Note: This is my first attempt at writing fanfiction and indeed the first writing i've done in a while. Sorry if it's rather clunky in places, I hope to improve as I go along. Please feel free to comment/criticise, anything you have to say will motivate me to write more and to make it better.

Official Log: XX/XX/2178

Dr. J. Calvin, Systems Alliance Military Psychologist

Interview Transcript

Subject: J. Shepard

Begin Transcript:

: You've been through a lot Jennifer. Do you mind if I use your first name?

Shepard: -Subject remains silent. Maintains eye contact and defensive body language-

: Yes, well. It's only natural to be troubled by experiences like yours. What I'm here to do is-

Shepard: I don't need analysed, Doctor. I'm here because I was ordered to be, nothing more.

: And why do you think you were ordered? I know you don't want to be here Jennifer but I'm here to help you. I was hoping we could talk about your childhood, your record says that-

Shepard: That isn't relevant. Yes, I spent my childhood in a gang. I don't try to hide from that, it I common knowledge, and I am not about to discuss it with you.

: ...Very well, I can't force you. But you are here so we can talk about what happened on Akuze. Survivor's guilt is not uncommon in your situation and it's important to talk-

Shepard: I'm fine, Doctor Calvin. Ever since Akuze officers have been giving me looks like they expect me to break down in front of them. What happened was hard, but I got through it.

: But It says here that you're personal doctor has been prescribing you sleeping pills. Have you been suffering from nightmares Shepard?

Shepard: That's none of your business. I don't need or want your help, I'm here because I need you to confirm I'm fit got active duty. Am I?

: Shepard, you're being unrealistic! You need to talk to me if-

Shepard: I'm talking to you right now. Am. I. Fit. For. Duty.

: ….Yes, so far as I can see you are. But-

Shepard: Then we're done here.

End of transcript

Doctor's Notes:

The subject displays a dislike for psychological testing common amongst soldiers, though she seems particularly defensive with regard to her history. It is my opinion that despite her claims to the contrary, she remains troubled by her early life. She also displays some signs of stress regarding her experiences on Akuze, though she refuses to speak on it.

It is my professional opinion that while she is indeed fit for active duty, and indeed remaining active will likely help with her mental rehabilitation, she should be watched closely. She is particularly stubborn and impressively strong willed, and believes that she can deal with any problems she may have herself. She is no doubt an extremely capable soldier and leader, but she should avoid additional stresses or responsibilities until she has fully recovered from the loss of her squad. It is likely that she will continue to blame herself for perceived failures.

Personal Log: XX/XX/2183

Alliance Military Commander Jennifer Shepard

Log Entry #1: Promotion

Captain Anderson suggested that I start keeping a log for my latest assignment. I've chosen to take his advice. I never thought that I'd one day be asked to become a Spectre but once I saw the possibility I found myself grasping for it even as it threatened to slip away. I'll admit, at the time I was being driven by anger at what Saren Arterius was trying to do, but in hindsight...There's more to it than that.

I'm hesitant to make official record of the visions I had on Eden Prime, not with first-hand experience of how militaries handle soldiers complaining of bad dreams. But then, I already made the mistake of telling the Council. I'm convinced they don't believe me and my promotion was simply a political move on their part. Still, Anderson believed me. He believed it enough to give me the Normandy. Even if the Council tries to ignore what I know is coming, at least I can be sure of his support.

At least they seem serious about stopping Saren, even if they don't want to accept how dangerous he might be. They've provided us with info on suspected Geth attacks on Feros and Novaria for me to check out. With any luck, they should give some clues as to what Saren and the Asari working with him are after and what exactly the "Conduit" is. Apparently said Asari also has a daughter, whose been tracked to the Artemis Tau cluster. It might be a long shot, but I've chosen to investigate there first. If we're lucky, she might be helpful tracking her mother down. Worst case scenario, she's with them and we get the drop on a potential foe. Either way, it seems the most urgent.

End of Log

Additional:

The nightmares have been getting worse. Dr. Chakwas is the only person I've told and I made her swear she wouldn't inform Command. She's given me some sleeping meds to take but I'm not sure if I will yet. I figure it's less risky to be missing a few hours sleep while on a mission than it is to be doped up on tranqs.

This was the side of space exploration that Shepard hated.

Therum was the perfect example of the threat of space travel. Toxic atmosphere, heavy volcanic activity, pools of lava. It was like a goddamn underworld made specifically to make her job harder. She would later swear that the Asari scientist and the Geth and joined forces to meet on that particular planet, just to make her life difficult. The only things missing were the bloody Thresher Maws, but she was most definitely not about to tempt fate with that one.

