I don't own Harry Potter. I am not trying to turn a profit or to act as if I do own Harry Potter. It all owns to J.K. Rowling.

IMPORTANT: Parental Control is a show where the parents hate the boyfriend. So they hold auditions and pick two blind dates for their daughter. The girl goes on the dates while the parents and boyfriend watch. Then she picks her favorite- the (often times) rude boyfriend or the (often times) hunky smarty that the parents pick. This is a bit different, and I'm not doing the auditions

"Lily," James whined. "Lily, you saw the way he looked at me! And all I was doing was kissing you!"

Lily and James were approaching Lily's home, a small brick house on Pine St. in Surrey. They had graduated from Hogwarts about a month prior to Lily's decision to force James to meet her over protective father… for the second time.

Lily laughed, flipping her auburn hair over a pale shoulder. "He's just over protective!" she reassured him as she led him up two steps and to the door.

Was over protective the 'Crawl under that rock and DIIIIIIIIIIIIE?' times 210? No. That look belonged to Matt Evans. That look was Matt Evans.

"Lils, if he kills me, I just want you to know that I love you," James murmured, stepping close to her and nuzzling her neck. Lily giggled, batting at him playfully.

How mushy.

"Give me a minute to think of something nice to say at your funeral- I've got nothing so far…" Lily insisted, holding out a single finger and ringing the doorbell with the hand that wasn't holding James off.

"You hate me," James cried dramatically.

"You must be in pain."

"I'm dying," James replied sarcastically.

"My life shall be without humor." Lily replied dryly.

James responded by tickling her- which ended in her almost falling over. He was so intelligent!

INSIDE:

Matt Evans' head shot up when he heard the doorbell ring. He took a moment to review his choices.

Eric. A brown haired boy who would never touch or really look at Lily- but he was already hopelessly desperate for a girl. He could be a good debater for Lily- she had always enjoyed arguing. (Yeah right! Er- cough….?)

And the other boy, Sirius. This one was a looker and a charmer. He hadn't seemed desperate at all, had told Matt of his surprisingly good grades, and that he was adopted. Lily would like him. Matt knew she would.

Matt cleared his throat. "They're here," he announced. Sirius smiled predatorily. Matt was beginning to question that choice.

Mrs. Evans would like the readers to be informed that she had nothing to do with this. She had loved James.

Matt pulled open the door just in time to witness a two second long but unpleasant (To his eyes) scene.

James had his arms around Lily and she was laughing, her face glowing with happiness. But all Matt saw was the subtle hunger in James' eyes... (Matt is a weirdo- the kid's 17 years old!) But when Lily saw her father, she tensed up- James immediately let go and stepped back, watching her warily, thinking that he had hurt or violated her personal space.

Then he turned and saw Matt. He smiled brightly, oblivious to the hidden cameras that were documenting the show. "Hello, Mr. Evans. Lily was just being pessimistic," he announced, grinning.

"Prongs?" came a voice from inside the house. "Prongsie, man, what are you doing here?" Sirius poked his head out of the living room. "Prongsie! It is you!"

He grabbed Lily and James and smothered them in a bear hug… must refrain from making bad joke… "I haven't seen you since I told you that I was going on a blind date! Like, thirty minutes ago- oh my god, you're stalking me!"

Matt looked at the two of them and blinked. "You know each other?" he asked, looking curiously at Sirius, Lily, and James.

"Are you kidding? Lily's like a little sister and James is my brother- his parents adopted me when I was 16!" Sirius cried, totally forgetting the stalker thing- he was a very good actor.

Matt's jaw dropped. And they went to commercial break.

During the commercial break, The Camera people, crew, director, and producer come out of the kitchen where they were hiding and explain the show to Lily and James.

James' reaction:

"You mean I have to sit here and watch Lily go on dates with a nerd and my adopted brother?"

The director nodded.

"Sirius, what about Alexandria?" James asked, thinking about Sirius's girlfriend- James's cousin- of nine months, who refused to be called Alex, despite her long name.

Sirius grinned wickedly. "Oh, Alexandria is perfectly fine with this! She's helping with the show! We- she and- I planned this! Well, not Nerd Boy, but the whole Lily goes on a date with her brother thing! Lily will never pick me over you!"

James nodded reluctantly and then turned to glare at the boy- er, nerd really.

We're back from commercial break.

"I swear if you try one move that you picked up on some cheap sitcom-" (that is Word's fault!)

