Shrek V
NAPALM FURY
By
Dandelion FiddleFingers
1970, Vietnam. 3000 years before Shrek and the Shadow of Time. Opens with shots of the jungle during sunset, slowly leading into smoke and fire. Helicopters can be seen in the distance while "Lacrimosa" plays.
Sergeant McGuiness:
(Voice over) You never know whether this is gonna be your last sunset. You never know whether this is gonna be the last song you ever hear. Hell, sometimes I wonder if these are gonna be my last thoughts; cause when the bells start ringing, they don't stop till they get what they came for, be it death or sanity.
Fades into a thick jungle battlefield, hosting bloody warfare. Explosions and gunshots are everywhere. Many are being killed. Moves to Sergeant McGuinness bunkered down behind a makeshift trench giving a speech to 5 soldiers including Shrek.
Sarge:
Alright, boys, welcome to the big leagues. This aint no hand holding bullshit anymore; this is the end game, so I recommend you treat it as such! We're gonna get out there and kill every last sorry son of a bitch that happens to cross our sights!
Everyone:
Hoorah!
Sarge:
And we will make it known, that death is the price to pay for fucking with the Marine Corps, and we will fulfill that promise with a blaze of glory and hell fire from above! We are the impending doom upon their raggedy ass infantry!
Everyone:
Hoorah!
Sarge:
We gonna get out there, and we gonna paint half the grass red in their dirty commie blood, and leave the other half its natural green hue: the colours of Christmas! An early gift to the Russian's for so kindly starting this shit show!
Everyone:
Hoorah!
Soldier is shot in the head by sniper. Everyone ducks down.
Sarge:
Oh fuck, headshot! What was that, 50 feet? Damn! Alright, boys, on me. 3, 2, 1, fuck these basterds up!
Soldiers attack enemy's lines. The U.S and ARVN are being brutally defeated. The combat is horrific.
Henry runs to Sarge and Peterson taking cover behind a sandbag.
Henry:
Sarge, napalms inbound, we got maybe 5 minutes!
Sarge:
They are gonna scorch our asses! Tell them to call it off!
Henry:
Cant. Vietcong took down communications. ARVN's forces are retreating. Fort Relmonds been lost, we could be the last U.S battalion here.
Peterson:
As far as they're concerned we're already dead.
Sarge:
Shit! I'll keep em busy, you boys run for the hills!
Henry:
But sarge, they'll…
Sarge:
Godamnnit man, what did I say about questioning my commands! Just get out of here, that's an order!
They flee the battlefield.
Sarge:
Prepare for your demise, you yellow tree swingin motherfuckers!
Sarge wildly fires into enemy lines. The napalm drops and scene turns to black. Sarge awakes amongst a smoky hellscape and regroups with the team.
Jacobs:
Where's Shrek! Hey, Shrek's missing!
Henry:
Oh shit he's injured!
Jacobs:
Oh fuck, man, I got him!
Team runs to Shrek. He is bleeding badly and unconscious.
Sarge:
Jacobs, do your thing!
Jacobs:
Yes sir! Come on Shrek! We got ya!
Jacobs attempts to resuscitate Shrek.
Sarge:
Peterson, get the comms back on, ASAP!
Jacobs:
Damnit, he's flat lining!
Sarge:
Don't you die on me boy! Wake up, private, you haven't finished your tour yet! Don't you fucking die, son!
Jacobs:
Come on, Shrek!
Peterson:
Sarge, communications have been killed, there's nothing I can do!
Sarge:
God damn it Peterson, then un-kill them!
Jacobs:
Fuck, I'm losing him!
Sarge:
Get up! I said get up private!
Shrek abruptly awakes, cut to black.
About 48 hours earlier. Shots of a helicopter flying over the jungle, as "fortunate son" is playing.
Pilot:
You ever been in one of these before?
Shrek:
Uh, no, first time.
Pilot:
Ha, well don't mind the bumps, that's normal. This bird sometimes rattles a bit, but I wouldn't worry. Any particular reason you getting moved over to Hill 35?
