I don't own them.

Feedback craved.

Starsky learns a hard lesson.

There's No Place Like Home

by dnjlwilson

Chapter 1

The red Torino rolled into the small town of Duncan, California, on a beautiful spring morning. It stopped in front of what looked like a 'Mom and Pop' diner. All small towns have one of these, he thought to himself. Starsky was hungry and he didn't see any need in duty getting in the way of eating. He could do both at the same time. He was, afterall, a pretty talented guy.

Duncan didn't look anything at all like what he expected. This town, if you could call it that, actually had two gas stations. Where did he get the idea that this was a 'hole in the wall'?

The county District Attorney, Ben Wilford, had called an old friend, Captain Dobey, about a problem he was having with this 'town'. It seemed several people had complained about speed traps, unjust traffic tickets, and police brutality. Chet Logan, the sheriff, had assured Wilford it was not true and had witnesses for the occasions mentioned. That seemed too convenient to Wilford, so he decided to look into the matter a different way. He hoped his friend could help.

He and Dobey had come up with a simple plan. Send someone in and see first hand. Naturally, the first person Dobey thought of that could be smart ass enough to rile the small town cops was, of course, Starsky. He also had the sporty car and could take on the persona needed with little, if any, effort at all.

Breaking the news to Starsky and Hutch went as he expected. Starsky took it quite well. Hutch, on the other hand, wasn't sure about it until he heard more about it. His first concern was for Starsky's safety, as always. But, after Starsky got all excited about getting to play 'James Dean', Hutch relented. He could never say no to Starsky. And, after all, it was just for a few days. Starsky wouldn't be alone for long and they could set everything up to minimize the danger.

Starsky had the role down pat, and everything was set in motion. He would come to town, get arrested, call his lawyer, which was really Dobey's dedicated phone line, get smart, get slapped around, and get out. Simple as that.

So, here he was in the big town of Duncan, California, walking into the diner. It smelled like heaven. Whoever was doing the cooking was second to none. Starsky couldn't wait. Climbing onto a stool at the spotless counter, he was served by a beautiful brunette that had eyes he would dream about, no doubt, for a long time.

"What can I get for you?" she smiled, handing him a menu.

Her smile threw him for a second. Stammering, he replied, "Coffee, for starters." Then, getting his bearings, he waggled his eyebrows and gave her his best smile.

"I'm married." she said flatly. "To him." She pointed at the very large man whose T-shirt wasn't quite big enough to cover his large girth. He was sitting at a booth drinking a gallon of milk and eating a chocolate pie. A whole chocolate pie.

Starsky swallowed hard and looked at the beauty apologetically.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too." she snapped, reading his expression.

She had to admit, though, this guy was a handsome devil. Obviously pick of the litter. Sometimes she got lucky and life sent somebody like him her way. She would enjoy the view while she could and have someone to fantasize about for a while. Her knight in shining armour would now have a face, whenever, that is, she had the time to daydream.

Coming back to reality, she got his coffee. "Sorry I was rude." she apologized. "What would you like to go along with that coffee?"

"What would you recommend? I'm pretty hungry." Starsky replied, trying hard not to set her off again.

She looked at him and smiled, making chill bumps run down his spine. Did she know how beautiful she was when she did that? He hoped that big lug treated her good.

Taking the menu slowly from his hands, never breaking eye contact, she said, her voice dripping with honey, "How about some of the best Chicken Fried Steak you've ever put in your mouth, with some scrambled eggs, and biscuits and gravy?"

"That'd be great!" Starsky replied enthusiastically. His empty stomach was doing cartwheels just thinking about it.

Then, she softly touched his hand and said, "Desserts on the house. Whatever you want." She looked at him with those eyes and whispered, "My name is Vera. Just let me know if you need anything at all." She emphasized the word anything.

Staring at her with his mouth open, Starsky finally managed to clear his throat. "Apple pie will be fine, thanks." He was suddenly glad she was married. What a turn around that was!

He finished his delicious meal and asked for the check. Vera handed him his check and as he payed the bill, he handed her a ten dollar tip.

"Why thank you!" she smiled.

Keeping his smile toned down considerably, he said, "It was my pleasure."

Looking at him 'that way' again, she replied, "It coulda been." Then, looking him up and down, she added, "Coulda been mine too." She then turned away with his dirty dishes and never looked back.

Feeling a sudden urge to get the hell out of there, Starsky bolted toward the door. Once outside, he took a deep breath and thanked his lucky stars he got out of there in one piece. He hoped he would be so lucky for the rest of his stay in Duncan.

Walking toward the Torino, he was thinking about the best way to get arrested. These small towns were notoriously friendly and the thought occured to him that this job may not be as easy as he thought.

He was wrong. Standing at the back of his car, with his foot on the bumper, was the Sheriff himself, writing a ticket. This was too easy.

"Sheriff," Starsky began his protest, "what's the problem. What did I do?"

The Sheriff continued writing. "Speedin'." he answered without even looking up. "Nice car. Bet she's real fast."

"Speedin'!" Starsky cried. "Where?"

The Sheriff slowly raised his head to look at Starsky. Peering over his sunglasses, he replied, "When you came into town. The limit's 15 mph."

"That was 45 minutes ago!" Starsky yelled, figuring volume would get things moving.

He was right this time. "Don't raise your voice to me, boy." the big Sheriff said menacingly, walking toward Starsky. "Let me see your driver's license."

Starsky reached into his back pocket to retrieve his wallet. This was going as planned. Hopefully he'd be on his way soon, maybe just a little worse for the wear. "Enjoy." he said as he tossed his license toward the man.

The Sheriff didn't even try to catch the tossed item. He let it hit him in the chest and watched it fall to the ground. He raised his head slowly to look at Starsky who had the best expression of impudence you've ever seen. It was the gift he had that had gotten him this assignment.

That look accomplished it's goal. The Sheriff was enraged. Who did this punk thing he was? "Pick it up." he snarled.

Starsky was in true form. "Why should I hafta pay just 'cause you can't catch?"

That did it. With lightening speed that surprised Starsky, the big man's fist was buried into Starsky's abdomen, causing him to bend forward, and fall to his knees, gasping for air. He could feel that delicious steak coming back for an encore.

"Since you're down there anyway," the Sheriff laughed, "you may as well pick up your license and put it in my hand like a good boy."

Not wanting to take this too far, Starsky slowly complied. He already had enough evidence. A ticket and what felt like a hole in his stomach.

"That's better." the Sheriff said with a tone of voice that was beginning to worry Starsky. Maybe this wasn't gonna be so simple.

He was right again as the Sheriff's large knee came up quickly, connecting with the side of Starsky's head, sending him sprawling to his back. Looking up at the Sheriff, who stood over him smiling, he knew he was in trouble.

"Afraid you're under arrest." the Sheriff said with satisfaction. He always could get a rise out of these city punks.

"What?" Starsky cried, earning him a swift kick to the ribs. He was definately gonna lose that steak.

"Get up and put your hands on your head." the Sheriff ordered.

Painfully raising to his feet, Starsky slowly put his hands over his head, never taking his eyes off of the Sheriff. He was roughly turned and slammed into the side of the Torino.

"You can be a good boy when you want to." the big man laughed.

This was definately enough evidence. Starsky was beginning to worry about having too much evidence before this was over.

tbc