:Listen, ya'll can blame MidnightEden234 for this... Their latest oneshot had me like DAmN BiTCh and I got all inspired and shat this out at lightspeed. Very... very slight mention of trans!Ichigo... like barely there don't worry. Allusions to HichiIchi...Maybe...If ya squint... Old Man Zangetsu bashing, Rukia bashing, bc Zangetsu is a vindictive bastard, just like me. No Beta, I kinda read through it, there will probably be mistakes, my apologies. Go read Welcome to the end of eras by MidnightEden and then come back to scream with me because oh my god!:
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Of all the things he's done to you, he's never broken a vow.
"I swear. I'll break you. I'll shatter you to pieces and ruin you so utterly you'll never be the same. You'll be mine. It's a promise, Ichigo."
Zangetsu-
Zangetsu was confusing.
Ichigo had thought the lines of his soul clean cut- zanpakuto spirit, hollow.
Quincy powers, zanpakuto spirit; hollow.
Quincy powers.
Hollow zanpakuto spirit.
The cries of 'I am Zangetsu' still haunt him sometimes. He'd ignored them, and believed him to be lying.
What does it mean for you to so easily reject your own soul? When he was a hollow- it was simple. He'd trusted the Old man completely but-
It was built on lies. His inner world wasn't raining; fog curled around the strange world, thick and heavy, and he could practically feel Zangetsu's maliciously amused grin, the Quincy spirit's quiet concern in the face of it just as worrying.
He wanted to fix things. He didn't think he could- but he wanted to trust Zangetsu, wanted to be trusted in return. Stupid, maybe, he'd rejected the mask and the hollow powers so many times it was probably foolish to hope for anything other than what they'd already had, antagonism and fights- he wants to blame the Quincy but he can't. He knows it's as much his fault as any others.
He takes a deep breath, calms his nerves, and sinks into his inner world.
Ichigo quietly nods and the Quincy spirit vanishes, no doubt deep into his psyche. Somewhere safe. Ichigo feels this will end with fighting- Zangetsu is insane, and perhaps it's all his fault. Would they be partners, same soul, open and caring and working together if he hadn't been so afraid? If he hadn't rejected something so obviously a part of himself.
Even a hollow in his mind was still part of him, intrinsically. Ichigo had been stupid. Beating your own soul into submission was a stale kind of peace at best.
He wondered how shinigami twice as old as him had missed that, too.
He's broken out of his thoughts when Zangetsu chuckles ominously, gold on black eyes rolling as he absently adjusts the meat cleaver over his shoulder.
Ichigo's never been introspective- but why does his sword look so wrong and impractical? It should be perfect for him.
Maybe he's just that at-odds with his soul.
"What did ya want, King? We gonna fight? Ya've been awful fucking gloomy lately."
Ichigo squares his shoulders.
"I'm sorry."
Zangetsu narrows his eyes.
"What." It's flat and sharp, unlike his usual carefree speech patterns. Ichigo tenses.
"I treated you badly. I'm sorry. I- I can't excuse my behaviour, I don't really know how to rectify it..." He clenches his fists and meets Zangetsu's gaze. "You're my zanpakuto, as much if not more than the old man is. I'm sorry I never believed you when you told me that. I'm sorry the old man kept you subdued, I'm sorry I let myself be pitted against you. I'm sorry we don't have the bond I want to have with my zanpakuto."
His chest feels a little lighter.
Zangetsu hits him like a freight train, and Ichigo doesn't even have time to draw his sword before he's slammed into a skyscraper, glass shattering. Zangetsu's fingers curl around his throat and he chokes, blinking.
"You think pretty words is all it takes, aibou? You're filthy. You'd use Quincy powers over me. You never even recognised it for yourself. You didn't want to be observant, you wanted someone to take care of things for you so you didn't have to think about it." He bares sharp teeth in a cruel grin and Ichigo scrabbles at his squeezing hand.
"I could have protected you, while you protected everyone. I did protect you- in soul society, to save the useless midget- I wanted you to love and appreciate me. I wanted you to know I wanted to help you. I wanted to fight you with the purpose of becoming stronger with you."
He leans down and Ichigo tenses as a sharp breath washes over his ear and the hollow whispers.
"And you threw my mask away. You gave it away. You. Let. It. Get. Taken. And then you didn't care enough to try and understand me. I healed you when you fought Byakuya. You would have died if not for the reprieve I gave you. And you repaid me..."
