes, that I have destroyed the family I have worked so hard to build and even the family that I worked so hard to escape?

I had promised myself that this second chance with Haley, this second chance at family would be one that I would not risk. I had promised myself that I would not be like Dan and that I would not take the important things for granted. The only thing I had learned tonight was that you can never really keep promises. Not ones you make to the people you owe, nor the people you love…

Not even ones you make to yourself.