Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood.
Alive
A man in my position needs to have a thick skin. He has to be careful, quick to judge and slow to trust; it comes with the territory. Didn't take me long to learn it, my first few years with the Time Agency saw to that; and Torchwood has only reinforced it.
But that doesn't mean I don't trust anyone. I trust my team. If I didn't, they wouldn't be my team. I would have retconned every one of them, confiscated Ianto's diary, and sent them back into the world. Point is, I trust my team; and if I had to, I'd trust them with my life.
But trust is hard to maintain in this life. I trusted Suzie, after all, and she became a murderer. Sure, she was poisoned by the job, more caught up in this place than was healthy; but she chose to wield that knife. She chose to kill them.
She betrayed my trust.
That's part of the reason I brought Gwen in, why I trust her, because she has Rhys. She has a grounding wire holding her steady, keeping her from being dragged too far under. She has something safe and stable to go home to and, while it's hard, I wouldn't wish any different for her. Rhys loves her, he's loyal to her, and she loves him. She needs him.
That's why I trust her.
For Owen, Tosh, and Ianto, it's harder to explain. They've all done things to make me question my trust, but nothing so bad as Suzie. Still, I worry that they're too far in. They aren't grounded like Gwen is; Torchwood is all they've really got.
Not for a lack of trying, though. Owen had Diane for a bit, and she was good for him; and Tosh thought she'd found it with Mary; while Ianto had Lisa, and if it weren't for Canary Wharf, he'd still have her.
But if it weren't for Canary Wharf, I wouldn't have him.
As hard as that is, as sad as it is, I'm glad to have him on my team. I'm glad to have them all.
Torchwood keeps me grounded as best it can. I surround myself with youth and beauty, reminding myself what it was like when I was in their shoes, what it was like to be mortal. This team is my family and I love and trust them all, and that makes me feel more alive than I have in centuries.