Shrek:
No, not that I know of.
Pilot:
Well, we're a pretty grounded bunch over here. Aint that right Jacobs?
Jacobs:
Well, all things considering, I'd say so, yeah, 3 hot's and a cot is all you can ask for.
Pilot
You gonna see them show girls tonight? I hear one of thems got tits bigger than watermelons.
Jacobs:
Bullshit!
Pilot:
Dead serious, saw her in a magazine once, I couldn't believe she was able to stay up on two feet.
Jacobs:
Have you ever seen a fucking watermelon, they are like this big…
Jacobs makes hand gesture
Jacobs:
Now you're telling there's a bitch with two tits the size of a watermelon?
Pilot:
Swear to god, you couldn't miss em! Oh, 6 ocklock Jacobs!
Jacobs shoots down some enemy's passing below with helicopter turret.
Jacobs:
Bullshit, what do you say new guy, watermelons, you believe that?
Shrek:
I uh, I don't know…
Jacobs:
I mean, that's just too big, right?
Shrek:
Yeah I guess.
Pilot:
Can't have em too big I say.
Jacobs:
Yeah, well that's what you say now, but I'd wager you wouldn't know the first thing to do with that kinda woman!
Pilot:
Oh what, and you could? When's the last time you got laid and didn't lose 50 bucks after? 4 ocklock.
Jacobs's guns down passing enemies.
Jacobs:
Fuck you man, and 50 bucks? You've been getting ripped off if you've been paying that much. No gook lady is worth 50 bucks. More like 20 bucks and a pack of smokes. Besides, I like to think I'm that I'm the payment.
Pilot:
Whatever you say, Jacobs. We're back at base, strap up for landing.
Fade to black.
Fade into scene of show girls dancing scantily clad for the army camp while "Break on through (to the other side)" is playing. Soldiers are drunkenly cheering, some are using drugs.
Suddenly Cuts as "white rabbit" ends to a shot of the soldiers eating supper in the camp after the show. Jacobs walks up to Leo and takes a seat.
Jacobs:
Hey, new guy, some show, huh? Watermelons, he said. I didn't see no fucking watermelons, maybe some, like regular sized melon ones, which admittedly is pretty impressive, but certainly no watermelons, eh?
Shrek:
Uh, yeah, I guess, sure.
Leo:
Man, what's your problem? Why are you so fucking depressing to be around, huh? Is there a reason or did you just pop out of your mother with a "Uh, sure, yeah, I guess so".
Shrek faintly smiles.
Jacobs:
Oh shit, you actually do have more than one expression on that miserable mug of yours.
Shrek:
Yeah well, you certainly seem pretty damn excited considering the current circumstances.
Jacobs:
And thus why I try to enjoy myself.
Shrek:
Fair enough. Maybe I'm a pessimist.
Jacobs:
Maybe you need a drink, which there is an abundance of here, albeit a limited selection. Then again, we should probably leave the wine tasting to the rich and the gay. But seriously, why don't you drink, what's with the water?
Shrek:
I don't know, I just don't really like to drink.
Jacobs:
I don't think anybody fucking likes it, no more than they like jerking off. You just kinda get it over with, you know (chuckles), like some kinda habit. I mean, it helps a lot getting through this shit, Can't even sleep without a couple shots anymore.
Shrek:
I, uh, well, it's mostly because of my father. Why i don't drink.
Jacobs:
Was he a drunk?
Shrek:
He used to drink, yeah – a lot. And he was, well He'd come home late, drunk off his ass damn near every night. My mother died when we were just baby's, so I guess that's when started it, get him through the pain. But he was just a prick, you know, just a mean drunk. But hey, it's the drink that killed him in the end.
Jacobs:
Well that's how it goes, right? I didn't really have much of a father, I mean sure there were father figures, if you will, but nothing past that. My uncle though, the drink pretty well killed him. Way I see it, we all pay for what we do in some way or another. The drunks kill their livers, the druggies fuck their brains up. The fatties work their hearts to death, and so on.