Teeth sink sharp into his earlobe and Ichigo yells in pain, bucking and twisting even as the hand threatens to crush his throat completely. He only yells louder, eyes wide as Zangetsu drags; painfully, slowly, tears a chunk of his ear right off his skull. Ichigo twitches and shudders when he eats it in front of him, blood dripping from his obscene grin and onto the pinned form of his wielder below.
"Don't worry." He croons, and Ichigo wants to vomit- this is his fault, he could have stopped this but he was oblivious-
"I'm still your zanpakuto. Your sword, Ichigo. It's not like you have the human genital equivalent anyway." He titters cruelly and Ichigo feels shameful tears prick his eyes where even the pain caused nothing, because a part of his soul would of course be the one to truly hit where it hurts.
"But, since I'm your zanpakuto and I love you- despite everything you've done to me- you know the shattered shaft made me this? I was so happy, I thought I'd finally get to meet you, work with you, be your most trusted- not that frosty bitch you'd been using, borrowed from the useless midget. But you, you and the Quincy, you stole that from me." His eyes flicker to the blue of his untainted spiritual pressure and Ichigo swallows any words he would have said. "We could have been so happy, but you let me be eaten, Ichigo. You let me be eaten by your hollow, and the Quincy did nothing to save me." He starts to laugh, now, wild and desperately unhinged, and Ichigo feels like the scum of the earth. He startles when the hand releases his neck and he takes a few deep breaths.
"I wanted to be your precious person too, Ichigo. The Quincy stole that from me. You trusted him so completely you were willing to hate another part of yourself at his guidance. I wish the hollow had eaten him, instead."
Zangetsu's blade crashes down inches from his bleeding head, and the bandages wind around his arms and wrists more effectively than any binding kido. Ichigo can feel his breaths becoming shorter, panicked, and he tries to stay calm.
"How can I fix this?" He asks earnestly, if a little desperately, and Zangetsu quirks a cold smile down at him.
"You can let me eat you, too."
Ichigo shakes his head, arches and kicks out in an attempt to dislodge the hollow- his zanpakuto-
Zangetsu.
"Tell me." He freezes at the words and the broken shard of his soul leans down, face eerily calm, the usual rictus grin missing.
"Tell me, beloved Ichigo. Have you ever been truly afraid of your family hating you. Your most precious people turning on you even after all the things you've sacrificed for them. You have, right? When you found out what I was."
Ichigo manages a nod, mind turning over and over.
Oh. It clicks.
"I did that to you. I was your precious person and I turned on you without giving you a chance."
Zangetsu jerks back, eyes him speculatively. "Who knew you could be so quick? You're usually more obtuse towards emotions than a toddler."
He smiles. It's not the hollow grin, corpse-like smile that Ichigo sees in the mirror after his nightmares send him stumbling to the bathroom.
'This is what could have been' something whispers to him. 'Partners. Closer than blood. Bonded by war, by soul.'
He surges upwards and Zangetsu makes an unflattering noise, his inverted blade flying to his hand as he backs away- but Ichigo reaches up and grabs it by the blade. It digs into his skin but does not cut it, and Ichigo smiles like he hasn't since his mother died.
Zangetsu stares, bares his teeth.
The sword frays at the edges and dissolves into smoke. And Ichigo calls his own, the dark blade resting in his hand. And then he flips it, holds it out handle-first to his zanpakuto, the blade stretching across his flat palm. It balances perfectly despite its size.
"I'm your shinigami, your visored, your partner. You're my sword, my shikai my bankai, every mistake and every mask that's protected me from death. And I know this now. But you won't eat me. Because you'll never know what we could be if you do."
There's a moment of silence and his clothes flutter in a nonexistent breeze.
"You realise what this will do. The old man won't be the one you answer to. It'll be me. And you haven't earned my bankai. You haven't earned my mask- you took them at the Quincy's insistence. I won't be the horse. You won't be the king. There will just be us. Together. You won't be able to beat me down if you disagree with me."
Ichigo nods. "You wouldn't warn me if you didn't still care. This is the right choice."
Bone white fingers wrap around the bandaged handle. The blade slides forward, a smooth motion that pushes it through Ichigo's torso like butter.
Ichigo smiles.
Zangetsu doesn't fade away this time- merely returns the smile and steps closer, and then his lips are pressing against Ichigo's forehead, skin rough and papery.
"You're right. Even Kenpachi's blade can't hate it's wielder, and you've never done such cruel things to me."
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:[Soft yelling] I hate my writing whoopsie daisy: