A/N: Skip if you like.

The tradition had been started many years ago, and renewed the years since, but this year… this year Xonze needed to continue it. He'd been looking forward to it since the beginning of the month, not because of it being his birthday, that could pass without much notice. It was the Christmas joy that he could bring with one of his stories that made him slightly happy at the thought. It was why he had started it when he was fourteen and continued it until this day.

He still had a lot of work to do, and his readers would be showing anytime now, but he wasn't worried. Things always had a way of working themselves out, especially during the holidays. It was a time for miracles, wasn't it?

He relaxed back into his chair and sighed, his hand against the head of one of his dogs. It had been a hell of a year. He didn't accomplish everything had wanted, but he had done enough and his fan fiction of Castle was, for reasons he never quiet understood, enjoyed by many. Those were the things that he focused on, not the trouble, not the bad things, but that he brought at least a little happiness (intermixed with some worry, it was a story after all) to people all over.

That's what made the tradition continue.

The door bell rang and his two dogs absolutely flipped out, barking up a storm. He laughed and went to the door. Outside the snow was falling gently, laying across the land like a blanket of white. His readers all smiled when he opened the door and he smiled back.

"Glad you could all make it!" He called as he ushered them in. "There's food in the dinning room and after you eat and drink we'll get to the story."

His reader's clapped and Xonze couldn't help but smile as he led them through the house.

An hour later they were all in his study, sitting on chairs and couches with drinks in hand and dogs begging at their knees. He grinned as he pulled down a bound book from the bookshelf and sat in his chair by the fire.

"It's that time again," he said as he cracked open the book. "It's another Christmas tale with our favorite duo. I hope you enjoy it."

And he began.

End A/N

Chapter 1

No Cabs To Be Had Out There

In the weeks leading up to Christmas the bullpen took on the air of a Christmas song. Garland hung from every crevice and wall, held up by tape and tack. Strings of lights shined little bulbs of color, some even blinking. A tree had been placed in the corner, replacing a filing cabinet for a few weeks. Police tape rounded it, while homemade (or office-made) ornaments hung from the branches. Most of said ornaments would be in bad taste anywhere else, but fitted perfectly in the precinct. The smell of real pine filled the office, bothering only those with allergies, and those who 'Bah! Humbug'ed all year anyway.

Kate didn't mind it so much. She didn't join in with the decorating, mostly because she had a case that needed to be finished up and spent most of her time out in the field, but she could appreciate the effort. She sat back in her chair and stared at the lights that had been threaded through the garland and felt, for once in a long while, content. Well, maybe mostly content.

This time of year, as with any holiday, was hard. It became next to impossible not to miss her mother, and while her therapist assured her that it was normal, and probably would never go away, she sort of wished she could tone down the ache. She touched the chain of her necklace as she stared at the blinking lights of the tree. She couldn't help but smile at the way her fellow officers had decorated the thing.

There were ball ornaments, some in the literal sense of tennis balls. Star ornaments that shimmered in the light. Some icicle like things. But the stand out ones were the custom chalk outlines that someone had cut out and scattered around the tree like paper snowflakes. There was just something a little depraved about it, and she had a sneaking suspicion that Castle had done it. Still, at least he had the mind to make them a little more cartoonish than actual outlines.

Thinking of Castle… where was he?

She turned a little in her seat so that her eyes could scan the mostly empty bullpen. It was after nine at night which meant day shift was long over and the night shift were already out and about, doing their thing. She was still there because paperwork didn't do itself, and her partner was no where around to help her.

It took her a bit, but she finally found him sitting in one of the rooms off from the main area. She could just see the top of his head through the glass, but she would be able to pick his head out of any crowd. She stood, pushed her chair in quietly and went to the window.

He didn't look up, didn't even notice her when she stood at the glass and peered in. She was a little surprised that he wasn't napping as she had expected, nor was he reading some file he shouldn't have been. He was wrapping gifts.

She furrowed her brow as her gaze skimmed from him and to the table littered with boxes, wrapping paper, and bows of all kinds. Slightly annoyed, she walked around to the door and stepped in.

He still didn't notice. She walked up to the table, slammed her hand on it and fought back a laugh as he jumped in the chair. The scissors in his hand went flying and smacked against the wall. "What are you doing, Castle?"

"Kate? Jeeze, why'd you do that?" Rick said and took a deep breath while he bent to pick up the scissors and set them on the table.