Shrek:
What, like, Karma?
Jacobs:
Nah, when you think of karma you think of some hokey spiritual shit. The shit we do, good or bad, comes back at us; that's life. And yeah, sometimes you do something good and end up paying for it. Life's a cunt without a doubt, but everything you choose to do, well, it all has consequences. They're seldom fair, you can almost never predict them, but they are all too real. And that is what rewards the good and punishes the evil, not some voodoo karma bullshit, not god, not nothing other than yourself. (Laughter) Jesus, I don't know what the fuck I'm saying.
Shrek:
No, it makes sense. It makes a lot of sense actually.
Silence
Jacobs:
Well, I'll tell you what; how about you dink your glass of water against my glass of poison, and we say a toast to life: cheers.
Fade to black.
Next morning. Fade into the camps gun range. Shrek is getting suited up for combat.
Man:
Alright, so the standard is of course the M16, its easy, its accurate, it's better than the M14. But once you start mucking around in the swamps your gonna wish you had something that doesn't jam up so damn much. If you're not the best shot or just want something for up close, we got Remington shotguns. If that's not your style, we got a few M21's. Well, pick your poison.
Shrek:
I'll just take the M16. I'm pretty familiar with it.
Man:
You sure? I mean these buggers really do lock up at the worst times. You get into the thick of it, you want a gun that can reliably kill. I personally prefer the Remington: you get face to face with an NVC, one pull of the trigger and he's a mangled mess, little giblets flying about, guts shredded into a fine crimson paste: looks like one of Picasso's abstracts! (Laughter).
Shrek:
I think I'll just stick to what I know for now.
Man:
Once I shot some NVC point blank in the skull, the basterd popped from behind a corner screaming like a maniac, and just like that I stuck my barrel about an inch from him and blasted his head right off his shoulders! Can't get that with an M16, I'll tell ya that right now.
Shrek is visibly uncomfortable. Brief silence.
Man:
You ever kill before, son?
Shrek:
Just twice, yeah. Haven't really seen too much combat.
Man:
Huh, yeah I could tell. You got that look on you. The first few will always be tough kid, don't get me wrong, but after that you get over it. It becomes a lot easier. Killing is a lot like…going fishing. At first when you're a kid you feel bad about it, hooking them in the mouth and all. But the more you do it, you just stop caring. Nothing personal against the little fellas, it's just that you gotta eat.
Shrek visually expresses that "killing becoming normal" is exactly what he fears. The man realizes this.
Man:
So, anyway, M16 it is. You heading into combat soon?
Shrek:
I'm heading out in about an hour, under Sergeant McGuinness. Fort Relmond needs some defenses.
Man:
Ahh, that McGuiness is one crazy SOB, I'll tell ya that much!
Cuts to a shot of Sergeant McGuiness and his squad surrounding a campfire at nighttime in the thick jungle.
Sarge:
So, private, how many kills you got today other than yourself for a brief moment?
Subtle Laughter
Shrek:
Not sure, sir.
Sarge:
Can you not count, Private?
Shrek:
I can count, sir.
Sarge:
Hmm. Lemme guess private: You're thinking, "I didn't sign up for this shit", right about now?
Shrek:
Something like that, yeah.
Jacobs:
That's the thing sergeant; if Uncle Sam was honest, we wouldn't have too much of a military. Just crazy motherfuckers like yourself and killing machine over here.
Boris (Killing Machine):
I'm just doing my job, Jacobs.
Peterson:
Then this has gotta be the worst job on the planet.
Jacobs:
Oh come on, it aint all bad. Think about it, we get to travel, we can smoke as much hash as we want, we get to experience exotic women, uh? Not all bad. What other job lets you wallow in this beautiful, lush environment?
Boris:
Yeah, well I wouldn't mind it so long they paid me 10 dollars per dead gook. I could buy myself a brand new mustang.
Sarge:
I guess that means I'm getting myself a mansion!
