It's Friday when Rei storms into the empty gym and approaches Rin, bag slung over one shoulder and violet eyes alight with fury.
"Rin-san, why didn't you tell me?!"
Rin steps away from the flat bench, coming to a stop before Rei and glares at the male in response.
"I didn't want to tell you because I know you would have this kind of reaction."
"Is that it, Rin-san? You don't trust me enough."
"That's not it," Rin begins, clenching his fist. "Look, if you'd just calm down and li-"
"Calm down?!" Rei yells, looking anything but calm. "I was not aware that our relationship has progressed such a pitiful amount."
"Shut up," Rin growls, grabbing the younger man's collar and pulling him closer. "I don't have to tell you everything about my fucking life."
The damage is done because Rei's eyes widen. Wide and full of wetness, full of emotions Rin cannot begin to name.
A tear slides down his cheek.
Rin's grip on the collar loosens and it slips out of his fingers like the shaky breath that escapes Rei.
He hates how he stands there, unmoving, as Rei walks away.
That night, Rin shifts from side to side. His mind is not forgiving. Neither is sleep. He glances at the bedside, where his drawer is. His eyes run over the photo frame that holds a picture of his first date with Rei. They're smiling widely, stupid, goofy smiles as they careen down a water slide.
He thinks back to when they were still in high school. Rei is a first-year, eager and determined. He asks Rin to teach him how to swim because he wants to improve, he wants to surprise his teammates and Rin agrees, because he knows Rei is the reason he got over himself and reunited with his friends. He owes him that much.
And then it's no longer about owing, because Rin feels a fluttery sensation bubbling up months later when he sees Rei ready to dive, goggles over his eyes and violet eyes directed straight ahead.
He remembers Rei's delighted expression when he tells him-
"I don't think we have a teacher to student relationship."
"Huh…?"
"I'm just teaching you until we become rivals."
Rin breathes. He reaches out for his phone.
Rei is lying on his bed, gazing at the photo he's holding in his hands. He knows he shouldn't be doing this in the dark what with him wearing glasses and all, but for once, he doesn't care.
It's a shot someone has taken after a training session with Samezuka. Rin's arm is slung over Rei's shoulder, and their faces are so close they're almost touching. Their smiles are wide, unrestrained. He finds himself tracing their faces, outlining their expressions.
His phone flashes to life, illuminating the room for a second before dimming. When Rei reaches out for it, it begins to vibrate. He glances at the caller ID.
Rin-san
He answers.
The late night sky is speckled with stars. Yet Rin can't appreciate their breathtaking beauty because he is once again checking his phone. Maybe Rei changed his mind and isn't coming-
"Rin-san."
He looks up to see Rei walking towards him. The blue-haired boy stops a distance away. His gaze is unwavering but Rin observes his slightly downcast eyes, the little slope in his eyebrows.
He tries to speak, but finds himself wordless for a moment.
"Rei, I'm so sorry," he finally manages, lifting his eyes to meet the other's. "I shouldn't have said it… You're so precious to me and I just…"
Rei makes a sound, half between a laugh and a huff, and his eyes crinkle at the corners as he responds with a small smile. Rin feels an inexplicable urge to run his thumb over Rei's reddened cheeks.
Rei steps forward and takes Rin's hand. "I'm sorry too, Rin-san. I was too overbearing in my opinion."
"Guess we're both too sensitive," Rin grins as he bumps his forehead against Rei's. "Stay over at my place," he whispers softly, and Rei nods almost imperceptibly.
They step apart briefly before Rin pulls Rei along with him, in the direction of his place.
They stumble into Rin's less than presentable room in the dark, not bothering to turn the lights on. Rei rids himself of his jacket and Rin is already rolling into a corner of the bed, trying to dust it off.
"Rin-san…" Rei's voice is laced with disapproval.
"I can't help it," Rin whines. "You always do the cleaning for me when you come over."