"Because you're in here," she reached down, picked up a piece of curled ribbon and held it eye level, "wrapping presents. Can't you do that at home?"

"Well, I would, but Alexis and Mother go snooping and this is the best place to do it without them knowing." He held out his hand to the gifts that were already wrapped and bowed. "I already wrapped the stuff I got for you and the guys, so you can snoop all you want."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Oh? What did you get me?"

"Depends, what did you get me?"

"Coal."

"Good, then we're even."

"You got me coal?"

"You weren't a very good girl this year, sorry." He grinned.

"Better than you were."

"Probably, considering I'm not a girl."

"You know what I meant." She said with a small glare. "And with how you scream I'm not so sure."

"When have you heard me scream like a girl?"

"A couple of weeks ago?" She said with an amused look and half a smile. "The tiger in the basement? Us handcuffed?"

"Ah, memories. Huh, maybe I should have got you a pair of handcuffs to remind you of that time."

She gave a small snort of laughter. "Thanks, but I already have a pair, and I don't think I'll be forgetting that tiger anytime soon."

"Me either, but you gotta admit, being cuffed together wasn't so bad." She canted her head at this, pulled a chair from the table and sat down.

"Really? I sort of remember us arguing quite a bit… and you wanted to cut off my hand!"

"It's smaller!" He said and her glare deepened. "Besides, I was kidding."

"Sure you were."

"I was, you actually think I could stand you telling me I was doing it wrong as I tried to cut your hand off?" He shivered. "No, I'd let you cut off my hand first."

"Well, this got morbid."

"You started it."

"Mhm, you don't have to stay here you know? You're not cuffed to me and all I'm doing is paperwork. Go wrap your gifts at home." She went to stand but stopped when he reached across the table, gripped her hand. She looked back at it, at his fingers curling around hers and tried to ignore how her heart skittered for a moment.

"I'm sorry."

"For?" She said and pulled her hand free.

"I meant what I said about being cuffed to you. If it was anywhere else I would call it a happy memory."

She furrowed her brow, sat back down. "Sure, Castle."

He shook his head. "No, really. I enjoy my time with you, you know that."

"Do you? Then why are you in here instead of out at my desk with me?"

He shrugged. "I hate paperwork. I get all itchy whenever I get near it."

"You're a writer, you deal with paperwork all the time!"

"Yeah, but that's fun. Your stuff isn't fun."

She blew out a breath, turned her eyes toward where her desk lay beyond the wall and placed her chin to her hand. "Tell me about it." She looked back to him, gave a frown. "Have anything special planned for the holidays?"

"Spending it with Alexis, at least Christmas Day unless she makes other plans. Mother is going out of town, something to do with her new school. I kind of tuned her out when she got into it."

"You do that a lot?"

"What? Spend Christmas with Alexis?"

"No, tune people out."

"I'm sorry, did you say something?"

"Knock it off." She tossed a ribbon at him which he ducked.

"I'm always listening, just sometimes I have to stop or go nuts."

"Wish it was so easy for me." She turned her eyes to the table, stared at the reflections of wrapping paper on the shined wood. "I can't seem to shut my mind down."

"Your mother?" She nodded. "Maybe it's a good thing that you can't, right? It's good to remember her."

"I don't want to forget her, Castle. I just…" she just what? She drew her lips in, clenched her teeth. She just didn't want to be tortured by it anymore. She had enough pain in her life as it was. She didn't want to forget, but she didn't want to hurt either. She felt Castle squeeze her fingers and she returned it, felt a little lighter due to it. "I don't know. Don't worry about it."

He nodded, released her, and slid a box from Amazon over. She clucked her tongue once at him as he began to measure out wrapping paper for it. "Castle, you can't use that."

"Huh?" He looked up in surprise. "Can't use what?"

"Take it out of the box. There's a packing slip inside that will tell how much the item was. You don't want them to know that."

"But it's perfectly packed, all I gotta do is wrap it."

She sighed and took the box from him. "At least open it to make sure the item is okay."

"But then I have to tape it and—"

"Jesus, Castle." She took the scissors from him, opened the package and removed the packing slip. "Candy? Really?"

"They're 100 Grand Bars. There is nothing wrong with that."

"And who are they for, Castle?"

"Me…" he said with a sheepish smile.

"You're wrapping a gift… for yourself?"

"So? I like opening presents, you know tearing off the wrapping paper on Christmas morning?" He paused, looked her over. "What are you doing for Christmas anyway?"

