"Alex walks into a bar. Ouch".
"You'll have to try harder than that", replied a broad brunette. Nicky turned up her nose and continued to wipe down the bar. "Jeez, Alex, you've got no sense of humor lately. That was a classy line."
"Sure, you're the epitome of class, Nic. By the way, what was the name of that girl you took home last night?", Alex teased.
"Who the f*ck cares! At least I'm not growing cobwebs in my hoo hoo like you. How long's it been now? A millennia?"
Alex raised an eyebrow. "Something like that." Almost a year had passed since she had been released from Litchfield. Unlike the first time, Alex had worked hard to cut all ties with her old prison life, and the slight blonde that came along with it. She had carved out a small life for herself in Brooklyn, hustling her way into a job as a bartender. When Nicky was released just a few weeks later, the two became roommates. After calling in a few old favors, the former addicts had earned themselves enough for a deposit on a tiny dive bar in Williamsburg. Nicky wanted to call it every vaginal euphemism under the sun, but eventually Alex fought to name the humble bar "Thirsty Bird". To save face, she didn't tell Nicky why, but Alex would always remember the stories Piper had told her about her time in solitary. In memory of the egg yolk art her former lover had crafted on the cell walls, a yellow neon bird stood proudly over the bar's entrance.
Thanks to Nicky's irresistible charm, Thirsty Bird had become somewhat popular with an indie-hipster crowd of young women, many of whom found their way onto an ever-expanding list of Nichols' conquests. For Alex, however, her casual dating impulse had never quite recovered from her countless run-ins with Piper Chapman. In the last 3 years, the two had got together and broken up more times than she could remember. Within Litchfield's walls, Alex had never been able to completely escape the effect Piper had on her, but since leaving she knew that cutting ties was the only way to move on. Nicky had been assigned all 'bro duties', stopping Alex from answering Piper's calls. Piper called twice a week for almost 2 months before stopping cold. The new bar owners still had a few friends left at Litchfield, namely Morello and Red, but Alex made sure Nicky was the one to get all the gossip and filter out anything Piper-shaped before passing it on.
"Rule number one, don't ever fall in love with a straight girl."
Nicky left the bar to change a barrel in the cellar, leaving Alex alone stacking glasses when a familiar face walked in.
"Of all the sh*tty bars in all the sh*tty towns, I gotta walk into yours."
Alex looked up and smiled. "Well, if it isn't Big Boo! Congrats on the release, girl." She went around the bar to hug her old friend. Boo and Alex had become quite close in her final months at Litchfield and she was pleased when Morello had told Nicky about her impending release.
"Hey Nicky, get up here." Alex called down to the cellar. "What'll it be, Boo? Slippery nipple? Sex on the beach?"
"As long as it's not hooch, I don't care. Hit me up with something sweet." Alex poured Boo a whisky and coke as Nicky came back into the bar, panting.
"Jeez, Vause, what's the…Boo!" Nicky leapt to greet her former sparring partner. "Hey there Nichols, been keeping the p*ssy warm for me?"
"Woah there, Honey Boo Boo, this had better be a flying visit. Don't you be p*ssing all over my territory."
"Scared you can't compete?" Boo replied with a grin.
"Oh great, this again." Alex rolled her eyes at the pair and passed out a round of drinks.
The bar was beginning to fill up with punters. As usual, Alex had been left to do most of the grunt work while Nicky spent her time scoping out vulnerable women and pretending to listen to them complain about their boyfriends. Alex looked for Boo, who was nowhere to be found. "Wow, that was fast." With Nicky stuck at the bar until closing time, it hadn't taken Boo long to find what she was looking for.
As 4am approached, there were only two figures left in a smoky corner of the bar. Alex had let Nicky leave early, not alone of course, and she had already totaled up the night's takings and deposited a wad of cash in the safe. "Night's over, guys, time to get out". Alex gently escorted her last two customers outside and ushered them towards a taxi. She went back to get her bag from behind the bar and heard a flutter of paper.
"I was wondering if you were hiring."
Alex turned around to see a crisp white resume on the bar. 21 bold Helvetica letters stood out on the page: Piper Elizabeth Chapman.