After a few narrow escapes from the puddles of molten rock that littered the planet's surface, as well as a run in with a couple of Geth Armatures, the rough terrain proved too much for even the Mako and they were forced to proceed on foot, the Commander choosing to ignore the mutterings of relief. Naturally the Geth had taken the opportunity to set up traps for the advancing team, a sniper in being a particular pain in the proverbial. Shepard could just tell Garrus was grinning when he took it out with his own scope.

Presently they approached the ruined exterior of some sort of mine. Shepard froze, holding up her fist to indicate her squadmates do likewise. It felt too quiet, none of the garbled "speech" the Geth used to communicate, no footsteps. It put her on edge. A few steps further and her combat scanner jammed up, clearly being disrupted by something ahead. Without speaking a word, she began to gesture the other members of her squad into position. Garrus and Williams hung back and found cover amongst the rocks, snipers at the ready and pointing at the ruins. Tali and Alenko took cover behind some nearby crates, her omni-tool at the ready and his biotics flaring as they prepared for a fight. Shepard took point, shotgun in hand and the ever-bloodthirsty Wrex covering her.

As soon as she approached she was grateful for being cautious. The Geth had set up yet another ambush and the second they were in shooting distance, the bullets started flying. She felt a few ram into her shields before she and Wrex got to cover, the others already firing rounds into the fray. She slammed her back into what looked to be a small shipping container, having to quickly sidestep a a Geth hopper slammed to the ground next to her, having been caught by a biotic throw from Kaiden.

She leaned out of cover just long enough to send a shotgun blast straight into an approaching Geth, the force knocking it to the ground as it shut down. She winced as she took cover once more, having seen what was ahead.

"Fuck...Colossus is unpacking! Vakarian, Williams, on it!" She paused to toss a grenade at a pair of shock troops that were advancing, blowing it even as a shot scrapped her armour. She ducked back to let her shields recharge. "Tali, see if you can overload that bastard's shields! Wrex, Kaiden, cover her."

Waiting a few precious seconds for her shields, she broke cover and sprinted forwards, dropping to a crouch behind a broken section of wall. Not a moment later an orb of energy shot past her, barely missing. Undaunted by the near miss and trusting her team to have whittled down the massive Geth's shields, she leaned over the top of the wall and unloaded her shotgun, grinning as the brute finally fell to the ground.

She took a moment to catch her breath after the adrenaline rush, going over to check on the team. A couple had taken a few shots to their armour but thankfully none where wounded.

"Good job people. We're almost done, the ruin is just up ahead." she paused to scan the area. "Alright, Garrus, Ash, I want you to set up outside the ruin in case any more Geth come by. Kaiden, you stay to give them biotic support. Wrex, Tali, you're coming with me. Load up your shotguns, it looks tight."

The trip through the tunnels went relatively smoothly. They went in quiet, taking out several Geth around the entrance before they were spotted. A handful of drones ambushed them neat the elevator but their shields protected them from the bullets, their shotguns tearing through them with deadly efficiency in the close range of the caves. Things were going fine until the elevator malfunctioned and screeched to a halt. Wrex's response was to growl and pound the controls a few times- Shepard could just imagine her eyes rolling under that mask. "Enough Wrex, breaking it more isn't going to help. Let's just hope there's another way out..." All she got in reply was a grunt, but then she had come to expect as much from the Krogan.

Dropping to the ground, Shepard spun around when she heard a voice coming from behind them.

"Uhm...hello? Is..is someone there? Can you help?"

Looking beyond the shield that seemed to block off the Prothean part of the ruins, she spotted a rather nervous looking Asari suspended in mid air, apparently pinned by the shields.

"Doctor T'Soni I presume?" She lowered her weapon, scanning the shield for any obvious weaknesses.

"Oh thank the Goddess! Please, whoever you are, you have to help me! I have been stuck here for...I am not sure how long, the Geth came and I activated the shields to protect myself but...well, I seem to be stuck here."

"Keelah, How did you get yourself stuck in there?" Shepard groaned a little at the Quarian, intending to avoid the subject. It was pretty obvious and she had been hoping to save the woman some embarrassment.

"I...well...As I said, I needed to get the shields up. In the process, I...seem to have pressed something I wasn't supposed to." Wrex's rough chuckling filled the cavern and Liara's cheeks darkened a little in what Jennifer took to be an embarrassed blush.

"Come on Wrex, cut it out. Liara, my name is Commander Jennifer Shepard. I'm a Spectre, and I'm trying to track down your mother, whom we have reason to believe is working with Saren. I was hoping you could help us."

"My mother? I have no idea where she is...I do not know why she would ally herself with Saren and the Geth but if you can release me I would be glad to help you any way I can!"
"Why should we trust her." Wrex's questions always sounded more like statements. "She could be working with the Matriarch bitch for all we know."