Sirius held up a hand to ask a question, but James continued his threat. "I'll explain later, Padfoot- if you try one move or so much as look at her in a way that makes her uncomfortable you will wish you'd wish you've never been born." Sirius nodded vigorously in agreement.

In the Kitchen with the crew:

"I don't know why we're here!" the director complained. "He's a good boy! Overprotective, but from you told us," he gestured towards Alexandria. "He has a good reason to be… does the dad even know how they got together?"

Alexandria shook her spiky black hair. "I doubt it. He saw them- Jamie had her pressed up against a wall and- yeah, it was pretty PG-13, and he had a cow. He thinks Jamie is still a player, that he still does all those pranks that he only does on special occasion, and that he still fights the kid who calls Lily names. But he's a big boy now- only immature when it's appropriate. Matt has got him figured all wrong."

One of the cameramen shook his head. "I feel like we're in a poorly plotted story where someone bent the rules of our show, twisted them into a strange bundle, and then threw it onto the Internet."

The whole crew turned to look at him, all raised eyebrows and confusion. Alexandria shook her head and they turned back to the TV.

In the Living room:

Lily stood up and turned to pull Sirius up. "Lily-bo-billy, can I say goodbye to Alexandria first?"

Lily's brow furrowed. "She's not coming with us?"

"She says that living in the same tower- er, dorm building with me is enough for her," he pouted and then turned to run for the kitchen.

"At least you don't have to watch Alexandria go on a blind date with me," James added, surly.

"She's your cousin!" Lily replied.

"He's kind of like your brother!" James shot back. He stood up and stepped closer to Lily. "Can I have a kiss?" he begged, bending and tilting his chaos called hair for kiss. Lily smiled, forgetting her father, and pecked his crazy locks. Sirius returned, rolled his eyes and pulled Lily out.

"Nice to see you two have converted to G," Sirius joked. When they got to the end of the driveway, he turned around and waved madly at the hidden cameras. "Bye! Wave to Jamie, Lils!" he shouted.

"Bye, guys!" Lily yelled. "See you soon!" As Sirius dragged her away, she turned and mouthed, Help me, James!

INSIDE (w/ James, Matt, and Eric. That is his name. Nerd. Idiot. Sir- who-should-not-be-appearing-on-this-show-but-is. Tylenol Junkie. Ibeuprofin (Oh my cow, I think I spelled it right!... or not…) dependent on-er. Oh! Let's call him- GET ON WITH IT!)

Right.

James chuckled as Sirius dragged Lily out of her driveway. Matt and the nerd were silent, not understanding Sirius's antics at all.

James stopped watching for a second. "Soooo, what's your name, Mr. Brown hair?" He asked Eric (NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRDDDD!) politely.

"Eric Johnston," Eric stuttered out (No offense to anyone who's named Eric or Johnston. It's a fairly normal name for someone (me) who likes to name characters things like Zelv- mine! Don't use it!)… (I really should lay off the parentheses.)

"James Potter," James replied, his tone a little dry.

It was quiet for a while as they watched Sirius beg Lily if the could go to the park. He offered a piggyback ride but Lily shot him down, saying that she had legs, thank you very much.

Sirius replied that James carried her around a lot. She rolled her eyes, saying that he was special. Sirius muttered something about Special Ed, and then challenged Lily to a race. His butt was whooped.

Eric suddenly sat up straighter. "Why are you so protective of her, James?"

James looked at him curiously. "Have you ever fought for a girl for four years?" he asked quietly, well aware of the fact that Matt was listening intently.

Eric shook his sweating head- James's intense stare was disconcerting.

"I have. Lily hated me since we got to boarding school when I –er- beat up he friend for trying to mess with my friend. She was so angry; she wouldn't listen to my side. Not for years. I deserved it though. When I was around her, I wasn't myself. It was like my ego had totally thrown out all of my rational thoughts and spoken for itself. When we turned fifteen, she finally ditched her 'friend' for calling her, well, a bitch when she tried to help him get away from me. I eventually stopped picking on people and I left her old friend alone, and the next year, we became friends. I guess I had proved myself dateable in her eyes. We started dating about eight months ago."

Eric gaped at him. He had never won a girl over like that! Then again, he wasn't James Potter… He was hardly even a "Oh He's kinda cute," guy. "She hated you and now you're dating her?"

"I loved- love, actually- her. Her favorite word to my face was 'pig'. I deserved it, too."

Matt was shoving his epiphany down hard, not wanting it to be true. He couldn't be decent! His mind screeched at him in a monkey-like voice. (No offense to any monkeys out there. Sorry.)

