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Snowflake

I peered up at the sky, the chrome grey veil with snowflakes floating downward through it, and falling lightly on the ground. The way the snow looked after it descended was so flawless, so neat and delicate… And I would have to destroy it later. For a second, I wished I wasn't so neurotic. But there was something comforting, satisfying about the feeling of treading carelessly through fallen snow; not only that, but ending the perfection of just about anything. It could really be anything.

Hopefully the snow wouldn't get any heavier; today was my first visit to Yuki's house.

As I was reminded of this, my heart did a backflip and I felt my cheeks flushing. It hadn't been that long since he confessed to me. Yes, his time at school was over now, and it was winter.
The memory of the tears that rolled silently down his cheeks, the tears that I could never understand, floated into my mind. Had had taken hold of my face and drew close, I had said his name, and then our future together was sealed. I hoped Yuki would know what a difficult time he was going to have with me, but I also got the impression that he was troubled too, with an issue just a bit more serious than mine. It was that feeling of kinship that took down my defences and made me realise I was falling for him.

My heart was already ensnared by the time he had approached me the second time we met up, looking insanely nervous. He always appeared so composed and elegant at school, but I seemed like one of the only people who had no mud in front of their eyes, the ones who could look beyond that façade and see the true person underneath, the one who needed friends, not admirers from afar.

FLASHBACK TIME!

I stood with my back to a wall, facing straight ahead, trying to quell the anxiety I felt. It was the second time we had met up after the time where he had confessed. I didn't quite understand what was going on, the words he spoke after he started crying, but as we kissed, I did realise that maybe I loved him, because now I knew that he loved me. That feeling of acceptance was a comfort beyond words.

"Machi?"

I heard a voice and spun round. It was Yuki, looking slightly breathless, as if he had just been running, and he was clutching a bunch of flowers in his left hand. Unease was painted on his face.

"Hello," I said awkwardly.

"Hi Machi, er, I wanted to ask you something. It's why I wanted to see you again…" he began, just as inelegantly.

"Yes?"

"I don't know if things were made clear enough last time around, but…" He cleared his throat. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

My eyes widened and I was lost for words. A little. I wanted to say 'Yes!" immediately, but something inside stopped me. I couldn't be so forward. I was about to answer when he spoke again with his soft velvet tone.

"Although I'm unable to protect you all the time, and I don't know what you think of it, but I realised that day that it was you, all along, who was able to make me so… confused and so happy too. I like you, Machi."

I swallowed. "I'm a difficult person. I'm a problem kid."

"I am, too."

"Then… If you want, I will… Yes, I'll be your girlfriend."

Yuki smiled, a little triumphantly. "Then at least I can give you these now!" He handed me the bunch of flowers. I took them, a smile on one corner of my lips. They looked great. None of them were the same, and in a way that worked perfectly.

"So, I was wondering… Do you want to come round my house some time?" he asked.

"Okay then." My stomach did a somersault. I had never been round another person my age's home before. I didn't usually talk to anyone. They stayed away from me. But what was his house going to be like? I panicked. It wasn't going to be… right. In my way.

"How about… next Saturday evening? You could come for dinner? I can't cook but Tohru can. She'll make us something."

"Fine. Next Saturday."

I crunched through the snow on the path to his house, when I caught sight something through a few of the trees. Abruptly, I stopped walking and allowed my mouth to gape open in shock. I checked the small piece of paper with his address and directions to his house, just to make sure.
His house… It was the picture of a lovely Japanese country home, with traditional winter flowers dotted around outside in small rows. Okay, a few of the paper squares in one of the doors was taped up, but even that was done neatly. Every tiny aspect was picturesque and absolutely, unquestionably perfect. I gritted my teeth. There wasn't even a flipping snowflake out of place! I had the sudden, expected urge to charge over and wreck everything in sight. Afterwards, I would sit in the middle of the chaos, with my head in my hands. I slapped myself. I was such a head case!

"Stop being irrational…" I growled to myself. "This is your first time to his house. Just be calm and get through this. Maybe it won't be as bad inside, anyway…"

Though I highly doubted that. Yuki had once mentioned to me that, due to some strange circumstances, he was living with his older cousin Shigure, cousin Kyo and a classmate and incredibly eager-to-please housekeeper, Tohru Honda. I found it hard to imagine that someone as sweet and practical like Tohru would leave a house messy, because she was the type who hated to disappoint others. I smiled. How could she put that much pressure on herself? She didn't have to be perfect all the time, but she tried to be. I admired her courage, but right now I hated her housekeeping expertise.

I made my way through the trees and strode my way down to his house, trying my hardest to ignore the utter perfection around me. Just before I raised my hand to knock on his door, I spun around. I had to. I really had to.
I walked toward the winter flowers, and observed them for a moment. The little boxes were lined up to the nearest millimetre, and even the tiny flowers inside were in the same order in each box. The only good thing I could see was that, obviously, the snowflakes had fallen unevenly across them. My heartbeat slowed a little. Maybe, just this once, I could relax.
If I just concentrated.