(Laughter)
Henry:
You know what the worst job on the planet is, the one job worse than this? Working in a fucking factory. When I dropped out of high school I got a job in a factory, on the assembly line; and it paid pretty damn good, but I'd just stand there all day, 7 hours, doing the same thing over, and over, and over again. Just standing there, placing the same fucking part on the same fucking conveyer belt. Each day felt like an eternity, every single fucking day; and that, that was a worse job than this.
Peterson:
Yeah, you say that until you get your head blown off by a NVC sniper while you're pissing in a bush.
Henry:
Yeah, well, I'd rather have my brains splattered than do the same thing for the rest of my miserable life. At that point I might splatter my own brains.
Jacobs:
Please, do us the favor. (Joking)
Laughter. The room goes quiet.
Shrek:
Actually I didn't sign up, by the way.
Jacobs:
What, Shrek?
Shrek:
Sarge said i signed up. I didn't. Before this, I was actually gonna be a chef. Work in a restaurant until I get enough money to start up my own, I don't know. Figured my selling point would be that I use all real stuff, not that fake crap they sell these days.
Shrek looks at MRE he's eating.
Shrek:
This crap. That was my plan, though, before this.
Boris:
You're not the only one that was drafted, kid.
Henry:
Fuck off, Boris.
Boris:
What? He thinks he's the only one who had a fucking life before this? We all lose shit, no point in bitching about it. How bout you just shut the fuck up like you had been doing.
Shrek:
What did you lose then?
Boris:
What did I lose? Everything. Me and all the other boys at Saigon.
Peterson:
I lost my mother. She died last year while I was touring. I knew she was sick, but I didn't get back home till it was too late. Wasn't really too good with her before I left; I said some things, you know. I just, I just hope she knew I didn't mean none of it. I never got to say sorry, never got to tell her she was the greatest mother I could ever ask for. And she was, she really was.
Jacobs:
I was supposed to be a doctor before this shit. A fucking doctor. Huh, well I guess I still am. Just never thought I'd be doing this much killing as a fucking doctor.
Brief Silence.
Sarge:
There's one thing you're wrong about, Jacobs: you aint never killed no person. These Communist, Russian lovin, tree dwelling, squinty eyed Vietcong sons of bitches don't get that privilege. You know, believe it or not, I'm actually a devout catholic. Look around and you'll see that god packed his bags and left this place for shit a long time ago, leaving it up to us, the United States Marine Corps to wipe these commie basterds from the face of the planet: cause if there's one thing god hates more than war, its communism! Boris is right, quit your belly aching, cause we can't risk going soft! Tomorrow at the crack of dawn, we gonna make our way back to Hill 35 with nothing more than our boots, or what's left of em; everyone thinks we're dead, and as you know, we can't exactly call to tell em otherwise. There's bout 2 days between us and base, and not one foot of it is gonna be safe. This is no man's land, so unless you would like to spend the rest of your days in this fucking jungle, swinging from tree to tree along with yellow Tarzan, then you boys cannot afford to get soft!
Cut to black.
Fade in to Montage of the squad walking through the jungle and swamps while "Run through the Jungle" plays. They walk until evening where they stop to spend the night at a small local village. Villagers come out to great them. A local man speaks in an Asian language.
Local man:
(Speaking in foreign language)
Boris:
We don't speak gook.
Sarge:
We are Americans, we're gonna stay the night, we need food and shelter.
Local man:
Americans?
Boris:
Yes, American!
Local man:
American?
Boris:
Fucking idiot. Any of you boys speak gook? Bing bong, ching kong, wong? Does that make any sense to you?
Henry:
Hey Boris, I think you might speak gook better than English!
Sarge:
We need a place to stay the night, we are with the south.
Boris:
Ching, hing, wing tong hong?
(Subtle laughter)
Sarge:
Alright, alright. Boys, move into the village, they know what's going on.
They move into the village. The village is beaten down, and the people are living in extreme poverty.
Peterson:
Hey sarge, how do we know this place isn't NVC?
