/I am a serious writer and this is a serious story./

/…/

/Who am I trying to fool.../

*BAM*

"Dafuq?!" the security guards shouted in shock. Somebody has blown his way into the bank.

Two silhouettes appeared in the smoke.

"Guys, ready your weapons!" the security boss ordered, but then was shot in the head.

"Holy shit!" someone screamed.

And then Mercy and Dva appeared.

"Hey Dva, I thought the explosives were for the safe." Mercy said.

"Well how else would you enter this bank?" Dva replied.

"Through the door?"

"Oh right. OOHH RIIGHHT!"

"You dumb fuck, I knew I should have done this myself."

"Hey fuck you."

Then the guards stopped crying over their boss and pointed their guns at the girls.

"FREEZE!" they shouted, "Drop your weapons, you… who are you?"

"We're Mercy and Dva from Overwatch, BITCH!" Mercy exclaimed.

"You stupid cunt why did you tell them our names? Now we're fucking screwed!" Dva got angry.

"But… but… the villains in movies always say their names out loud…"

"I'm gonna kick your ass, damn it!"

But it was no time to fight, because the police just arrived.

"Holy shit, we must run!" Dva said.

"But… the money…" Mercy moaned.

"Fuck it, RUN!"

"You won't go anywhere, cunts!" the guards shouted and shot at them, but they didn't hit shit, because they SUCK.

Mercy and Dva were already running upstairs. They forced their way through the guards (by fisting them to DEATH) and ended up on the roof.

"We must use these fire escape stairs over there, we will go to the ground level and use backstreets to safely escape." Mercy stated.

"No no, you have it all wrong again." Dva replied, "We should jump from roof to roof like AssAss-ins and the police will lose our track."

"You know life is not a platformer? Also, none of us can possibly jump across a 5 meter gap."

"Don't be so pessimistic."

"Wha-… fine, whatever, you can go and fall to your death, while I get down safely and live."

And then a police chopper appeared out of fucking nowhere.

"No time to talk, cya!" Dva shouted and jumped across over to the next building.

"Wow, she did it." Mercy said, "That was a pretty good jump."

"Yeah, I rate it a solid nine out of ten." The chopper pilot replied.

"I agree, she didn't quite land perfectly, but the technique was fantastic…." Mercy said, "Wait, who am I talking to?"

"Oh shit, I forgot I was supposed to shoot you." The pilot said, "No hard feelings?"

"Nah, it's fine. I actually don't mind not being shot."

"Alright, that's cool…. But you didn't say anything about homing missiles, so here they go!"

"OH SHIT!

The missiles started flying at Mercy. She dodged them somehow (probably because of plot armor) and ran to the fire escape stairs. The chopper pilot kind of overused the missiles, and now the entire building was kind of falling down. Mercy barely made it out alive.

She ran along the backstreets, but then ended up on a wide open street. There were no signs of police anywhere, when suddenly she heard the "EEIOOOEEIOOO" sound. She took a look around and spotted a church. She quickly entered it.

"Umm, who are you, young lady?" some nun asked.

"My name's Mercy, and… wait a second, is that Pope Francis behind you?"

"What? Where?" the nun turned around and Mercy knocked her out. She dragged her to the cellar, stole her clothes and hid her inside a big barrel.

She walked out of the cellar in the nun's clothes, and then some priest stopped her.

"Hey, what were you looking down there?" he asked.

"Umm… I… I wanted to drink some wine while nobody was looking."

"Oh, that's okay." The priest smiled, "But you don't have to drink alone, we all get wasted here all the time. You're new here, aren't you?"

"Well, yes. I was assigned here today from the church in… South Virginia."

"Well, I've never heard of this state. Whatever, I'm retarded anyway."

"I see…"

"Hey, since you're already here, can you sit at the confessional during the next mass? Jonah was supposed to do it, but he blazed too much weed and ended up in a hospital."

"Umm, alright, though I've never done that. When's the mass?"

"In ten minutes."

"What? Hey, at least give me some advices!"

"Oh, it's nothing really. You don't even have to listen, just tell them to pray for ten minutes as a penance." The priest said and blazed some weed, "*cough cough* Oh, and my name's Jonah, by the way."

"Didn't you say Jonah was the guy who ended up in a hospital from blazing too much weed?" Mercy asked.

"That's right. That's me."

And then Jonah fainted, the ambulance arrived, and took him to the hospital.

"Well that was fucking stupid." Mercy stated.

To be continued...

In the next episode: Mercy listens to some loser's confessions while blazing weed, and Dva's escape. Stay tuned, my faggy readers.