He pulled the box back to him, opened it and pulled out a candy bar before folding the flaps in. She watched him do so in slight disbelief and then just shook her head.

"Same thing I do every Christmas, I guess."

"Try to take over the world?"

"I'm Brain now? So that makes you Pinky, right?"

"Narf!" She laughed. For the first time in days she laughed hard, to the point that breathing became almost painful and her chest actually ached slightly. Castle joined in, started quoting the old cartoon in a voice that mimicked neither character, but sent Kate into laughing fits whenever she tried to calm herself down. She finally got a hold of herself, pulled the candy bar from Castle's hand and opened it, took a bite despite his protest.

"Thief. Where's a cop when you need one?"

"None around here," she said, making a show of checking her watch. "I'm off duty."

"Coming in tomorrow?" Castle asked, and reached across the table to take back the candy bar and after a tiny scuffle she let him have it after she broke off a piece.

"It's Christmas Eve, so I might since I still have paperwork to do and no one to help me."

"You spending it alone?"

"And if I might be?" She bit off more chocolate and chewed thoughtfully. Least he had good taste in candy.

"I'd invite you to spend it with me and Alexis, but you'd turn me down."

"I won't be alone."

"No?" He gave her a surprised look which for some reason annoyed her.

"No, I won't."

"Your dad?"

"No, don't worry about it."

He furrowed his brow and then gave a frown. "You find someone new?"

"Meaning what?"

He stood, turned to look out the window. Did he look a little down all of sudden? "Man, it looks cold out there. The snow is really coming down."

"It is December, that tends to happen." Kate said, and got up to stand beside him. She had planned on spending some of the evening with Lanie, until she went to be with Esposito… Castle didn't need to know that. "Jeeze, the roads are covered."

"I don't think I really want to go out in that, do you?"

"I'm not spending the night in here." She said, though the idea wasn't as horrid as it would normally have been since she at least had Castle to heckle. She watched his reflection for a moment before she noticed her own in the glass.

She tilted her head, stared at her reflection. She looked a little tired, but also a little more vibrant, a ghost of a smile showed on her twin in the glass and she couldn't lose it as her mind began to wander.

Strange to be here now, standing with Castle, staring at the snow as it fell outside the windows. Seven months ago there was little chance she'd make it to the summer, now here she was a day or so from Christmas. Strange how simple life could be, how quickly it could have all turned for the worse. She absently placed her hand to her chest and rubbed at the scar that would forever be her reminder of how fragile she could be.

"You're still here." Castle said and she looked down to find his hand on top of hers. "And you're not going anywhere anytime soon."

"You don't know that. This job—"

"Stop it." His voice took on an edge which made her glare at him to hide that it shook her. "I'm not going to let you think that way, ever. I won't lose you."

"You may or I may lose you. It's life, Castle. That tiger could have eaten us both, or one of us and there wasn't a thing we could have done for each other."

"But it didn't come to that."

"No, but there's always something stalking us."

"You mean last night? Sorry, I couldn't resist being a peeping tom and scaling your apartment building." He said with a smile and she lifted her hand from her chest and punched him in the shoulder.

"You know what I mean."

He dropped his hands into his pockets and looked back to the window, his face solemn. "It's Christmas, Kate. It's a time to believe in something, and do you want to know what I believe in?"

She continued to watch him for a moment before turning to the window as well. "I'm a little afraid to know."

"I believe in you, Kate." She saw his reflection bend to her, felt his lips touch her cheek, the beginnings of a beard scratching her skin. They lingered there for a moment, then moved away, and he whispered in her ear. "I believe in you, and that's how I know we'll always make it out of anything, even death."

"Castle…" she turned to talk to him, but no more words escaped her lips. She found herself moving forward and—she kissed him roughly on the lips. She couldn't stop herself, couldn't stop the groan from her throat and cursed in her head as her fingers began to sweep through his hair, grabbed handfuls. She felt his hands roam slightly after a moment, but they stayed above the waist, which she wasn't sure what to think of. He never seemed like the cautious type, but then, he was probably even more surprised than she was.

It continued for a time until they slowly pulled apart, stared at each other with hooded eyes. In her mind it beat the kiss that happened between them so many months before. The kiss they never talked about. Would they not talk about this one either?

"Kate…" Castle spoke first and she found herself staring at his lips and thinking how strange it was to see them, and yet still feel them at the same time.

"Sorry, Rick. I—"

"No reason to be sorry…"

"No, I shouldn't have—" she turned away from him, walked out of the room, her heart thrumming. She shouldn't have let her emotions take over, but dammit, she couldn't help it. It happened before she even realized what was happening.

She heard footsteps behind her and turned when she reached her desk, pulled her coat off the back of her chair.

"Kate what was—"

"You want a ride home, or gonna get a cab?" She asked as she slipped a knitted hat over her head and pushed her hair back over her jacket. "I don't mind giving you a ride—a ride home I mean." Was she blushing? She was sure her cheeks were cherry by now.

"Uh, I don't know. Getting a cab could be tough." He turned slightly to stare at the windows and she felt a little easier now that his eyes were off her.

"Fine, go get your stuff together and I'll take you home."

"You sure?"

"Yes. I brought you in, I can get you home."

He nodded. "Okay, give me a minute or so."

She watched him go, made her eyes stay on the back of his head even while they wanted to wander. When the hell did she let her emotions go this unbridled? Yes, she could admit that she cared for him, perhaps even loved him on some level, but she wasn't ready for more. She still had too much to figure out, too much to work through. Too many walls to take down.

Yet, she wanted to follow the feelings. She wanted to kiss him again.

She sat down with a small huff and ran a finger over the trunks of the elephants on her desk. How long could she fight this? Two years was long enough, wasn't it? It might even be some kind of record.

He loved her.

He said it, repeated it so that she could hear it when she laid in the grass of a spring afternoon, feeling the life drain out of her. She touched the scar again through her jacket and sweater and even with all the clothing she could imagine the roughness of skin. He sounded almost desperate, but did he really love her, or did he say it because he thought she was dying? Why hadn't he told her since?

Why would he not say it to her as soon as she was better, or as soon as she had broke it off with Josh?

Because he'd been mad at her. At least a little bit, and she thought back to how she waited for him outside his book signing, how much she had looked forward to seeing him now that she was there. She didn't realize until then that she missed him horribly.

She never saw him so mad. In fact, she didn't think he could get that angry, not at her. She got a little taste of her own medicine then and like she'd done for him, he forgave her. It didn't take him as long because he knew what his feelings meant. He loved her.

But did he still love her? Could he possibly still have feelings after all this time? Could— her train of thought broke as he came walking back in, two bags in his hands and his long black coat buttoned down. He wore a scarf, the ends reaching halfway down his torso.

"Ready?" He asked, eyeing her and she had the feeling he was trying his best to get a read of how she felt then. She offered a small smile, stood and wrapped her own scarf around her neck before she picked up her bag from beside her desk.

"Yeah, the sooner we leave the better."

"I looked outside again while packing… the roads don't look good at all."

"I'll get you home, don't worry."

"I'm not worried, just pointing out a fact of weather."

"Okay, Weatherman Castle. Let's get going." She picked up her keys and led the way to the elevator, conscious of his eyes on her the entire way. They passed by Ryan and Esposito who were sitting at their desks still. She was glad they were so absorbed in their own paperwork that they seemed to have missed her little show with Castle. At least, she hoped they did.

Esposito looked up as her shadow drifted over his desk and gave a small smile. "Heading out?"

"Yeah, you two should too." She nodded toward the windows. "The snow is crazy out there."

"Planning on it as soon—"

"No, get your stuff together. We'll all head out now. The paperwork can take care of itself for a day or two. Enjoy the early vaca."

"What's gotten into you?" Esposito asked and shared a dumbfounded glance with Ryan. "You see three ghosts tonight or something?"

"You keep pushing I might when I kill all three of you."

"What I do?" Castle asked from beside her and she glanced to him.

"It would take too long to list," she clapped her hands at Ryan and Esposito. "Come on, let's go. I'm beat."

The two detectives quickly packed up their things, threw on their jackets and followed Kate out to the elevator. The four of them stood in it mostly silent, her and Castle in the back and Ryan and Esposito in front. She couldn't help but notice that Castle was standing a little too close. He kept his gaze forward, but every once in a while he glanced at her, a look of concern and confusion in it.

When the group got to the garage they said their goodnights and Happy Holidays and left for their respective vehicles.

A wind was cutting through the place and made Kate shiver as she took long strides toward her car. Snow had found its way into the garage on the same wind, layering over the entrance and she wondered how much snow they had already got. She unlocked her door, got in and waited for Castle .

It was going to be a long, possibly uncomfortable, ride.

Thanks to ChrisS for beta reading.