Sarge:
Because I can smell a commie from 5 miles away, is that a good enough reason for you?
Cuts to scene of them all in the village bar, drinking and talking. The locals are avoiding the soldiers, and staring at them. Sergeant McGuinness is not there.
Shrek:
What's with the locals? They're…
Jacobs:
Afraid of us. Rightly so. I probably wouldn't trust them either if it wasn't for the sergeant's well famed Commie radar.
Shrek:
Why?
Jacobs:
Nobody trusts nobody. You hear stories man, real fucked up shit on both sides. We aren't exactly the arbiters of peace in their eyes.
Shot of Peterson drunkenly dancing.
Shrek:
I have heard some stories, I guess. Never thought they were anything more than that though.
Jacobs:
Believe me, they're real. It's amazing what people can do once they are that broken; so broken you'd have trouble recognizing them as themselves. I've seen guys like that: nothing hurts at that point, nothing feels good. Nothing makes you sad, happy, scared - just nothing. This place does that to people; good people.
Silence. Henry was listening in from around the corner.
Henry:
You can tell em by their eyes, you know. They just sit there, detached from the rest of the face. Staring at something, nothing, who knows. Just completely blank. Even when they are acting fine, the eyes, they stay the same. You can't hide that.
Silence. Jacobs takes a drink.
Cuts to scene of sarge in a room with two locals.
Man:
(Speaking in Foreign language)
Translator:
Americans are always welcome to stay, so long they don't plan on causing any trouble. You are welcome to what little we can spare.
Sarge:
Much appreciated. Our goal is to get back to Hill 35, north of here. We just need the night, no longer. I appreciate your hospitality.
Translator speaks to man in foreign language. The man speaks back, then reaches his hand out to shake Sergeant McGuiness.
Cuts back to village tavern, Boris is heavily drinking and looking at an attractive local woman. He approaches her.
Boris:
Hey, you! This is 20 dollars!
The woman points at herself.
Boris:
Yes you. Here's 20 dollars, just for you.
Woman is confused.
Boris:
I'm paying you to fuck, zipper head. You're a whore, aren't you?
Woman:
Not whore! Not whore!
Boris:
What do you mean "not whore"?
Henry:
Alright Boris, calm down, you've had a lot to drink. Leave the bitch alone.
Boris:
Shut the fuck up, Henry. You really gonna defend this whore?
Woman:
Not whore!
Boris shoves the money in her hands aggressively.
Boris:
Come on you bitch, don't think so highly of yourself!
Boris grabs the woman by the arm. Jacobs pulls Boris off the woman.
Jacobs:
Hey, come on Boris, she's not a whore, lay the fuck off!
Boris:
Don't touch me, Jacobs, or I will seriously fuck you up.
Jacobs:
Will you?
Jacobs shoves Boris.
Boris:
Jacobs, I will…
Jacobs punches Boris in the side of the head.
Jacobs:
Come on you fucking pussy! Yeah, that's what I thought, you're all talk no…
Boris grabs a bottle off the counter and smashes it over Jacobs head. Boris repeatedly punches him in the face in a violent rage till Jacobs is covered in blood and nearly dead.
Henry:
Boris, he's had enough! Boris!
Peterson:
I'm getting the Sergeant!
Henry:
Boris, knock it off!
Henry attempts to pull Boris off but Boris elbows him in the head.
Shrek pulls out his handgun and shoots Boris dead. Everyone is silent. Shrek is shaking and drops his gun.
Fade to black.
Shrek:
(Voice over) I know what he meant now, when he said he'd lost everything. He didn't mean his friends, or family, or his job; he meant the very thing that defines us: He lost his humanity.
Cuts to a screen that says "About two years earlier, Saigon". Fades into shots of Boris casually dancing while smoking marijuana and listening to "going up the country" on the radio in a small beat down room.
Boris starts to sing, the others join in.