I was not here to be insane, I was here to see Yuki. I gave a small smile. Yes, if Yuki was there, it would be okay. He knew how I operated. I remembered that time in the student council meeting, when he had, without even looking, reached over and broke a piece of chalk in a newly opened box of them, just to make me feel better. And, when he promised to me that we would walk together through fallen snow, to mess it up. His presence was soothing.

I was still bent over, staring at the flowers, when I heard a voice behind me.

"Machi!"

I jumped and fell backwards into the snow.

"Yuki? What the- thanks for that!" I exclaimed. At least now it was a bit of a mess in the snow.

I turned my head and saw Yuki, his cheeks flushed from the warmth inside, in his usual Chinese-style clothing. His violet-shaded eyes looked down at me in surprise; he looked just as shocked to see me as I was to see him. Well, I was pretty early, I guessed. Or maybe he was just late getting ready or something. My heart skipped a beat. Maybe he had actually forgotten I was coming.
No, Yuki definitely wasn't the type to do that.

"Uh, sorry Machi," he said, his hand outstretched. "Here."

I blinked, looking at it for a second, before taking up his offer and allowing him to help me up. I used my free hand to brush the spots of snow off my coat and trousers, because Yuki still held my other, and I didn't have the heart to try and let go. What I wasn't prepared for was the leap in my stomach when his palm touched mine.

"Do you want to come in?"

I glanced at the snow around me.

"We'll walk through it later," he said, smiling, his eyes half closed.

I relaxed. "Thanks."

***

"What the-" I stuttered. My teeth were gritted in shock.

His house… I was expecting it to be completely spotless, thanks to Tohru's amazing housekeeping skills, but things were totally off. It looked like someone had gone out of their way to change the tiniest things around, just so things didn't go together. The sitting mats that were supposed to go around the low table were strewn across the floor in the dining area, the table was at an angle, picture frames were slanted and little bits and bobs were dotted around the vicinity. Nothing was perfect. Someone had even punched several holes in the doors. I bit my lip. Actually, that might have been there to begin with. It seemed like the Sohma family had a lot of difficult people in it.

"What did you do?" I asked, happy and surprised.

"I thought that… you might feel uncomfortable, so I changed things around a little." His face clouded with concern. "Do you not like it?"

"No, I like it… It's good," I replied, still in awe.

"Good." He smiled.

***

"Thank you very much…" I mumbled through my last mouthful of rice. Tohru's cooking was unbeatable. I had never tasted such good food, even from the cook back at my old home. Tohru would put her to shame. Actually, Tohru could, but I doubted she would want to, being the sweet person she was.

Shigure was sat leant back, looking extremely satisfied, and Kyo looked the solemn person he normally did, but with a softer expression whenever his eyes met Tohru's.

"It's nothing; there's more if you would like some!" Tohru chirped.

"No, thank you. That was enough." I bit my lip. Was that last sentence a bit rude? Of course not. Wait, Tohru wouldn't mind, would she? She was so apologetic and kind anyway… I swallowed nervously, thinking about too much all at once. I had left a small amount of rice in my bowl, just so it wasn't clean, and was wondering… Should I eat it? Would it hurt their feelings if I didn't finish my meal properly? Maybe they hadn't even noticed. Dammit. I was just getting more and more worked up, the more I thought about how I should act in this situation. My face clouded and I frowned.

Yuki could see that I was growing anxious. He reached under the table and took my hand, squeezing it in encouragement.

Tohru looked out the window and gasped. "Look at the weather!" She looked flabbergasted.

I leant over to see what the fuss was about. "It's snowing…" I observed.

"More than snowing. Like, snowstorm," Kyo corrected.

"How will you get home in that? Machi, we can't let you go out in that! You could get injured or get too cold and wet and you can't even see properly out there… It would be completely irresponsible of us to let you try and make your way home in a storm as bad as this!" Tohru fretted, flapping her hands about. I raised my eyebrows. She was totally flustered.

"I'm fine…"

"No, no, you could get hurt, or worse!" she insisted.

"What do I do, then?"

"You could spend the night here!" Shigure sang. "But Yuki, don't do any lewd things to her…"

Yuki stood up, his silent rage palpable. "I'll knock you through the roof," he said in a low voice.

Shigure sank backwards like a little kid. "Okay Yuki please don't hurt me," he said, pouting. Truthfully, I was a little annoyed at Shigure, but I hid this by continuing to wear my characteristically blank visage. Although, I had to admit that Yuki's anger was slightly amusing to watch, as was Shigure's reaction to it. Clearly, Yuki was a physical force to be reckoned with. Well, I had heard he was extremely good at martial arts. I had seen his cousin Kyo beaten up enough times to know that much.

"It's fine. I can go home."

They all stared at me as if I was a crazy person. I almost laughed. Crazy? Of course.

