Hogwarts, the school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, has officially become irksome. The lessons, Hogsmeade, everything is just plain dull. You would think being a 7th year student; you would find plenty of things to do. Apparently not.
Listening to my pointless mutterings, you're probably wondering who I am, aren't you? I'm Darcy Collins and a Gryffindor. Now, I'm not one of those tosspots who talk to themselves, and keep to themselves, so I will inform you of my dear mates.
Now, I am sure you have all heard of Lily Evans. If you haven't, I am obligated to hit you over the head with an extremely heavy book.
Here's her in a nutshell:
1) Head Girl
2) Scholar (Though I'm sure there is a side of her that's just waiting to burst out and party.)
3) Party-pooper extraordinaire
4) Oh, and she loathes James Potter (Though I'm quite positive she's hot for him)
Now, my other friend is Blake Beaucoup. Coincidently enough, she is "too much". She's a friend of everyone, which I find imposable, though by some magic (I suspect a time-turner) she manages to hang out with all of them. She's a raven-haired beauty, and wears clothing I didn't even know existed. Sometimes I wonder how she does it, but it only causes me to get a headache.
Now, I would tell you about the Marauders, but I'm quite sure you know all about them. Who doesn't? I know one thing that you would probably never guess: Remus is now a womanizer. Yes, as sad as it seems, the only nice, sensitive, handsome boy, is now... one of "them".
But I digress, let's go back to my irksome outlook on life.
You know what I need? I need something exciting, something miraculous, something-
"Miss Collins?" Professor Slughorn asked, pulling me out my dazed state.
"Yes Professor?"
"Are you feeling alright? You look... blue." Blue? …Blue?
"Blue, sir?" I asked, rightly confused.
"I think you should go to the hospital wing," He said a little concerned, which made me feel very concerned, since you know he's a Potions professor so one would assume he had a remedy for whatever it was he was looking at. When he turned back to teaching the lesson, I got the hint and turned to leave noticing the humongous smirks plastered on Sirius Black and James Potter's faces.
"You!" I screeched, which I shouldn't have. Usually I have more decorum. Black stared back at me with the same amused expression.
"Miss Collins, I thought you were going to the hospital wing." Slughorn looked from me to the boys, but didn't bother questioning them. Everyone knew the Marauders' games. Slughorn also has an irrational soft spot for the boys. Prats. Everyone else in that class was looking at me like I was a screaming banshee, which I suppose technically I was a moment ago.
"Just leaving," I said, gritting my teeth.
Of course! Once I rant on and on about how boring my life is, it becomes annoyingly exciting! I hope you realize I speak mostly in sarcasm, right? Good, because most of the schools students find this a foreign language.
Madame Pomfrey fixed my problem in record time, thank you Poppy. She did tell me to return to class, but why the feathers would I do that? Just to turn blue again? No thank you. I've had enough Black for one day.
I decided to head to the Gryffindor Common Room, and work on my Defense against the Dark Arts homework that was due next lesson. By the time I was finished, students were piling in to put all their school supplies away and go enjoy dinner. I put my homework away and waited for Blake and Lily to show up.
"Ah! Darcy! I see you've recovered!" Black yelled, though there was no need to speak at such high volume. He walked over to the table I was currently residing.
"No thanks to you and your band of twits." I crossed my arms, praying to Godric Gryffindor he would leave me alone. (I should have known not to pray to the head of the stupidly brave and sometimes annoying house.)
"No need to be sour, Doe," Black replace smirking, as he stood in front of me. I could see James laughing by the common room couches. The prat.
"Doe?" I raised my eyebrows. What kind of nickname is that? It could be a stripper name!
"What would you prefer to be called?" He leaned in trying to be suave, but I'm not an airhead blonde so it didn't affect me like he wanted.
"I would prefer you not calling me anything actually," I said with a sweet tone.
Luckily for me, and lucky for Black's jewels, Blake and Lily walked in giggling. Wait... Giggling? What happened? I stood up, and quickly got away from Black and over to my loving mates.
"What's going on you two?" I asked, slinging my arms around their shoulders.
"Oi! Evans, go out with me?" James interrupted. Loudly. Lily had started not responding to his requests, but this just made him more persistent.
"Please?" James shook his hand through his hair. Oh, nice touch James.
Lily sighed, but not out of annoyance. It was a different tone… Some tone I'd never heard her use before… "No, Potter. I will not."
Oh my Merlin! That was the nicest rejection she's ever made to Potter, EVER! There was no shouting, no hexing, just words! All the students in the common room looked at both Lily and James in shock. Lily pulled her hair back nervously, and then looked to us.
"I'll be right back. I need to put my books upstairs." And she left us.
"Where's Remus?" Blake asked. We all know she fancies him, but with the current "man whore situation", that of course she hasn't taken a notice of, it's a bit complicated. Or at least, I don't think she's noticed.
"I haven't seen him, Bee." I can't break her heart, so I plan for her to find out on her own. This probably means I'm a shit friend, but uh… Let's try something else.
"You know Bee; he's been acting odd lately." My poor attempt at being a consoling friend. I fear you'll see more of these attempts.
"What do you mean?" Bee said innocently, a little too innocently. She looked around the common room, winking at various third years. She does enjoy making the boys uncomfortable.