Boris, David, Jackson:
I'm goin' where the water tastes like wine
We can jump in the water, stay drunk all the time
I'm gonna leave this city, got to get away
I'm gonna leave this city, got to get away
All this fussin' and fightin' man, you know I sure can't stay
David:
Come on Boris, pass me some.
Boris:
Your running me dry here, David.
David:
Don't worry, I'll pay you back.
Boris:
Yeah right, just like the liquor too, huh?
Boris passes the joint.
David:
Thanks man. And in my defense I haven't quite got the money at the moment to pay you back. If I had the money, I'd just buy my own shit.
Jackson:
I think that's why he doesn't wanna loan you his hash, man.
Lieutenant Averson abruptly bursts into the room.
Lieutenant Averson:
What the hell are you boys doing! We've got four hours till…You're high!
Boris:
Yes sir. Only a little sir.
Averson:
Turn that shit off, and put those out!
Jackson turns off the radio.
Averson:
We push West Street at 7 ocklock! I'd save the celebration till after the Vietcong have been pushed out of Saigon! Now get some rest!
Quick cut to the next day. Boris, Jackson, David and Averson are bunkered down in a half destroyed building overlooking West Street as urban warfare is taking place.
David:
Rockets!
They duck.
Averson:
They've got snipers third floor to the north, infantry on the east side. We push through the west side of the street, make it inside the building and take out the snipers, you got that?
All:
Yes, sir!
Bullets fly through the window.
Averson:
Alright. I wanna make it crystal clear that we do not know who is on who's side right now. We don't have time for questions, so your orders are to shoot at anyone who's yellow, you got that?
Silence
Averson:
I said you got that?
All:
Yes, sir!
Averson:
Alright on my go. Go!
The four exit the buildings and fight their way across the west side of the street. They hide behind ruble. The combat is brutal and attritional. Civilians can be seen getting killed amongst the chaos.
Boris:
Cover me, I'm reloading!
Jackson:
Throwing smokes!
A friendly helicopter crashes onto the middle of the street after being shot down by rockets. The chopper's pilot is screaming as he is engulfed by flame.
Averson:
Damnit! We gotta take out those rockets! Behind the helicopter, go, go, go!
They take cover behind the chopper. Boris try's to help the injured pilot.
Boris:
I got you!
Boris try's to pull the pilot out. He's trapped and burning alive.
Averson:
Leave him, Boris!
Boris shoots the pilot in the head, killing him.
They push into the front entrance of the building. They take out the Vietcong, then carefully make their way up the stairs checking every corner and shooting down NVC.
They enter the third floor. They kill the snipers.
Jackson:
That's how it's done!
Averson:
West Street is ours, good work. That was text book, gentlemen.
Pans up from building to show the destroyed city of Saigon from bird's eye view. Bodies are scattered all over the city. Cuts to Jackson, David and Boris patrolling a street after victory.
David:
You got any more weed, Boris?
Boris:
As a matter of fact I do (sarcastic)
David:
Oh okay, I see how it is. I'll remember this, you know.
Jackson:
Hey, hold up! Look, there's a kid, man, on the street. Hey, you, come here!
A Vietnamese child, no older than 11 is standing on the street with a pineapple.
Jackson:
He's a local. You remember Averson's orders?
Boris:
Jesus, he's a fucking kid man, are you crazy?
Jackson:
No, no, fuck no. I'm just saying, man, what do we do?
David:
Hey little guy, come here! What are you doing out here, buddy?
Boy is silent.
Boris:
Where's your mother, kid? Are you alone?
Boy:
(Nods)
Boris:
Damnit. We can't leave him out here. We gotta take him in.
Jackson:
Take him where, Boris?
Boris:
I don't know, somewhere that isn't here.
Jackson:
I don't think a place in Nam like that exists.
Boris:
Then what the fuck do you propose we do, huh? I aint leaving no little kid wandering around Saigon, that's a fucking death sentence and you know it.
Boy:
Hungry.
David:
You're hungry?
Boy:
No.
The boy holds his pineapple up as an offer.
Boy:
Hungry?