"You can help it," Rei grunts as Rin encircles his waist and tugs him onto the bed. They engage in a short scuffle and Rin emerges the victor of their tickle fight. Rin rolls over onto Rei, ignoring the small "oof" and rests his head against Rei. The bluenette closes his eyes when Rin begins planting butterfly kisses on his forehead and eyelids, ever so briefly on his eyelashes and they flutter open only when Rin bites his ear mercilessly.
Rei yelps and shoves Rin off, glowering. "Oh come on, don't be mad," Rin tries to appease him; although his full-toothed mischievous grin is showing.
"That's it," Rei growls, hoisting a pillow. Rin doubles over with laughter and doesn't stop even when Rei throws himself onto the older boy, pillow and all.
"You're so fun to tease," Rin wipes a tear that has escaped the corner of his eye.
"You're too much, Rin-san," Rei murmurs as he leans down on the pillow on Rin and presses a kiss on the redhead's nose.
"Maybe," Rin nods as he curls an arm around Rei's head to keep him there. "But just enough so that you have your hands full of only me."
Rei laughs at that and leans down to capture Rin's lips.
They discard the pillow to a side and curve into each other, finally falling asleep, their hands entwined.
Rei wakes up at half past midnight. He and Rin are lying back-to-back and he shivers from the loss of warmth when he slips out bed and pads quietly to the drawer where he has left his glasses. He puts them on and turns to look at Rin's relaxed face in sleep. He's struck by how fond he is of this man who means so much to him.
He fishes around the floor for his jacket and dons it before gingerly opening the door. He noiselessly exits the room, taking one last look at his slumbering lover before walking out.
Rei walks along the beach that is a little distance away from Rin's apartment complex. He looks to the sky, and the innumerable starts twinkle at him, faintly lighting up the area. He needs to clear his head, he decides. He has been too irrational as of late, especially when it comes to matters concerning Rin.
He strips down until only his swimming shorts are left and he wades into the water. It is a tad too risky, perhaps, trying to swim at such a time but he's overcome by the urge. It has been a few months since he last swam, after all.
He thinks about his time with Rin, the blissful years that they have spent together and all the silly arguments they had, and the heat that spread across his face when Rin clumsily proposed moving in together.
They have yet to break the news to their families (although he has an inkling that Gou has already figured everything out) but he hopes that everything will go smoothly.
His outburst in the morning was uncalled for, Rei decides. He should approach such matters more calmly to avoid distressing both of them. He stops swimming with a start, realising that he has swum a large distance from shore.
"Time to start heading back," he mutters to himself.
He's swimming back to the shore when he hears the low roll of thunder. He pauses to look up. Dark thunderclouds have gathered and Rei begins to feel the soft patter of rain against his cheeks.
He thinks back to the summer of his first year in high school, remembers his act of folly and feels his heart begin to hammer against his ribcage. He needs to go back to shore, now.
The rain worsens, the light drops now heavily beating down on him. Rei tries to keep his head above water as the waves become more violent, sweeping him away from the beach. He feels something float past him underwater and hisses as he feels a dull pain in his leg. Whatever it was, it had cut him. He swims towards the shore with a desperation he hasn't felt since he was sixteen. A wave surges over him and he goes under, but resurfaces, spluttering.
Stupid, stupid, his mind tells him, and he thinks about Rin, sleeping soundly in his room. Rin, whom he loves to the point it makes him irrational. He needs to get back to Rin-
Rei chokes on the seawater, coughing violently as he struggles to continue swimming. He curses himself for choosing to do something so stupid. He does not want to lose his life this way, not like this. There is nothing for him to grab onto. Rei helplessly grasps at water that slips through his fingers. He is so, so tired. His throat is raw and his eyes burn.
"Rin-san," he shouts, his voice drowned out by the roar of the storm.
He's slammed back underwater and he keeps his eyes open, trained on the surface. He reaches his hand upwards, up, will somebody see (because this time there's no Makoto-senpai to save him)-
"Rin-san, I love you."
The bubbles travel upwards, and Rei thinks they look like the tears Rin shed when he slipped a ring onto his finger.