We now join Sirius and Lily at their outing at the park near Lily's house.

Sirius and Lily were sitting at a picnic table, drinking Pink Lemonade from Hi-C juice boxes as they had been doing from for an hour.

"Soooo…" Sirius started their conversation in the spectacularly tactful way that he often used. "You and James came to Daddy dearest today and I didn't plan it… what were you going to talk about?"

"The magical properties of the majiwhoowhatsitconna's 16th leg... we should probably get back," Lily replied sarcastically, waving her hand around to signify time and then standing up.

She jogged off, leaving Sirius to sit for about thirty seconds before he jumped up and ran after her.

"Wait! I went to school with you! What's a majiwhoowhatsitconna?" he called. "And what's the thing about its 16th leg?"

At the house:

James grinned as Sirius and Lily entered, Sirius pestering Lily about the non-existent majiwhoowhatsitconna and its 16th leg.

Lily rolled her eyes and pushed Sirius towards the kitchen, which he promptly entered and began whining to Alexandria about Lily's made up animal.

James stood up, smiling.

Matt shoved the thought of James being truly happy to see Lily far down…. Because that probably meant that James cared for Lily.

Lily walked into James' open arms, smiling and squeezing him around his waist.

"I promise to never let you go on a date with Sirius again," James muttered into her hair.

She giggled, her laughter smothered by James' collarbone. "You are really tall," Lilly informed him, standing on her tiptoes and trying to become eye level with him.

"Or," James teased, "You're just really really short. Look how far I have to bend down to reach you!" He demonstrated by tilting his face down until it was level with hers.

"You know," Lily muttered, searching his eyes with her own. "Your nose looks really big that close."

James pulled away and gestured towards Eric. "I am going to sit here and laugh at your misfortune. Laugh!" He grinned, although Lily could tell that he wasn't really OK with this.

"It'll be OK," Lily whispered, patting James' shoulder. He looked at her with reluctant eyes.

"We can have ice cream afterwards…"

"Yes, Lily dearest, because I love food more than you. Absolutely. Who do you think I am, Uncle Ben?"

James had an uncle (who was surprisingly fit) who never stopped eating and could usually be bribed by food.

Lily grinned. "Just making sure that underneath all the softness my James is still there."

James rolled his eyes. "Do you think that anyone with three sisters could lose that?"

Lily smiled, elbowed him, and jerked a hand up to signal Eric to stand up. He did not rise, but rather stared at her.

"That means stand up," James whispered, trying to be helpful.

Eric shakily stood up and raked a hand through his combed hair, sweeping it all to one side. Lily raised an eyebrow, thinking, I really hope that wasn't a James impersonation… Only Remus and Alexandria can do those…

"Let's go," Lily sighed, throwing her father a poisonous glare and James a kiss. He pretended to catch it and slapped it to his chest where his heart supposedly was. He blew Lily a kiss and she caught it. But instead of placing it "on her heart," she popped the imaginary kiss into her mouth.

Eric just stood there while the couple exchanged kisses and Matt rolled his eyes, but Lily eventually pulled Eric out.

James sunk into the brown leather couch, staring at the TV. But then he suddenly sat up straight, his eyes alert and accusing.

"Mr. Evans, why do you hate me?" he asked bluntly.

Matt turned his head sharply, his eyes angry and unsure.

"I hate you, Potter, because you are a player, because you will dump her, because to you she is just the flavor of the week. Because you are proud, immature, and easily influenced by others. And because you are rude and inconsiderate of me and Lily and her personal space! You are always touching her! Have you noticed that? I hate you because you are no good for her and all you'll ever do is hurt or disappoint her!" Matt ranted, his volume increasing with every heated sentence.

"And you would know that how?" James challenged, his voice fairly normal.

"Because Lily used to complain about you in her letters! She ranted about you during the summer, and she slapped you at the train station! Can't you see that she hates you? That she's just doing this to get away from you? Why do you think she was so OK with this whole process?"

James seethed. "She was open because of Sirius! Didn't you see the glares she was giving you? What about the annoyed look she shot Eric? What about Eric? Set up with a girl that isn't single? Not to mention an intimidating one like Lily? Can you imagine how scared he is right now? Do you know how scared I was on my first date with Lily? My heart was going so fast that I thought it might burst. And maybe I was a player, but all those girls were nothing compared to her! I never felt tingly or warm or overjoyed or blown away when they entered a room, I never got butterflies, I was never really nervous around them-"

"Oh, yes because you really actually love her," Matt replied, his venomous tone laced with sarcasm.