David:
Oh, oh! Yes, yes thank you!
David picks up the pineapple.
David:
Thanks, little guy…
The pineapple explodes. It was rigged. David dies instantly. The child pulls out a handgun and aims it at Boris. Boris shoots the child, killing him. Boris stands completely still, expressionless.
Fades out from Boris's face and into Shrek's. They have the exact same expression. Shrek is in a darkly lit room, drinking a bottle of whisky.
There's a knocking at the door. Sergeant McGuiness enters the room.
Sarge:
Listen, kid. You did the right thing. He was…unhinged. You reacted appropriately.
Shrek:
I just… maybe he woulda stopped, I don't know…
Sarge:
He would've killed him. You knew that, and you reacted. Jacobs is alright, beaten within an inch of his life and certainly dont look too pretty, but he's alright.
Shrek:
I know, but still, he might have stopped, how could I know, right? He might have…
Sarge:
Kid. It's done. It's over. It's in the past, and the past has a tendency to usually occur before the present. Which, as you can see, we are currently in. You did what you had to do, nothing more. It don't feel good, but it is what it is.
Silence.
Sarge:
I know I'm asking a lot, but do try to get some sleep. We still got quite a few miles between us and camp.
Shrek:
Hey, uh, thank you, Sergeant.
McGuinness nods, then leaves. Fade to black.
Birds eye view of the village at sun rise, shots of the squad packing up and leaving the village. Peterson waves to the locals and is ignored. Shots of the team walking through the jungle. Jacobs face is badly beaten. The squad is walking in complete silence. They are tired, and look miserable.
Jacobs:
I ever tell you about the time I killed 3 men with one 9mm round?
(No response)
Jacobs:
First one took the bullet to the brain, dies instantly, as you would expect. What I didn't expect is that the bullet hit the AK the gook behind him was holding. The bullet bounced strait up into his head, boom, killing him instantly, alright? Now I know what you're thinking, "Jacobs, you said three, that's only two. Surely the bullet doesn't have enough momentum to possibly do anything now?"
Henry:
Why, that was exactly what I was thinking! (Sarcastic)
Jacobs:
Yeah, well, you'd be right. Except here's the thing: the bullet bounced off his fucking skull or something, and went straight into another gooks eye hole and into the brain, making him the third.
Henry:
Jacobs, you cannot fucking expect us to believe that.
Jacobs:
I don't give a shit if you believe it or not, that's what happened.
Peterson:
Jacobs, don't you think maybe somebody else shot the other guys?
Jacobs:
No fucking way. What are the odds of somebody else shooting just as I shoot? I heard one gun shot, two ricochets, and saw three dead bodies lying before me. Maybe I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but it fucking happened.
Henry:
Do you listen to yourself speak?
Sarge:
Alright, let's save the fairy tales for Tolkien, please. Let's try to keep…
Gunshots are heard in the distance.
Henry:
You hear that, sarge?
Sarge:
I have ears, don't I?
Shrek:
You don't think that's coming from the village, do you?
Peterson:
It's gotta be.
Sarge:
Fucking NVC must have stopped there. Vietcong won't be as nice as we were; and we didn't leave a great impression at that. Poor basterds.
Jacobs:
They're as good as dead. NVC will take everything they got, leave em for shit.
Shrek:
Wait, wait, we can't just leave them.
Sarge:
Nothing we can do, private.
Shrek:
What do you mean nothing we can do?
Sarge:
They're fucked, plain and simple. That's what I mean.
Leo:
Sarge, we can't…
Sarge:
If we head back our asses are grass, that's a fact!
Jacobs:
Shrek, Sarge is right…there's five of us, and who fucking knows how many gooks are there. We go back we're as good as dead.
Shrek:
Jacobs, come on. We can't just ignore them and let them get screwed over, isn't this what we are supposed to do out here?
Henry:
I don't know about you, but I'm not about to march to my death, not today.
