Hiya! This is my first Fan Fiction...Ever. Phew! I'm alittle nervous (okay very nervous). So wish me luck!

Warning: This fic is rated M for possible rape (not sure yet) in the future, abuse, and swearing (an overly large amount of swearing, be warned).

Disclaimer: Only in my dreams do I own Drake and Josh. So on, I do not own Drake and Josh

Prologue

Well, I guess this is it. After all these years, my voice is being strangled from my throat, of course with the help from my brother, to tell my story. I, god, I hoped, no, I didn't think it would be this hard. But it is. I can't escape it. I can't escape him.

After all these years of silence, I'm finding it hard speak. Communicating in any way whatsoever is too difficult, even. But I have to. To move on, to move forward. I have to.

Speak

So here it is. My story.

It started when I was 17 just turning 18. 6 years ago. I was young, innocent (well, not so much, but I'd like to imagine so...), and naive to the max. I had my whole life ahead of me. A start to what looked like a great, promising career at Spin City Records. A life that would start in a near 6 months after I would graduate. Alongside my brother, I remember we looked out into the packed audience, of...how many? Oh god, it must have been at least a two-thousand. Apparently some kids in my school had, like, mega huge families.

I remember that I looked into the audience and found my parents smiling and I-am-definitely-not-going-to-cry faces. I remember seeing Megan's face, my 12 going on 30 year old sister, looking incredibly bored. We caught each other's glances for a quick second and she mouthed the word 'boob' to me. I held in a giggle. Original much?

I remember Megan tried to look miserable, but her eyes, for once, gave her away. She was proud that her brothers, particularly me, were graduating. I turned my head slightly to the left.

Another face, and some more words being mouthed to me. 'I hate you.' This time I gave in and felt a small laugh escape my throat. I then mouthed back 'I know' quickly, just before my name was called. I was receiving my High School Diploma, I was starting my life, I was going to Spin City Records to begin my career, I- already said all that, didn't I?

Fuck, I was supposed to start 6 months before graduation, goddamit.

Okay, Christmas Break. No... no, no, no. Just after Christmas Break. A week to be exact. Me and Josh had just finished celebrating what would become the "Best Christmas Ever". We were happy. We weren't going to Jail. And Heck, we weren't dead.

Death wasn't really something we were worried about at the time, but avoiding it was something to be considered lucky on our lists.

We were returning back to school. Back to Studying, Tests, Essays and a lot of hard work- for Josh.

For me, it was returning to a 6 and a half hour jail cell. The extra half hour wasn't normal for most students, but I had always been a little different. I often got held back for some, well, Teacher and Drake Bonding Time. Yaa, that sounds right. Bonding Time. D-Definitely not Teacher-holding-Drake-Hostage Time.

Okay, fine! Some would call it detention, but like I said, I had always been a little different.

Anyways, school was 6 hours of attempting to avoid teachers looks, questions and judgmental accusations. Having to come up with quick, witty comebacks when I hadn't done my first job well enough was exhausting, but there was some good that came with Jail-time.

Socializing.

Hanging out with the Band and some beautiful ladies while, also, trying to spend my last moments with Josh before his leaving to University. Of course, with Creature around, that last job was becoming difficult. And not only during Jail Time hours. Oh no! That job was becoming difficult 24/7.

Mindy was constantly around Josh. At the theatre. At School. On the way to School. On the way from School. At our house. Her arms around his like a friggin' female pray mantas, ready to eat her Male lover at any second. I'm sure you get the point. I never had time to get in between the two lovers to talk to Josh.

I hadn't talked to Josh at all during that first week back at school because Mindy was always there. And when Mindy was there, it was MindyandJosh vs. Drake. A.k.a, lets irritate Drake by calling him big words that he doesn't understand until he leaves us alone so we can get some more alone time. Our last moments together before we'll be ripped from each other's arms, for the sake of our future. Our children's future. For the world.

Ya, a real tragedy was about to strike Mindy and Josh's relationship. Mindy was going to Harvard. Josh was going to Yale. Do you see the 'oh my life is over!' tragedy? I didn't. But of course my thoughts didn't matter. I was apparently too stupid and a little bit too, umm, whore-ish to understand true love and its desperation to hold onto its *cough* over the top *cough* partner. These were Josh's words not mine. Actually, sorry, I lied. The cough was all me.

They decided that they were going to stay together during their university years, even though they wouldn't be next to each other every dynast fucking day! Boo fucking Hoo was all I could say.

But I couldn't. That would hurt Josh. I didn't want Josh to be mad at me before he left for Yale. So if he felt that his girlfriend-for-the-rest-of-his life was more important than his step-brother, his best friend, so be it.

Even if it hurt me. Josh would at least be happy right? Right?

That was really the beginning of it all. I was in desperate need of attention. I needed to feel wanted. Loved.

I was lonely and in denial about being lonely. The worst combination known to mankind since the invention of the alphabet and 'School' by Charlemagne. What a friggin' egotistical maniac. Screwing up life for everyone else. And what kind of name is Charlemagne?

Charlemagne helped mankind, Drake. I can still hear his voice. Trying to reach me, trying to teach me something. I wish I listened to you then, Josh.

He made this world a better place. During his time, nobody ever had a break. They constantly worked and were frightened by death due to the spreading diseases. He felt that everyone was equal, that they should all be given a chance to enjoy life. Everyone had equal right to know they could, one day, escape their awful lives by reading a book about a Princess being rescued by her Knight in shining armour.

Heh. That was funny, Josh. What you said then. Because I know now. There's no such thing as a knight in shining armour. Well, maybe for some chicks in the world there is, but not for me. I'm the man. I'm supposed to be the knight in shining armour. I'm not supposed to receive one.

I met him one night. He made me feel safe and secure. He took away my loneliness that I had been feeling. Even if for a minute. Unfortunately, it was that minute that made me believe, and I truly believed that I had, in fact, met my knight in shining armour.

Drake

Even during his alcoholic slumber. The time when he can't touch me or talk to me. The time I'm out of his reach. Even during my 'safe' time, I can still hear his voice beside my ear. His warm breath against my skin. It makes me want to puke.

...

God fucking damnit! I wish I knew then what I know now.

If I could talk to my 18 year old self, here is what I would say.

Get out of fucking denial. Stop being Naive. Stop believing in fictional little fucking Fairy Tales.

There is no such thing as a knight in shining armour. Especially for someone like you.

And so it begins... I've been reading alot of Drake and Josh fan fiction, and one night I watched a movie called "Angel's Egg" ( an anime from the 80's, it is amazing), and thus this idea was born! I'm worried that my Drake is a alittle OOC, and that the darker themes in later chapters will be a little overwhelming... but... ehhh... tell me what you think?

Review please! I love conductiive criticsm, as well as any type of review. Posirive or Negative :p