The infamous fanfic is back and it's taking no prisoners! This fanfic was removed by me way back in January 2013, as it got angry comments up the wazoo! So why have I reuploaded, meh….it got a lot of positive comments too. And I missed the positive comments.
This is a message to any of my haters, if you're planning to MST or put this on YouTube or whatever, go ahead and be my guest, have your fun. Just go ahead and feed the troll which is what you do with fanfic MST's. GIVE THEM THE ATTENTION THAT THEY WANT. Plus you only help them get more views and make them world famous like Squirrelking. Look at Squirrelking all his fanfics are trolls yet he has plenty of positive comments up the wazoo. They love how bad his stories are. If you're gonna give so much attention to the stupid, crappy authors and so little attention to the good ones, why should I become a good fanfic author? Everybody gives so much attention to troll fics and so little attention to the good fanfics. See my fanfic "The Mystery Behind Troll Fics" for details!
Oh, and once you're done MSTing me why don't you MST the Cracked Articles "Why Living In The Pokémon World Would Suck", "5 reasons why Pokémon is both the best and worst game ever made." and the Drewthegoose article "Six Reasons Why Pokémon Would Ruin Our Society" Three articles that have actually been praised for their truth and are only a few articles which this series of stories was originally based on? It's also based on numerous comments I've read in Pokémon forums. If you type in "If Pokémon were real" on Google like I did, you will get a lot of negative articles.
So here we are capitalization and spelling errors have been corrected from the original. I now spell Pokémon correctly and don't spell Pokémon as Pokemon. (Without the apostrophe, or sorry not apostrophe, it's an acute accent not an apostrophe. Also the original was updated a few weeks before I removed it.) I have also updated the spelling of Pokémon in my other fanfics too.
Why I'm Glad Pokémon Aren't Real RELOADED! (And yes, I am a fan of Leisure Suit Larry games.)
For a start, it would be a much more dangerous world.
In our world, people run risk of being eaten by tigers, lions and so forth. Certain countries in Africa have this risk. In the Pokémon world, Pokémon exist all over the world and according to what Professor Oak says to me at the beginning of Pokémon Blue, they can be dangerous. And you know what? I'm pretty sure Pokémon can be capable of eating humans. Imagine trying to do everyday real-life situations such as well…..just going to the store to buy some groceries. The death rates would be up like hell.
Let me give an example.
Ash Ketchum looked in the fridge, only to find that they were all out of milk. "Ah nuts…" he said quietly to himself. "We're all out of milk."
"Hey! Mom!" he called "I'm going down to the store to get some milk."
"Okay, dear!" she shouted to him.
Ash stepped out of the house and onto some grass only to have a wild encounter with a Charizard.
The Charizard blew fire at him.
"Oh sh…" he said getting roasted alive.
The Charizard then chowed down on Ash's burnt remains.
"Ash" would be a very fitting name for the young would-be Pokémon trainer now. Sorry couldn't resist.
For all we know the Pokémon just may hold out a full war against humans. Attacking any random human they can find to avoid getting captured. I'm pretty sure that's why you're given your own Pokémon at the beginning of the game.
Child molesting would also increase a lot too.
According to the Pokémon anime I used to watch a lot when I was younger. Kids at 10 years old can receive their Pokémon license. 10 years old? Don't you think that's a little too young for kids to leave their home and their parents? Do kids at that age even know how to read a map, know not to talk to strangers, manage their money correctly, cook, perform first aid, not to take drugs, know when you're being lied to, eat properly and so on? I have to say Ash is the most sensible 10 year old ever, but imagine if he was like everybody else….
Let me give an example on how disastrous it would be.
Ash walked to Pewter City in the forest hoping to challenge Brock. He was munching on a big tutti-frutti lollipop….for HIS DINNER.
"Hey kid…." A raspy voice called out to him. Ash looked around to see where the voice was coming from. He then saw a balding slightly overweight 40 year old man behind a huge tree. "Wanna see something cool?" he asked.
