AUGUST TO JANUARY THE FULL MOONS. EUGENIA LUCAS ON A JOURNEY

"Mum, I am pregnant"

Pleased, not pleased. Scared maybe. I know Anita better than she knows herself.

The pack wanted my grandchild.

Strange how the repetition and rhythm of a train engine can be calming. Clickity clack, clickity clack, a metronome to which I sometimes sing softly with, an old song would resurface while watching the towns pass by, each toy house with its own drama playing out, each individual set with their own view of the world, with their own thoughts, fear, joy, sadness, happiness...anger.

When I was a child I watched my father and my brothers ripped to pieces by a werewolf. Their blood remains ingrained in my skin. Their screams haunt me. The bloody images fade, but not the screams. The werewolf ironically being my grandfather. I was marked. To this day I have no idea why he killed his own kin. Rumours had it that my grandmother had been unfaithful, his son, his pride and joy, another's. I never did fully transform but the dreams at full moon...never ask of my dreams.

I am left with sharpened senses. Put it this way I know when the mayor is cooking apple pie and she lives on the other side of town.

The train suddenly changes rhythm as we rumble over a beautiful 100 year old viaduct. It almost echoes the creaking of my bones. It will long outlast me. The view is breathtaking and somehow unreal. The cattle are frozen pinheads on a carpet of greens. The trees wave at us on a backdrop of clear blue, or are they warning me? Go back, Go back! For a moment I am distracted from my thoughts. For a moment.

How was I to know Anita would inherit the family curse. I was young and ignorant. My husband and I were dedicated to protecting the village from the wolves. I spent 6 hard months training with a crossbow, it was comfortable, it felt natural in my hands. The bow over time became a part of me, rather than an inanimate object that I could take up or leave. He was jealous. The apprentice surpassed the master. He became spiteful. Picked on me constantly. It could be I never noticed before? I became more aware of my relationship, of myself.

I told Anita her father was killed by a wolf. This had no impact on her being as he was a slayer of werewolves. I had lied to her.

The pack wanted my grandchild.

I begged Anita to let me bring the child up as my own. She had considered it until Luna got involved. Luna had plans to manipulate my daughter. I am sick of that woman. She offered Anita a Beta position and her own soldiers. Omg. The carrot was dangling. Then made noises about her and her child having their own pack to run with. The donkey followed.

So I decided eventually to take my objections to Luna.

"You would deny the child it's heritage?" Luna was cold.

"To hide in shame as if diseased? It needs family, and we ARE it's family. You are not. You are blinkered by your past prejudices woman. Why, you even have suppressed your own wolf urges. Your grandchild is not human and nothing you say or do will change that"

She felt the matter closed, I would not be dismissed.

"And you deny its human side? As you deny your own. It will mostly live as a human, grow and play with humans-"

"But NOT a human, and NOT accepted by human society, never." Luna almost spat.

"You know this, you have already raised a werewolf and she is lost to you. Did you not learn? You have murdered her kind. What kind of example is that? What excuses do you take to bed so as to sleep at night ?"

It was far more complicated than that.

"I have made mistakes, god knows I have. You know damn well why I killed werewolves. It was a long bloody war. Werewolves were killing villagers and vice versa and for what? No one cared anymore how it started! Both sides tried to negotiate peace but always the hate bled through."

A deep breath. A twinge of guilt. I looked at my crossbow.

"I want the hate to end. I want to be a part of my grandchilds life, Luna, I want to teach it that humans can live alongside werewolves."

"Why, Aren't we just a black hole of need." Luna shared my glance at the crossbow. Her hackles were up.

"The child will be educated and grow here-"

"No! Please" I knew I had lost my grandchild. I had already lost Anita.

"When it reaches puberty you may then visit and put your argument forward to the pack or to Anita. Meanwhile I ask that you leave today. You make my family uncomfortable with your presence" another distasteful glance at my crossbow.

"I cannot guarantee your safety."

A threat. A threat I knew that she would orchestrate. "I will always cherish the misconceptions I had about you Luna" sarcasm was all I had left.

"Thank you. Have a nice day". Under her breath "somewhere else". She left.

She triggered my inner slayer. Old habits die hard. I counted my breathing.

I didn't want to lose my grandchild. Anita hopefully would stay in contact. Send photos. Unless the truth outs.

I had lied to Anita. Rumours circulated the village that I and Amos Slade were having a flirtatious relationship which my husband found faintly amusing and I even more so. Especially as I was having an affair with a woman.

The town men loved their meetings at the church hall. The wives moreso.

This one particular evening Zachariah, arrived home early and walked in on us. My head between the thighs of the Millers daughter, Cora.

He packed without a word, and left. Perhaps this was the final straw, he had lost family and friends to the wolves. He was a tired man. I was glad we didn't have a 'talk'. I have no idea where he is. I told the villagers the wolves had taken him. Anita prefers him dead. Cora eventually moved on.

The train speeds up between counties. The countryside becomes a blurred picture. We suddenly enter a tunnel and as the carriage is plunged into darkness I half expect never to come out of it. I partly wish it. On my lap wrapped in tissue is a red cloak. It cost me dearly many years ago. I might never reveal I have it. I am nervous and excited at the same time. The train slows as it exits the tunnel. Next stop is mine.

Today I meet my granddaughter.