"Well... Like, Potter and Black odd." She looked at me concerned now. Oh balls.
"Oh that!" She looked relieved. "Of course I noticed which is why I am trying to find him. I need a good snog. Or perhaps a rumpus in a deserted-"
"Alright then!" I interrupted not wanting such a mental image in my brain. I should have figured Bee would like such engagements with the new hormonally challenged Remus.
Lily finally descended back down the stairs of the girl's dormitory, receiving no offhand comments by James. Another unusual happenstance, and it's only 6 in the evening. What could this mean?
We made our way down to the Great Hall where we graciously fell upon the risqué show Remus and a Ravenclaw girl are putting on. I'm fairly certain he's eating her tongue.
"Holy mother of Merlin!" Everyone, including myself, turned to look at Blake's outburst.
I began to laugh at her outburst, while Lily debated on whether or not to take points away for public indecency. Remus and the Ravenclaw stopped snogging to see what all the commotion was about. Remus was sporting a smug grin, while the Ravenclaw just looked annoyed at the interruption.
Blake giggled. "Excuse my outburst. My virgin eyes were just taken by surprise." Virgin eyes? I can't breathe.
Remus laughed, "I'd say you need to expand your viewing collection." I think he means porn. Does he mean porn?
Oh my god, Remus Lupin is talking about porn.
I couldn't stop laughing, and was nearly wetting myself until Lily took my arm and dragged me into the Great Hall, taking Blake with us. Finally we sat down and Lily starred at me, whilst I wiped my eyes. Gods, that was so hilarious it made tear up.
"Was Remus talking about-," Lily began.
"I do believe the word you're looking for is porn, darling," Blake said with a giggle.
"I cannot believe that just happened." The memory of it made me start laughing again, which made Lily start laughing at my inability to calm down.
Our laughing fit only lasted a couple more minutes, and frankly by the end of it we were simply laughing at each other rather than Remus' mention of porn.
We really are seventeen-year-old girls.
After dinner we retired to the Common Room, full of the delicious food we had eaten and cramps in our sides from the copious amounts of laughter we had exerted. I was sprawled on the sofa, while Blake lay on the floor, and Lily was sitting while her legs dangled over the arm of the armchair reading a transfiguration book. She was getting low marks (well low for Lily) on her transfiguration essays, so every night she was spending reading as much as she could on the subject to improve.
I sighed, too full of food for my own good. Most of our house was sprawled out amongst us, listening to the radio, working on homework and playing with various prank toys from Zonko's. It was nice ambient noise. We were laying there for about 2 and half minutes before trouble walked in.
Laughing.
Obnoxiously.
"Hey! Look who it is!" Peter pointed to us. Nice going Peter. I won't forget this.
"Flower!"
"Doe!" James and Black yelled at the same time.
Lily and I sighed at the same time. I didn't move from my spot; I was here first and they were going to leave or so help me Merlin…
Black stood over me. "Miss me?"
I rolled my eyes. "Oh yes!" I fake gasped. "I could pounce you right this second."
"What's holding you back?" He waggled his eyebrows. I wish I were making this up.
I glared at him, "You cannot be serious." He smirks. I walked straight into that one. I close my eyes out of frustration. "Go away."
"If you want me to leave, make me," He challenged. His voice sounded awfully close to my face.
"Potter!" Screamed a very angry voice. A very angry Lily voice, to be precise.
My eyes shot open to see Black a few inches away from me, but his face turned in Lily's direction. I turned my head as well to see James on top of Lily.
"Sorry. Slipped," James said pinning her down in the armchair.
"Potter, I swear I will hex you so badly you won't be able to have any children," Lily growled, trying to get James off her.
I smiled. Lily wouldn't do that. She has never hexed anyone to know how to make his jewels unusable.
Black turned back to me, but before he could say or do anything I spoke, "Move, before I kick you where it hurts most."
"No need to get rough, Doe." He straightens up and holds his hands up as if to say "Surrender".
I would have believed him but he was still smirking. I straightened up and saw Blake and Remus sitting quite cozily on the other side of the room. It was quite a sight to see, because it looks like Remus really wants her, if you catch my drift. Black walked around me to sit down beside me. I could feel his look on me.
I don't look back for two reasons:
1) It's Sirius Black.
2) Lily and James are having a full on snog session.
Wait...
What?
Black smirked at his friend's triumph. "Looks like they finally hit it off."
"Uh... Yeah," I replied, absolutely befuddled.
I crossed my arms and looked around at the scene unfolding in front of me. Lily and James are smacking on each other and Remus and Blake are making goo-goo eyes non-stop. I couldn't take this "romantic"- no, hormonal atmosphere, so I excused myself, and headed to bed. Black called for me, but I gave him no attention as I walked upstairs.
I sat on my bed Indian style, still in my school robes. I wasn't tired. You know, it's not that I really loathe Black. I just don't like his debonair attitude. He acts like with the right look and words he can make a girl swoon. My opinion of Black was a lot like Lily's opinion of James. Though recently, James has been more bearable. Or snogable. Which is probably why Lily and James are snogging downstairs and I'm by myself in my dorm room essentially talking to myself.
Oh no… You know what this means, don't you? If they start dating (thank Merlin, it's taken long enough), I will have to... Get along with Sirius Black!
Merde