James stood up abruptly, his hazel eyes flashing dangerously. "There are a lot of things you can say about me, Mr. Evans," James said. "But saying that I don't love Lily is one thing you can't. Excuse me."

James threw open the door and jogged down the street where he spun and was gone.

With Lily and Eric on their extremely awkward date:

Lily stopped at the end of the driveway as they headed for Eric's relatively old car.

"Look," She started. "You had better not be expecting anything. I love James. We aren't going to break up for anyone. GET IT?"

Eric nodded. "Actually, you are supposed to go on a date with my friend… he wanted me to set him up, and you're really pretty, so maybe you wanna go with him… I've gotta catch up with my other friend Tom… sooo… do you want to meet him?"

Lily sighed. "Why not?" she cried, throwing her hands up. "Where is he?"

"Uh, at the park…"

Lily rolled her eyes and jogged ahead.

With James:

James grumbled to himself, walking furiously through the thick deciduous forest that surrounded his house. He finally reached the tree that he had been looking for, a long dead oak. It was amazingly still standing, surrounded by younger trees that probably would have grown through if not for the path that encircled it.

Its rugged bark had been chipped off in anger and sadness, the distinction easy to see, that torn off in anger leaving little splinters in the dry wood, those pulled off in sadness laying in long strips on the beaten path.

James lied his head on the somewhat softened wood, smoothed by the amount of human hands that had run across it (You know, like the posts and wooden dividers that people run their hands over at the amusement parks… at least that's the way they are at the amusement park near my home… you know, one of my best friends has cousins in Idaho and they think that the amusement park in the state where I live is really cool… and it's not Disney World or Land!).

He sighed, wondering how anyone could doubt his love for Lily.

Had no one told Matt how they had gotten together? Well, James had told Eric… maybe Matt had been listening…

James wondered why Matt hated him so much. As he stared at the tree, he laughed as he remembered the first time he met Matt… and realized that that was the reason why Matt hated him.

Flashback (Lily and James are waiting for their parents at the King Cross Station):

James leaned on the brick wall next to the one that led to Platform 11 ¾. Lily was a few feet away, watching cars go by, anxious and nervous.

"Lils," James murmured, stepping closer. "Don't worry! Your parents will love me! And mine will love you even more! Relax!"

Lily shook her head and began pacing in small circles. "No! You don't understand! My dad is very overprotective- he'll hate you for even asking me out! And it doesn't help that I…ah… used to… rant about you…"

"Aw, you talked about me?" James simpered cheesily, batting his eyes and bending his knees in a circle.

"James, I told him that I would smile if someone killed you."

James' face fell, and Lily walked closer. "Did you really hate me that much?"

Lily shook her head, now only inches away from James. "No. But that doesn't matter anymore… I love you…"

James grinned onto Lily's lips. "Thanks, Lils." He pecked her lips and then pulled away a few inches, grinning.

"Is that all I get? I'm leaving for a week!" Lily exclaimed, roughly jerking James closer.

James grinned on Lily's mouth, and pressed his lips firmly to hers. She let out a mix of a moan and a laugh and James took advantage of her open mouth. Tongues twisting, James and Lily spun so that her back was on the wall. He pushed her up against the wall, hugging her closer (if that was possible). He growled as Lily tangled her hands in his chaos named hair, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Ahem," someone behind them coughed,

They ignored the person.

"Lily!" the person screeched. James pulled away, and Lily protested.

"Lils," he muttered. "I think your parents are here."

Lily jumped out of his arms. "Ah! Daddy! Mom! Ooh, I missed you!"

Lily's mother rushed forward to embrace her mother, who craftily smoothed her daughter's messy hair. "Oh, hun, I missed you!" she cried.

Lily stepped away from her mother. "James, this my family, Jana and Matt. Mom, Dad, this is James, my boyfriend."

James grinned and held out a hand to Matt. When he grunted in response, Jana bumped him out of the way and shook James' hands.

But Matt just glared at him, not bothering to hide his disapproval until James parents arrived.

End Flashback

James practically slapped himself- duh! Lily had told him a million times that Matt was over protective- and the very first impression that Matt had gotten was someone womanizer trying to get his daughter (Matt's) out of her pants!... Or into them….. Anyway, His storming off obviously didn't help.

James suddenly spun around, and was gone.

This is a very old story. Reading it now, I'm glad that it is so old.