A/N - Okay so this is my first fanfiction EVER! so be nice! I wrote this a couple of months ago for school and got an A+ on it! YAY! So I thought I'd share it on here. THIS IS A ONE SHOT!
Kirk and "The S.S. Lirk"
To understand the story, I think you should know a little more about the main character, Kirk Gleason. To other people, he's just known as the witty Kirk, the humorous guy with 50 jobs. Some of his jobs include a mailman, a security installer, a petticab driver, a souvenir store seller, and a body product inventor/salesperson. As you can see, Kirk is a very busy man. But, it seems as though he always finds time to visit his favorite restaurant, the town diner, Luke's. In fact, he sometimes gets there at 5:30 A.M just to get his favorite table. He always annoys the owner, Luke, by ordering ridiculous foods that aren't even on the menu, or by saying he can talk "car-talk" (meaning he knows everything there is to know about cars) and can read lips when it's clear that he is just making up random things. Kirk is basically your average momma's boy who has lived with his mom for as long as he has lived.
He has a girlfriend named Lulu, who at times acts normal but at other times acts exactly like him. Some people in town may wonder why Lulu is still with Kirk. But, then she says things like "Oh! Kirk will be happy to come so he can check up on the wood that he cut!" What I am trying to say is that Kirk and Lulu are one extremely odd couple, but it's hard not to love them.
So, now that I've told you about the main character, Kirk, let me tell you the story of Kirk and "The S.S. Lirk".
Once upon a time in the small, quaint, Connecticut town of Stars Hollow, with a population of only 9,973 people, lives a peculiar, but funny, 39 year old man name Kirk Gleason. He has had many adventures, but the most funny and recent one is the story of The S.S. Lirk.
To start things off, let me tell you what The S.S. Lirk is. The S.S. Lirk is a boat that used to be Luke the diner owner's. Before it was Luke's, it was his late fathers, but since he passed away, it has been Luke's. Luke was storing it in his sister's place for the time being, but he never had used it before. So, Luke decided to sell it.
Kirk came in the diner one day and said he had always wanted a boat, that he always wanted to be the captain and where one of those white captain's hats. So, Luke decided to sell the boat to him. Luke was selling it at a price of $600, no negotiating. Of course, Kirk wanted to negotiate, asking him for $300, then $400, then $590, then $595 with a life preserver and a captain's hat, to which Luke decides to sell it at $600 and Kirk buys his own hat but Luke buys the life preserver. Thinking he has made the better deal, Kirk agrees and when Luke walks away, says to himself "sucker!"
Thanks to the negotiating of Luke, Kirk finally has his own boat,. Since it was Luke's boat first and now his, Kirk decided to name his boat "The S.S. Lirk", a combo of Luke and Kirk's names.
Now that he has "The S.S. Lirk", Kirk can finally do what he has always wanted to do, be a captain of a boat and where a cool captain's hat. Kirk decides to take "The S.S Lirk" out on water and live his dream of being a captain. So, he takes it to the local pond where all of the boats of the town are kept. Kirk sees many boats, including a boat with the name "This'll Do". When he sets it up on water, Kirk says to himself, "Maybe I should have invited Lulu to come and test out my new boat." So, Kirk rides all the way back to Lulu's place, picks her up, and drives all the way back to the pond, until he realizes he forgot the most important thing, his captain's hat. How can Kirk live the dream he has had since….a couple days ago... without his captain's hat?!? So, Kirk and Lulu drive all the way back home, pick up the hat, make sure they have everything they needed, and head back to the pond.
When they finally board "The S.S. Lirk", Kirk is extremely excited. "I'm finally living my dream! I'm aboard my ship. I'm the captain. It's mine! I control everything that goes on in this boat! Who would give a responsibility like that to me? Luke, of course, my buddy ol' pal! He was with me from the start of me making my dream come true and I am forever grateful. Maybe I should take a picture of us on the boat. What do you think Lulu?" Kirk said.
"I think Luke would really like it if we took a picture to show how much you love his old boat!" Lulu replied.
So, Lulu took out her camera and gave it to Kirk to set up the tripod so they both could be in it. Of course, Kirk was having some, let's say some technical difficulties. So, Kirk just did what he thought was right, to put the tripod up then put the camera on then set the time to take the picture, and BAM it should work out fine. Of course it didn't work out fine. Kirk set the timer to 5 seconds and when he got up and started walking, the camera took a picture of him walking towards Lulu, his butt facing the camera so it took up the entire screen. Kirk tried it one more time and to make sure he was in it for sure, he got up, ran towards Lulu, and posed. When he finally faced the camera with his "Kirk smile," he found that when he got up and started running, the boat started to sway and sway and knocked the camera into the pond, tripod and all.
