Notes: I do not own Orphan Black characters. The quote in the summary is taken from the Orphan Black Classified Clone report.
There had been more challenges in Cosima's life than she cared to admit: more hardships, betrayals and near death experiences than most people her age had experienced and yet she had rarely felt so alone and unable to rationalize the thoughts running through her mind. Autumn was leaving its place to Winter and the night air was chilly as she sat in the garden, blowing puffs of vapor that quickly dissolved around her. She craved a joint but she had promised herself to stay clear of them at least for a while. Her mind was buzzing with fear and questions that had been plaguing her for months and that now were more persistent than ever. Since Neolution had been defeated, everything had changed for the LEDA sisters and the new normal took some time to adjust to, especially with the novelties it had brought along for Cosima and Delphine. She didn't hear the quiet footsteps approaching, nor the back door closing. Slender arms wrapped around her neck and she smiled upon recognizing Delphine.
"Its cold, you shouldn't be out here."
"I'm going to sleep, are you coming?"
"Later."
A trail of feathered kisses was placed on the nape of her neck and Cosima couldn't help the shiver of contentment that ran down her spine. Had it been any other moment, the sensation would have made her chuckle but this time, her expression remained unchanged. Delphine's lips trailed along her shoulder, then climbed back along the curve of her neck in an affectionate action and the tension that contracted the LEDA's muscles didn't escape her attention.
"Chérie, what's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Come on, talk to me."
Cosima sighed and turned around.
"Okay, fine, I'm worried about the baby. What if I'm not a good parent? I'm not all maternal and protective like you."
She had never been maternal. She liked children and enjoyed spending time with Kira and Helena's twins but mostly because they weren't hers and in Kira's case, were old enough to interact a little more maturely with. With them, she could make experiments, read stories or explain about science and they would listen, with babies…she had no idea what to do with a little being that cried all the time and demanded worrying amounts of attention.
"Cosima, you will make a wonderful mother."
"But what if I screw the kid up?"
Delphine pressed a kiss to Cosima's hand.
"We won't. We'll figure it out between the two of us and if Sarah and Helena managed so will we."
A slight smile tugged at the corners of Cosima's lips. Delphine had a point. Kira had turned out just fine in despite of the continuous travels and Sarah's frequent absences, and the twins were leading a normal healthy life even though their mother was notoriously unstable. Parenthood changed people. Sarah had changed, Helena had changed…perhaps they would too. Delphine's hand closed around hers and led them both to rest on the swell of her stomach and a tiny foot came to press against Cosima's palm. From a purely scientific perspective, Cosima knew all about a child's conception, gestation and birth but having that tiny, little foot kicking at her hand was something else entirely…something that left her amazed and awed at the miracle of life and took her breath away. It was beautiful and surprising and just so…surreal!
"I'll figure it out little guy. I promise. We'll take good care of you."
She murmured. Delphine smiled and rested her forehead against Cosima's tenderly.
"I love you."
"Moi aussi."