Rin jolts up, startled by the sudden thunder. He looks out of the space between the curtains to see raindrops pattering loudly against the glass windows. He blinks blearily and pats the side of the bed where Rei should be.
"Rei…?"
He's met with silence.
He sees Rei's phone next to his. He supposes Rei went to the kitchen to get something, because the bluenette rarely goes out without his phone. With that thought in mind, Rin lays back down on his pillow and sleep overtakes him.
Rin wakes up to the bright sunlight filtering through the window. He feels incredibly uneasy and the feeling intensifies when he realises that he is alone on his bed. Where is Rei?
He sits up and ties his hair into a ponytail before heading outside. He jogs along the road, the anxiety gnawing away at his insides. He tries to take deep breaths as he jogs onto the beach. Debris has been washed ashore as a result of the storm and Rin feels his throat tighten. His eyes sweep across the beach and he feels his heart still as he catches sight of familiar blue hair.
Rin dashes across the sand, his heart constricting as he kneels next to Rei. He is terrified as he takes in the sight of the cuts across his lover's body. He holds back a trembling sob as he reaches for Rei's cheek with a trembling hand.
Why aren't his eyes opening?
He bends down and listens, listens as hard as he can for a heartbeat but there's nothing but the soft swish of waves crashing against the beach.
"Rei," he gasps. "Rei, Rei!"
He fumbles to position himself above Rei and recalls his CPR training. He's shaking as he counts, thrusts his hands down on Rei's chest. There's nothing. Not a twitch. No coughing. He breathes air desperately through Rei's mouth. Nothing.
It's Saturday, 08.27a.m, when the paramedics pronounce Rei dead.
Dead? That's too cruel a joke, Rin thinks. Who's being too much now? He wonders.
He's taken to the hospital with Rei (he's just sleeping, he's just sleeping), and he screams loudly when they pull his lover's body away from him, cover him up-
("What are you doing to him?! How's he gonna find his way when he wakes up?")
He's pulled away into another room, and he leans against the wall after collapsing on a chair. Nurses buzz around him, talking softly. He's remembering Rei's pale, bloated face, the red gash across his cheek and-
A sob wells up within him.
"Rin."
He whips his head up so fast it hurts. It's Haru, standing at the doorway. Unreadable, as always. Behind him, Makoto stands with a hand on Haru's shoulder. His emerald eyes are glassy.
"Rin," he whispers, his voice hoarse.
When the two enter the room, he stands up and wobbles for a second before steadying himself.
"They don't understand," he hears himself saying. "They're saying he's dead, but he's not, he's not, he just can't.."
"Oh, Rin," Makoto approaches him first, engulfing him in a warm hug. "Rin," he repeats. Haru grips Rin's lifeless hand tightly, silent.
"Rin-chan!" Nagisa bursts into the room, breathless and white as a sheet. He collides into them, tears streaming down his cheeks. "It hurts," he whimpers as Makoto pulls him close. Rin chokes on a sob that escapes despite him holding back. They hold one another as Rin breaks down completely and his cries mingle with those of Nagisa's and Makoto's silent shaking shoulders. Haru leans against Makoto, his eyes closed.
His fight is tightly clenched.
Rei's family holds the wake a day later.
His older brother's eyes are reddened but he does not cry. He simply looks at the picture of Rei silently while his mother leans against his father and sobs softly.
Rin places a single flower on the side of the coffin and as he walks around it, he pauses to look at his Rei's serene expression. He looks a little too dolled up, too pretty, and Rin can practically hear his voice in his head;
"Rin-san, that's not beautiful!"
He grits his teeth and walks back to his seat, next to the ex-Iwatobi swimmers. His sister holds his hand tightly and leans into him. He's not sure he can feel anything anymore.
The months fly by and Rin's life continues. The psychiatrist in charge of him encourages him to continue swimming. And so he does-
But he no longer finds joy in diving into the pool.
"Come on Rin, you can make it to the Olympics!" his coach tries to convince him.
Can he? He's not so sure anymore.