"I'm sorry Lulu!" Kirk said, half smiling, half crying.
"That's okay Kirk, I mean as long as the boat's fine and you're fine I'm okay." Lulu said.
"Oh Lulu! You're the best person in the whole world. No one ever would have taken my clumsiness like you!" Kirk stated.
After the whole camera fiasco, Kirk and Lulu untied the boat from the dock and went boating, sailing, whatever you want to call it, as long as they could. They finally decided to turn around and head back to the dock after something major happened.
Kirk was steering the boat, crazily I might add, and since Kirk never had any professional training from steering a boat, he crashed into the sides of the pond, swirled around a dozen times. He even spun to fast that it threw Lulu overboard, which he didn't recognized he did until he heard a girl screaming his name, which he thought was Jessica Simpson. It also took him an hour just to find the extra gas when he ran out. So, when Kirk finally got the hand of steering "The S.S. Lirk" something insane happened. He kept hearing these strange sounds and kept thinking it was nothing, until he saw underneath of them that they were sailing in black water, with a tint of red in it.
Kirk thinking it was blood lost control of the boat, ran around like a girl screaming, "A murderer! A murderer! Please don't eat me! Don't eat me like they do in the movies!" and tripping over all the junk that he had in the boat, including Lulu. He hid behind the seat of the boat, until he saw vulnerable Lulu in the center of "The S.S Lirk" and said "Lulu! Get out of the way before it eats you!"
Afraid she didn't hear him, Kirk came out from his hiding spot and rushed towards Lulu with the Mission Impossible song in the background. He grabbed her and took her back to his hiding spot behind the captain's seat until the coast was clear.
"This is ridiculous, Kirk, nothing is there!" Lulu screamed.
"B-B-But why is the water black and red?" Kirk stammered.
"I don't know. I'm just going to sit right on the bench and see if anything is up around us," Lulu stated.
"You can do that, Lulu, but I'm going to stay right behind the seat. You can't make me leave!"
So, Lulu sat in the open with her boyfriend in the corner murmuring, "I want my mommy. I want my mommy. I want my mommy!" to himself. Then all of a sudden, a huge big shadow from up ahead came a scared the heck out of Kirk. Then, Kirk got into protecting mode and took the captain's wheel and swirled around trying to make the boat go the other way, but the pond wasn't that big so he had a little trouble doing it. Kirk could hear the shadow coming closer and closer and closer, until it came into view.
"You can't hurt me! You won't hurt me! I'm a green belt in karate!" Kirk screamed.
"Why the heck would I want to hurt you Kirk?" said a voice from the shadow behind "The S.S. Lirk".
"Because you obviously hurt someone else! Why else would the water be black and red!" Kirk shrieked.
"The water is black and red because it's called the black and red pond and some teenage pranksters decided it would be fun to have the water be true to it's name so they dyed the water black and red. That's all" said the voice from the shadow.
"Your voice sounds really familiar. Why is that? Wh-Wh-Who are you?" Kirk faltered.
"It's me, Kirk… Luke! How could you not tell it was me!?" Luke asked.
"Well, when you get really scared it's hard for you to think straight, gosh!" Kirk said in a Napoleon Dynamite voice.
"Sure, Kirk, Sure." Luke said.
"It's true! Why are you here anyways?" Kirk asked.
"I'm sailing like you are, but in my new boat," Luke stated, matter-of-factly.
"Well, since you're here, can you help us get back to the docks?" Kirk asked.
"Kirk, why do you want to go? I was just starting to have fun!" Lulu asked.
"I really have to go to the bathroom."
So, Lulu and Kirk steered "The S.S. Lirk" following Luke to the docks. Once they reached the docks, Kirk got up and ran as fast as he could home; you couldn't even see him.
"He did have to go bad!" Lulu said.
"At least he didn't go on my old boat!" Luke said.
And all ended happily after that. Kirk reached home just in time before he burst. Lulu and Kirk got to ride on "The S.S. Lirk" a million times before Kirk steered it into a tree and it was unfixable. Then, there was Luke, good ol' Luke, who rescued Lulu and Kirk from the "murderer". He had used his new boat a lot more than his old one, taking his daughter and eventually his girlfriend, sailing on the Black and Red pond.
Plus, this story has many teachings in it. One, if you ever meet Kirk don't trust him with anything, especially your boat, your camera, or anything else valuable you have. Just don't hand him anything or else you won't get it back. You might just find it on the floor of the Black and Red pond. Also, you should definitely, if you ever get a boat, remember the story of Kirk and "The S.S. Lirk".
A/N - So well? what'd you think? Yup it was horrible I knew it. Please review! I LOVE reviews! THANKS!