told ya FMA was next on my list! and who says i'm not a woman of my word! (nobody has, but that's not the point) anyway, seeing as how this is my very first FMA fic, here's hoping it turns out good anyway! let's see if a hardcore RK fanatic can branch out into other fandoms ((nervous chuckle)).

anyway, this is my take on Al's thoughts as he first wakes up with his body back. while i personally don't agree with him losing his memory, i thought it might be something cool to write about. i kinda feel as if this has probably been done before, but cut me some slack, as i am new to this world of FMA fanfiction.

Nothing's Perfect

"Brother?! Brother!"

"Al! ALLLL!"

"Brother, help me, please!"

And that's the last thing I remember. Him, reaching for me; his leg already broken down by the forces of alchemy.

Alphonse woke slowly, drifting lazily on the verge of consciousness. He could hear a voice- a voice that calmed and soothed him. A voice he'd been wanting to hear again more than anything- but he didn't know why he missed it so much.

"I have to try…For your sake…Al."

"Dad?" he mumbled sleepily. No- he didn't remember what his father's voice sounded like. Come to think of it, that voice sort of reminded him of Edward. It was different somehow, though. It had a deeper, richer tone. And it was utterly calm, completely resigned, when only a moment ago…

Al sat up with a start. It all came rushing back to him. Mom. Edward. Edward's blood everywhere. Edward reaching out desperately toward him as the dark abyss stole him away…

He shivered. It wasn't until now that he realized he was cold. As he looked wildly around his surroundings, it became clear that he was far from home. This large, empty ballroom was filled with the cold, dead air that accumulates in places where human warmth has not been breathed into it in a very long time. The coffin-like silence was too strange, too eerie.

"Mom? Ed? EDWARD!" he shouted, wrapping his arms around his bare chest. What had happened to his clothes? What was this place? Where was his family?

The only reply was his own voice echoing off the walls and stretching on in a seemingly endless chain of shouts. Alphonse listened to it for a moment, fear mounting inside him. Wherever this place was, he was alone. Totally alone. He could feel it deep inside, and that frightened him for some reason that he couldn't quite remember. Whatever it was, it told him that Edward was supposed to be here, and the fact that he wasn't meant that something was very wrong. Frowning, trying to probe at this feeling to get more information out of it, Al stood and took a few uncertain steps.

"Hello? Anybody!" he cried desperately, wandering around and looking out through the high windows. "Help me…"

There was a small bundle sitting by the wall. Al's heart leapt when he spotted it- this was a clue, this might help him understand where he was! He reached out for the bundle and found that it was clothing- a black sleeveless top, a black jacket outlined in white, a long red coat, a pair of dark green shorts, and an oversized pair of military boots that looked well-worn. It was a strange combination but, never being one to complain (certainly not in this particular situation) Al put on everything but the long red coat. That he clutched to him like a security blanket as he sat on the floor, breathing deeply from it. Both the coat and the shirt held Edward's scent, that smoky smell he always associated with transmutations- but sweat and blood and fear was there too. He knew that these things belonged to his brother, even though that thought didn't make much sense- they would be far too big on him. Al just knew that Edward had been here a very short moment ago, too. His presence was everywhere, and with the right words, or the right actions, he felt almost as if he could bring it back…

Tears streamed freely from his eyes into the rough material of the coat. He didn't know when he had started to cry, or even the reason. He only knew that something was wrong. Edward was gone, and somehow, some dark gnawing hole near his heart felt as if he'd never see him again.

"Brother…" he said weakly. "Where are you? What is this place? I want to go home." He sniffled.

He paused for a moment as his hand suddenly brushed against something that felt different from the cloth. Looking down, he saw that it was a folded-up piece of paper that was sticking out of the coat's pocket. Pulling it out slightly, his breath hitched in his throat when he saw what was written on the front.

'To Al.'

Hands shaking, Al slowly unfolded the paper, the black hole near his heart threatening to consume him in its icy grip.