"I am not my mother! I would never help Saren, he is a monster!" Shepard watched her closely as she spoke, and in her heart, she believed her. There was real anger in her voice.

"The Geth wouldn't be trying to kill her if she was working with them." Wrex simply shrugged, not seeming to care either way. "Alright Liara, I believe you and I'm going to get you out of here. Do you have any ideas on getting past this shield?"

"I...I do not know, I am sorry. Perhaps there may be some other way around? But please Commander, be careful. There are more Geth in the caves, and they are being led by a Krogan." She glanced at Wrex nervously.

"We'll take a look. Don't worry Doctor, we're getting you out of there."

Shepard was reluctant to leave the poor woman alone, but she did seem safe behind the shield. The trio moved further into the caves, the Commander indicating for them to stay low as they investigated. A little further ahead the caves opened out into a larger excavation and she saw Wrex's eyes light up. In the centre was a mining laser, pointed directly at the Prothean ruin.

"Easy Wrex, there's bound to be some Geth through here...switch to your rifle, hang back a little. Tali, stick close to me and keep in cover, if you see any Geth overload their weapons."

Fortunately the Geth presence was relatively sparse and they removed the handful of opponents without difficulty. That only left the laser, which possessed the single strangest and probably most ill-designed lock Shepard had ever encountered.

"Why the hell lock down a fucking mining laser with a memory puzzle?! I think someone needs to have a word with whoever designed this..."

Of course it did make their job easier. The laser bored a hole in the wall (though not without producing some rather concerning rumblings) and they were able to gain access to the doctor.

"Commander! Thank the goddess...how did you get past- no, it does not matter. Please, get me out! There should be a button on that console there..."

"Just a case of superior fire-power" Shepard replied as she checked the console. "There was a mining laser that did the trick."

Fortunately Liara was correct and the barrier containing her disengaged. She dropped to the ground and fell into a crouch. Shepard took a step closer to her without realising, reaching out to steady her a moment too late. Instead she crouched next to her, reaching out and offering her hand. "Are you alright?"

"I...I am fine, thank you Commander. I've just been here for days, I am tired.."She hesitated, then reached to take the Commander's hand.

"Call me Shepard, everybody does. Rank isn't as important when you're a civilian." She pulled the doctor to her feet and stepped back, only to reach out and steady her again an instant later as a loud tremble shook through the building. "Fuck! What the hell was that!"

Earthquakes had put her on edge ever since that day...Akuze. She realised she was holding Liara's shoulder a little more tightly than she should and quickly drew back. She began mentally listing off reasons why It couldn't be a Thresher Maw to reassure herself, hoping her anxiety wasn't obvious.

Liara at least didn't seem to notice. "The laser! It must have set off seismic vibrations through the rock! We need to leave now Comm- Shepard!"

"Fucking brilliant..."She reached for her ear-piece "Joker! Bring the Normandy in on our position ASAP. I may have accidentally triggered a volcano."

"Triggered a...are you serious Commander?"
"Just get over here!"

And, as if to make her day just that little bit harder, that's when the Krogan decided to show up.

"Surrender! Or don't, that'll be more fun."

Shepard all but facepalmed at the macho display in the middle of an earthquake. "You have got to be kidding me...see this cave? It's fucking coming down on our heads! You might think you're tough but are you really going to survive that?" Annoyingly, the Krogan just shrugged. He looked like he was enjoying this.

"...oh fuck the diplomacy. Charge!"

A brief firefight later and they found themselves sprinting through collapsing tunnels, Shepard wincing a couple of times as rocks bounced off of her helmet. It became immediately clear that Liara was falling behind; who knew how long she had been down here, she was in no state to be running for her life though clearly the adrenaline was helping. They made it to the entrance tunnel before the Asari finally stumbled and fell. Shepard spotted her and skidded to a halt, yelling at the other two. "Get the hell out! I'm right behind you!" Not pausing to make sure, she ducked to avoid another rock before grabbing the exhausted Liara and swinging her unceremoniously over her shoulder, resuming her mad dash for the exit. She could feel the walkway collapsing behind her but she kept going, not daring to look back.

Until at last, they hit the surface. She dropped to a crouch, lowering Liara to the ground as she panted for breath, risking a glance back at the collapsed tunnel entrance. The rest of the crew where quickly on hand to bundle them into the Mako even as the sound of the Normandy's engines became audible over the screech of crushing metal. Amazingly, they had made it out with no injuries, bar a few cuts and bruises. She left the crew to get out of their armour once they got back to the ship, planning to debrief them shortly after. She needed a moment alone first though. She sat in her cabin and closed her eyes for a few minutes, breathing deeply. Willing the nightmares back into their cages.

Thanks for taking the time to read this! Hopefully the next installment shell be done soon.