Disclaimer: If I can convince you I own any of this stuff, other than what I create, I also own Brazil.
English is in bold
Chinese in in marks
Author's rant: I always wondered what would happen if someone with common sense entered the Ranmaverse. Now's our chance to find out. (Insert evil laugh here)
Hanio
It had been a good day for Ranma. The sun was out, the air was crisp, and best of all, he was almost at school and he hadn't been threatened, attacked, or insulted so far. Besides it was Friday, everyone loves Friday. For the first time since he came to Nerima, things were looking up.
"Wait up!" came Akane's voice from the ground.
"Can't'cha go faster, tomboy?" Bad mouth, bad, thought Ranma. He and Akane had been getting along recently, and he did not miss his appointments with Dr. Mallet.
Just as he and his fiancée entered the gate, a familiar figure stepped out from behind a tree..
"Halt, beauteous Akane. I would date with thee!" Kuno strode forward, with a rose in one hand and a boken in the other.
Needless to say, the usual crowd manifested, with a certain Tendo taking bets.
"Do you like being pounded?" Akane stepped into an offensive stance, ready to duel the kendoist.
Ranma sighed, things had been so nice, and now they were going by schedule. Then something out of the ordinary happened. Kuno's sword flew out of his grasp just as he was charging.
"What manner of witchcraft is this?" bellowed the kendoist.
A figure stood in the shadows of the school building. "None whatsoever," came a voice bearing perfect Japanese and an abysmal accent.
A boy stepped out of the shadows. He stood just over five and a half feet with a lean, wiry frame. He had short but wild ink-black hair, and light gray eyes set over an almost beaklike nose. The school uniform he was dressed in contrasted with skin so coppery, it almost seemed metallic. In his right hand he twirled a loaded sling.
"Who are you?" demanded Kuno.
"Me? I'm-"
"Wait! Is it not customary to give one's own name first? I am the Rising Star of the kendo world, I am the one they call the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High. I am Tatewaki Kuno!" A bolt of lightening split the clear sky, "Age 17."
"Tatewaki, huh? I think I'll call you Wacky."
"Now, who are you who intrudes on my match with Akane Tendo?"
"Me? I'm Ray. And why are you attacking her anyway?"
"I wish to date with her!"
"So, let me get this down, you beat a girl up, and then ask her out. Japan is weird. I knew I shouldn't have moved."
Ranma tapped Ray on the shoulder, "Not Japan, just Kuno. He's a little-"
"Special?" interjected Ray.
"Yeah, that."
"So what is he imbalanced? Or is it just a mood disorder?"
"I wish I knew."
"Maybe-"
"Ahem!" Kuno blurted, exasperatedly, "I challenge you, to a duel. The winner will date with Akane Tendo.
"What if she refuses to be objectified?"
"She-"
Ray's eyes darkened, "So what you're saying, is that you're a chauvinistic jerk off."
"No I-"
"Have no respect for women?"
"Enough!" Kuno produced a fresh boken, "prepare to die!"
Ray crouched and raced forwards. Kuno held his sword high, ready to strike. He calculated for the exact moment. The blade hissed, making its fateful arc, directly towards Ray's right shoulder. The sword arced, accelerated, and fell unceremoniously from his hand. The swordsman winced in agony, the ridge of his opponents hand had given his funny bone one hell of a blow.
"I fight on!" roared the kendoist, reaching to grab his weapon.
"Exposing your back, not a good idea," advised Ray, hitting between Kuno's vertebrae with the heel of his hand.
"It's over," he turned and walked away.
"I fight o- urk," Kuno's entire body spasmed.
"Say goodnight, Wacky," he thumb-jabbed the swordsman's neck, putting him in a slightly less conscious state."
Ranma was unimpressed, "I could have taken him out twice as fast."
Akane, pacing towards the new kid, shared the sentiment, "You didn't have to help me."
"No, I wanted to, chauvinists are number six on the list of ten things that bug the hell out of me. Wait, no, that's racist people, argh!" He produced a note pad and began scribbling, "Heh, it was number six." He then experienced an epiphany, "Where the hell is everyone?"
"The bell must have rung when Kuno did his lightening trick," replied Akane.
"Zorn," he swore, "late on my first day. So who are you anyway?"
She bowed, "Tendo Akane, and this idiot is Ranma."
"Yo," Ranma made a victory sign.
"Ranma and Akane, huh, my uncle told me about you two."
"Your uncle?" Akane queried, he looked more like one of those feather-wearing men from westerns than anyone in Nerima.
"Yeah, Uncle Tofu said that you two are engaged and put up repellant fronts so your fathers don't drag you to the altar."
"Uncle Tofu?" said Ranma.
"Yeah, my name's Ray Ono."
"So you're doc's nephew."
"Uh-huh I used a couple of his moves in taking down Wacky."
Come to think of it, how come I never challenged the doc? I bet he's the best fighter around here. Except me and the two fossils. "Maybe we could spar some time."
"Now, do either of you know where Miss Hinako's room is?"
The engaged teens shared a glance, "Follow us."
Hinako was in an awful mood. Ranma, Akane, and the new student were all late. Ah well, she pondered, at least I get to go into my real form. "Stop right there, delinquents!" she yelled to the three blurs making their ways inside the classroom.
"Happo Goju en Satsu!" came the battle cry. The aura draining light enveloped the students,
Two fearful yelps and a startled, "Awp?" rent the air. As the light cleared, Ranma and Akane were facedown on the floor. About three feet away, Ray stood, well, unharmed.
He looked around and gave voice to his quandary, "What the zorn?"
Hinako stared in disbelief, that really should have worked. She decided to try again, "Happo Goju en Satsu!" Once again, the room was bathed in an azure blaze.
