Pip's POV:
It's strange how life changes, or in this case, ends in less than a minute. The man who had done some much for me, taken care of me and whom I never greeted properly had disappeared, I had found myself at the border of dying, my two most beloved people in the world had married each other, and my dear friend was about to start a new adventure on his life. And what about me? What was I supposed to do? What reason did I have to fight for? Who needed me at that point of my life? I guessed back then, that I was paying the mistakes I had committed for so long; the mistake of forgetting who I was in order to be who I had become, and I wasn't proud of it, not a bit. So, why should I have stayed? Why would I have to think about leaving twice when the best I could do was following Herbert and starting all over? Well, from this point on, I'll tell you why.
"I'm really glad you decided to come, dear Haendel!" Herbert spoke joyfully to me as we gathered the last things we would need for our trip to the Cairo.
"Well, everyone deserves a second chance, and this sinner doesn't seem to be an exception… I just hope that I become a better man than the one I've been" I said honestly, I was excited about my life talking a new direction.
"Don't worry about that, I'm sure you will… and to start with, I don't meant to be meddlesome or anything but… before we leave… I think you should pay a visit to someone…" that was strange, Herbert never talked in between lines or hesitated with words, I wondered how important could be the matter he was thinking of for him to act like that.
"And who is that, Herbert?" I asked to my suspicious looking friend.
"Mr. and Mrs. Bentley Drummle…" it was quite surprising the fact that my heart still burnt with anger with just hearing his name.
"Should I believe that you've gone completely mad, dear friend?" I answered calmly on the inside, but with a beastly rage on the inside, he walked over to me and patted me on my shoulder.
"Pip, I know it sounds unbearable to you but… If you really want the world to forgive you for whom you've been… you must start with those who really need an apology from you, keep your enemies even closer to your heart" I hated when he looked at me with such an honest and loving stare, I couldn't deny the fact that getting Drummle's forgiveness would be a great achievement for me, but at that time I just couldn't.
"He isn't really the problem, Herbert…" I confessed, even though he knew the truth.
"Another reason why you should go… give her some peace, Pip, let her know that you'll go on as she did… After all, Estella is the way she is because Miss Havisham never let her be other way; you may blame her for so many things but, if you really want to make a change of yourself, this might be the best way…" then he went back to do what he was doing in the first place, as he had said absolutely nothing, while I stood there, my heart pierced and smashed with the memory of my first and last love, the name I had pronounced faithfully like a prayer, the reason I had wanted to be someone who I wasn't, the center of my existence… Estella, beautiful and so cruel Estella; man-eater, such a dark angel.
"I sometimes wish you weren't so good at convincing me…" was my way to saying goodbye to my friend. It was too late to take a step back when I realized I actually was sitting on the carriage heading to Bentley's house, trying to make better something that I didn't want to solve at all; but just for one last time I wanted to look at her face and let her know that, it was my love for her why I'd do anything. I was surely nervous and acting with no desire of doing it but… the thought of doing it had taken such a space in my heart that, even though I was scared, I knew I had to do it. I knocked at the door with a shaky hand, a middle age woman with cold stare was there to receive me, I tried to smile, but she made it a bit impossible.
"Good evening, miss…" that was when I realized I didn't know her name.
"Madeleine, is my name; but that's not really relevant, the question is who are you and how can I help you" it was a bit funny that she could say such nice words with such an uninterested voice.
"I'm Phillip Pirrip and I've come to see Mr. and Mrs. Drummle, we're old friends and I'm about to take a long trip so I … wish to say goodbye before I leave" I insanely played with my gloves as I spoke, after I said my name and the reason of my visit, she made very cleared she had heard of me before.
"Mr. Pirrip, uh? I'm sorry to tell you that my master is out now, but if you like I'll take the message for him…" but before she could finish talking, I heard the sweetest voice interrupting her.
"I believe my husband told you he didn't like to hear messages if the person is not directly speaking, and I'm not in mood to handle his yelling; who is it, Madeleine?" she appeared at the top of the stairs, looking beautiful as always in a dark green dress, her usual cold expression now a bit changed by the anger she felt.
"It's an old friend of yours, he says, ma'am, but I don't think the master will like you to receive him if he's not around…" obviously, my name was some kind of taboo inside Bentley's house.
"I'm the lady of the house and I'll receive whomever I want…" she went down quickly and stopped as soon as her eyes found mine, she looked a bit surprised.
"Pip?" she asked as if we hadn't seen each other for ages.
"Long time no see, Estella…" I looked down to cover the joy I felt of her looking at me.
"Yes, I think so… May I ask what brings you here?" but her tone wasn't an angry one anymore, and her expression softened, almost as if she was contemplating me.
"I'm about to leave England, Estella, and I don't know when I'll be back, I just came by to say goodbye…" I tried to smile but she looked disappointed.
"Well, then...let us talk for a bit before you leave…" she looked to Madeleine, and she sighed as she left, like complaining about the whims of the Mrs., still nobody could say "No" to Estella. "Come in" she left the door open for me and I wondered if I would burn to ashes the moment I stepped into the house, but surprisingly, I didn't. I had to admit that Drummle had her living like a Queen, the house was big enough to hold thousands of people, and there was expensive furniture and ornaments everywhere, we headed to the living room where the chimney was turned on, still it wasn't too cold outside.
"Bentley never comes here, the heat somehow annoys him… therefore this must be my favorite place in the entire house" she said with a very sarcastic smile, I wondered why could she say something like that "I … never really thought we would see each other again" she didn't look me in the eye when she said this but still I could sense some sadness in her voice, but very well hidden by all her cold hearted training.
"This might be the last time, actually…" I don't know if I said that to prove my theory or just to comfort her somehow.
"So… we're are you going?" she tried to smile to me but there was something about her attitude, very unusual, that made me think that she needed something from me.
"To the Cairo, with my good friend Herbert, he's member of a little and new company and he asked me for help, I couldn't turn down…" I decided to leave it there, she didn't need to know about my financial problems, not when we were about to say goodbye for one and all.
"Ah… Herbert Pocket, who could have imagined you'd become such good friends after that violent first impression you gave to each other" this time, her smile was fun and real, like if she was back at Satis House, watching the first time I met the one who'd become my greatest friend; I also missed those days a bit.
"Well, some say that love and hatred is just the same thing…" I gave a smile back to her too, but then her sorrowed expression came back.
"It's good that you have someone who takes good care of you… a true friend…" she frowned for a while and then her eyes went to the floor.
"Estella… now that I'm leaving and I won't be able to ask you this ever again, tell me with the honesty I know every fine lady and especially you should have, are you happy with him?" of course, inside my tortured heart I begged with all of me for her to say no but still… after all that had happened, I couldn't bring myself to believe that her life wasn't the type of perfect she had always desired.
"I'd be happier if I was dead…" she whispered in reply, the sleeve on her right arm went up from its usual place and showed a purple wound with no signs of healing soon, she put it down immediately.
"Tell me, for the Lord's sake, that he didn't do that" my blood boiled inside my body with the thought of that scum touching her, and even worse injuring her.
"We all have our own guilty and secret pleasures… his is to control every single thing around him, and when he can't do it by his concept of "good" way, this is how it ends…" she got up from her seat and faced the window, like trying to hide from me how much her husband's action hurt her.
"I wish I could help you somehow, but I don't think I'll be a good solution for this kind of issue..." even if it was hard for me I understood that it was time for me to leave, Estella was a very strong and smart woman, she had made pretty clear the fact that she didn't need me at all, she'd found a way of making it better.
"Actually, you could do something, Pip…" she said as soon as I left my seat.
"Excuse me?" I was starting to wonder if all that conversation had been just a mere imagination until she said that.
"You've always been a kind and fair person, and maybe I do not deserve it but… I'll ask you for your help, help for a tortured soul in hope that she doesn't end like her protector did…" to think about Estella ending just like Miss Havisham had was unbearable for me, but what could I do in order to stop that?
"I … what can I do for you?" I asked finally, and not even God in heaven could have prepared me for what she was about to say.
"Be my friend once more, Pip… Give me the love he has never given to me… This is rather an indecent proposal but…I truly need someone who's by my side and not against me; Pip, would you be willing to be my lover?"
To be continued…
Dreamer.
Hello everyone! Ok so, I finished reading Great Expectations a couple of days ago and well I really fell in love with the story, I loved the characters, the story, the somehow cruel society that the author wants to unveil… I adored it! But I was thinking about the complex personality of Estella and how could she show her affection for Pip but still being as she had always been; so to be completely honest about this idea, yes this will be a lemon fan fiction (hoping that Dickens doesn't squirm in his grave XD) but still I want to make Estella show her true feelings to Pip, for them to know that they were really soul mates and how will Bentley and all sorts of situations get in their way so… comment a bit about it and we'll see if it continues ;)