When he opens his locker, it's a picture of Rei that he has stuck onto the back that greets him. He's reminded of the delighted, flushed smiles Rei sends him from the pool and the silly grin that overcomes his own face in response.
January, the next year, Ai invites him to a festival. He has to continue to interact with people, so he goes.
Ai's talking to him but he's distracted because when he looks to the right, he sees Rei in his purple yukata, smiling and waving to him. He must have stopped because Ai tugs at his shirt, asking him if he's okay. When looks back up, Rei is no longer there.
It's the qualifying race for a swimming competition in March and the cheer of the crowd has dulled. Rin is second, despite his apathy to the entire thing, and when he tries to haul himself up onto the floor, he slips back into the water.
"Shit!" he curses, smashing his goggles against the tiles.
Because he's remembering the time when he's eighteen and giving Rei a wide grin and telling him to watch his back if he doesn't want to get bitten. It surprised him when Rei returned his challenge with a daring smile.
(although Rei did end up being bitten in the end, but that was an entirely different matter)
Another competitor helps him out of the pool and Rin silently accepts the pats of congratulations to his back.
It's November again and it's been exactly a year since Rei's passing. Rin wakes up before the alarm begins its shrill ringing, his eyes wide open.
"I'm such an idiot," he whispers to himself, frantically trying to hold on to the fading wisps of his dreams, full of Rei. He glances once again at the photo on his drawer.
"I thought we were happy but still…"
He has to get ready for Rei's memorial service, he reminds himself. He gathers himself and stands, heading to the bathroom. He stops at the mirror and stares at himself. His eyes are sunken and he has lost a lot more weight than he thought he has.
Rei would not approve, he supposes.
Rei would not approve, he also realises, of him being like this.
Rei would not be happy that he spends his time pining away for him, when he could be training for the Olympics, could be out making connections with the people who matter and could help him.
It's been laughably simple the whole time. The epiphany strikes him just like that.
Then he's running out of the bathroom, laughing and wiping away the tears that are leaking from the corners of his eyes and he picks up the photo frame and presses his forehead against it.
He breathes in slowly.
When he walks out of the apartment, he looks behind once before closing the door.
"I'm off, Rei."
When he reaches the memorial, he's smiling brightly.
Rei's mother engulfs him in a tight hug and presses a kiss against his forehead. He hugs her back just as tightly.
"Thank you, for loving him," she whispers.
Rin is standing before Rei's grave, sifting through the memories that seem to be tipping and flowing through to the other side of the hourglass.
He is encouraging Rei, teaching him the best way to stay afloat in water and Rei is nodding enthusiastically. And when Rei looks to the side, his cheeks reddening upon hearing Rin's compliment, the redhead gathers the younger male in his arms and presses a kiss against his lips (their first kiss).
He is sitting on his bed, eating the butterfly cookies when Rei bursts into his apartment and trips out of his shoes in his haste to get inside. He's caught red-handed when Rei runs into his room and they watch each other silently before Rei shrieks indignantly.
"Rin-san I told you to throw those away! You don't even like sweets!"
"Shut up, nerd," he grumbles before finishing up the cookie.
And then he's pushing the flustered boy onto his bed and they're stealing angry kisses from each other. Rei doesn't leave his apartment until much later, original purpose very much forgotten (their first time).
Rin lightly places his hand on the words engraved on Rei's headstone and lowers his head.
"Wait for me," he murmurs. He looks up, the tears in his eyes glinting under the bright sunlight. "We'll meet again."
Two years later, the crowd goes wild.
Matsuoka Rin has won his first gold medal at the Olympics and he sees nothing but a silent figure at the sidelines, waving widely. Rei's smile is beautiful.
Rin takes his place at the podium and looks up to the sky.
"I love you, Rei."
This fic is inspired by the LoaLok's RinRei video on YouTube titled Wait for Me. Please watch it! (I have so many reigrets now...) I will never hurt my bbies like this again ;;
This was originally posted on AO3 under the pseud "Aissu".