The class participated in a collective jaw drop. Why hadn't it worked on Ray? He scanned the room, "Did I miss something?" Not being used to being the center of attention, he slowly chose a seat and sat down. Not wanting to lose any more face than necessary, Ms. Hinako went to standard procedure, making a mental note to find out how he avoided the attack. As did Ranma, Akane, Daisuke, Sayuri, Hiroshi, Yuka, and more or less everyone else in the room.
"Would Ray Ono please come up and tell us about yourself?"
Ray stepped up, "Hi, I'm Ray, I'm from America and am staying with my uncle Tofu Ono. You may know him. I'd talk more, but I have to go hold buckets, bye."
Hinako nodded her approval, maybe this one wasn't such a delinquent after all. "Ranma, Akane, that goes for you two as well.
The three teens stood out in the hallway. Akane, needless to say was all for blaming Ranma for making her late. "This is all your fault!"
"What? How is this my fault? He's the one who took forever in pounding Kuno!" Ranma pointed to Ray who was busy doing weight training exercises with the buckets.
"What? You two could have left at any time. It's our own faults for being late. Mine for not refusing Kuno's challenge, and yours for not leaving earlier."
Ranma was about to retort, but astonishingly, what he had heard had made sense.
Akane chose to ignore him, "Ha! You obviously don't know Ranma very well. Given a circumstance, he does the exact wrong thing. In fact, he-"
"So you know shiatsu? That's cool."
"Yeah! And Reiki."
"So you're a fighting healer?"
"Way I see it, why heal people if I can stop them from getting hurt."
Akane, had been listening in on this exchange, and had reached a boiling point. "Listen to me, darn you!"
Ray turned around and regarded her, maintaining his somewhat serene aura. "I'm sorry but what he's saying is far more interesting than your rants."
Akane, seeing no other way, retaliated. "So you call Kuno a chauvinist, and then ignore me for being a girl. You… You… hypocrite!"
Ray's eyes then grew hard. It was as if they were made of cold, solid, steel. "Please take that back." His voice was as his eyes, frigid and hard as bedrock.
However, Akane was not an easy person to intimidate. "N-nno!" she exclaimed, "you p-p-preach about equal treatment, and then yyyou go and ignore m-m-mme!"
"I do believe in equal treatment and just that. I respect women, but I don't worship them."
Ranma was about to jump in and halt Akane's aggressor, when he realized, Ray probably wouldn't hurt a girl unless she attacked him. And what if he did help Akane, was she in the right? And wouldn't he just get hammered for his troubles anyway?
His poor brain was being strained beyond what he had to normally put up with. His conclusion was simply to step back and let things work themselves out.
"I'm…sorry," Akane spat the words out like rotten fruit.
Ray nodded sagely, "We can't always be right, that's a lesson courtesy of good old Tsukahara."
"Who?" asked Ranma.
"The most sadistic man ever to walk the earth. My old sensei."
"What was so horrific about him?" asked Akane.
"Well he-"
Hinako poked her head out the door, "You can come back in, now."
"Yes, Ms. Hinako, the students grumbled.
In the return to purgatory, Ranma and Akane shared the thoughts, What the hell just happened?!
Ranma and Akane were just back from school. They were in the usual routine of Akane explaining the virtues of homework, and Ranma countering with his usual compendium of jibes. In the midst of it, the phone rang.
"Moshi moshi," came Kasumi's voice, "Ranma, it's for you!"
Glad for the reprieve, he rushed into the building. "Yo, who's this?"
"Hey Ranma, it's me, Ray."
"Uh, hey what's this about?"
"Well it's a Friday night, and I have nothing to do. You wanna hang out?"
Hang out? Ranma's under worked brain was giving itself a serious workout.
"Ranma, you there?"
"Can't be as bad as homework."
"Homework is EVIL!"
"Yeah, it's like, I dunno. It sorta stalks you around."
"Been there. You know where Ucchan's is?"
"Yep, my Ukyo friend runs the place."
"'K see ya there. Six o'clock at the dojo?"
"Why not five?" he was eager to escape Akane.
"Okay, five."
"Pop! Kasumi! I'm going out."
Why don't you take Akane, boy? Genma panda-signed.
"What? Why does the tomboy have to come along?"
"Ranmaaa!," Akane roared, charging him.
As he bent down to take the abuse, his danger sense picked up something heading for him at a breakneck speed. Startled, he pulled his head back to see…a grain of sand? The miniscule projectile hissed by him, leaving a minor windburn.
"Waaaah!" Akane nearly tripped, having missed her target. She pivoted and swung it at her favorite punching bag.
Ranma was ready to take the hit when another diminutive missile hissed through the air. He ducked under it, and the mallet struck out.
Where are those coming from? Ranma asked himself.
If one looked out of the window, they would see two martial artists, one a high school student, and the other in his mid twenties.
"Where did you learn that again, nephew?" asked the older man.
"I saw someone do it, and I figured out how it was done, Uncle Tofu," he casually flicked another grain of sand off of his palm.
"Someone from your reality?"
"Yeah, a real b4573r). Went by Sniper. The guy nearly killed Yusuke."
"Your universe's Ranma, right? Is he as strong as ours?"
"His technique sucks, but his power is off the charts. Plus he's half-demon."
"I believe you already told me that, Akane's swinging again!"
"Gotcha!" he fired off another grain.
"He's leaving, mission accomplished."
"Yes, Ray's…"
"…and Tofu's…"
"Operation Save Ranma's Noggin is a success!" they said in sync posing with symmetrical vicory signs. They then made eye contact.
"Let us never speak of this."
"Agreed, nephew."
Confused? Good, this will continue if you review. If you don't then you may never see this fic again! And no, Ray is not an SI.