"Sure!" Ash replied not knowing that he was putting himself into serious danger.
Ash went behind the tree only to get himself drugged and then anally raped.
Even if you don't get raped, criminals would kidnap your children a lot more and hold them for ransom. In poor countries you'd also probably be forced to become terrorists when kidnapped.
There would be a lot more retarded people.
If you can become a Pokémon trainer at age 10. Think of how much school you will miss. You may think missing school is awesome but getting an education I'm afraid is important. Think how much you wouldn't know about. Imagine, you've now received your goal of being a Pokémon master and you want to move on and do other jobs. How much chance would you have at getting the job? I don't think being a top Pokémon master would help in a lot of jobs...
Once again here's an example of just what I'm talking about.
An 18 year old Ash Ketchum sat down for a job interview for a job in a cheese sandwich factory. Not knowing how to dress for a job interview, he came in his normal clothes.
"What are your experiences?" asked the job interviewer.
"Well I left school at age 10, and was a Pokémon trainer for about 8 years." Ash replied.
"You didn't attend high school?" asked the job interviewer. "Learn anything about operating heavy machinery?"
"Nope." Ash replied.
"Well. Mister Ketchum. We have about 200 other people who have attended school, college and university with much better qualifications then you have. Why should we hire you?"
"I became one of the best Pokémon masters of all time!" Ash replied
"I see. Well it was nice talking to you Mister Ketchum, you just go on home and we'll contact you to see if you got the job."
Ash left the room smiling.
"Retard." Thought the job interviewer.
PETA would be more crazier then they are now. They'd go apeshit.
I mean think about it, you're capturing creatures and forcing them to fight to until they faint with fatigue and getting the shit beat out of them.
Yeh, they've killed animals before, but they would care, they've already taken action, just look at Pokémon Black and Blue online.
Many animal rights groups aside from PETA would be pissed, it would not be pleasant.
Another reason why I'm glad Pokémon aren't real is it would never work the same way in the real world. According to the video games if Pokémon recieve enough damage, they faint. Yes despite being lit on fire, electrocuted, poisoned, hacked up and being beaten up several times, the Pokémon only faint. That might work in a video game, but what about the real world?
Ash and Pikachu stood battling Gary and a Charmander.
"Charmander, Flamethrower!" Gary yelled.
The Charmander gave Pikachu a shot of his fire breath.
"Nice move, Gary." Ash snarled "But not good enough! Pikachu, Thundershock!"
Pikachu didn't respond, Pikachu wasn't the kind of Pokémon who would disobey Ash, but he had a good reason, he'd had a good amount of his flesh burnt off. He was dead. Blood poured from Pikachu's black smoking corpse.
"Oh my god! Pikachu's dead! You asshole, Gary!" Ash said in shock.
"Yeah, well it serves you right for giving my Bulbasaur brain damage last week! That Machoke of yours punched out 7% of his brain! He's also lost nearly all his teeth, and he just drools all day! And let's not forget the arms of my Drowsee your Scyther hacked off last week!"
Let's use some logic...in the real world can you imagine just how many Pokémon you would murder if you really wanted to become a Pokémon Master? All the more reason why PETA would go apeshit because of all the Pokémon you would end up murdering.
And even if you're sadistic enough to not care about this, it would also be a pain in the ass to constantly keep catching Pokémon because you'd keep murdering your so called beloved Pokémon. It would be a miracle if your Pokémon ever evolved. After all the fights he or she had been through, his or her brain would probably be severly damaged.
Why am I glad Pokémon aren't real? Well I gotta say, you're forcing monsters to fight for you. Even if you are responsible enough not to talk to strangers, what's to say innocent monsters are gonna like being take away from their families and homes and being made to fight for you? How do you know how a Pokémon's brain works?
Ash and Pikachu stood battling a Charmander.
"Pikachu! Thundershock!"
"Pika, Pika, Pika, Pikachu!" (Translation : God! I am so sick of taking orders from you!)
Pikachu then used Thundershock but not on the Charmander, but on Ash.
"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Ash fell down injured.
Pikachu then used "Scratch" on Ash's face! Blood went everywhere! It's super effective!
"Pika, Pika, Pika, Pikachu, Pika, Pika, Pikachu!" (Translation: All I ever do is fight for you, and what do you offer me? A stupid air-tight Pokéball ! I want some freedom!)
The Charmander just stood and cheered. "Char…Char…Charmander!" he went (Translation : You tell him, the little bastard!)
Pikachu then took out one of Ash's Pokéballs and threw it at him.
"Pikachu…..Pikachu!" Translation (Let's see how you like it!)
Ash was then trapped in the Pokéball.
Another reason why I'm glad Pokémon aren't real is that the economy would go tits up! And that's not a good thing!
Let's face it. If you could leave school at age 10, nobody would want to work. And nobody would want to hire anybody with a ten year old's education! They'd be little businesses and everything would probably be dirt cheap. Take the worst country you know of…..and imagine it all over the world….
Bullies and muggers would be meaner than ever more. They would burn your face off with their Pokémon if you didn't give them your money. Hold up banks with Charmanders as they have a living flamethrower in their hands. If not Charmanders, any other Pokémon. Imagine how crime would be….
Also the Pokémon just may be smart enough to see a loophole.
Even if Pokémon would be tough enough to stand a few beatings and not die from their battles. Let's look at something. The Pokémon are really only being made to fight by their masters. They only obey orders rather than make their own attacks, rather than suffer a long beating on either sides. There's an easy way to end a Pokémon fight…
Gary then saw a Wild Pikachu in the grass.
"Well…well….a wild Pikachu! Maybe I should try and keep one like that LOSER, Ash!
"Charizard! Attack!" Gary then threw Charizard's Pokéball on the ground.
But before Gary could give an order. The Pikachu attacked by Thundershock, but the Thundershock attack wasn't at the Charizard, but at Gary!
Gary then fell to the ground, dead. Seeing as the Charizard couldn't receive his orders. He couldn't attack.
"Pika…..Pikachu!" Pikachu said to Charizard (Translation : You are now free! )
"Char…Charizard! Char…..Chariz….Charizard!" Charizard responded. (Translation : "Thank you! That guy was such an asshole!" )
Yep…..you may have a level 70 Charizard. But you can't get a level 70 human!
Also what's to say everybody will be a success? For everybody who succeeds at being a Pokémon master, there's bound to be failures too. For every winner at a Pokémon battle with two trainers, there's going to be a loser. If you really fainted after losing a Pokémon battle. What would happen in real life?
After losing a battle Ash couldn't believe his horrible luck…
Gary smiled. "I win! Now fork over the money!"
Ash didn't respond. He just passed out onto the ground.
Gary went puzzled. "Hey! No need to faint over losing a Pokémon battle!"
Gary then smiled evilly. "Hey maybe I'll take all his money, and all the stuff in his backpack too!"
Ash woke up to find he was only wearing his underwear.
Even if you don't faint. Are you gonna like forking over money? What will you do if you lose all your money and you're far away in the middle of nowhere? Join Team Rocket?
Huh…..Maybe that's how Team Rocket gets its members…..terrorism would increase a huge amount too!
So that's about it, if you're still gonna make MST's about me, and I'm sure you'll find something to talk about. Take care and make sure you don't hurt your fingers writing your angry and mocking comments about me and my stories. You flamers and haters are probably the same people who read a good fanfic and don't give any comments at all.
Meh…what's better. A few good comments on a good story or about 250 comments about 60% positive and 40% negative on a bad story like one of Squirrelking's stories and even more tons of positive comments made on the YouTube videos.
I think I'll go with the second one. Yeh...I'm an asshole but sometimes being an asshole pays as long as you do it right. Never cared or listened to what haters say anyway.
Remember folks, just because you hate something doesn't mean everybody else hates it too. Take care. And have a good night.