Author's Note: Hope you guys like this story! Bobby's therapy sessions with Dr. Gyson are one of my favorite parts of the series, and there were a few things I felt still needed to be explored at the end of the show. This is my attempt at doing so.

Disclaimer: Characters not mine.

Chapter 1

"He Was A Good Man"

Bobby Goren was sitting in Dr. Paula Gyson's office, peering hazily at a flourishing Christmas cactus on the small table in front of the chair he was occupying. It must be a new addition – he didn't remember it being here last week. He absently played with its stem-like leaves as his mind wandered through the case he'd closed only an hour before.

There had been a lightness and ease between him and his partner as they'd trudged through the papers, which was definitely not warranted given the crime's gruesome nature. Bobby had felt more alive than he had in ages, since his memory served him. He and Alex hadn't stopped smiling at each other for a week straight, to the point where it had caused the feds (who tried to claim jurisdiction) to question them about their alibis.

Alex, he thought with a small smile. It still felt nice to say that.

Suddenly the door creaked and he jolted out of his stupor, automatically standing up to see his therapist standing in the doorway carefully balancing two cups of water. (Was she his therapist? He didn't know. But the fact that he was even pondering that question seemed to prove something was working in these counseling sessions).

He took one of the cups with a small smile, a nod and a quick "thanks".

She smiled at him and gestured at the chair next to him as she sat in her own.

"So," she started, grabbing her notebook and pen from the table as Bobby fidgeted with his collar. "Welcome to your first non-mandated session."

He let out a small chuckle.

"I have to say I wasn't sure you'd come. But I'm glad you did."

Bobby didn't quite know what to say so he resumed his examination of the cactus.

"I hope you don't mind if I take notes."

"Uh, not at all," Bobby said. After a beat, he continued, "I thought about what you said last time. It was very…helpful."

"Oh? Which part?" she countered, pen at the ready.

"Uh…" he started, rubbing the back of his neck, "you told me I should be more than my job. That…that it's served me, and protected me, but that I…am something without it."

"And how did you find that was helpful?"

"I'm…I'm sorry, how?"

"Yes. Was there something in particular you were able to gain from that perspective?"

Bobby opened his mouth for a moment but then closed it and dropped his gaze. He turned towards the window and allowed the rays of sunlight shining in to cover his face for a minute while he procured the right words.

"It was just a feeling. I felt…light." He laughed nervously at the last word, as though worried he would sound foolish. He turned his gaze back in Paula's direction. She was looking at him intently.

"You felt unburdened?" She scribbled something on her paper.

"I guess…"

"Do you think there was anything in particular that's been burdening you?" When he didn't answer, she continued, "We've talked about your father, your mother, your brother…is there anything else?"

Bobby paused for a moment, wondering how he was supposed to lie his way out of this one. But his lips betrayed his mind, and despite himself he began to talk – quickly, with words he wasn't aware were waiting to be released.

"My former captain, he…he was killed a couple years ago going undercover with the FBI. I always wondered if…" His sentence trailed off into a sigh.

"Right, I remember reading about that." Paula looked at him with an unsympathetic sort of sympathy. "You wondered if you were responsible for his death? Why?"

"We were investigating, uh, what he was working on and he got shot. I wondered at the time, but Alex, uh, Eames – my partner – she told me she, uh, didn't have time for me to beat myself up over it."

He was staring down at his hands wearing the same smile he hadn't been able to contain every time he thought of her.

"That must've been horrible. Did you listen to her advice?"

He chuckled weakly and shook his head.

"I must've lost it. I tried to go undercover and…avenge him. Make the feds pay for their carelessness. But, I was probably the one who was careless." He looked up. "And then I'm sure you know what happened…well, how I ended up here."

When Paula didn't respond he continued.

"He was a good man, a good captain. I trusted him, and he fought for me. He always fought for me." Bobby drew a ragged breath. "He had two young sons. Good kids. It should never have happened."

He rested his head in his hands for a moment, to block out the sunlight, as though it was indecent to allow its warmth to fill him. He knew this pain was something he might never get used to.

"Have you talked about it with anyone in the past? Your partner?"

"Uh…" he began slowly. "It was easier not to…you know."

She gave him a knowingly sad smile.

"Your partner. How do you usually address each other?"

"What?" he said, caught off guard.

"First names? Last names? I noticed you called her 'Alex' earlier and quickly corrected yourself."

"How do you know I corrected myself?" Bobby was suddenly defensive. "Maybe I was just trying to clarify who I was talking about."

"I got the feeling from our past conversations that you've had a tendency to view her only in terms of her professional relationship with you. I was curious when you referred to her by her first name."

"Well…" said Bobby, still a bit flustered, "she's called me 'Bobby' for as long as I can remember. Maybe at the beginning she called me 'Goren', I don't know. Uh, I've always called her 'Eames', you know, she's senior partner. It's respect. Second-nature."

"Even outside of a professional environment?" Paula questioned.

"I guess? I don't know…I never really thought about it." He was still shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

"But something's changed recently?"

She was looking at him with the same gaze he often used on a suspect he was trying to rattle a reluctant truth out of – he found it incredibly unnerving, and to his frustration, very effective.

"Maybe? Look, do we have to uh, talk about…this?"

"Why do you think it makes you feel disconcerted to discuss your partner?"

"It doesn't make me feel disconcerted, you're just asking things that…I don't see the relevance…why it matters…" He was getting irritated and as the volume of his voice rose she cut through swiftly.

"I'm trying to understand why talking about her makes you feel defensive. That's all."

"Because I don't know how I feel about her!" He was barely aware of the words coming out of his mouth. "Look…she's…I don't know what she is. You were right before. I hadn't ever thought about it, because she was always…my superior, my partner, someone I had to protect from myself…and now? I don't know if I want to think about it – much less talk about it with someone who wants me to analyze everything and give some sort of definitive answer! But…it's just not that simple." He exhaled, heart pounding.

Paula's next words threw him even more.

"Do you think I could talk to her?"

"I…what?"

"With her permission of course. And yours."

"I'm sorry, you want to talk to Eames? To…to Alex? What, I'm not giving you the answers you want so you're just going to bypass me and try to shake the truth or whatever the hell you're looking for out of her?!"

His voice was rising again. Her voice remained completely even.

"Your relationship with her is the most important relationship in your life. I want to help you with this Robert. It would be helpful for me to understand it better if I could hear some of her thoughts…"

"Wha…this isn't some sort of couple's counseling! You can't just ask her about me…"

"I don't have to ask her about you. I won't, if you don't want me to. But I think for me to help you, it's important that I learn more about the people closest to you."

Bobby considered her for a moment.

"What if I don't want your help on this?"

"You came here. You knew you didn't have to do that. You chose to take a step in the right direction. All I'm asking is that you let me in. Let me take this journey with you."

He had stopped pacing and sat back down, though his face was still etched with the lines of worry and indignation.

"Fine. You can…you can ask her. She might not say yes, but…"

"That's okay." Paula was smiling. "Now of course, you know nothing you've told me in these sessions will be repeated to her, and the same goes the other way."

"Yeah, I know." Bobby still felt unsettled. He hoped Alex wasn't waiting for him outside like last time – he wasn't sure he could handle seeing her right now.

"Great! Then I'll have my office give her a call. You don't have to mention anything to her."

A curt "good" was all he could muster in return.

"Until next time then?" Paula stood up, indicating he should too.

"Yeah, okay." He gave her a small nod and walked towards the door she was holding open. Before leaving he paused for a moment.

"You can ask her about me. If you want."

Paula gave a rather knowing smile.

"Alright Robert. See you next week."

He left without looking back.