Dear Alphonse,

I know you're probably pretty mad at me right about now. I guess I can't say I really blame you. But at least hear me out.

I promised that I would return you to your body one day. And that wasn't just your everyday kind of promise, that was a "Nothing's-gonna-stop-me-come-hell-or-high-water" kind of promise. A promise I was living the next day for. And yeah, I know you already know. But I want to be sure that you are 100 clear on this…I would do it all over again, any day of the week, and it's not because you've ever made me feel like I had to. I did it because I wanted to. We knew from the very beginning that it might not turn out perfectly. But I think we've both seen enough of the world by now to know that nothing's ever perfect. Just make sure you take care of yourself- that's all I want you to do for me, okay? I had to borrow a few things for you to wear, but if you go see Winry and Pinako I'm sure they'll take care of you. I'm sorry that I won't be able to be with you on your journey, but I've left you enough money for the trip so you can buy food to eat and have a place to sleep for the night…you have no idea how good it feels to be able to say that. And I've left you all the money I've been saving up since I came into the service of the State- you should be able to access it from the Central Bank. I'm sure if you talk to Colonel Mustang (oh, excuse me- Brigadier General Mustang…) about it, he can make it to where I'm not taken off of the active duty list, so that I will continue to be paid. Assuming his mission goes as planned, of course. Anyway…take care of yourself. Make sure Rose and Wrath made it out okay- if you can, tell Winry about Wrath and maybe they can get some automail for him. My treat. And…tell everyone that I'm sorry. I want to say it again just for you, too: I'm sorry. I don't expect you to really understand right off. But just live, for me, and find your own happiness. It's what Mom would have wanted. And it's what I want. Don't be sad. If I can, one day, I will come back to you.

Love,

Edward

Alphonse choked out a sob and wiped his eyes. He had no idea what half of the letter meant, but the message was clear enough: his brother was gone. Somehow, some way, he had ended up here and now Edward was lost forever.

No. Not lost forever. He said he would come back. And Al just had to believe in that.

That's right. And I'm going to try the best I can, too.

He stood up, uncertain, as he still lingered in vague confusion. Though the tears no longer fell, he felt strangely drained of energy. Tired, as if all he wanted to do now was lay down and sleep. Who was Rose, Wrath, Mustang? Ah, it didn't matter. Why was he even wondering that? Where did those names come from? Oh, right. He looked back down at the letter.

I'm too sleepy to think right now. He decided. I'll just lay down right here and then I can worry about it when I wake up.

"Alphonse! Edward! Can you hear me? Are you down there?"

Al's mind momentarily snapped out of the stupor it had been sinking into.

"Teacher? Is that you?" He called uncertainly, looking up and around, but finding no clear direction as to where the voice had come from.

"Al! Is Edward around? Are you boys safe?"

"I can't find him anywhere!" Al cried, his old distress coming back to him as quickly as it had left. "Where are you, Teacher? What am I doing here?"

Unexpectedly another voice sounded, this time that of a teenage boy he didn't recognize.

"Just stay put Al, we're coming down to find you."

"Yeah, Rose told us to come look, she seemed pretty worried." A younger male voice.

"Just hold on, it will be alright." A woman, her voice more gentle than Izumi's.

The voices were closer now. Al looked around at the direction he now thought he could hear them from and spotted a pair of huge double doors. Relieved to have found an exit, he started walking that way.

But the people that had spoken opened the door from their side first. There before him they stood; a woman with short black hair dressed in military uniform, a tall boy with blonde hair and blue eyes, a younger boy who looked as if he must be the other boy's brother- and Teacher. They had all stopped in the doorway and were looking at him with stupefied expressions- all but Teacher, who was looking at him with mingled disbelief and awe.

"Alphonse…?" she whispered.

I am probably going to leave it at this- an open-ended oneshot, and not put anymore. i say probably, but one never knows. As always, my dear, lovely readers, review!