"Okay… I hope I'm not any trouble…"

"Oh no, it's no trouble at all!" Tohru insisted.

"Look out the window," Yuki said, calmed down. "You can see that, even if you insisted on going home in that kind of weather, you could easily lose your way or get yourself hurt. There isn't a way we can someone important walk out into something like that. It just isn't right."

Someone important… I mused.

"Tohru, could you get some blankets?" Shigure asked, serious at last.

"Oh, she can sleep in my bed. I'll be fine on a futon, really!" she said, always the one to put others first.

"I don't mind sleeping on a futon. I, er, would rather do that actually." Sleeping between sheets gave me the creeps, that was for sure.

Yuki understood. "Yes, Tohru, you don't need to worry yourself over that. We talked about making Machi feel comfortable, right?"

"I suppose so… I'll get the futon out then! Won't be long!"

"I'll help you," Kyo said. His voice was so insistent that no-one dared argue. As they departed, I heard shouts from Kyo all up the hallway. 'I said I'm helping!', 'You don't need to carry that. You'll sprain your wrist, dammit!' During this, Shigure up and left the room tactfully.

"Kyo cares a lot about Tohru," I whispered.

"Yes." Yuki seemed reluctant to speak further about the matter. Clearly the enmity was still there, but only barely. Things in here seemed quite relaxed. I had seen Yuki with Kyo at school, looking like they wanted to rip each other's throats out, but nowadays it seemed much more peaceful. Something big had happened in this family recently, but I wasn't going to pry.

"Thank you for letting me stay here."

"It's fine. It's the least we could do."

"And thanks for… You know, trying so hard to stop me getting edgy. You really helped. It made me a lot more relaxed. Thanks, Yuki." I added a small smile. "And we can still walk through the snow tomorrow when it's over?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

His expression grew softer. I didn't know how long we were sat like that, smiling like idiots without moving at all. The pound of my racing pulse began to submit to my will and quieten. His eyes were peaceful, and he seemed content to look into mine for eternity.
"I like you too, Yuki," I said finally.

"Thank you."

"Thank you?"

"That's all I needed to hear. There isn't anyone else like you in the world. You aren't boring at all, Machi, you are very special indeed." He echoed and replied to the concerns I had what seemed a long time ago, when we barely knew each other.
I smiled wider. I wasn't boring… I liked hearing that.

"Yuki…" was all I could manage, before his hand brushed the side of my face.

He then took my face in his, and kissed my lips. My pulse hammered away again, and the muscles in my stomach tightened and tensed. But then, I forced myself to stay calm. As he drew back a few centimetres, I could feel the warmth of his breath on my face, see his violet eyes looking closely at my expression, unblinking, and I could hear his breathing that was uneven. I didn't need to think about stupid, trivial things. Yuki was in front of me. How on Earth was I meant to call myself his girlfriend if I couldn't behold his beautiful face?
His forehead creased.

"Are you okay, Machi?"

"I'm fine," I said breathlessly.

"Good. I'm glad."

"We're such problem children…"

"There isn't a problem that cannot be fixed. I'll help you in any way I can. Even if that involves staying by your side through every waking moment."

He leant back in, and this time I was completely relaxed. I parted my lips slightly on instinct, and in response to this he held my lower back and pulled me inward, moving his lips with mine.

My mind was whirring with a million thoughts, but they were somehow numbed because right now there was nothing else in my universe. When Yuki was there comforting me, every fear I had dissolved.

I heard I door swish open.

"Ooooh, Yuki's being a naughty boy!"

Yukio broke contact and shot up. "Shigure!" he snapped.

"I hope you weren't planning on- you know!" Shigure teased. He had an infuriatingly mischievous grin on his face. I sighed angrily. What an annoying person to live with.

"One more word…"

"And what? Break my house?"

Yuki cracked his knuckles , and before I could catch my breath, the wall was smashed and Shigure was face down in the snow. The storm raged all around him.

I was knelt on the floor, stunned. "Yuki, it's a bit drafty…" I shivered.

"Oh no!" He slapped his hand to his mouth, recognising what he had just done. "The storm… The smashed wall… We need to repair this!"

***

It had been rather a lot of hard work for Yuki, Kyo and Shigure, but Tohru and I had cheerfully (somewhat) watched onward as the bickering commenced, tape was pulled out and paper cut. As Tohru pointed out to me, this happened a lot, and Shigure was only too used to getting his house ruined time and time again. I was incredibly glad, because then nothing in this house would ever be perfect. I could come round as much as I wanted. I already felt at home here.

The chrome sky hung over and released cascades of snow that blitzed the ground, and I found the sound to be oddly comforting. I closed my eyes and listened to the hum of contentment inside my head, with the shadows of worry at bay. Maybe they would strike again soon, but for now the whir of much happier thoughts drowned those voices out.

For now, the memory of the feel of Yuki's breath, his warmth, was surely enough.