Peterson:
We'll all die, Shrek. Let's just get back…
Shrek:
So what? So fucking what? Ever since I got here, I've heard a whole lot of "whose war is this, and why are we here?" That's the million dollar question nobody's able to answer. What the hell are we doing here? If I'm going to die, then I wanna die knowing that I died for something that matters, not waste my life for some rich assholes vague political objective. Do you really want to lose the opportunity to risk your life now, for this, or end up dying for nothing?
Silence
Jacobs:
Fucking hell. Honestly, I'd prefer to not die at all, but odds of that are pretty fucking slim. Guess I'd rather die helpin some folk out.
Henry:
Shit, maybe you're right.
Peterson:
I…fuck it. I say we go back too.
Silence
Sarge:
Then we better get hustlin.
Drawn out Shots of Vietnam's valleys and jungles as "White Rabbit" plays. Fades into the village. NVC are beating the locals and looting the supplies. Suddenly four Vietcong are shot by Peterson's sniper from a rooftop.
Sarge, Shrek, Henry and Jacobs enter the village's street. They are covered in mud, blood and look like shit in general. They slowly walk up as the locals stare at them in awe. An NVC soldier aims to shoot, but Sarge shoots him down. Another soldier pops out from shack but is immediately gunned down.
As "White Rabbit" ends they split up as NVC enter the street and begin to fight, jumping between cover. Guns are firing off rapidly.
Sarge:
I never got married, but you slopeheads can still come to my birthday party! We servin cake with lead icing!
Peterson is killed by a sniper.
Shrek:
They gotta sniper, stay down!
Sarge throws a grenade in the snipers window sill. He explodes and falls onto the street.
Henry bursts into a shack and blasts two soldiers. Another two fly down the stairs, Henry kills one but is downed by the other. He screams in pain.
Henry:
Fuck, I need hel…
Henry is shot dead.
Jacobs takes cover behind a shack. Bullets fly through the walls almost hitting him. Jacobs kicks the door down and sprays down two NVC.
Jacobs:
Get some, mother fuckers!
Another NVC pops from out from a corner. Jacobs shoots him in the head. The bullet bounces off a stove and kills another.
Jacobs:
Please tell me somebody fucking saw that!
Jacobs looks behind him to see Shrek pinned down behind some barrels. Jacobs runs to his aid, and gets shot dead immediately.
Shrek:
Jacobs! Shit, man. No, no, come on. Fuck!
Shrek gets up and shoots 3 NVC in windows. Three more run out the door of the building. Sarge guns them down from the side.
Sarge:
Burn in hell, cocksuckers!
8 more NVC come out to surround Shrek and Sarge. Sarge pulls a grenade.
Sarge:
Time to…
Sarge is pumped with bullets. Blood is everywhere. The grenade sets off, killing three NVC. Everyone including Shrek is stunned from the explosion. Shrek wildly fires his gun into the smoke and screams. He is shot three times, falls on his back, and kills the last two Vietcong.
Shrek lays on the ground, bleeding out as the villagers stare at him.
Cut to black.
Sarge:
(Voice over) When the bells start ringing, they don't stop till they get what they came for, be it death or sanity. From darkness we come, and in darkness we lie when our time here is over. And lord, you can cancel my subscription to the resurrection.
Cut to present day. Shrek is in his swamp, looking at a shelf with all of his war meddles. Shrek looks at a photo of Jacobs, a tear runs down his eye.
Donkey:
Wow, Shrek. Vietnam sounds like hell on earth.
Shrek:
It was, Donkey. And 300 years after that we finally blew it all up. Everything we ever built was gone just like that. We rebuilt though, what was left of us. You know, Out of the thousands of years I've been around, I can say with certainty that Nam is what made me who I am: For better or worse.
Silence
Shrek:
When I got back from Nam, we weren't greeted with a thunderous applause, we weren't called heroes. That was the worst part, Donkey… Donkey?
Donkey is in the kitchen humming and cooking waffles.
Donkey:
Sorry, Shrek, I can't hear you! I'm makin waffles!
Roll Credits.
THE END