I wrote this becuase Bella never seemed to use the bathroom, so i thought she had been holdin it long enough.
Human Moments
I started passing gas and knew it was time.
"Edward, I need have a human moment RIGHT NOW!" I said. Edward just sat there.
I got up and ran to the bathroom. I stopped at the mirror to admire myself then looked at the toilet, it was so beautiful, all flowing with water and stuff, it was so clean cause no one ever used it.
"I really gotta take a crap." I mumbled to myself. I sat down at the pot and crapped my heart out, it felt so releiving, I farted so loud that Emmett screamed "BOMB!" from downstairs. Im the first one to use this toilet! I'm proud. I got up to wipe my ass but realized there was no toilet paper. Oh no! what am I gonna do? I took off my shirt and wiped my ass with it, and threw it out the door. it landed on rosalies head. "OH, WHAT THE HELL?!!!!!?" she screamed.
I was washing my hands now. I was happy cause I took the crap of my life and it landed in rosalies head! I walked out of the bathroom and I might add, it smelt really bad.. Edward was no where to be seen, Rose was gone too. I got worried and started hypervenalating. What if he left again? I ran downstairs and no one was there. I started sobbing and fell to my knees. I knew this would happen if I used the bathroom. "WHY MUST I BE HUMAN?" I cried for what it felt like, hours. Then got back up and wondered around. I began leaving and wishing for death.
Then I saw Edward and the whole family standing outside waiting. "Oh Edward! I thought you had left me!" I ran over and hugged him. Then I blushed because I had no shirt on. Edward held his hands out to stop me. Emmett was howling with laughter, Alice looked disgusted, Rose looked furious, Carlisle looked normal and Esme was smiling at me. Jasper was puking in the river... "You smelt up the whole fucking house it will stink like shit forever! We'll never get that smell out!!!!!!!!!!!" Rosalie screamed at me. I blushed big time and realized what I had actually done. "Bella, What did you do?" Edward cried, "I had to poop, i've been holding it but I couldnt any longer so I just let it rip, I'm sorry will you ever forgive me?"
"I dont know, I dont think you'll ever smell like you used to again, and that is what attracted me to you."
"Please Edward i'll clean your house and I promise to never poop again."
"I love you." Edward replied. I just stared at him and farted on accident. "NOT AGAIN! NO NO NO NO!!!!" Alice was crying now.
"I thought girls couldn't fart..." Emmett said.
Never take a dump in a vamps house.